Touching. Moaning. Kissing. Fucking.
Through the walls, I could hear them so clearly.
In the darkness I lay alone in his bed, listening to every move made just outside the door. There was a single candle on the nightstand just beside me. My eyes were glued to it as I listen, while my mind was twisting with the thoughts of how badly I messed up.
The morning after our night together, I confessed everything to my...well, now ex-boyfriend. I hurt him so horribly that he wouldn't even look at me when I attempted to explain myself. In a blind rage he kicked me out of the apartment and left me on the street with no where to go. I wasn't about to ask my dad to take me back in and I certainly wasn't about to ask my mom for any favors. But he was there, willing to let me live with him. It's amazing how one night can drastically change the path in life.
At first, I thought it would be a good idea to live with him. After that night I was beginning to develop deeper feelings for him – more than just sexual desire. But as the weeks progressed, it was clear that he didn't want an openly intimate relationship. He just wanted sex, and since we weren't technically going steady, he actively pursued other partners.
I fell out of love with a man that loved me and I was falling in love with a man that doesn't.
Or maybe he does?
As I gazed mindlessly at the silent flame, there was a flicker of hope that he would eventually expose the feelings that he's hidden from me. Why would he keep me around? Why else would he kiss me before bed each night? Why would he take me out to breakfast or dinner some days? What other reason did he have for taking me to the zoo? These are all things typical couples do. But when it comes to sex he wants more than just me? Why?
The only conclusion that I can come to: he's worried. He wants a relationship, but he doesn't want the commitment. With everything that's happened in his life, he's worried that I'll leave. I'll cheat on him like his ex or I'll abandon him like his parents. He's testing me.
Suddenly I heard the water from the bathroom begin to run. My mind cleared as I jumped out of bed and opened the door slightly, peeking through. The TV was off, so either she left or they moved their exploits into the shower. I took a few steps through the apartment and put my hand on the bathroom doorknob.
He's done this before; if it's unlocked it means he's alone, but if it isn't...
I turned the knob and it swung open like magic. Almost simultaneously, the water shut off and the shower curtain opened up.
Zach stepped out and smiled at me, “Oh hey, didn't hear you come in.”
“Yeah, sorry...I was just wondering, did Tori leave?” I couldn't help but stare at his glistening ottermode body. I know I should be used to it by now...but he was all so tempting.
He nodded, “She left a few minutes ago. Just wanted to get her sweat off of me.”
Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted to hear right now. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
“Um,” he thought for a moment as he wrapped a towel around himself. “I don't think I have anything going on.”
“Good. I want to do something tomorrow,” I said with a hint of authority.
He smirked, “And what would you like to do?”
I actually don't have any idea. “Surprise me,” I teased and left the bathroom like a common diva.
I could hear him laugh under his breath as I went back into the bedroom and slipped into bed.
A few moments later he followed and flipped on the light. “Surprise you? I think that can be arranged.” He was drying his messy brown hair with another towel as he glides over to the side of the bed and blew out the candle. “Would this count as an early surprise?” he said as he let both of the towels drop to the ground.
As much as my body wants it, I know I have to stay strong and avoid it. “You just had sex with another girl,” I said as calmly as possible.
His face went from a seductive smile to as blank as a colorless wall, “You're right...I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“Thank you,” I said, as he went to the dresser and put on some sleepwear. He picked up the towels and put them in the hamper that was in the open closet. He eventually turned off the light and got into bed with me.
As we lay in the darkness, I assumed that it would be the perfect time to find out if my conclusion was right. “How much do you care?”
“What?” He asked, caught off guard.
“About me?”
“Well, of course I care,” he said softly, “you wouldn't be here if I didn't.”
He didn't answer my question. I curled closer to him, “You know what I mean.” It was my attempt at being as cryptic as he is.
He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. “There is nowhere else I'd rather be right now,” He said, then kissed my forehead.
I cuddled into him and didn't say another word. He may have reassured me that he wants to be here, but I didn't know how to feel as he still didn't answer the question.
I remained awake for a while thinking about my future with him. Everything that may happen and everything that I want to happen flowed through my mind. I wish I could predict...but it was so difficult to tell at this point. No matter what...I knew one thing.
“Zach? Are you still awake?” I whispered. A couple seconds passed with no response. “I know you don't want to hear it...I love you.”
The world eventually faded.
6 hours later...
I was suddenly awakened when I felt a tug on my foot. I opened my eyes and saw Zach staring back.
“Oh good you're up,” he said, “Now get in the shower. We have a quite the day ahead of us.”
“What time is it?” I asked sluggishly.
“Eight-thirty.”
I closed my eyes again, “Too early.”
“Hey!” He was sarcastically demanding now, “I've done more by eight A-M than you'll do all day! Now get your sexy ass in the shower before I drag you in there!”
It's so cute when he's like this. “Alright,” I groaned as I got up out of bed. I went directly to the bathroom and stripped naked. Then I showered quickly, and even though I still felt sluggish, carefully brushed my teeth and dolled myself up.
After I picked out a nice matching outfit, I went into the kitchen/dining room where he was waiting for me at the table. He turned and glanced, “Come eat.”
When I approached, I noticed he was eating cereal. “You know I'm lactose...” I said, disappointed.
Then I realized there was plate on the table opposite of him that was covered in tin-foil with fork and a glass of orange juice near it. “That's why I made you a couple of pancakes and freshly squeezed some oranges, can't have you too nauseous today,” he said as he unwrapped the foil.
I smiled and sat down, then I picked up the fork and cut myself a bite of the pancake.