I sit here on the worn wooden park bench remembering the last time I was in this very spot. Our nature preserve. We marked it as our own a while ago. The first time you took me here it was a special circumstance. Pure luck. We drove behind each other not really knowing where we were headed and then you guided me to this place. We signed in using cute aliases and walked the short path to the pavilion.

We talked for a few hours. Staring at nature but not soiling it. You kissed me spider-man style and we chased each other around, dancing on top of the park benches. Such a lovely innocent time. We both had the urge to destroy that innocence, but we resisted. We couldn’t bring ourselves to destroy the innocence of the first time at this beautiful place.

The second time I came here alone on your suggestion. Trying to feel your presence. But all I felt was the gaping hole where you should be next to me. I left here crying, missing you, and emotionally unstable. I don’t want this to be another place I go to alone. This place is special. Ours.

The last time we came here was a dream. We had both had a hard time sleeping. We had been trying to give each other space. I tried so hard to push your love away, so the pain would stop. The pain of not having you, not being yours. And you dreaming of me but denying yourself as usual. Our dreams, though, never listened to our brains.

I drove here in the middle of the night, half sobbing, half dreaming the entire forty-five-minute drive. I had sent you a single message, with a single word. Lindenwood. You didn’t respond. I sat in the parking lot, trying in vain to push all these yearnings out in the form of ink on paper. How was I supposed to let us go when every fiber of me was telling me that what we have is right?

Deeply aroused and mildly broken, I got out of my car only to remember how inappropriately I was dressed. Just a tank top and shorts. Nothing underneath. In the dead hours of the morning in a shady area of this big town, anything could happen to me and no one would even know. I walked to the sign-in booth and signed my name. My real name. Forcing this dream into reality.

I walked the same path you and I had walked previously. Thinking only good thoughts. Trying to maintain my tiny scrap of hope that you might still show up. Knowing that you most likely wouldn’t. Like every time I ask you to meet me anywhere. I turned towards our pavilion and tossed myself on top of a bench. Stared at the ceiling, inspected every crevice for answers to my life problems. But found none.

My clothes created too much friction. My whole life I had been caged and now I wanted to be freed. I removed my shorts and top and lay there, naked as a bluebird, the night sky the only one to see. I let my hands begin to wander. I massaged and caressed myself, wishing it was you. Tiny teardrops leaking from my eyes knowing it wasn’t.

I heard something. A wild animal perhaps? Who cares now. I lay there naked and exposed to the world and feel the cold wind blow. A storm is brewing. Small drops of rain began to splash my freed flesh. I continued to hear the trees around me sway and creak. My fingers slid down my body and began penetrating.

In the openness of nature, I was free to be as loud as I pleased. I screamed your name. Out of anger, out of need. Baring all my emotions. I thrust into myself hard trying to break myself of the need of you. To break my sexual fever. I felt the quake coming just as the storm broke. Lightning crashed across the sky following my deafening thunder. Nothing compared to the quake I released thinking of you.

I lay there, exhausted and broken. I wanted more, always wanting more. Like Icarus flying next to the sun until it consumed him. I heard the strange snapping twigs again and only then did I realize that I had a watcher. And it wasn’t a stray animal. I asked how long you had been standing there as you emerged from behind a tree. Long enough, you said.

Your body glided over towards me like a poisonous snake, barely visible. Maybe I really had only been dreaming. You dropped your hands beside me on the table. I could feel the tension in your body, the need and desire strong but also your guilt and self-hatred. I lifted my hands up above my head and left my naked body there, trembling, waiting and ready for your touch.

You dropped your head and rested your soft lips on my stomach, kissing invisible lines on my torso, my hips, between my breasts. My breath came in shallow sharp intakes. Was this a dream? You walked to the end of the bench and ran your hands up my calves, spreading them slowly. Your large strong hands wrapped around my thighs and pulled my body down the table; the smooth wood created delicate friction against my ass and back.

My hands gripped the top edge of the table as I felt your hot sweet breath between my thighs, your tongue lingered on my inner thighs before you made me squeal as your lips met my lower lips. I began to cry and release my raging emotions openly. You licked me slowly with your soft tongue as I let my feelings flow. Its never enough, Love, it will never be enough for me. I need so much more.

Your hands crawled up and down my body, clawing and scraping my fiery flesh as your tongue got harder and faster. How do I make the pain stop? I can’t do this anymore. Be your booty call, your soulmate, and best friend. But it kills me to even think about stopping. I could tell my words were in line with what you were thinking as you bit me and became more aggressive. Your fingers found my nipples and pinched and pulled them as I sobbed your name. Please don’t stop. Love me forever. Be mine. I came so powerfully as I felt your face, with its tears falling as well.

You quickly undid your pants and freed your enraged manhood for all of nature to see. I rose from the table and turned onto my stomach, my ass brushing against you ready to let you take me hard and fast. I need you like I need air and water, you said. Your hands gripped my hips, guiding me onto you and pulling me down. You penetrated me like our very souls were touching. You said you will always love me. You can’t get me out of your head. You want all of me. And I will let you take me.

My nipples rubbed against the wood and I felt the climax coming with every hard thrust. I knew you were close when I heard you say my name. Please stay with me forever. Be my everything for the rest of time. I lost myself in your words. My body rocked, and I pushed hard against you. Your hands roughly shoved me down onto you as your final thrust sent you into your own personal abyss. We both cried together as the raindrops splashed us.

We lay there, nothing resolved, feeling and bodies spent. The feverish desire waned but left the love. Where do we go from here? Not a clue. For then, it was just enough to enjoy the moment in this place.