“Alright, if you say so. How do I know whether to hire her or not?” I asked.
“To be honest Joey, as long as she’s hot and not mentally deranged, she’s got the job. It doesn’t require that much skill. In fact, a monkey could probably do this job, but I have no desire to fuck a monkey, so I would prefer a human female if possible,” Andy joked.
“Wow Andy, how have you not been fired for sexual harassment yet?” I wondered out loud.
“That’s the least of my problems Joey. I owe a shit ton of money to some not so nice people. I moved my office to this room with no windows because I really don’t want to get assassinated while I‘m crunching numbers for our prick clients,” Andy shot back.
I could hear Andy’s phone buzzing in his suit jacket’s pocket. He pulled it out, flipped it open, and held it to his ear. Andy said nothing. His face turned ghostly pale, he quickly closed the phone, and popped the battery out.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“No, no, this isn’t good. I have to go. I have to get the fuck out of this building, out of this state, out of this country!” Andy shouted in panic.
“Who was that? What did they say? Did they threaten you?” I asked.
“It’s not your problem Joey. I’m not going to drag you into this. Are you done with that coffee?” Andy asked.
“What? Uh n..”
Before I could finish my sentence, Andy tossed his cell phone and the detached battery in my hot cup of coffee, and dashed out the door.
“Well that was odd. I hope he’s alright. Damn, I really needed that coffee this morning,” I mumbled to myself.
I sat at Andy’s desk for a few minutes, twirling around in his chair. I was quickly getting bored, waiting for the woman to show up for the job interview, so I decided to peek into Andy’s desk drawers for some mild entertainment. I pulled the first one open to find some rubber bands, paper clips, and a small box of mints. I excitedly poured a couple of the blue arctic mints into my mouth, but they hit the back of my throat wrong, causing me to accidentally choke, and swallow them.
“Fuck, that wasn‘t very pleasant. I was unaware mints were so dangerous. Thanks a lot Andy. Let’s see what else you got in here.”
I pulled Andy’s second drawer open to reveal a small pistol, a bunch of scattered bullets, and a deck of playing cards.
“Holy shit. Who are you Andy Hill? I don‘t even want to know what‘s in drawer number 3,” I thought to myself.
I closed the second drawer and leaned back in Andy’s comfy leather office chair. I closed my eyes and let myself doze off.
BRRRRRRING! BRRRRRRING!
I jumped up at the sound of Andy’s office phone ringing. I shook myself awake and grabbed the phone.
“Hello Mr. Stevenson, Lisa Tempas is here for the job interview,” Andy’s secretary announced.
“Oh, uh, just give me a minute and send her in. Thank you,” I answered.
I rubbed my eyes, still working on becoming fully awake from my interrupted slumber. I began to adjust my tie, but as I did I discovered something unexpectedly. My pants had ripped completely at my groin. Protruding through the gaping hole in my pants was a massive erection.
“What the hell? Jesus, how did this happen? I’ve gotten morning wood before, but how did I get this fucking hard all of a sudden?”
Then my eyes glazed over Andy’s box of mints, still sitting on his desk.
“Oh my God. Who keeps their boner pills in a fucking mint container. Damn it Andy. I have to do something quick. This girl’s going to come in here.”
I quickly sat back down in Andy’s chair and scooted it up as far as I could to his desk, hoping to use the wooden desk to hide my wood from Lisa. A few seconds later, Lisa came through the door. Lisa had to be one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen. She wore red high heels, a red mini skirt, and a white blouse that her breasts were trying desperately to escape from. She had sparkling green eyes and seductive long blonde hair. I think even if I hadn’t accidentally taken those pills, I would’ve been in the same predicament after seeing Lisa.
“Hi, I’m Lisa, I’m here for the software assistant job.”
“Of course, of course, please sit,” I insisted, as I gestured to the rolling chair in the corner of the room.
She rolled the chair over to the front of the desk and sat down.
“Please excuse me Lisa. I should have been more ready than I am right now. Now you’re here for the software assistant job?” I asked.
“Yes sir. I called the company earlier today and they said that the opening was still available, so here I am,” she answered cheerfully.
“Well, what are your qualifications for this job Lisa? Do you have any prior experience? College degree?”
“I’m afraid not sir. I actually never made it through high school,” she admitted.
“Oh dear. I’m sorry to hear that. Was there any particular reason you didn’t graduate?” I asked.
“Well, if I’m being totally honest sir, I was expelled.”
“For?”
“I got caught blowing a guy in the bathroom during 5th period.”
“Oh my God,” I said shocked.
“It’s just…I’m really good at giving head, it’s one of the only things I can do right.”
“Oh, don’t say that Lisa, I’m sure you’re capable of doing a lot of stuff, just probably not software analysis,” I assured her.
“Analysis? Is that like anal?” Lisa asked.
“Wow, um, not really? I guess sometimes this job does feel like taking it up the ass though.”
“Because I’m really good at anal too. My daddy always said my best attributes were my ass and my mouth,” Lisa remarked.
“Well, that’s pretty disturbing, but kind of hot at the same time. Um…can we get back to an appropriate conversation please?” I pleaded.
“I think it stopped being appropriate when your dick’s head popped up to say hello to me sir,” Lisa retorted.
I looked down to see that my erection had now grown even larger, and was now big enough for Lisa to see behind the desk.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. It’s not what you think Lisa. I accidentally took these pi... ”
Lisa leaned over the desk and shushed me with her finger.
“Don’t worry. Like I said, I’m very good at this,” Lisa whispered to me.
Lisa then walked around the desk, got on her knees, grabbed onto my chair, and pulled me towards her head.
“Lisa this isn’t right.