Covid has been rough on all of us. People have dealt with job loss, isolation, and even death. I’m so glad it seems to be winding down. For me, personally, while I did miss going out, it also gave Kelly and me plenty of time together, which we have really made the most of. On the downside, I lost my job when my employer closed.

My previous job was where I met Kelly. It was a sandwich place that you find everywhere. Kelly was a store manager and I was a new hire. I could have gone back, but I think we are much happier working separately. Plus, we made something of a scene there as a couple, and with Kelly having been promoted to district manager, it would cause issues if I returned. With these facts in mind, I had no interest in returning. Jobs are plentiful right now, but I worked several jobs before finding the right one.

One such job was delivering pizza. The tips are better than you might think, but people can be creepy.

Really quickly, I learned that delivering one pizza to a guy at a hotel can get extremely weird. A big order is no problem, because it’s usually a family. But a small pizza or a sandwich to a guy in a hotel…well, watch out! It’s a guy away from home, unsupervised.

The first one was an older guy. He answered the door in a T-shirt and boxers with his fly open and his junk semi-exposed. I said “Um sir…” and sort of gestured that way.

He apologized and then sort of pulled the whole big, saggy mess all the way out, as though that was a necessary part of tucking it all back in. I told him to have a nice day and left quickly. A semi-erect, elderly penis with saggy balls dangling beneath is not a good look. Just saying.

Another time, I came close to using pepper spray. There was no nudity, but the guy grasped my arm and attempted to guide me into his room for a supposed tip. The heck with that; I don’t need to put myself at risk just for money.

There was one that I enjoyed, however. It was a medium pizza to a guy at a hotel, so I was on high alert already. I got to the door and knocked. Someone must have looked through the peephole because, almost immediately, I heard some rustling around and voices, both a man and a woman from the sound of it.

The door finally opened and the guy was there, in shorts only, but nothing hanging out. As he was paying me, the woman, who ended up being his wife, peeked out of the bathroom. I knew exactly what had happened.

I decided to test my theory because they both seemed to be in good spirits. I asked, “you two figured you’d get a male delivery person, am I right?”

He laughed and confirmed my notion. She emerged from the bathroom, laughing, wearing a lime green teddy that left nothing to the imagination. I told her she looks fantastic and should have gone through with it. We all laughed, then he asked if he could get a picture of the three of us. So he took one of the three of us and then one of her and me.

My last delivery, however, was my favorite. It was, once again, a hotel. The name was male and it was a small pizza, so red flags went on in my brain.

I knocked on the door, it swung open and there was my customer, completely naked. I smiled broadly and walked directly into the arms of my girlfriend, Kelly. She had obviously had a day at the spa, was at least a little buzzed, and had rented a beautiful suite with a king-sized bed and a jacuzzi. She broke our embrace and said “Nina, do you want to stay here or go back to Domino’s?”

Needless to say, then and there was where my pizza delivery career ended. We spent a wonderful night in the hotel. We had Chinese food, Sangria, whipped cream, and each other. We never touched that damn pizza though! In my opinion, my pizza delivery career ended gloriously.