I was asked a while back to write about the housewives of McKinney, Texas, an upscale bedroom community north of Dallas. I declined to write about the ladies, my close friends, out of fear that I might be discovered. I was assured that if I didn’t give their true names, no one would know. Still. I was hesitant to write anything because, you know, ladies talk.

Then one of our group members decided she would start chronicling our discussions, so to beat her to the punch, I decided I’d write down our stories, often retold with great excitement every Monday when we meet at a local Starbucks.

There are five of us, Jane, Roxanne, Emily, Joanne and me, who shall remain nameless, for now. We all met on-line in a social media group and over a period of several months, we had many great discussions, so someone suggested we meet up in person. When we got together, it was as though we were all, already, good friends, having chatted and posting notes to one another in a social media chat, for several months. We knew the names of each other’s husbands, and their quirks, and the names of our kids and the schools they attended.

Jane was a true blonde, a bit ditzy and clueless at times and the object of a lot of jokes. Emily was a fiery, short-tempered, but a passionate red-head, true to the red-head folklore. Roxanne was the brainy one who had long brown locks of hair and model-like good looks. Joanne was, well Joanne. She was a brunette and the comedian of the group.

I am the procrastinator and the wistful romantic writer. I was also voted as, “most likely to have group sex with anyone in the group and any husband.” Don’t ask me how I got that honor. (It’ll eventually be blogged about, I am sure, at some point).

Our first meet up was amazing. Everyone was dressed in casual but stylish jeans, and a nice blouse or shirt, except for Emily, who decided there was nothing wrong in showing off her svelte figure by sporting some skin-tight leotards and a print designer t-shirt.

I don’t remember what all we talked about, but none of us were surprised by anything we heard or discovered in our first meetup. Roxanne, our brainy one, decided we should have an agenda for discussions. We debated on what would be off-limits for discussions. The debate was short-lived as we all agreed everything would be on the table.

What about “sex?” I asked. Everyone looked at each other before responding.

“What is sex?” Jane asked. I knew and everyone else knew she was being facetious, or at least we hoped so, since she was married like the rest of us.

“Think dildo,” Joanne joked.

Jane blushed and replied,

“Oh! I don’t do those things.”

Sex talk was now on the table.

The group stayed quiet for a second. Joanne broke the silence.

“Do we do a show and tell?”

“No, no, no,” Everyone replied in unison.

“Some things are probably left at home,” Roxanne replied. “Sex toys need to stay in the bedroom.”

“So, I can’t bring out Mr. Jewel?” Joanne asked.

“Who is Mr. Jewel?” Jane asked. Jane was quick to show off her quick-witted, blonde roots.

“He’s my nine-inch vibrating black dildo,” Joanne disclosed, proffering a very pronounced wink.

Jane’s eyes widened. Joanne’s joke was on Jane. When we all starting snickering Jane played along, even though I am quite sure she was clueless about the joke being directed towards her. The joke, however, led to the first discussion topic.

“Have you ever dated anyone who wasn’t white and if you did, what was it like?”

Funny me, I heard 'right' and said, “I married him,” which drew strange looks from the entire group, until I asked, “Did you say ‘white’ or 'right?'"

Joanne, our Barbie-like model of the group then told us about a torrid affair she had with the landscaper who works at their house. Oh, my gosh!

Joanne said it was an unintentional affair that happened before she and her husband James decided to have kids. So said Joanne,

“I was sitting at home, minding my own business when this young guy – a Mexican named Jose, started washing the windows in the house. It was a hot day and his sweat-soaked shirt clung to him and although I wasn’t looking for anyone, I found myself entranced in admiring his muscles and physique.”

Joanne had our undivided attention.

“So, I decided to put on a show for him, just to see what his reaction might be.”

The entire group was now following along, waiting to hear the story.

“I put on a see-through negligee,” Joanne said, “and I sauntered casually out on to the patio with a glass of iced tea in hand. I called out his name and Jose looked in my direction. I could tell by the look on his face, that he was surprised to see me.”

“I offered him the glass of tea and he happily took it from me and gulped it down, as I stood there looking at him. My nipples were hard as they could be. I imagined what it would be like to have those strong hands on me.”

Damn.

“Jose handed me back the glass and I asked him if he could help me with an issue in the house with a link at the kitchen sink. Jose didn’t speak much English, so I reached out and took his hand in mine and lead him into the kitchen, where I did my best to try and explain to him about the leak. The entire time, I was trying to figure out a way, to get him into my bedroom.”

Damn.

“Finally, I got closer to Jose and I slipped my hand on to his side, just to see what his reaction would be. To my surprise, he didn’t say anything. He simply looked at me. I bit down on my lower lip and proffered a very pronounced wink, telling him I admired his body.”

Joanne stopped and took a sip of her latte.

“Don’t stop there,” Roxanne said. “You can’t leave us hanging.”

Joanne laughed.

“He was very erotic, and very, very... goooooood,” Joanne said, dragging out the “good.”

“We need details,” someone asked. Joanne replied,

“I’m not giving out the details,” she said. “I don’t need one of y’all going after him. He’s all mine.”

“Wait a sec,” I said. “You said this happened before you and Rick had kids.”

Joanne smiled.

“It did,” she replied, ‘But a gal has to always keep her options open for when tough times hit.”

Damn.

I went home that day, thinking about Joanne and her landscaper. I was jealous. I was also intrigued. I called Joanne and asked her if I could come by her house and chat with her privately.

“Sure,” she said, “But make it before one as I have to get the kids at three thirty.”

I arrived at Joanne’s house right at one o’clock and she welcomed me into her kitchenette for our chat. I quickly disclosed how very erotic and sexually enticing I had found her story. I also told her that it had been a fantasy of mine to have an experience much like the one she had gone through.

“Well,” Joanne replied, placing her hand on to mine on her dining room table, “for you, and only you, I’ll see what I can do for you, but this has to be our little secret.”

Joanne then said she wanted to ask me something very personal. I could tell she was nervous about asking, but I told her that if I trusted her enough to help me make a fantasy come true, that I'd keep her confidence as well.

“Would you share your husband with me?” she asked.

I chuckled.

“You can have him,” I replied, “but I’m not into threesomes, so you’ll be on your own.”

Joanne laughed.

“I didn’t mean that I wanted to have a threesome, I just wanted to know if it would upset you for me to say I found him attractive?”

Rick and I had an on-again and off-again type of relationship, that more often-time-than-not was not always clicking like it should. We hadn’t had meaningful sex in months. The thought of Joanne hooking up with him didn’t really bother me. In fact, I didn’t really care at that point. Maybe, he needed someone, other than bitchy ole me.

Joanne told me that Jose now spoke pretty good English and that he was always by the house on Thursday mornings between 8 am and noon. She suggested that I come by the following Thursday.

I told her that I’d pave a way for her to hook up with Rick.

“Do you think he will do it?” Joanne pressed, “I mean, he has never met me.”

I knew Rick very well. If a decent looking woman pressed him, he would cave in a heartbeat. Early in our marriage, that bothered me a lot, but over a period of several years, I had gotten used to the feeling that he would one day cheat on me. I was now at a point, where I didn’t care, so long as he came home at night and paid the bills.

I asked Joanne to keep our conversation between us and she said that would, and to this date, she has.

I went home that afternoon, giddy with excitement at the possibilities of an erotic hook up and trying to think of a way to pay Joanne back. Getting her hooked up with Rick would be no easy feat. His work schedule was hectic, and the kids took up a lot of time for the both of us.

After a lot of thought, I hatched a plan to put them together. I had Joanne come by the house on a Saturday morning when I knew Rick would be there, so they could serendipitously meet. The planned worked really well.

Joanne showed up as planned, looking sexy as hell in skin-tight ripped designer jeans and a sexy, very tight-fitting t-shirt that showed off her bust line very well. She was also bra-less, and she sported black stiletto heels. She was dressed to impress and kill. Rick happened into the kitchenette and I could tell by the look on his face, that he too was impressed in meeting Joanne, who poured on the charm as she proffered a very pronounced wink in saying hello to Rick.

Rick was on his way to do some yard work, but I insisted he join us for some coffee. As expected, Rick took up a seat at the table. As we sat and chatted about the kid, her husband, and life as a stay at home mother, I excused myself to go to the restroom.

I could hear Rick and Joanne chatting it up from behind the bathroom door. He complimented her on her good looks, saying that her husband was one lucky guy.

Joanne used her self-deprecating style to woo him in.

“I don’t know if he is lucky or not,” she demurely replied, “sometimes I wonder if he even knows I am there.”

Rick was smooth, but not very subtle.

“Well,” Rick said, “I wouldn’t kick you out of bed. Doesn’t he realize how very lucky he is?”

Joanne didn’t miss a beat.

“Too bad you’re married,” she said, “I hear you’re pretty damn good in the sack.”

“Don’t believe the hype,” Rick replied. “We haven’t been intimate, in months.”

“What?!” Joanne exclaimed, faking her surprise.

“Yeah,” Rick explained, “Sometimes shit like that happens.”

Joanne lowered her voice and went in for the kill.

“Well, you know,” she said in a whisper, “If you need some attention...”

Her voice trailed off. I cracked open the bathroom door. I could Joanne writing on a piece of paper. She slid it across the table to Rick, who looked at it and then folded it up and placed it into his pocket. Connection point made.

I stepped back into the dining area and told Rick that we had run out of eggs and milk and that I was going to go up to the store to get somethings. He assumed that Joanne was going to go with me and stood up as if he was going to head out to the garage.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Ya’ll are going to store,” he replied. “I have a yard to mow.”

“No, you don’t,” I replied. “We have a guest and I’m going to the store, so please mind your manners and do the yard later.”

Rick seemed shocked that I had actually told him what to do. He looked at Joanne and apologized. I grabbed my purse and my car keys and said, “Y'all try and behave while I am gone.”

I took my time at the store, intentionally. After about twenty minutes, Rick texted me and asked, “Where are you?”

I texted him back and said, “I decided to pick up some more groceries. If Joanne has to go, please apologize to her, as I’ll be a couple of hours. Tell her I’ll make it up to her later.”

When I got home, Rick was passed out, naked, and facedown, on the master bed. I checked to make sure he was still alive. I texted Joanne to see if she was OK.

“Oh babe,” she replied, “I am beyond OK. I am sore all over.”

I laughed. It had been years since I had felt that good. A part of me was jealous. I cooked Rick and I a meal and woke him up from his nap. I didn’t say a word about the obvious transgression, because I had made it happen. Rick, for his part, simply said that I had a good friend in Joanne. He did not say anything else and neither did I.

He did ask, however, when we would have Joanne over for breakfast. I asked if she was upset about missing breakfast with us.

“No,” Rick replied, “She seemed OK about it. She did say she was looking forward to coming back.”

Somehow, I knew she would.