“You provide sexual health services to men and women?”

Mark Walters had a bemused look on his face. Two of his three potentially new clients were seated at his polished mahogany meeting table looking exactly like centerfolds might look from some sexy Seniors Over 50 magazine. Casually bordering on inappropriate, the younger sister wore only a red lace push-up bra underneath her white jacket and blue skirt. The older woman obviously wore no bra at all under her golden jacket and white skirt. Just one button, at the waist, held her ample cleavage inside. One button that Mark Walters wished would fall off.

When he arranged this meeting, he’d told them this was an exploratory meeting and was necessary before accepting anyone as a client. It was two in the afternoon on Friday, August third. With any luck, he would have drinks with his stenographer at four, dinner at six, and excellent sex by eight o’clock. It had been a good week so far and it had a promising finish, too.

Emma Claire’s heart fluttered every time she looked at his pleasant blue eyes. She had to pause and collect her thoughts before speaking. Men, especially rich men, especially successful men, and especially rich, successful, handsome men with BMWs and busty secretaries, affected her like this. Mark Walters, Esquire, Attorney-at-Law, possessed the requisite four bona fides to get her attention. The busty secretary had to go, of course, and sooner rather than later. She wasn’t one of Emma Claire’s requirements. Busty secretaries, who didn’t wear a brassiere and who wore a sheer almost see-through blouse, were not allowed near any man Emma Claire took a liking, too. Given the thumping of Emma Claire’s heart, this secretary, Miss Thornton, would soon be looking for work elsewhere. Emma Claire did not like competition.

Mark Walters (Esquire, as I said previously) presumed Emma’s long pause was due to her concerns about having a stenographer present at this meeting. It’s true Mark Walters was overly cautious but given the nature of their consultation about a customer loyalty program in which sexual contact was involved, he felt it was necessary. He had two reasons for having his new stenographer, Miss Thornton, present. First, this was likely the first and last time his potential clients might be truthful. If it was, he wanted it documented. Secondly, he wanted to watch Miss Thornton’s breasts inside that nearly see-through blouse. It was amazing how she could move her breasts while typing or filing or even simply talking. It was equivalent to a Dance of the Seven Veils underneath her blouse. When she interviewed for this job, “Abby” mesmerized him with breast movements he never knew were possible. She was an artist at breast flirting and he intended to enjoy her artistry.

“You understand, EC, you are not under oath and these meetings fall under attorney-client privilege. No one except us will see this transcript.”

The attorney made his point for “Abby” to record. Miss Thornton twisted her shoulders slightly to tighten the fabric against her right breast. Her nipple was erect and visible through the near-sheer fabric. As a flirtation, it was perfection.

“Oh, my. Well, of course we do, dearie, but why would we lie about any of this? And please call me Easy instead of E C. I know everyone thinks if Mary Claire is called MC then I should be called EC but it simply isn’t true. All my friends call me Easy.”

Fifty-three-year-old Emma Claire turned to her slightly younger sister, Mary Claire, “There’s no reason to lie, is there, MC?” The upturned lilt of Easy’s voice told MC that the truth may be bendable but it should not be broken.

“Certainly not. What we do is provide health services to seniors. It’s a home-based business and it’s not unusual for any business to develop programs to enhance customer retention and customer satisfaction.” MC nodded to reinforce her point.

Nothing much ever escaped Easy’s attention and that included Miss Thornton’s body twist and nipple flirt. She could see this stenographer was competing for Mark Walter, Esquire’s attention. She had to go.

Easy waved her hand in front of her face to dismiss a bothering insect that wasn’t there. She went flick-flick with her wrist and suddenly a white lace handkerchief flew through the air and struck the almost-but-not-quite empty Styrofoam cup at the end of the mahogany table. It bounced up and the cup and its cold tea contents landed on the front of Miss Thornton’s blouse and breasts.

“I’m so sorry, dearie.” Easy and Miss Thornton both jumped up. Easy snatched her handkerchief quickly and tucked it back into her right sleeve where it normally hid.

MC giggled. She tried to stifle it but she wasn’t successful. She’d seen Easy use that trick a hundred times and it never failed. Easy had sewn a one-quarter ounce British sovereign into the cloth and, with that wrist flick, she could throw it twenty feet and plop it wherever she wanted. Obviously, Easy had thrown it on purpose.

Miss Thornton stood up with a shocked expression as the light brown liquid wetted through her newly purchased Dior blouse. Nothing like this had ever happened before. She told Easy not to worry and bent over to pick up the cup. She excused herself to clean up. Of course, she gave her upper body a twist and allowed Mark Walters an opportunity to appreciate her wetted nipples as she left the room.

Easy leaned over and dabbed at the drops of tea on the table. With exaggerated vigor, she shook her breasts side to side in her jacket to show her attorney that even at fifty-three she had cleavage enough for any man. She also had more class than a twenty-something graduate of a stenographer school. Easy made sure her attorney knew that, too.

“I’m so sorry.”

The attorney’s blue eyes smiled at Easy. She melted from the inside out, like an M&M in the microwave. At thirty, he was a bit young for her but she imagined she could take him for a tumble and he’d do alright by her. It would be scandalous for her to be seen on his arm but scandal was not new to Easy. She had been sleeping with men well before Mark Walters, Esquire was born. A little scandal never hurt a man his age and it always helped a woman her age.

“Please don’t worry about it, Easy. I’m sure Miss Thornton has another one with her. I’ll take care of the dry cleaning.”

Easy smiled and leaned across the table to touch Mark’s hand; far enough over the table for her to give Mark Walters an excellent downblouse inside her jacket.

“You’re a sweetheart, Mark. Any woman worth her breeding can see you are a gentleman first and likely possess a roguish nature second.” Easy lowered her head and looked over her glasses as if she was blushing just for mentioning the word roguish.

Mark replayed his bemused look for Easy’s benefit. Is she flirting with me? She’s certainly beautiful and those breasts are awesome.

MC giggled again. Let the games begin!

“Let’s go ahead. When Miss Thornton returns, she can begin taking notes at that time. I’ve a pad for my notes anyway.”

“Where would you like us to begin?”

“My original question was about whether you provide sexual health services to both men and women.” Mark tapped his gold-edged Waterman roller ball pen on the tablet in front of him. It was an affectation he allowed himself. No cheap pen would ever be in his hand; just like he’d never have an off-the-rack suit in his wardrobe now that he was finally making money.

“Not just services, we have product, too.” Easy went on to explain that the clientele were men with Ed’s Condition as they preferred to call it. The phrase erectile dysfunction was banned in the company. The company was called Up4it and it provided product and consultative services to men. Their mission was to reinvigorate male fulfillment. No, they did not offer treatment and no, they never made a medical diagnosis.

“Then I’m confused as to what you provide for the money you receive.“ Mark had made a few notes but paused to ensure he understood this point.

“We sell product already on the market and use their literature to educate our clients. We help our clients choose between products and we offer multi-level plans to track their progress.”

“And how do you track their progress?”

“We record it in a database.”

“No, I mean what do you measure to record in the data base?”

Easy cleared her throat. MC giggled.

“We track the ability of our client’s members to become erect by measuring the width and length of the member and then calculating and tracking volume changes over time. Of course, there is some contact between our staff and his in order to do this.” Easy could not suppress a smile at her choice of words. She raised her eyebrows to show she meant it precisely the way she said it.

Mark’s blue eyes twinkled and Easy felt her vagina tighten when they did.

“Could you tell me more about this contact?”

“Well, it varies by the plan. The DIY, Do-it-Yourself, Solo Plan is our least expensive and has the least contact. We offer a basic Solo version in which our client performs all the physical encouragement for fulfillment before measurement. We do have a Solo Plus option in which our staff provides a visual component for only ten percent more.”

Easy’s eyes twinkled as she continued.

“The Staff Assist Plan (MC giggled) involves more contact from our monitoring team of professionally-trained personnel. Our personnel provide physical encouragement. Many clients choose this option. It’s available in a weekly and a monthly version and includes two visits per week to our home…I mean our facility.”

Mark arched his eyebrows while framing his next question. “I presume there is an extended period of time between encouragement and enhancement, and then again between enhancement and measurement. Tell me, when measurement is complete is your staff’s contact suspended?”

“Yes, that’s true for all plans except for the Comprehensive Fulfillment Plan. This plan not only measures and tracks the client’s ability to obtain an enhanced member but includes tracking the sustainability of its enhanced condition…with and without Staff stimulation...until a biological conclusion is reached. This plan allows for unlimited visits at no additional charge.“

Mark began writing his notes and thinking about what he’d heard. No diagnosis or treatment. That’s good. Records of every visit by all clients, that’s good, too. Shows the intent is above board. Contact with a client’s penis to a biological conclusion is a problem.

“Tell me about your customer loyalty programs. If we are going to win this lawsuit, I will need to understand how they work.”

MC spoke about how they started their business to help a friend who had Ed’s Condition. He was concerned that he would soon go from intermittent bouts of Ed’s Condition to a permanent one. He struggled with the concept of desiring a woman but never enjoying one again. Easy and MC decided to help.

After doing professional (and personal) research, they came up with a series of products and home-based remedies that were successful at rejuvenating a man’s erection depending upon the root cause of Ed’s Condition. The blue pill was not always the best approach, as they learned from experience.

“There’s three things to know about a man’s erection.” MC was making a point and she tapped an index finger on the table to illustrate.

“First, blood that goes into the penis must stay in the penis to maintain its enlarged state. Second, the trigger that causes blood to flow into a penis is a combination of desire and stimulation. The third is that the first and second items must continue to be present until the man’s testicles draw up enough to permit his release. Lose any of those and we have a performance nonconformance. We track these PNs in our system to measure progress and improvement.

“Our program presents information to a client and he chooses which remedy to try. Our first loyalty program is based upon product purchase. Buy two, get one free. There are no charges for shipping. It’s simple.

“Our second loyalty program is a combination of consultative services and product. It includes the DIY program and the Staff Assist Program. There’s the 10% discount on product plus a punch card that provides one free consultative visit for every five appointments.

“These two loyalty programs serve as stepping stones to the Comprehensive Fulfillment Plan. For an annual fee…”

MC paused for effect.

“…members…can have as many appointments as they wish.”

Conversation stopped as Abby Thornton returned wearing a one-size-too-small plain white blouse that was unbuttoned one button too much. It was tight around her bosom and her dark areolas were evident. Easy was not happy to see Miss Thornton return looking sexier than when she’d left but she didn’t let it show.

“I do apologize, my dear. I feel dreadful about what happened.”

“I’m thankful I had another one in the office. Please don’t think any more about it.” She took her seat and used a tissue to dab at a few drops of tea on the stenotype before placing her hands on the keys.

Mark took a moment to reflect that he was surrounded by beautiful women. It came with the job. He could not imagine any attorney was loyal to his wife for his entire career. If fidelity was important to a woman, she should not marry an attorney. He had no plans to become married and would definitely not want to restrict himself to one woman.

He suddenly realized his member was responding to the women present. It was swelling and he knew he better not stand up until it went back down. He made sure he looked Easy in the eye as he leaned forward and shifted in his chair. He needed more room for his growing erection. He wasn’t getting it.

“Let me see if I can summarize. Your company offers product and services to men with Ed’s Condition. In some cases you take money and help your client achieve and maintain erections by physically touching him. You record and track your client’s progress to achieve an erection while he tries various over-the-counter methods or home remedies.

“Easy, do you know what a Disorderly House is under Minnesota law?”

“I do and I assure you that we do not run a Disorderly House.”

“In what way do you not? You run a house in which action, or conduct, habitually occurs in violation of laws relating to prostitution.”

“There is no prostitution in our house. We do not sell sex for money.”

“It’s prostitution if there is the hiring of an individual to engage in sexual penetration or sexual contact…and sexual contact includes paying to touch a prostitute’s intimate parts or for paying a prostitute to touch a person’s intimate parts.”

Easy bristled. “Pay attention, please. A person is not a prostitute until convicted of prostitution. We do not hire prostitutes. Plus we screen our clients carefully. If a potential Up4it member is able to achieve and sustain an erection, we do not accept him as a client. Please note we do not have a transactional business; no sex for money. We have contracts with enumerated responsibilities over a period of time and these responsibilities include sexual contact but it is not the purpose of the contract.”

“So you are saying that sexual relief is a consequence of your business but not an intended outcome of your business?” Mark enjoyed sparring with Easy.

“I argue that it is unreasonable to consider a by-product of sexual performance monitoring to be called prostitution.”

Miss Thornton’s fingers flew over the stenotype keys as her boss and Easy bantered the finer points of law. Her dark nipples moved erotically underneath her blouse as if searching for a way to escape the fabric that held them. Both Mark Walters and Easy couldn’t help but steal looks at Miss Thornton’s dancing breasts. MC was completely mesmerized by them. How was this even possible? Was she flexing while texting on the stenotype?

Stabbing her index finger on the table to keep Mark Walter’s attention off Miss Thornton’s breasts, Easy made her final point.

“The law says clearly…the acts must reasonably be construed as being for the purpose of satisfying the actor’s sexual impulses. Now, how can anyone argue that a person who pays to overcome and monitor Ed’s Condition can possibly be satisfying a sexual impulse? Impulse? Really? If he had an impulse, he would not need our services and would not be a member. And besides, we have plenty of records of a man’s non-performance long before a successful impulse ever occurs. There are no transactions for sexual relief of any kind at our facility.”

“But there is sexual contact and the law appears to be clear on that.”

“Contact isn’t relevant when the law specifies that the purpose must be to satisfy an actor’s sexual impulses. We don’t try to satisfy an actor’s impulse, we work to create them. What constitutes a sexual impulse? Isn’t it like the stiffie you have right now? It’s the unbidden stiffie, not the stiffie men try to have but never achieve.”

Mark Walters blue eyes smiled again. He had a stiffie and she noticed. He felt good about that.

Miss Dancing-Breasts-of-the-Seven-Veils paused her click-clacking long enough to check out the tenting of her boss’ trousers. Her lips parted slightly and, without thinking, her tongue wetted them. Easy and MC shared a look regarding Miss Thornton’s interests.

Mark Walter’s eyes twinkled. His erection was on all of their minds. There is something satisfying about having three women in a room know he had a hard-on.

“Then you need to say it exactly that way if your case, ah, raises the DA’s interest. As it has mine.”

The tone of Mark Walter, Esquire’s voice implied he meant it the way it sounded. It was a flirt. Easy smiled and counted coup on Miss Abigail Thornton, stenographer. Mark had flirted with her and it meant, perhaps, that Miss Thornton will soon be working someplace else.

Easy let her next words ooze out slowly for effect.

“And if it doesn’t raise his interest, then maybe we’ll gain a new client.”

The blue eyes smiled again at Easy.

“This trial is about your company’s customer loyalty program but as soon as it goes on the docket, the DA will want to know if you run a Disorderly House.”

“Then I propose that you take the time to see our place. Today. It’s early. Plenty of time to take a tour.”

Mark Walters was intrigued at the opportunity. If he brought Miss Thornton with him, then he had an excuse to buy her drinks and dinner afterward. This was workable.

“Good idea. Miss Thornton, you’ll come also. Bring a camera and a pad for notes.”

Easy narrowed her eyes. This wasn’t what she wanted. MC giggled.