My husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. In planning for this event, I had decided that I wanted a midwife to attend me at the birth of our first child. My husband was dubious but I had this earth-mother image of myself and was adamant. A friend suggested I might want a doula also.
Now doulas are not medically trained so they can not deliver babies as a midwife can. The doula serves as a comforter and guide during the birthing process. She helps the mother relax during labor. She massages your back, your belly, your legs all to relive the muscle tension that is the direct result of contractions during labor. She is your cheering section as you move through the stages of child birth. And some will also pay follow-up visits to see how mother and baby are doing.
Shelia was my doula. My friend that suggested her said she had been an even greater help in the weeks following the birth.
Shelia came by every day for the first week. Then five times a week, then three and by the sixth week she only came twice a week. It meant so much to have her visit! After my husband’s parental leave ran out it was just me and Baby. I was lonely and looked forward to adult conversation.
It was Shelia’s last visit. It had been six weeks since I had given birth.
“Well, how are you doing today?” she asked as she settled in wit aa cup of tea. “Your milk still flowing? No hungry baby anymore?”
“No,” I replied. “I think we have a good schedule now and there’s no lack of milk.”
“Then I guess you and your husband are looking forward to resuming sexual relations? The six-week waiting period is over.”
With that, the tears I had been holding back for the last fw days burst forth.
“I’m a mess!” I wailed. “My nipples hurt and I smell like milk all the time. I don’t have any feeling down there anymore! And I can’t imagine having sex! Nick has been talking about “doing it” again so much that I am a wreck! I don’t want to disappoint him but I just don’t have any sexual desire at all.”
Shelia leaned forward and took my hand. “Sally you are not the first new mother to feel this way. Child birth is a major trauma for a woman’s body. Of course, you can’t just jump back into lover mode. You may need some help getting those old fires burning again.” She paused. “I might be able to help.”
“What can you do?” I sniffled.
“Well let’s start with those sore nipples. Lay back and open your shirt.”
Out of her backpack Shelia pulled a jar of coconut oil. Putting a dollop in her palm, she rubbed her hands together.
“You just nursed Nickie, didn’t you? So, we shouldn’t have any drips.”
Slowly she massaged my breasts. At first just the whole breast one at a time, kneading the soft tissue. It felt so relaxing.
Then she turned her attention to my aching nipples. “You should be feeling a little sensual sensation now. Do you see your nipples are standing up and turning red? That means that they are ready for some adult attention.”
She took each one between two fingers and squeezed. I sighed deeply and sank further back into the sofa pillows.
Shelia worked on my breasts and nipples for a long time; tapping them lightly with a fingertip, flicking each and giving soft twists. It felt so good.
“How does your belly feel? Has the skin begun to tighten from where it was stretched so much?” Without waiting for an answer, Shelia pushed my sweatpants down and began rubbing circles on my stomach. “Oh, you are tightening up fast! That’s good,” she exclaimed. The massaging continued with the circles moving ever lower until her hands were just above my pubic bone.