I rarely enjoyed family gatherings. They always drained me (in the mental sense).

Most of the time, I'd end up walking around the house, making small talk for 10 minutes, and then vacating the area before needing to repeat. If I were lucky, I would be able to find an empty room and just relax for 20 minutes.

I had never done anything naughty at such parties, mind you. I also didn't know beforehand that I'd break that record that day. As life would have it, some records are broken accidentally.

I'd been reading some erotica leading up to the party and was still fantasizing about it a couple hours in. I tried listening to what everyone else was talking about but just couldn't. Naturally, I decided to rub one out.

My scheming didn't stop there, though. I needed to be a bit more adventurous. I moved upstairs and got comfortable on the bed in an empty room, leaving the door half open.

Before even opening Pornhub’s mobile site, I slipped my shorts down to knee-level and pulled my balls and flaccid penis out from behind my boxer slit.

Fast forward to erection. My tip had started oozing precum, which was making it hard to grip and rub the outer skin up and down the shaft, so I put the phone down and scooped all the juice up with the inside of my finger gun. Having nowhere else to put it, I let go of my boner to lift up my shirt and smeared the precum onto my stomach.

With a fresh start, I returned to my arrangement of phone in one hand, cock in the other. That marked the beginning of an edging session as I played through video after video.

Stroke. Collect. Smear. Repeat.

The cool air was such a contrast to my throbbling penis wrapped around my fingers. I could hear my cousins talking downstairs. Most notably the loudest one, who was also the hottest. I'd masturbated to her a few times in the past, before I built up more self-control.

I digress. I was starting to feel sore around the border of my genitals, probably from being choked by my boxer slit for so long. Looking out for the little guy, I slid those down to keep my shorts company. If you were to take a picture and crop out my chest and legs, you would think I was fully naked.

I've never been the noisy type when it came to self-care, to the point where I've rarely ever masturbated while someone else wasn't around. Not because of the thrill, but because of the confidence.

Half an hour in, my entire respiratory system felt dried up after all the heavy (yet still silent) breathing I'd been doing. Suddenly, I glanced down at the puddles of liquid I'd generously been coating my abdomen with. Releasing my cock, I let curiosity get the better of me and recollected some of the juice before poking my tongue. Salty.

Having crossed yet another item off the kinky bucket list, I gripped my hard-on once more, stroking more and more slowly and loosely to avoid having to explain to the rest of the family why the bed sheets would need a wash. Unfortunately, that was when things started to feel like I was in a porno.

At around the 45-minute mark, I heard someone storming up the steps. Was it the older cousin I'd more-than-fancied in the past? Regardless, I was scared senseless.

My commandeered room was the first door to the right. That meant I had all of ten seconds to act. I shut down the browser, shoved my boner back out of sight, and fixed my clothes. I made it. I was fully dressed once again.

The door opened. It was a different cousin. Male. The parents wanted to take a family picture, he said.

I let out a deep sigh, appearing as if out of annoyance. "I'll be right up."

He made his way back up the steps without a second thought, unaware that he'd just watched me spill semen all over myself.