It was a crisp autumn day and Morgan sat outside on her front porch. She sat in her old rocking chair wrapped in her favorite dark green cardigan feeling the wind blow through the porch and hitting her face softly. It was days like these that she would sit and remember an impossible dream that she once thought of all too often. She was much older now, not nearly as pretty with wrinkles on her face and long gray hair. Her children were grown and moved away, she had finally retired and her husband had passed leaving her alone with the lack of distractions. Which in turn, had lead her to reflect on her life more often that she liked to.
Morgan gently rocked back and forth, listening to the chair creek against the floorboards on the front porch with her arms crossed over her middle. The leaves on the trees that surrounded her home had changed from a beautiful forest green to warm ambers, reds, and golden yellows. The smoke from her chimney blew off over towards the mountains and it reminded her of a painting she had hanging in the foyer. It was her favorite painting. Out of the thousands of dollars worth of artwork hanging in her home, a simple, worthless painting of an autumn scene is what held the most incredible value. She had put it in one of her great-grandfathers handmade wooden frames, making it all the more special to her, and hung it in the house the first day she moved in. She thought about how she had kept it with her everywhere she went over the years. Oddly enough, it never left her sight for long. She had hung it up in her parent's house when she had to move back in after separating from her first husband. She took it and hung it up in the first apartment she moved into by herself. She even kept it hung even after her and her second husband moved in together and they had their first child.
Morgan lingered on the thought of when she finally hung it for the final time. It was one week before the birth of her second baby when they all had officially moved into their first home. She remembered how she reminisced then just as she was now. The painting had shared in every moment and was a part of every memory of her life since it was given to her. She remembered how she would draw attention to it on purpose when she entertained guests in the house. Just so she could spend a moment thinking about it and the true story of where it came from. Her husband and children never knew the truth and she was very likely to carry her lies to her grave because that was how it had to be. She could never talk about the man who painted on the piece of paper that was now her most prized possession. She could never tell them the story of the man who stole her heart and never gave it back.
His name was Christian and he was the most amazing man she had ever stumbled upon. They had met when she was in college. She had the chance to study abroad in England and from the very first sentence between the two of them she was infatuated. He was tall, about six-foot-two with bright, green eyes and brown hair. He kept his hair short but liked to grow out his sideburns. He was lanky and looked like a willow tree but to her, he was the most handsome man alive. He was sarcastic and funny. He understood her values and wanted the same things out of life as she did. He frustrated her, excited her, made her feel safe, made her feel wanted and motivated her in the best of ways. Morgan loved every single thing about him and for her, there was never any doubt that he was who she was meant to spend her life with. He touched her soul in the most beautiful ways and even to this day she could never find the right words to explain he made her feel.
Loving him had come with a price, however, as all things tend to do and she tortured herself for years with watching him love and be loved by someone else. Despite every attempt to defy her feelings she stayed and settled for friendship instead of living without him. In that time, they had become very close, so close in fact that after his fiancé of seven years left him it was her that he came to. She could recall that night all too well as a matter of fact, for it was Morgan that they had been fighting about. Apparently, his fiancé, Katherine, had had enough of their relationship and had accused Christian of sleeping with her, giving her enough leverage to kick him out and be done. As she rocked more readily in her chair, Morgan recalled how Christian had looked when she opened her dorm room door.
The hurt and confusion on his face were overwhelming to her. It had been pouring rain and he was soaked but it didn't help much to hide his tears. She invited him into her room, one she thankfully had to herself for the week at that time and he told her everything. After a while, they had both sat down on the bed talking as they normally do. As if nothing was wrong and nothing had interfered with their friendship. But at some point they had begun drinking, something not unusual for them and the discussions became more in depth and meaningful. She got him to laugh and smile again after, god only knows, how many hours of unpleasantness with Kat. Christian poured his heart out about everything after beer number three. Again, not something unusual. He talked about all the things he loved about Kat and all the things he hated. He talked about how crazy he thought she was because he had no idea what she was talking about.
"She's a bloody lunatic! I don't have the slightest idea of where she comes up with this stuff! You and I are just friends! You don't love me! Not like that!" He laughed out loud as he had gotten up to grab another beer from her small refrigerator.
Morgan, who had had a bit to drink herself, sat with her head bent down. The whole evening she had been fighting inside her own mind. In between listening to Chris's problems, making him laugh and offering what advice she could, she couldn't shake the desire to tell him how much he meant to her. She didn't want to hide her feelings anymore and for the first time since they met, Christian was technically a single man. She needed to tell him. She had been wanting to for a long time and this could be her only chance so, at all costs, she had to take it.
She let out a deep breath before saying,
"Actually..." she trailed off.
Christian stopped and looked back at her. She looked up at him and she could see the confusion and worry grow in his eyes as he slowly shut the refrigerator door. It was time for her to tell the truth about her feelings. She couldn't deny them now anyway.
"Actually," she swallowed, "I do love you," she admitted.
He walked and sat down on the other bed across from her and just stared at her for a long while. They were both silent for so long that Morgan began to feel lightheaded from all the anxiety.
"Why haven't you told me anything before?" he finally asked her with a voice of concern.
Morgan bit her lip and her eyes went straight down again.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
She half expected him to get up and leave. She wouldn't have blamed him if he did. He didn't need any of this right now and she just unloaded her love on him. A love he did not ask for and a love he didn't even want.
She heard him as he got up from the bed and felt the bed sink as he sat down next to her.