The Cafe
It was a glorious spring day in the west of Ireland, a perfect day for driving. It's over three hours from my granny's place in Donegal Town to Galway City and I was only about halfway home. The best little cafe in County Mayo was coming up, so it was time for some rest and refreshment.
I pulled Sally, my fourteen-year-old Corolla, into the parking lot, where the reliable old darling practically parked herself. I kissed her steering wheel. 'If you had a clit, babe, I'd go down on you.'
The few steps from car to cafe lifted my spirits even more. There were only a few fluffy clouds in the sky, and the temperature was a balmy eighteen Celsius. A light breeze soughed softly through a nearby copse of birches, backed by happy birdsong.
Inside I ordered a chocolate croissant and a full-fat latte. 'Here's your croissant, miss. Just find yourself a seat, and your coffee'll be along in a minute.' The kid on the till, bless him, tried his best to keep his eyes off my tits.
'Thanks.' I flashed a smile, dropped a Euro in the tip jar and took a look around. There was no shortage of empty tables, but where did I want to sit? By the window? In the alcove under the bookshelves? Or on one of the plush sofas beside a funky coffee table?
That's where he was parked and it took a second look to be sure it was him and a few seconds more to get over the sudden shock.
Lionel Walters, my former professor of philosophy and a Dubliner to the bone, was the very last man you'd expect to see west of the Shannon River. Damn! He was as gorgeous as ever, and there he was, sitting all alone, working at his tablet.
I strode straight over before my awe of his intellect, his sophistication, and, yes, his looks could paralyze me yet again. It helped that I didn't want to fuck him nearly as badly as I used to. 'Professor Walters?'
'Yes?' He glanced up. 'Oh my God! It's you!' He jumped to his feet and shook my hand with both of his. He had not changed an iota since my graduation: medium of height, slender of build, with fine, light brown hair, dark blue eyes and a boyish, endearing smile. His wardrobe dripped the same understated elegance, a casual and slightly rumpled off-white linen jacket over a pale blue, silk shirt, tan slacks and fawn suede loafers.
'You remember me?' Grinning like a star-struck pre-teen, I took his warmth as an invitation and sat. I didn't at all mind that he was unbuttoning my shirt and stripping off my bra with his gorgeous eyes. I'd forgotten how straightforward he could be, and it was quite the rush to be so blatantly admired. I crossed my legs and twisted slightly to the side so he could ogle my mamas in profile.
'Let me think,' he said. 'Ancient Greek Philosophy, The History of Existentialism, Ethics, and one other - don't tell me - yes! Introduction to Phenomenology. Am I right?'
I laughed. 'You are! I am so flattered!''
'How could I possibly forget a student who took four of my courses? And who always took the same centre aisle seat, on my right, third row from the front.' He glanced at my legs. 'You're in jeans now, I see. Pity. Those little skirts of yours! Oh, my God! Your legs used to drive me insane! It was merciless, how you tortured me with them without ever, not even once, introducing yourself to me.' My face was burning but he was far from the first to comment on my fondness for mini-skirts.
He laughed, and leaned over to give my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 'And quite rightly so. I mean, student-teacher relationships are such a toxic minefield, as well as an ethical nightmare - oh dear! Did I just mix my metaphors? Are minefields toxic? What is your name, by the way? And I'd say you're a Dubliner by your accent? Am I right?'
'It's Ruth. Ruth Donovan. From Donegal originally, but yes, I grew up in Dublin.'
'Ruth? How interesting! Did you know Naomi Maguire? She was one of my teaching assistants.'
My heart stopped for a moment. Did he know about us? 'Naomi? Sure. I was in her tutorials.'
'Well! That explains a lot. It's no bloody wonder you had no time for me. Got along well, did you?' There was the hint of a leer in his voice, but his face held its mask of innocence.
'Well enough. Why?'
'Do you read the bible?' I shook my head. 'Try the Book of Ruth. Her mother-in-law was called Naomi.'
I shrugged. 'And... ?'
His grin widened. 'And they were lovers.'
'There's a bible story about lesbians? And one of them cheated on her husband with his mother?'
'It's a legal case study on how the law provides for widows and orphans, so nothing quite so lurid. What did we always say about original sources? Read it yourself and decide. For what it's worth, I find it hard not to think of the "Song of Ruth" as the most beautiful love poem ever written.'
'I'll keep it in mind. Thanks.'
'Naomi and Ruth, a woman and her daughter-in-law, a tutor and her student. Here I am in Mayo chatting with Ruth, and this morning I was in Galway talking to Naomi. What are the gods trying to tell me?'
He'd seen Naomi? A million questions begged to be asked. 'That's amazing. How is Ms Maguire?'
'Well enough, I suppose. She's an assistant prof in what passes for a university down there. But we have a plan!'
'A plan?'
'Oh yes! We have an opening waiting for her in Dublin. She'll fit right in.'
Shit! Too stunned to speak, I forced a smile. He carried right on. 'She'll have a far better income. I'll be her mentor again, and she'll have a much higher profile that'll make it so much easier for her to get published. We have the best libraries and access to all kinds of archives. You know yourself what I mean. All the usual benefits of the big city.' As he carried on, I couldn't help noticing the sheen of his pomade, the tell-tale grey at his roots, and the gleam of his unnaturally white teeth. What the hell else was going on? Bodyshaping underwear? He was just another strutting little peacock after all.
'When is she moving?'
'Not just yet I'm afraid. She's been dithering for months, but she's close. Very close.' Months? What the fuck! 'So, Ruth. What are you up to these days?'
'Nothing much.' I looked at my watch. 'Hell's bells! Look at the time!' I drained my latte and wrapped my croissant in a napkin. 'Sorry, Lionel, I'm late already. It was lovely seeing you again.' I bolted for the door.
The Church
A ferocious wind, whipping in from the Atlantic, was driving a lashing rain, the birds had scarpered, and Sally did not look like a happy camper. I wanted to cry but I had to get away from there as fast as I could. There was a church with a generous parking area just down the road and Sally got me there in less than a minute.
Inside, I sat at the back, in the corner by the wall, just under the Eighth Station of the Cross.
I cried. Naomi, my brilliant, gentle, sweet, and much-loved Naomi, was leaving me. Misery welled up like shit from a blocked sewer. She was tired of Galway. No, tired of me. She'd rather be back in Dublin working with Lionel fucking Walters. Why? To get away from me, that's why.
If I was part of her plan wouldn't she have said something? Like, months ago? It was just like her to protect me, to put off hurting me for as long as she possibly could. What had I done wrong? Why was she tired of me?
I looked up at Jesus warning the women of Jerusalem of harder times to come, but it looked more like he was consoling them. 'Hey, pal! I need a hug.' He didn't look down or say a word, so I just sat there weeping and feeling sorry for myself in the hard, stone-cold, and oddly peaceful silence. I don't know how long it took me to calm down. Maybe I'd drifted into a light sleep or maybe I'd just been daydreaming, but when I came out of it the panic had passed but I was still bloody miserable.
Goddamn her! Why couldn't Naomi have had Lionel's scruples? She should have left me the hell alone!
University
We'd been together ever since that autumn Friday about a month into my second year at university. The last tutorial of the week had just ended and Naomi had paused beside me on her way out. She was then a part-time teaching assistant and a full-time graduate student closing in on her doctorate. To this day I don't know what made me do the math, but that made her somewhere around seven or eight years older than me. But she was so much wiser, and so very much more mature.
'Ruth, could you drop by my office later? Around five?'
'Sure. See you then.'
'Thanks,' she said and left me to finish packing up my stuff.
I arrived a few minutes early. She had her coat on and was trying to stuff far too many student essays into a satchel that was much too small. 'Homework?' I asked.
'Don't you know it? Come, walk with me. Can you take some of these please?' I grabbed her overflow. 'Where are we going?'
'My place, the grad students' residence.' It was only a ten-minute walk to her tiny flat. It had a living room with a two-seat sofa and an armchair, a kitchen with two stools and a table almost big enough for one. She had a small office that used to be a bedroom and her very own bathroom. Compared to my digs, this was pure luxury.
'You can dump the kindling in the office,' she said, 'and you can leave your jacket there as well.'
In those very few seconds she'd dropped her coat on the chair and was twisting the lid off a bottle. 'This is Lillet,' she said. 'My aperitif of choice, but I can offer you a dry sherry or mix you a Campari and soda if you prefer.'
'I think I'll pass. Thanks anyway.'
'Do you have plans for dinner?'
'The college dining hall.'
'We can do better if you want to stay for dinner.' She poured her drink and joined me on the lumpy sofa. 'I'm having tuna. Is that all right?'
'Perfect. Thanks a million! Mind if I ask what you wanted to see me about?'
'Oh! Right.' There were no coffee or end tables so she put her glass on the floor. 'Where's my bag? Oh yeah.' With that she reached across me, stretching her scrawny little body over my lap. 'It's there, on the floor beside you.' She seemed perilously close to rolling off and falling on her ass, so I put an arm around her for support. Her slender body felt surprisingly firm. There was something so sensual, so right, about the feel of her slender waist under her cashmere sweater and the firm flesh under her tweed skirt that I didn't want to let her go.
'There you are, you little beggar!' She made no effort to sit up, and still lying across my lap, she rooted around and produced a slim blue folder. She dropped her bag and squirmed onto her back with my arm still around her waist and held it out to me with a triumphant smile. 'This is yours. It's an English lit essay that I found tucked in with your paper on Socrates. So there you are. I meant to bring it to class but kept forgetting. Sorry about that.'
I looked down at her, still cradled comfortably in my arm, her head somehow resting on my breast. She looked cozy. Comfortable. Snug as a bug in a rug. It felt like Our Moment, and I so wanted to kiss her.
I froze. I'd long since figured out how to hump a pillow to orgasm, and in due course, I'd found a guy to release me from the shackle of virginity. Shortly thereafter, I kissed my first girl to sate my curiosity. I'd liked it well enough to get naked and very down and dirty with my roomie in our first year when we were between boyfriends.
I soon came to prefer her skilled and endlessly inventive fingers, lips, and tongue to the clumsy boob-groping hands, the hungry cocks demanding pussy and/or mouth, and the rare and scarcely-there bits of oral on offer from guys. Plus she smelled a whole lot better.
But Naomi! She was a woman and there was something far deeper and much more important going on, something a tutor might only offer but once to a humble student. 'Thanks,' I said and hoisted her back up.
Her smile faded. She sighed. 'I took the liberty of reading it. It's very good.'
'Thanks.' The feel of her thigh and her waist was still warm on my hands. They were itching to be on her body again, to be cradling her. The silence was a little awkward.
'Are you sure you won't have a glass of wine?'
'I'm sure, thanks.' Bloody hell. Why didn't I take it? It would have taken us through an awkward moment, brought us back to happy and informal, but I was sure of nothing, except raw lust and jittery nerves. I wanted her and the way she looked at me said she wanted me as well. But what if I was totally wrong? Fuck and God-damn it!
Then she reached out and put a hand on my knee. I glanced at it, then looked into her eyes. She didn't look away or move her hand so I covered it with mine, holding it in place. She didn't quite smile, but her features softened a little.
Her fingers tightened gently and when she spoke it was with the confidence and authority I so admired. 'You have the potential for a brilliant academic career, Ruth, but for real success, my darling, you must understand the social norms. In the humanities, we drink wine. The pure science people go for high-end whiskeys. The social scientists get Belgian ales and the engineers are happy enough with their lagers. The others are a mixed lot, totally rudderless.' I chuckled.
She reached for her glass and glared at it. It was dripping condensation. 'Much too cold! It's supposed to be chilled, not frozen.'
'You've been out all day. I'd say it's an improvement on room temperature.'
'You are absolutely right! Much better than the alternative.' Her smile faded. With her eyes locked on mine, she stood to face me, looking down at me and barely breathing. Again she seemed uncertain and her hand trembled a bit.
I leaned forward, returning her gaze, reached out and touched her. 'Yes,' I said. It was an answer, not a question.
Her smile flickered back to life. Ever so slowly, so seductively, she hitched up her skirt and knelt on the sofa with her knees straddling my hips. I was thrilled and all on their own my grateful hands found her butt. Her breasts were above my eye level but I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers. She ran her fingers over my cheek. 'Rumi says, "Love is Reckless" and I am feeling so very fucking reckless.' She took a generous sip, leaned down and kissed me, her breasts pressing on mine.
My lips parted for her, and ice-cold wine trickled from her mouth into mine. I gasped. The warmth of her lips, the cold shock of the wine, its sweet scent and flavours of honey and citrus and something herbal sent a sudden and far from gentle surge of pleasure through my whole body. The kiss went on and on, spreading a most pleasurable warmth all around and through me.
Finally, our lips parted. 'That was incredible!' I said.
She gave me another kiss, all too brief, dismounted and took her seat beside me, our shoulders touching. I put an arm across her and hugged her to me. She brought her feet up and turned and leaned across me with an arm around my neck. She kissed me again, the lightest touch of her lips to mine. 'So glad you liked it.'
'I did! Very much.'
'I'm not trying to seduce you, you know. I really just want to spend some personal time with you, to get to know you with the hope, on my part at least, that it might grow into something special.'
'You're making a piss-poor job of not seducing me.' I leaned down to kiss her but she turned her head away.
'I am so damn clumsy! Too much! Too soon! I won't lie to you, Ruth. I am attracted to you, and I want you, all of you. Do you see? Your body, of course, but also your, soul, your heart and your mind. One-offs in the sack have no appeal. Just so you know. If that's all I am to you, maybe we should have our dinner and let it go at that.' I half expected her to pull away from me, but instead, she pressed against me even closer and more intimately, almost as if trying to hide her eyes from mine.