It’s funny in the non-funny kind of way how one little word can be so many things and create both pleasure and pain.
Personally, I prefer magic, one moment it’s there and the next it’s gone.
“Kiss me quickly my legs are like jelly!” I tell you and before the word jelly is out, your lips are on mine and you taste just as good as I imagined you would.
The kiss is perfect and though I might have convinced myself it was if it weren’t, it simply felt too right for a wordsmith like me to describe.
The noises that consumed me a few moments ago have disappeared and all I can hear now is the beat of my jittery heart. (God I feel sick) but it’s true therefore it has to be said.
Most of us have the power to choose certain things nowadays, we have the power to choose who we date, who we want to speak to every day, who will be our friends for a long time to come, and who we will only call if things start to go wrong, there’s just one thing we don’t have the power to choose and that one thing is the most important thing of all.
I’m a cynic nowadays and I would only quietly admit to myself that I’m crazy about you, you would still know of course, but it would only be my eyes that betrayed me and maybe I would cling to you a little bit too long after an orgasm, nothing too obvious.
I can’t call it love making because the term makes me want to bite off my own tongue, I don’t however want to call it “Fucking” either because a fuck is cheap, any day of the week you can get one and it leaves a nasty taste like the hangover from a cheap bottle of red.
I settle for “I want you” it’s simple but effective! Your reply makes me smile “You can have me” you say but really I can’t, not the way I would like. This is magic remember and though magic is wonderful, I’m no fool, it’s just an illusion, it fades to become something fantastic from once upon a time.
Your hands are cold and whilst I can’t feel it, my hair is soft and warm to the touch. Your brush it behind my ear and I screw up my face with a lopsided grin as you look at me up close. I can’t bare the scrutiny and I kiss you again, call it a distraction.
I kiss you ever so gently and as you respond our eyes smile to one another, they know!
“I want you I want you I want you damn it!” over and over in my head it’s all I can hear and when I have you because I never really will, I will still want you, that’s how it’s supposed to work when you want someone. Do you remember?
I’m starting to look flustered, I look down at myself and my chest has a taken on a new colour, only I know it’s a sign of arousal or is that still me being naïve?
I bite my lip and look up at you it’s an amber light and I can’t wait anymore, don’t you see!
I breathe all of you in and when I exhale my breath is shaky, with it comes a noise that you’d only recognise if you heard it. I hate this part but I have a tingling sensation working it’s way towards the very part of me that wants so badly to meet you, it’s an utter compulsion that would ruin this if my big mouth didn’t already take care of it.
I know it’s crude but the fuck thing just went out of the window along with the innocence I remember from once upon a time and now I want you so much I want to scream it to you until you just make this craving stop, until you have no choice but to take me like you’ve never imagined.