IF

It is one of the minor words, but with the most significant things it can mean.

If only our paths had crossed on that fateful day in London's Oxford Street, two souls yearning for the same connection, in the same place, at the same time. Alas, destiny had other plans for us, and we would take decades to reunite on Lush.

We passed within yards of each other, not knowing that the other was there. You were at the start of your journey to spread your wings into the sex life you craved, wanting to be used as a cum and pain slut that had wanted to be a porn star but never quite found the way for it to happen.

I was a lost soul grieving the loss of Jane, a person that I thought could never be equalled. We had been friends for years, the younger sister of my best school friend. After he married and moved away, we stayed friends, and I visited Jane, talked to her, and gave her foot rubs, but I had never told her how I felt for her, fearing rejection, and then she moved away for a new job.

One day, on a visit to her mother, she discovered my deep feelings for her daughter and tried to get us together. On the day we were to meet, she was late, and a ring at the door was the police to tell us the fateful news of her death. A drunk driver took her life on the journey home to see me waiting with her mum.

That put me in a dark place for a long time, blaming myself for a long time, trying to join her but failing and ending up in the hospital being told to move forward and forgive myself by her mum. Less than a year later, Jane's mum was in a hospice, and I made a promise to find someone and settle down; that was the last time that we spoke.

Seeking punishment for what I believed to be my part in Jane's death. I visited a dominatrix to cane me, thinking it would make me feel better for the loss of her. That pain sparked an interest in BDSM for me.

Trying to get over the loss took time. When someone showed an interest in me at a friend's party, we started seeing each other. I rushed into a relationship that others said was unsuitable for me. As time passed, things changed; my wife got what she wanted: kids and not having to work, just as others tried to tell me. And what started as love over time and two illnesses of cancer, my life became a sexless marriage.

Years later, reading stories on Lush opened my eyes to what could have been my life had we met that day.

I found you here on the pages of Lush also with a seed that had been planted in you by events that you have shared with me, things that happened that made you submissive, wanting to be used and degraded, things that you never told others, but shared with me when we found each other here. You felt you could trust me after I told you about Jane and how you felt. The very things that you wanted, I also wanted, sat deep inside of me for many years, and if we had met that day, it might have been the life we wanted.

June, you now know how much you were like Jane. Your looks and slim, tiny body are so close to her that you could have been cast from the same mould, a perfect likeness.

I believe she would have been like you, but that was not to be. The small things she said and did before we parted made you a close match to her. I will never forget her, as each time we talk, I think of her, thinking of what you have done and what we could have done together.

If only we had met, what we wanted to happen could have been two lives so different.

I would not want to take away from you the things you have now in your life, but I wish things could have been better for me. The lifestyle you want—to be shared with others—would have been okay with me. The fact that I was there, the one you would always return to each time, would show me that the love was deep-seated and could not be overturned.

We talked about things we have done and things that have happened to us that no other person knows. You know me better than any other person, which shows that a trusting connection was made. I hope that one day we will meet in person, even if that is only for an hour to drink a coffee or a glass of wine, to hold you close and feel the connection that has been missing from my life for so many years. I would feel fulfilled.

This is for you, June, xxx

IF ONLY it had happened.