Coincidence is a marvel, it blows my mind at times. I've thought about and wondered at "Synchronicity" in our lives, Deja Vu fascinated me too. How something can happen then fall into the whirlpool that we know as life and you forgot it totally for many years, then suddenly it rears it's head and becomes the most significant thing in your life. That has happened to me several times but the best was recently.

I'm sitting in the living room, in an over-stuffed chair and sipping scotch. Looking at at a storm brewing way out over the Pacific Ocean. "About three hours and it'll be here. We're about five-hundred feet up and the horizon is about forty miles away. Maybe I should call Alicia and tell her to stay with Monica, they were shopping together.

I had the wind sounds turned down to a soft rumble and was going back over the last couple of years.

Alicia! What an amazing woman. The coincidences, the missed chances, what might have happened if fate had twisted just slightly the other way. Who's to say there isn't a universe where that may be true, where it did twist that way. I think of all this shit as I worry about Alicia.

***

Eight years ago 
 
This was our last night but we had already decided to go on together. It was one AM or so and we were sitting in the jacuzzi drinking Biermischgetränk, a fifty-fifty mix of Pilsner beer and a sparkling lemonade the Bavarians called "Radler." When I lived in Bavaria I had enjoyed it and when I saw it yesterday at a German deli in San Francisco I bought it and she liked it too.

I was pretty firm from just looking at her, getting a good look at her crotch as she swung her legs in the jacuzzi. Seeing that hollow in her upper thighs, that little shadowy indent in the skin just as it dives under the crotch and becomes her outer lips has always excited me.

You only see it when she opens her thighs wide like she's inviting me in. The crotch is stretched tight and pulled into a shallow camel-toe. When I looked up after seeing that she was grinning at me, she had done it deliberately.

I like my beer very cold, not warm like the Germans and when she set her drink down I lay my head back against the edge, relaxing and closing my eyes. When Alicia slipped her hand up the leg of my shorts, gripping my half-hard cock I jumped like I had been stung and it felt like she had flash-frozen it.

I was soft instantly and it felt like it had shrunk to a negative four or five inches requiring a urologist to find it again. Not really, it just got very soft and the shocked expression on her face was worth every bit of it.

Even in the dim light and steam I could see her blush. She lowered her head and I put my hands on her head, rotating her face up then leaned over and kissed all over her face saying, "Thank you, I liked that. Now it'll be fun getting it ready again." She laughed but it took her a few minutes to accept that and believe me.

She kept her hand there on my cock and never tried to remove it. We were sitting in the jacuzzi with my cock in her right hand and looking at each other and I slid my right hand down across her shoulder and cupped her breast. I could feel her nipple was hard and when I gave it a little squeeze she jumped and her hand squeezed and moved and I got harder.

Her one-piece suit was very sexy. She had good sized breasts, I don't get the sizes, it confuses the hell out of me. I have two categories, "Wonderful" and "Fan-Fucking-Tastic" and they all fit in one of those two. Bumps to buckets is my smart-ass way of putting it.

Alicia's were heavy, they sagged and she would never pass the pencil test but I didn't care, they looked and felt great.

When my wife and I married she had marvelous breasts, thirty-six B she said, and the challenge going around then was to see if they sagged enough to capture a pencil put under them. Paige's passed the cigarette test too and we would joke about some that looked like they wouldn't pass the hammer test .

Alicia has a bigger butt, not a skinny teenage one but not huge. Watching it as she walked was very pleasant and I got a kick out of the guys, girls to actually, that tried to hide looking. "Eat your fucking heart out!" is what I thought when the guys looked.

Her thighs were a little heavy and she had a little roll at her waist when she sat, her belly stuck out a little (she has had two kids for gods sake) and there were stretch marks and cellulite.

She has strong arms and hands, she's a bow hunter and competes. I've watched her since and she wins a lot, I bow hunted for years and I always wondered how women keep from popping a nipple off with the bow-string. When she's in full draw the string makes a crease in her left breast but her nipple is safe.

She had a strong face, squared jaws and the corners of her mouth had a slight downturn. She had all those things that make a woman look Real . A lot look like perfect dolls that will break with the least bit of rough handling and you can't play well without some roughness. Not a lot, I don't like that.

In other words, she was perfect.

"Okay, I can fix that," she said and slipped into the water between my legs. She pulled my suit down and off my legs, taking my cock (still very soft) in her left hand and looked at me. When I smiled she took a deep breath and ducked her head under water, taking me in her mouth.

I got hard quickly as pumped her head up and down. Her mouth was six degrees cooler that the water and feeling that as she pushed her mouth down then pulled back up was wild. Usually the mouth was warmer but I decided I liked this too.

I could feel the head bump into the back of her mouth and when she swallowed my cock slipped into her throat. She bobbed her head several times and pulled back out of the water blowing air with spit stringing out of her mouth and down her chin and took a shuddering breath.

"Wow, that went right in. If you can hurry I'll get you off under water. I can hold my breath for almost two minutes." She smiled and grinned wide, "Would you like that?"

"I don't know, no ones ever done that to me before. I'll try though." She went back under and pushed me all the way into her throat in one shove and started pumping on me. She would get me all the way in then swallow and it didn't take long.

I was thrusting with my hips, holding her head in both my hands with hers on my thighs when I came. She shoved herself all the way down, her lips at the base and letting me essentially fuck her face. I am never rough when I do that, a slow gentle push in then back out, building until I can't hold back then a blast that fades into a soft glow as I come.

She jerked up and grabbed me with her hands while she took several big breaths but she kept pumping as I finished in her hands and sat back. I lay there exhausted, wrung out like a dish cloth. Her hands were stroking me and she said, "Did you like that?"

"Oh god yes! That was a first for me and it was wonderful. Thank you," I said.

Paige and I actually met Alicia twenty-four years ago. We were celebrating our eighteenth anniversary and had tried to get our honeymoon room but it was taken by newlyweds and we just thought happy thoughts for them, that they would be as happy as we were.

We stopped on our way to dinner to stand, looking at the door, holding hands and kind of kissing when the newly weds walked up. We introduced ourselves and talked for a minute, explained and wished them luck before continuing on. We never saw them again but that image has popped into my mind now and again.

He looked to be my age, forty-eight then, and she looked like a teenager. She was beautiful and I wondered about them. What it was like for him with her, you know, all those fantasies we guys have. It turns out he was my age and she was twenty. She likes older guys.

Paige gave up on sex about ten years ago and then life a couple years later. She stared, seeing something in the thousand yard look she had. I never figured out what and now I never will. It bothers me beyond belief sometimes. Every morning is the start of a new life for her, she's brighter, then by late afternoon she just sits and stares at something.

I got into a lot of pot and scotch for a year. I was pretty useless, didn't eat well and wound up weighing one-hundred thirty pounds, over a hundred down from my normal weight ten years ago.

I was a bag of bones, an articulated skeleton wrapped in skin and dying by the inch when my kids forced me to rethink that. We raised some very strong ones and the threat of being committed by them was a real smack up-side my head that got my complete attention.

They did an intervention, all seven of them and many grand kids and a couple close friends, about twenty, and they just beat the crap out of me. I can not even begin to describe how I feel about them. They did save my life, gave me a new one actually and I love them more than me.

The question virtually every one asked me was, "Do you think mom (or grandma, or Paige) would have wanted you to kill yourself, you fucking asshole?" They pull no punches, that's what we had taught them.

Every one of them was brought up to stand toe to toe with god in a screaming go to hell fight, and not back down. There were some spectacular discussions that went on in our house.

After that I started doing things again, seeing people and living. Taking my kids and grand kids to dinner or something. They tried to fix me up a couple times but I wasn't ready for that. A couple were very good looking and friendly, I was just not ready for anyone new yet.

I finally started going around to some of the places we had been, remembering and crying, feeling sorry for myself. After a few months I started to get used to it and the crying mostly went away. I was still barely getting by emotionally but that improved. I actually took one of the women my kids had introduced to dinner. We had a good time but no sex, just a quick goodnight kiss, I still wasn't ready.

It upsets paige if I bring up what we were when I visit so I usually sit and watch her with her friends. They all know me and they hug and kiss me and I think a couple hit on me. I don't see much except Paige when I'm there though.

I used to see her every day but now it's every two to three weeks. It tears me up and I usually drink to much scotch and smoke to much pot afterwards, then I get maudlin as hell and cry myself to sleep waking up with a headache and a hangover.

I decided to visit our honeymoon spot in Carmel and made reservations last year. I got there and checked in then lay in the bed for a couple of hours and took a nap. I drank scotch, smoked a lot of pot then cried for an hour and passed out actually.

I could see Paige sitting at the dressing table brushing her hair, then standing at the sink and brushing her teeth or washing her body with a cloth, lifting her breasts and cleaning the crease that would get a rash if she sweat to much.

Shit, I could hear her voice and laughter and that was a fucking bitch. I would see flashes of what we had done there on our honeymoon, then another from years later when we went back and they all mixed in a jumble, piling up then crushed me when it fell.

I finally got up around eight and decided to have dinner where we had our first married meal.

Hers; center-cut prime rib, medium rare, baked potato with butter and sour cream, no chives, bacon bits and steamed vegetables.

Mine; bottom, end-cut, well done and it's been soaking in the meat juices for hours, baked potato, butter only, steamed vegetables.

A standard meal for us. I would order both and give Paige's away to any woman in the restaurant, only a woman and I would surreptitiously watch. I would watch them eat and get lost in my memories. If no women I would take it with and give it to a street person. Some times I took it home then threw it awayafter a couple of days.

I heard a soft knock and when I opened the door an attractive woman about forty-five was standing there. Not skinny but not overweight. Just right. She had her head down and when she heard me she looked up. She had been crying hard. Her makeup was ruined and running all over her face. I said, "God, what's wrong? Are you hurt? What can I do to help you?"

She had a Kleenex in her hand but there was no way It was enough for the disaster I was seeing. She said, "No, thank you, I'll go now." And she started to turn away. I touched her shoulder and she stopped then looked up at me with eyes that were so sad they made me want to cry. Shit, this woman was in pain.

I said, "Please let me help you. If you leave like that you will either scare someone to death or I'll be accused of attacking you. I was on my way to dinner but come in, please, use the bathroom to clean up and calm yourself. You could have an accident if you try to drive like this."

She looked at me, wondering if I was safe and I said, "I'll leave the front-door open and pour you a glass of white wine while you clean up. There's a lock on the bathroom door. I'm here to celebrate an anniversary that my wife can't attend any more. We honeymooned here forty-six years ago, came back several times and a couple times we came even though we couldn't get this room."

While I was telling her that her face changed. From that "concerned disaster" look to a wide-eyed look of wonder and excitement. Hope? I don't know but she looked at me like I was her savior for minutes and I just stood there waiting.

She finally smiled and said, "It's okay, and thank you, I will take you up on that offer. I won't impose any more than I must, and you don't need to leave the door open. I don't think I'll need the bathroom lock either."

I laughed and escorted her in, shutting the door and watching her. She looked at me as she closed the bathroom door, the edge moving across her face until just one eye showed, hesitating, then closed and I did not hear the lock engage. I heard the toilet flush and her start to cry again. She was sobbing hard and I thought it sounded like she was talking to someone. I thought about about asking if she was okay but didn't.

Twenty minutes later she stopped crying and I heard the sink then the shower and that made me wonder. Images of her naked in the shower flashed through my mind and I played with that for a while. I poured a couple glasses of the white wine Paige liked and put one on the coffee table, next to a plush chair. I could hear her mumbling, saying something but I couldn't make it out.

I sat across the coffee table, sipped and played a scene or two of her in the shower. When I heard it stop I topped off my glass and set it down, waiting for her. When she stepped out of the bathroom my eyes widened and I guess I got a goofy expression on my face because she laughed.

She was wrapped from high on her chest to below her knees in a big, fluffy towel, a bath blanket. Her head and neck were covered with the towel she had her hair wrapped in.

I love that look and I pretty much just melted and decided that whatever she wanted, she would get.

She sat and picked up the wine and pulled her legs up under herself like Paige used to and I got a pretty good look at some very nice thighs. I couldn't quite see her crotch but I really liked what I saw. She twisted, settling herself and I did see all the way. She did not have panties on and very little or sparse hair.

She smiled at me when I looked up so I was convinced she had done it deliberately. I smiled back and glanced at her crotch again then settled back and we talked while I looked her in the eyes.

"I remember you. You and your wife were standing outside this room twenty-four years ago when Bill and I got here for our honeymoon." I was so shocked I almost fainted. A loud Bang went off in my mind and every thought was blown away. Pieces of me, shredded and scattered all over the floor around me.

She jumped at me with a very worried look and the towel fell off her head. She has beautiful auburn hair and it was still wet, but beautiful. The top of the towel she was wearing started to open and she grabbed at that but not before I got a glimpse of her right breast, the areola dark. She had it tucked back in quickly and when she got to me I started breathing again. "Are you all right? Can I get you anything?"

I said no and when she sat back down I said, "I remember you too. I've actually wondered a few times how you guys made out. Paige and I talked that night and decided you two should have the room, it had been good for us. We were happy for forty-four years and off and on over that time I've hoped you guys had had the same luck."

"We did. Bill was a marvelous man. We had two great kids, Clair, then Julia, he was a good father, a real dad for them. He was killed by a drunk driver a year ago. We were going to come here but I forgot after the accident. When I finally called, you had the room. I came anyway, I needed to remember."

I said, "Paige gave up on life a few years ago and I tried to smoke myself to death. You can't do that with pot so I used some scotch, then a lot of scotch and got better results. Only single-malt though, I did have my pride." She giggled a little at that and I continued, "My kids beat me up though, made me try again and I finally came here. I can't believe it's you. My god, that was twenty four years ago."

Then, "I'm sorry about Bill, he sounds like a really neat guy. I wish I had known him, he sounds like the kind of guy I am. Paige would have liked both of you too, I know it. It's to bad we didn't bump heads a long time ago."

"I'm sorry about Paige. In some ways that's worse than what happened to Bill."

Then she asked for more wine and I poured. "Look, I was going to dinner, where Paige and I went the first time we were here. I always order for two and give one away. To women. I would be very honored if you would have dinner with me. I don't want to be alone right now."

She said, "Yes." She stood so I did too and she stepped over to me. She held the towel with her left hand and reached her right up behind my head, pulling me down and giving me a soft kiss. "Thank you, I don't want to be alone either. And Bill said it was okay."

Then she went back in the bathroom. Five minutes and she was put together and said, "I'll go change and call you. Fifteen minutes, max." And she left. I brushed my teeth and washed up, getting out a dress Gordon kilt and put it on. Eleven minutes after she left she called me.

She liked the kilt. I wore the gillie shirt, socks with tabs and sgian dubh, a small knife worn in the hose. A tasseled sporran and a diced Glengarry too. She hooked her arm in mine and walked next to me like she was proud.

I tried to strut a little but just walked and enjoyed the feel of her arm and an occasional hip brush. Her breast now and again too. Once I looked down at her after a nice push with her right breast and she was grinning up at me then pulled my arm tighter to herself.

I walked her to the restaurant and we had "Our" meal, Paige's and mine and Alicia said it was great. She loved it and when the waiter asked about desert she looked at me funny. I asked the waiter to come back and said, "What? You need something. What?"

And she asked me if we could have desert where she and Bill had twenty-four years ago. I stood and paid the bill. She had a stole and I put it around her shoulders saying, "Where?"

She cried on the way there and put her head on my shoulder, her arm around my waist now. I put mine around her shoulders and she shrugged it down to her waist. We walked like that for a block and into a steak house. The waiter sat us and she ordered two huge chocolate mousse pies. The damn thing was six inches tall.

I enjoyed every bite, paid and we walked back. I asked her if she would like another wine and she said, "Of course." As though she expected to. That made me feel good as we strolled back, holding hands and acting like teenagers. Shit, I think we skipped a couple times.

We got back and she used the bathroom while I poured. She came out and I handed her a glass. She raised hers and tinkled it against mine then took a sip. She led me then sat next to me on the couch. She pulled her legs up and I could see her thigh again.

This time she was more blatant when she showed me her crotch and I discovered she hadn't worn panties. My jaw dropped and she let out a peal of laughter that came as close to making me feel whole again as anything since Paige gave up. I was smitten.

She said, "I talk to Bill. I know I sound crazy but we were so close I can still hear what he would say. He's saved me a couple of times. I know it's all in my head but it still feels like him."

I told her I still did that with Paige and she leaned over and kissed me. She set her wine down so I did too and she took my head in both her hands and attacked my mouth. I loved it and put my right hand on her thigh, under her skirt. She moved her legs wider and I knew we would both enjoy tonight.

She drew back and said, "Bill told me to enjoy tonight, that he was with me still. He likes you, I told him about you, and all he asks is for you to take care of me." And she just looked at me.

I didn't know what to say. She looked for a minute, then smiled and took my wrist, pushing my hand up into her crotch. She wasn't wearing panties. She hadn't been all night. I pressed and slid my fingers down her lips along the slit and she threw her head back and moaned load. Then she pulled my face to hers to kiss and had her hand under my kilt and inside my boxer-briefs in seconds.

She gripped me hard and gasped and took a deep breath. Then she whispered into my mouth, "God, Bill, it's been so long." And she pulled at me, using her fist to masturbate me.

I was kissing her and probing her with my fingers. She was wet and slippery so it was easy to get two fingers into her. She pulled me as I pushed her and I wound up falling on her as her back hit the cushion. Her head bumped the arm and my nose kind of mushed hers and poked her in the eye.

I said, "Well, that was a classy move designed to get you in the mood. For a fight." She laughed and we kind of fondled and wrestled and other stuff for a while. We kissed and that was pretty good. Marvelous and all new, and thrilling, wet and slippery at times. I hadn't done that in a long time, over ten years.

We got up and lay on the bed for a while, playing, then and she said, "Stand in front of the fire place and take your pants off." I thought about that and decided to play her fantasy. I would mix mine in too and we would both get a lot of pleasure out of it.

"Yes Paige."

She smiled and said, "That's how he did it."

"I understand. You tell me what to do and I'll tell you. This could be a wonderful experience. You re-live it with him and I with Paige and we'll both come out winners." She agreed and we did.

"Take your pants off, shoes and socks first, then your shirt. Take your time." And I did. It was a kilt but it didn't matter. She had me take my socks and shoes off in a specific order. Left then right shoe, then right then left socks.

I stripped for her and it didn't matter that it was a kilt. I kind of hummed the theme from the stripper and she liked that. I was being me but if he was like that too I think I liked him even more.

Paige had danced for me. Not a dance maybe, she just moved, swirled and glided around me so Alicia did that while I undressed. I turned as she moved so we were always looking at each other. She would tell me what to take off and I would tell her.

Her breasts were big, they sagged and swayed when she moved, as she danced. When I had my kilt and briefs off I was swaying around too. Wagging and bobbing at her as I moved and undressed until finally the shirt came off and I was naked.

She was a bra and panties behind so she hurried the panties and slowed on the bra. She held the cups up for seconds after she unhooked it. She looked at me and I looked back. I was smiling at her and raised my eyebrows. She looked down and dropped the bra. Her breasts were very big, large areola and nipples like my little finger tip.

She looked at me and I said, "May I?"

"Of course," she said and took my right hand, putting it on her breast. I took the other breast in my left hand and rolled her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. She liked that and told me so with a very sharp intake of breath and a very slow sigh out. I kept that up and leaned down to suck on them for a while.

Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face into hers, kissing me and licking my face so I did that to her. She pushed me back and when my legs touched the bed she pushed and I fell back and bounced when I hit. She said, "We did oral on each other for a time, then he made love to me, face to face, missionary. Can we do that first?"

"Of course, whatever you need." She crawled up my body, kissing as she went. She stopped and sucked me for a while then came up and kissed my mouth. She kept coming and wound up straddling my head with her thighs and pressing her pussy into my mouth. I licked and kissed, fucking her with my tongue and sucking on her clit until she screamed a little. Paige never liked that.

I couldn't breathe for a short time as she orgasmed and she kept it up. She would rock her hips, driving herself into my mouth and then cum. When I suddenly wiggled, jamming a finger up her ass she exploded. I don't know what it was but I think she peed. I was soaking, my face, chest and upper arms and she kept grinding herself against my face.

She started to calm down and fell to the side, wrapping her arms around herself and said, "God, Bill, that was as good as the I first time." She lay there for minutes, touching me as I did her. Running the flat of my hand over her side and across her ass then back up across her breasts.

She raised up on her knees then turned and straddled me, aimed my cock at her opening and slammed herself down on me. She was soaking wet and very slick from her coming or she would have ripped the skin off my cock.

As it was it was sinking into a tunnel that fought my entrance while simultaneously demanding that I "get in there now or I'll hurt you" and I came. I pulsed and spasmed and she clutched at me, hugging and whispering nothings at me.

"Thank you Bill. Oh God, Paul. I'm sorry, I was so lost I didn't know."

I hugged her and kissed her eyes then her lips and whispered, "it's okay, we talked, I know, remember?" Then I ran my hands over her, touching everything I could, her breasts, her face and head, running my hands through her hair and pulling her in to kiss me, kind of demanding and she followed me and let me.

Then she did it to me and I let her, pushing back and holding her off, just enough but not enough to keep her from winning. And she groped me, pulling at my cock. She demanded that I sit on her chest, holding her arms down with my legs and force my cock in her mouth. I wasn't sure about that but most of the force wound up being me trying not to get my dick sucked completely off.

She loved sucking me and could take me down her throat. We'd did that on the beach one night. We walked way down and stripped. She knelt and I fucked her throat until I almost killed her ramming in and coming and she loved every second of it telling me harder, faster when she could talk

Then I had her stand and I knelt, putting my mouth on her slit and running my tongue along it. Her clit was sticking out and I fluttered it with my tongue and she grunted and jammed herself against my face. I licked and pushed with my tongue and she set up a rhythm, rocking her hips and pressing hard when her clit was on my tongue.

She put her right leg on my shoulder and pressed her crotch into my face. I stuck my tongue into her and she groaned again. She grabbed my head harder, rocked her hips forward and I stuck my finger in her ass and she came. She grunted, jamming her ass at me and I just kept probing and liking until she calmed down. Slowing and stopping as she relaxed, both legs quivering.

We dressed and walked back. Holding hands and singing to each other. little snippets, a line or two and the the other would jump in. A game and we kicked sand as we walked and did that. A couple of kids.

I stopped and took both her hands and sang memories, from Cats. It's about an old life ending and a new one starting and she cried as hard as I did. Looking in my eyes and tears streaming down both our faces, smiling at each other as we cried. I can't hear that song without crying.

We walked on and I could almost hear her thinking. It was only a few steps and she stopped us, taking my hands and singing to me. She has a lovely voice. A whisky-sweet voice like Patsy Cline and it took me a few moments to recognize it. Celine Dion, The power of Love.

And we both cried again standing there, holding each other in the dark. Then we walked back and made sweet, slow and soft love for hours.

The next morning I was supposed to check out and I kind of crawled a lot, begging the manager to let us stay for the full week. There was another reservation and I said I would pay a hundred dollars on their room if he would call and ask them to switch so we could stay. I think the bottle of scotch is what convinced him to do it though.

We stayed a week both reliving a honeymoon. Walked everywhere holding hands like teenagers, putting our arms around each other and rubbed hips. Used that jacuzzi several times late at night.

Don't know what we'll do. We've talked a little and we both want to keep it up.She lives in Ojai and I live in Simi Valley about seventy-five miles south and we've spent six, four-day weekends together in two months so we've started talking about living together to cut down on the drive. Most likely at her place.

We'll see, there's lots of time now and life is worth living again.