It had been 5 months since we had said goodbye, it had been 2 months since we stopped sleeping with each other and it had been 6 weeks since we had spoken. You were with HER now, well let’s be honest you had been with her for 4 months now and I needed to try and move on.
Last month would have been our 2 year anniversary and I remember the day because I remember crying, hoping that you would call me, or text me or anything to acknowledge you were thinking of me too. That was the day I decided I needed to cut you out of my life. No cell phones, no emails, no facebook, nothing. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I had done it.
My phone rings, I know it is you by the ringtone, “only you can love me this way”, I haven’t had the heart to change it yet. My heart feels like it is going to leap out of my chest and I feel as if I am going to vomit. What do you want, why are you calling me? I debate on answering the call, I don’t want to hurt anymore.
Against my better judgment I pick up my phone and say “hello” in the sweetest tone I can get out of my mouth.
“Hi” I hear you say. I can’t see you, but I envision the word rolling off your sexy lips.
“How are you?” you say into the phone sounding like you genuinely care, “I am working in the town next to you, come and see me”. My brain starts screaming no inside my head, but my heart starts singing and overpowers my brain before I even realize I am writing down the address.
As I drive down the highway I start to panic. I can’t be friends with you. I still love you, but you are toxic for me and me for you. Hell! You are still with what’s her face, I don’t want to hear about your relationship.
I pull up to the job site and I am on a farm, I don’t see you anywhere. I light a cigarette to try and calm my nerves when I see you coming up the hill towards my car, you look nervous, you always bite your lip when you are nervous. At least I am not the only one.
I get out of my car and lean against the hood as you approach, you lean in to give me a hug, but decided against it because I don’t uncross my arms to embrace you. We talk about how we have been, we talk about family and then it is quiet.
“You look amazing” you say while staring at the ground. I thank you. Silence again and I can see you biting your lip.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I miss you” you choke out the words as if they are poison. I don’t know what to say to you.
“I have just been thinking a lot lately and I really miss you” you continue. I can feel the tears coming to face and I don’t want you to see me cry. I try to walk away from the car but you know me all to well. You run over to me and stand in front of me, pinning me between you and my car.
The tears immediately start falling from my eyes at your touch; it feels so good and so wrong all at the same time. I can tell you want to kiss me, but instead you study my face.
I squeak out "I miss you too" and sigh in relief.
"But it doesn't matter, because you are still with her" I say while I pull away from your grip.
You grab me again and look in my tear filled eyes and state "She means nothing, she has never meant anything, she was nothing but a distraction from the pain of losing you".
You grab either side of my face and force me to look at you.