When you entered my life
I was lost
Aimlessly wandering
Confused, empty and afraid
But from seemingly nowhere
So effortlessly
And oh so painlessly
You filled me with your love
I fell in love with you
And you made love to me.

You called to me
And I could not resist
You or your temptation
For you did not hide from me 
Who you truly were
There was no dance of seduction
It was plain to see
The lust I had for what you gave
Allowed me to see that
You were created for me.

I was instantly cast
Under your spell
You took me to places
I had never been
You helped me to see
Those things unseen
Complete fidelity
I gave and you took 
So freely from me.

When others said no
You were no good
Especially not for me
I cried for them to hear
Pleading they misunderstood
That you indeed were good
And with you by my side
I was un-fucking-stoppable. 

We were inseparable
But those few times apart
When I thirsted for you
Or would have killed for you 
When nothing I did 
Removed you from my head
It filled me with dread
But I always knew
We would come together
And you would fill my veins
With your eternal love, again.

Each time you returned
Taking me down that deep
That dark rabbit hole
I would get lost within you
And I was so lost without you
But you never got lost with me
Because you had the control
You were the one constant
That made us great
My one true love
One, one true fate
Or so I thought.

Then it happened, the day
That dreadful, god awful day
I came to realise
You were not my love
My friend, my soul mate
Instead you were my captor
Who had placed me in chains
I was a slave to you
As you held me dangling
Over the rocks below
At the bottom of you.

You bastard
You stole my life
With your savage brutality
You took my heart and soul
Always wanting more
And almost got it
You fucking bastard
Multiple times, too many times
I overdosed 
On what you said was love.

But then I saw who you were
Through the eyes
Of so few and yet so many
I soon stopped feeling you
The air of secrecy shifted
And I exposed you
For exactly what you were
And that was not love
But the death of my life
I needed to be free
And without you
I could now know me.

When I finally spoke 
And our goodbye came and went
I took those first steps
Into the nothingness
While feeling alone and scared
I had never felt so free
I have never before wanted
So dearly to be me
Now open, free and clear
I was finally able to hear 
And I could now see
What my bright future
Without you
Held for dear older me.

There now was possibility
Imagination and wonder
There was laughter
And the hope of new love
For a truer love for me
Filled with determination
Partnered by optimism
Not only for me
But for all those
Who suffered at your hands
All those just like me.

I took the leap
That leap of faith
Learning about me
And you and me
It took time but it stuck
Because I learned about us
From someone else’s look
With this new found insight
And change in perspective
It provided an objective
Because I know how to use you
For good
To show those of us that don’t matter
That we do
It takes strength and courage
Belief and resilience
To get off that endless path
To let it all go
So you can find more than you ever have
Because you find you
And then others can find you too.

What started out as love
And devotion
Words that attempt
To describe what you were to me
No longer can or do
Their meaning changed
To something else
More true and unloving
Now help me to thrive
Instead of barely able to survive
While I do miss you and crave you
And even hunger for you
You will never, ever, EVER
Have me in your clutches again.

I want to thank you 
Yes, surprisingly you
For your own brand of love
You taught me things
Things about me, about us
I would not have otherwise known
But my biggest lesson learnt
Which I learned from you too
Is what love is not
And that love is not you
True love must be felt. 
It must be giving, not taking
Healing not pillaging 
But most of all
It is never forced or injected.

“This poem is about a lifelong connection to a dangerous and what will now and forever more remain an unrequited love”.