Slowly I think I have begun to realize things have not all turned out like I expected or even hoped they would be. How can I feel and look so much younger than my age but my spirit feels so confined not at all free. I feel like I am growing away from everyone I hold dear. Like a new chapter in my life keeps calling me near.

All these thoughts and yearnings just don’t seem very realistic. As far fetched as they might be they just keep on churning and churning. I can’t find that balance between satisfaction and need. How do I take what I want but still be able to please? A dilemma for sure don’t know what I shall do. Thank god these hormone ridden days are usually only a few.

I can count on at least eight days per month to turn into a nympho and have excessive wants. Nothing can put out this fire in me temporary relief is all I will ever see. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Craving a hot body and a passionate kiss. Exercise seems to be my only productive vice it is making my body look pretty nice. But aerobics and weight training and all that I do just leads me straight back to my cravings that stew.

I am growing very tired my enthusiasm is draining the days are looking gray my depression is gaining. Maybe menopause will come along and turn me into a dried up old prune. Then I can stop thinking of all these sexual fantasies over which I moon. No matter what I have it is never enough these raging female hormones are so very damn tough.

I have even asked but there is no cure for me “Only time will tell” they tell me, just wait and see.

I don’t know how long I am supposed to wait as it is coming up on four years and the stress of it all is starting to cause my tears. I have looked everywhere for a solution but all I seem to find is confusion.

I am fortunate in a small way that many seem to want me and want me to play. Maybe that helps for just a little while and one special one can always make me smile. None of it ever does seem to last and I’m back to where I started at the beginning of this torturous dance. How long can I keep going around and around I am getting a head ache from every little sound.

I really need something so these hormones I can appease yet I am turned off by all these horny guys constantly asking me please. Please will you be my Mistress and let me be your slave I promise to serve you and always behave. Why can’t any of them understand my needs are very specialized and can not be meant by just any old man? I require a relationship you would consider extreme with overflowing passion strong enough to make you scream.

So I sit here hormones swirling around exercising my brains out at my new gym is where I’ll be found. Maybe I will get some inspiration from my sexy new personal trainer and I can stop griping and bitching and being such a complainer. I don’t know what road I will be going down but someday soon satisfaction will need to be found! Whether is comes from inside or outside of myself these hormones will not be happy being hidden away on a shelf but everything will be just fine if I can manage to survive myself.