Did I fail the man I am in love?

I refused to run to him, when I had a chance to run to him.

I weep and torn apart.

I failed love.

 

I longed to dream of wicked dreams of me and him,

Theo asked me over and over to come to him.

Now I am sitting here in tears to the news.

I failed him, but mostly I failed myself.

 

I hate myself.

I hate the choices I let be made for me and him.

Why did I not go to him, when all I wanted was to touch his body and kiss his perfect lips of sin?

Did I fail him and me?

 

Did I fail the dream of what might had been or not been between him and me.

Now I weep endless since the news.

My heart is shatter.

My soul is lost.

 

He is all I think, dream and love.

Yet I feel I failed the love I hold for him deep within me.

I want go to him.

Would he be happy to see, if I went running to him?

 

I lingering the darkness of my pain to the news, I am about to lose him from my reach forever.

I tumble about my bed.

I can’t think, eat or sleep because my heart and soul cursing me for turning away from because I was letting others tell me what not to do when it comes to him.

 

Did I fail…?

Oh god forgives me for failing him and me.

Give me the strength and will to run to him no matter what others say.

Theo needs me.

 

Did I fail him and me?

Now I know I must face him and become the source of strength Theo will need upon his darkened trouble.

Did I fail…?

No….I know now, this is not failure, it has now become my heart and soul true challenge to help defeat his trouble.

 

Did I fail not him or love?

I know now, this is the way to show him what he truly means to me.

I must become the ground and air around.

I must be the champion in his darkened time.

 

I will not let go of him.

I will not speak of my love to him at this time, but I will be all he needs, even in the end of this….

He just wants to remain friends.

My love for him is strong enough to just be his friend.

 

I walk upon this journey no longing feeling I failed him and me.

I see the sun blazing upon me.

I feel his warm embrace upon me asking me to come to him.

I will not fear him.

 

I will not fear myself or my love for him no more.

Failed love, I thought, but now I see.

Love has not failed me.

I and love goes running to him.

 

Did I fail love…?

No.

I know my love for my Theo; will not fail me or him.

I know now…just what I need to do for him and me.

 

©2009 Firestar