I’ve resisted so many moments 
When contacting you would have made sense. 
When venting to you
Might have fixed my brain. 

I’ve sat back and thought
About all the calls
And the nights that brought us the sunrise
Where there were few moments of silence between us

I’ve remembered the missed birthdays 
And the mixed moods
Of the two of us floundering
In the waters of our relationship. 

I was the moon that lit the way
And you were the wolf who kept me safe
Until I remembered that I missed you
More often when we spoke than when we didn’t. 

“Goes both ways, dear”
Was a common refrain each time I brought up loneliness. 
Each time I requested just a little more effort. 
For a decade. 

It went both ways. I tried to reach out
But it gets exhausting
To be the only offered hand
For such a long time. 

I have to walk away again
Because this time around, I can see our pattern emerge
Where we don’t talk for days and then pretend it never happened. 

Thank you for the safety you offered for so long
Thank you for the night time calls. 
Thank you for teaching me the valuable lessons
But I have to cut this cord