The woman in the rearmost seat had her hand reaching out to me across the aisle and I pushed myself back against the cabin wall beside my seat as I stared in terror, moving my head silently from side to side and my lips contorted in a grotesque effort to form the word 'no' but no sound would come. I wanted to scream aloud but my throat seemed paralysed with fear and suddenly, Pamela was there, in front of me, grabbing me and holding me by the shoulders.

“Karen, it's all right, it is your mind playing tricks! Close your eyes and breathe!”

I did as I was told and took several deep breaths, slowing my heart again and pushing the fear away.

When I opened my eyes again, to my concern, the woman was still there only now, she was standing beside Pamela, her face sad and her mascara in streaks down down her perfectly smooth cheeks.

I gulped back the lump which had formed instantly in my throat,

“Jemima, is it really you?” I whispered, allowing myself to relax back into my seat.

She nodded and smiled a weak smile as Pamela Barnes released my arms and helped me to my feet, standing to one side to let me out into the aisle.

I stepped quickly past her and threw my arms around this wonderful vision before me, this gorgeous woman whom I had not seen nor heard from since she left the hospital so many weeks before.

Pamela allowed us to remain locked in each others arms whilst she opened the passenger door and waited whilst an airport handler placed a small step frame against the fuselage.

We were careful not to let too much emotion show, we were 'only friends' after all, to anyone other than those who already knew differently and, whilst Pamela was a friend, she was also my Training Officer and I couldn't risk her suspecting anything that might be frowned upon.

I stepped back and stood in front of Jemima, holding both her hands like a long lost friend.

“I'm sorry I reacted so badly,” I told her. “I wasn't expecting to see you here and my mind took me back to the day of the crash. It is something I have to learn to control.”

She released my hand and dabbed away the mascara from her cheeks, making herself as presentable as possible.

“I know, I have been following your progress closely,” she smiled, “I didn't really understand just how sick you have been until now though.”

“You have? How?” I asked her, more than a little surprised as I thought I had been pretty inconspicuous whilst in France.

“Not now,” she whispered in a conspiratorial sort of way, “I will explain later but I will be staying nearby for a few days until you are settled... If you want me to, of course.”

The last few words she added as though it were possible that I may not wish her to stay with me.

“But, how... well, yes, of course I would. Thank you.” I stumbled over the sentence as so many questions were waiting for answers but I waited. There would be time for that later.

The steps were now in place and Pamela returned to us.

“I had better warn you, Karen, that there will be a small presence of journalists and photographers when you get to the arrivals hall. If you cannot face them we will go through one of the hangers and out the back way.”

“Oh gosh,” I gasped. I hadn't really thought about that. “No, I will be all right,” I continued, “As long as I can freshen up first?”

“I think we can arrange that,” she grinned, “There is the crew rest room before the main hall so we will use that.”

I took my small suitcase and followed her and Jemima down the steps and across to the crew entrance just a few yards away where we slipped unnoticed into the rest room.

It was deserted, I was pleased to see, and I went straight into the 'Ladies' and looked at my reflection in the long mirror. I let out a sigh and hoped that the others were not in too much of a hurry. I could see quite a bit of touching up needed to be done.

I remembered, suddenly, how tightly I had gripped the armrests and immediately looked down at my nails. I breathed a big sigh of relief . There was only minimal damage, nothing that a nail file couldn't sort out.

At that moment, Pamela joined me and saw me staring at my nails.

“I brought these with me,” she said, holding up a pair of white cotton gloves and smiling broadly, “Remember them?”

“Yes,” I giggled, “I do and I'm pleased to say I won't be needing them but you do seem to think of everything, Pamela.”

“Oh, I have been doing this job for a long time, Karen.” she smiled.

I stepped towards her and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“I have a lot to be grateful to you for, thank you.”

“You have no need to thank me,” she replied, “You did all the hard work and you will do it again, I know. You have been the strongest and best Stewardess I have ever had the pleasure to train and I will do whatever I can to help you get your confidence back, don't you worry.”

For the next thirty minutes, the three of us concentrated on getting our make-up perfect. Pamela didn't need anything but she helped me get straightened out whilst Jemima attended to her own smudged face until, finally we were ready to face the world.

Pamela looked carefully into my eyes.

“All right then,” she said gently, “Ready?”

I looked across to Jemima who smiled and gave me a little wink.

“Yes,” I replied, “I am.”

In the arrivals hall, the journalists and photographers were waiting and , as soon as we appeared, bulbs began popping and shouts of 'over here' and 'Miss Farmer'.

I put on my most confident walk, held myself erect and smiled sweetly for them as questions such as 'How do you feel now?' and 'Will you be flying again soon?' came at me from all sides.

I smiled sweetly at them but said nothing.

Pamela, sensing my discomfort, fended off the questions with her own statement.

“Gentlemen, please, give her little space. A press conference has been arranged for tomorrow nd we will anwer your questions then.”

Finally we were through and outside a car was waiting. I smiled and waved to the following photographers as we pulled away. Only then could I relax and breath easily once again.

I had never in my whole life been the centre of so much attention and I really wasn't too sure if I liked it.

Pamela looked at me.

“I am sorry about springing the press conference bit on you like that but you know how they are. They need to know everything as soon as possible.”

“I sort of guessed there would be something,” I confessed. “The company had mentioned it whilst we were planning my recovery so it wasn't a total surprise. I just hadn't given it much thought.”

I sat quietly for a moment and then continued.

“Pamela, that flight...” I began, “It was the most terrifying time of my whole life. Even worse than the night when they bombed the factory.”

She didn't comment but waited patiently whilst my mind churned over the thoughts.

“What if I cannot conquer those fears? What if I can't fly again?”

“Karen, you can't think that way. There is plenty of time and you musn't rush. Just concentrate with getting back to normal. I will help you all the way.” She took my hands and raised them. “You did it once, you can do it again. Tomorrow, after the press conference, we will be having meeting with the managers to discuss what we do about getting you fully fit again. In the meantime, you should rest and settle back into your own home.”

The car took a little time to get to my home in New Cross and I realised that life here had gone on as normal whereas, for me, time had been standing still.

Eventually, the car pulled up on front of my house and we all got out. The car, however, didn't leave.

“On the flight over, Mrs. Rana, and I discussed this moment,” Pamela said. “She said that if you were agreed she would remain here to help you settle and then stay in a nearby hotel for the the time being, Is that all right?”

I agreed, relieved a little that I wouldn't be immediately alone.

“All right, I will see you tomorrow then and, after the conference, we will discuss your return. The car will be here at Ten,” and, with that, she took her leave of us and returned to the car, waving goodbye as it pulled out into the traffic.

A short flight of stone steps led up to the front door and I stood at the bottom looking up. It appeared exactly as it did when I closed it behind me on that fateful day in June. There were a few leaves from the trees on on the top step but, other than that, nothing had changed.

Slowly, step by step, Jemima and I went up to the door and I pushed my key into the lock and turned it, pushing the solid wooden door inwards. It moved a little and then resisted any further movement. I pushed a little harder and realised that there was a pile of letters on the floor behind it.

Once inside I closed the door behind us and stood looking down the hallway. Somehow, it didn't feel like home any more. It was as I had left it, of course but now it felt like a time capsule, a remnant of my old life, a life which I now desperately wanted to leave behind.

I didn't spend much time there anyway, since becoming a stewardess. It had become little more than a sleeping place. All the furnishings had been my parents and most of the pictures and ornaments were my mother's.

I remained motionless, staring down the hall towards the kitchen at the far end. I could see my parents arguing and my father raising his hand to my mother. I could hear the shouting and swearing but they were not illusions, tricks my mind was playing, they were just memories, memories I wanted to erase but, for as long as I remained in this house, would be impossible to forget.

“Karen?” I heard the soft voice behind me query, “Are you all right”

I reached back and Jemima took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly and stroking it with her thumb and at that moment, a penny dropped.

“It was you!” I exclaimed, turning to face her.

“What was?” she frowned.

“On the flight back. It was your hand I could feel on mine, soothing me!”

She smiled.

“Yes, it was but it didn't seem to do any good.”

“Oh Jemima, on the contrary it helped my sanity immeasurably!” I exclaimed, “I just assumed it was Pamela but either way, just knowing there was someone there to help me gave the strength to fight..”

“I did hope so, I really did,” she replied, “I didn't seem to help when you saw me sitting there though, did I?”

“That wasn't your fault, Silly,” I chided her. “How were you to know that something so simple would upset me? I'm afraid my mind is very fragile at the moment but I am recovering. It was just that I have seen that vision of you so many times and I didn't make the difference between reality and imagination.”

I stopped and hung my head as she continued to hold my hand then looked into her beautiful almond eyes.

“I am damaged goods, Jemima. I will be a real handful. Maybe it would be better if you just walk away.”

She smiled and snorted.

“Maybe you are right, Karen. Maybe I should save myself an awful lot of trouble and leave you to it.”

I nodded sadly and released her hand, letting my gaze drop back to the floor.

“I said maybe, Karen,” she repeated, taking my hand again in hers and raising my chin with her other. “I have seen with my own eyes what you have to fight against and I have no intention of leaving you to fight it alone. I have spent my whole adult life fighting and so have you. I never ever knew anyone so selfless and caring as you and I want to fight alongside you, for as long as you want me!”

My heart seemed to want to fly as she spoke those words. At last I had found someone who wanted what I wanted, offering me a life, a new start and a way forwards.

“Oh, yes, Jemima,” I whispered, “I do want you. More than I have ever wanted anyone...”

She smiled and leaned towards me, pressing her soft, warm lips against mine. I responded eagerly, accepting her. It felt so natural and I dropped my case to the floor and wrapped my arms around her and kissed her like I had never kissed before, with real love.

When the kiss had run its course, we remained locked in each others arms, tears of joy streaming down both our faces until, at last, we stepped back and stared at each other. I began to laugh and it seemed to spread from deep within me. It must hve been contagious because then she began laughing too. She didn't ask why I was laughing, I suppose she found it obvious but suddenly I had something to laugh about. I felt free and, for the first time that I could remember, I was truly happy.

Finally, we stopped and just remained looking at each other. I was the first to speak.

“Jemima...” I said said slowly, “Where are you staying?”

“Oh, erm, a public house just round the corner, The Marquis of Granby. Do you know it?”

“Yes, I know it, I have been in there several times but I didn't know it was a hotel too!” I replied, somewhat taken aback.

“Actually, It isn't...” she retorted, somewhat sheepishly. “They have many unused rooms and, for a price, the landlord has allowed me to use a couple of them. I hope you don't mind but what is the use of having money if I don't take advantage of it?”

“I don't mind,”I laughed lightly, “As long as you understand that I do not want your money. I pay my own way, Yes?”

She smiled.

“Yes, all right, but that doesn't mean I can't spoil you sometimes!”

I held her close once more and then stepped back and returned my gaze to the hallway ahead of us. It seemed to stretch out into the distance and the stairs which began beside it seemed as unassailable as Mount Everest.

I turned back to her.

“Jemima,” I whispered, “I can't say here. It's not my home any more.”

She frowned with incomprehension.

“What do you mean, not your home?” Don't you live here?”

“Yes, it is my house but it is not my home any more. It is full of my past. My mother, my father, as he used to be, when he was sick. There are no happy memories here, only sad ones.”

We both stood looking at the pictures on the wall, the décor, the photographs on the small hall stand at the bottom of the stairs. Photos of me and my mum, none of my dad.

Jemima frowned and thought and suddenly she smiled.

“I have an idea!” she suddenly blurted out, “Decorate it!”

“Decorate it?” I queried, startled at the sudden outburst, “What difference will that make?”

“Change it! You don't need to leave it, just obliterate all the old memories, make it different.”

She was excited now. “Clear everything out and start anew!”

“Oh, yes, that's easy for you to say!” I laughed, “You have money. I can't afford to replace all this stuff!”

“Look, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it but we can do something together, you'll see.”

She squeezed my hand again.

I looked around again and smiled to myself. It did seem like a good idea.

“Hmm, all right,” I agreed then looked at her directly.. “But what about tonight? The thought of being alone here is giving me the creeps and I don't like it. This is my home and I am afraid of it., afraid of the ghosts.”

“Ghosts?” She looked puzzled, “You believe in... Oh, yes, of course, sorry. You mean the memories.”

I nodded.

“Do you think... I mean, is it possible that I... well, you know...” I couldn't get the words out. I didn't really know her so well but I couldn't stay here, not even for one night.

She frowned, not understanding, and tilted her head to one side, questioning without words.

“Couldn't I stay with you?” I blurted out, “Just for tonight, until I find a room somewhere?”

“Oh, well, I... erm, I don't know,” she stammered awkwardly. “I would love you to, of course but there is only one bed and the landlord...”

“Friends stay together all the time, Jemima... Oh! I'm sorry, I just thought...” I hung my head realising that she didn't see me that way, that she saw me as just an acquaintance after all.

Taking my face in her hands, she lifted my head to face her own and looked straight into my eyes.

“Listen to me, young Lady!” she said, firmly but gently, “I know what you are thinking and you couldn't be further from the truth. Have you forgotten? I almost died trying to find you and I am not going to give you up now!”

I said nothing but allowed her to continue, gazing into her hypnotic dark brown eyes as they flitted back and forth across mine.

“You said yourself that the landlord knows you.”

“Yes,” I interrupted her, “But only as I was...”

She stopped me with a little kiss.

“Yes, but do you want him to guess about us? Now? Before we even get to know about ourselves, about each other?”

I knew she was right and let my shoulders stoop resignedly.

“No,” I sighed, “I suppose not.”

“No,” she repeated, “ Definitely not.”

“But I can't stay here, Jemima. Not yet anyway and it is late. How will I find a room at this hour?”

She breathed out in exasperation and stared at me, unmoving, except for her eyes, as though she was searching for an answer until, finally, she seemed to concede defeat.

“All right,” she said slowly, “How would it be if I stay here with you?”

I opened my mouth to speak but again, she planted her lips upon mine, stopping any utterance I may have been about to make.

“Just for tonight,” she said quietly. “We must take things slowly, Karen. These feelings are as new to me as they are to you and besides, I have to consider your health. You have to be strong again and regain your own life.”

“Thank you, Jemima,” I whispered, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Oh, don't thank me yet,” she replied, “We have a difficult and, hopefully, long journey ahead and neither of us knows what awaits us.”

To be continued...