The corridor ahead was not long at all but to me it felt endless and stretched far away into the distance. The effort required to raise my feet and place one in front of the other was becoming greater with each step. The air was becoming thin, or so it seemed, and each and every breath became more and more laboured as my heart beat strongly, thudding inside my chest so loudly I was sure it could be heard all around the airport. I was climbing a mountain and, right now, I felt that in the truest sense.

Suddenly, I stopped! There, right in front of me was the glass panelled door that opened out onto the apron, the outside, my new life. I stood still, looking out through the window at the vast expanse of concrete where the aeroplanes parked, awaiting their cargo of passengers, rich people, business people and... me.

Using every ounce of strength left in me, I raised my arm, gripped the handle and slowly pressed it down until the door was released and I pulled it inwards.

An arm appeared from behind me and held the now wide open door for me to pass through.

My mind in a haze, I stepped out onto the concrete where, standing in the bright sunshine, I saw her, as immaculately dressed as I was, in the company's smart scarlet uniform. Pamela Barnes.

She was smiling broadly and stepped forward I was a little startled as she greeted me. Not with a hand shake as was her normal way but threw her arms around me in a hug. I put my free arm lightly around her trim waist until she released me.

“I am so pleased to see you, Karen!” she gushed, “You look great. Just as I knew you would. I have been following your progress every inch of the way.”

My fears seemed to diminish as she spoke and my head cleared as my thoughts were diverted for a time.

“Hello Pamela,” I returned her greeting, “I am so pleased you are here, where is the aeroplane?”

I looked beyond her, searching for a shining silver DC-3 but I couldn't see one.

“Just over there.”

She indicated a small De Havilland Dove with the name 'Silver City' marked above the top of the cabin wimdows.

It was a small, twin engined executive aircraft with just eight seats. I knew TEA didn't own any of these so I thought I must be mistaken.

“Where?” I asked her, “I don't see it.”

“Oh, sorry, of course you won't know,” she smiled, “It is the Dove. TEA chartered it to take some of the directors to Paris so they decided to use it to take you home.”

“Oh, I see.” I replied and then realised that I would not know the pilots. I wondered if they had been briefed about me or they just thought I was another company employee travelling home unscheduled.

I turned to the others.

“Do you mind if we say goodbye here?” I asked them, a lump forming in my throat at the prospect of leaving them.

“No, that will fine,” Françoise said, “I am sure we all understand.” She looked at my dad and Doctor Harlow. They both nodded agreement.

“Well, goodbye, Doc,” I imitated his American accent first then continued with my normal voice. “I have been very lucky to have you here when I needed someone.” I kissed his cheek and then gave him a little hug.

“I only helped, Karen. You did all he work, I just guided you,” he replied modestly.

“You know it was more than that,” I argued, “Thank you.”

“Take care and stay strong, Honey,” he answered, “You'll be OK”

He stepped back and I turned to my dad.

“The good doctor is right to believe in fate, Dad. Without the disaster, I may never have found you.”

I wiped the beginning of a tear from his eye and he pulled me close to him. I closed my eyes for a minute, holding the father I had always dreamed of.

“Don't stay away too long, Karen and make sure you write and tell me all about everything you do.”

“I promise,” I replied, releasing him and turned to Françoise.

“I don't know what to say, Françoise,” I told her, my eyes moistening, “I owe you, and your family, my life.”

She took my hand in hers.

“You owe us nothing, Karen,” she said. “The first time I saw you, I knew you were special and you have proved me right. You have brought a breath of fresh air to my family. I think meeting you has been as good for us as it was for you.”

I put my arms around her and held her so tightly as she did with me. I could feel my body trembling inside... or was it? For a moment I felt Françoise was too!

“You look after her,” I said, finally, to my dad, “She is one in a million.”

“You do not need to worry about us, Karen. You concentrate on getting well and get back here to visit.”

Silence fell as none us knew what to say and so, I smiled and turned away towards the Chief Stewardess. She was deep in conversation with Doctor Harlow who had passed her a small package.

They broke off as soon as they saw I was ready and Pamela quickly dropped the hand holding the package to her side, almost as though she was hiding it.

“The aeroplane is ready as soon as you are, Karen,” she said and I nodded then turned back to Françoise and my dad, my eyes brimming with moisture as I picked up my case.

I mouthed 'bye-bye' and quickly turned and hurried alongside Pamela towards the little Dove waiting patiently in the afternoon sunshine.

I couldn't look back as we approached, if I did, I wouldn't leave so I clenched my teeth and stared straight ahead towards the door at the rear of the cabin.

At that point, I felt nervous and sad but nothing else.

As we walked, Pamela explained that they sent the Dove because it was so different to the DC-3 that I was used to. The Directors hoped it would help to allay my fears with its unfamiliar layout and would give me the chance to fly again without the added reminders.

I couldn't help but be impressed. TEA was a small airline which I had always been happy working for but I had never realised that they could be so understanding. I doubted whether any of the big airlines would have been so patient.

Françoise never told me any of the details about what passed between her and the airline, hoping to encourage my recovery and not add to the already bitter memories locked inside my head.

At the door, I stopped with my foot on the bottom step. I felt an invisible and unwelcome force holding me back, like strong hands gripping my arms. I could see inside the cabin and the back of the rearmost seats. I took a breath and pushed forward but I couldn't move.

“Karen, are you all right?” I heard Pamela's gentle words through the mist of confusion.

I didn't answer her but nodded almost imperceptibly and, once again, pushed myself forwards, taking another step towards the forbidding doorway.

The fear was building steadily and I clenched my teeth even tighter, pushing away the demons, telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of but my muscles were in the grip of some supreme force and it was taking all my strength just to breathe.

I knew that my dad, Françoise and the doctor were watching my every movement and with the images of their encouragement echoing inside my head I took that final step through the door and into the small cabin.

Once again I felt Pamela lightly touch my arm for encouragement. They were right, the images that plagued me previously did not reappear as the cabin was so different in appearance. It was brighter and just four seats either side of a central aisle and yet, I was terrified!

There was no single thing that upset me but the terror was crushing my chest like a vice. My eyes stared wildly about and my jaw muscles were as tight as bow string. I kept repeating the words to myself, 'it's all right, it's all right' over and over but still my whole frame vibrated violently.

Pamela silently took my case, prising the handle gently but firmly from my insane grip and placed it in the rack above my seat.

I was barely aware of her guiding me to the rearmost seat opposite the door, of her taking my jacket and fastening my safety belt. My mind was engaged one hundred percent with fighting against the terror that was trying to destroy me.

I jumped uncontrollably as Pamela closed the passenger door with a thump but dare not take my eyes from the rear of the seat in front. This was not going to beat me! I was strong, determined to live on!

I flinched and gripped the armrests so tightly that I must have left marks on them as first one, and then the other engine burst into life and then, as the pilot released the brakes and the little plane began to move slowly off the apron towards the runway I could no longer control myself and let out a quiet moan.

“Ohhh...”

I felt a hand touch mine, rest on top of it and squeeze gently, reassuringly. Pamela should have been in her own seat but my eyes were still fixed manically on the rear of the seat in front of me and nothing at all was going to change that!

The little Dove began it's take off run along the runway, its small Gypsy Queen engines droning at maximum throttle as it picked up speed. Outside, the airport flashed past the window but I was oblivious and gripped the arm rests ever more tightly until surely, something would break but nothing did and the hand kept a firm grip upon mine, its thumb gently stroking.

The cabin suddenly tilted as we lifted into the air and I jumped again as the undercarriage retracted with a thump. At last we were airborne and once we had reached cruising height I released my grip a little, allowing the blood to flow back into my fingertips. I tried to shut out everything around me and so, closed my eyes but, as soon as I did, the images of my last flight began to replay in my head, the vibrations, the engine fire. With my eyelids closed as tightly as a pressure cooker lid I told myself that all was well, tried my damnedest to cast out those images and convince myself they were just memories. It started to work and I began to relax a little. Not much but it was a start until, without warning, the little plane dropped suddenly!

I screamed as I felt the plane dive, the pilots trying to extinguish the blazing engine and I screwed up my eyes waiting to die.

“Karen! Karen! It's all right, Sweetheart, just an air pocket, a little turbulence!” Pamela's soothing but worried voice cut through the panic. I began to breathe again and realised that my fingers were again digging into the armrest.

I took a deep, shaking breath, expanding my lungs and renewing my resolve only I couldn't stop the shaking.

“Here, drink this, it will help,” I heard her gentle voice say and realised that the hand which was upon mine no longer was.

I opened my eyes, still afraid to look anywhere but the back of the seat in front and saw Pamela's arm in its scarlet sleeve, her hand holding a glass of water. I took it, thanking her with a tremulous voice and gulped down the cool clear water. It tasted a little odd but it helped and I released the empty glass back into her hand.

“Thank you,” I whispered gratefully but within minutes I began to feel tired, a little woozy even and I lay back and rested my head against the back of the seat. Suddenly, all my woes seemed insignificant, my muscles relaxed and and I was calm. Everything now seemed so far away, The sounds of the engines faded to a background accompaniment and my fears dissolved. For the first time I felt... well... nothing and it was wonderful.

Gradually, my eyes closed and I drifted off into a strange, dreamless half-sleep where I was aware of the sounds around me but I felt calm though helpless and, more importantly, relaxed and without fear.

In my dreamlike state I could hear voices nearby but I was too sleepy to understand what they were saying.

In what seemed like no time but in reality was probably a couple of hours I felt the aircraft begin to descend. Suddenly I was alert! What was happening? I sat up try to be alert but my brain was still a little befuddled.

Pamela had seen me move and was beside me instantly.

“Hey now, don't worry, Karen. We are beginning the descent into Croydon. We will be down shortly and you will be home.”

“What is wrong with me?” I slurred the words slightly as I didn't seem to have full control of my thoughts and muscles.

“I'm sorry, I really am,” Pamela replied with an apologetic air. “Your Doctor gave me something to relax you if you got too afraid and became agitated.”

“What!” I exclaimed, “You drugged me?”

“Yes, sorry. Sodium Pentothal, in your water,” she winced apologetically.

“Sodium Pentothal!” I repeated, “That's what they use in asylums to calm the really bad cases! Is that what I am? So out of my mind that I have to be given mind bending drugs?”

Pamela looked alarmed but maintained her usual professional persona.

“No, Karen,” she replied gently, “Your doctor explained what happened last night and this flight was a huge step for you. We couldn't risk you trying to get out whilst in the air but also, it was better for your own state of mind.”

She looked so apologetic I couldn't be angry.

“Well, I suppose it was for the best and I was scared witless, if I am honest.”

She smiled as she breathed a sigh of relief and then something occurred to me and I frowned at her.

“Is that what Doctor Harlow gave you as I was saying my goodbyes?”

She nodded and simply replied yes and I closed my eyes and let my head flop back against the headrest, still a little weary as the last of the drug gradually dissipated from my system.

As I recovered I gradually became aware that we were still descending and, through the window, I could see the ground getting nearer, streets and houses flashing by, although still some way below.

As I watched, I could see the wing and engine, its propeller a disc as it spun.

What was that? A flash of yellow from the front of the big, round cowling. My heart skipped a beat. Fire!

I rubbed my eyes as my whole body began to tense and looked again. Nothing. The propeller was still spinning in front of the small slim nacelle.

I closed my eyes tightly, still aware of the gradual descent but still I could see it, the big round silver engine, the three motionless propeller blades and the smoke, black smoke streaming across the wing.

Once again I felt my heart thumping with a power far beyond its norm and a scream, forming as though from within, building, trying to burst out but I held my teeth tightly closed, stifling it, controlling it, knowing it for what it was, an irrational fear that I had to defeat at all costs, my very sanity at stake!

Once again, I felt the hand upon mine and I realised that I was again, gripping the armrests with tremendous strength.

“Please get to your seat and be safe, Pamela,” I tried so hard to tell her but the words remained inside my head, nothing more than a thought trying to escape.

I dared once more to open my eyes and look at the wing, forcing myself to overcome the demons that were fighting so hard to destroy me. With my eyelids straining to remain closed I forced them apart with every ounce of willpower I could muster. The little, three bladed propeller was still spinning freely without even a hint of smoke.

Slowly, I began to regain control of my breathing but it was so warm and stifling in the cabin and I felt clammy and the faint aroma of Gasoline made me feel sick. Again that horrible feeling of uncontrollable terror began to claw at my insides and began to rise from the pit of my stomach and I tried to tell myself that it was still my mind playing tricks but still, the smell grew in intensity and I could feel myself perspiring in the heat. I gripped the armrest with the the strength of one possessed and squirmed in my seat, eyes screwed tightly closed as I fought the battle against the demons in my head and, slowly, the demons began to gain the upper hand. I forced open my eyes and, once again I stared at the huge, round cowling, three silver blades, motionless, black oily smoke billowing from the vents back over the top of the wing and the ground rising rapidly to meet us.

“No!” I screamed inside my head, “No, it is not on fire. It is memories, just memories...!” and I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again. Still the ground was getting nearer, buildings, roads, trees, parks all getting bigger but the little pointed cowling in front of the wing was clean, its three small blades flashing in the low sun as they spun freely and even from the short exhaust pipe there was not a hint of smoke.

“Quickly, drink this!” Pamela's urgent voice. “I have to strap in!”

“No!” I shouted, pushing her hand away, “No more sedatives, I can do this!”

“It's only water, I promise, now please, quickly, we will be touching down soon.”

I took the glass and gulped it down. It tasted clean and fresh and I began to feel the demons loosing their grip as the cool liquid moistened my mouth and flowed down my throat. I could feel it spread out inside my stomach, cooling and soothing.

Pamela took the empty glass and disappeared as quickly as she could back to her own seat where I heard the steel buckle of her safety strap snap together, securing her in her seat.

I jumped physically against the restraint of my seatbelt and a small squeal escaped my lips from deep within me as, with a gentle bump, the pilots finally brought the tiny aircraft safely down to earth as they had done so many times before. I was pressed firmly against my belt as the brakes took a hold until the little Dove was travelling slow enough to taxi around to its designated parking place near to the terminal building.

The aeroplane stopped smoothly and the pilots shut down the engines and I waited until they were silent before I relaxed enough to release the armrests.

I opened my eyes, my heart beat beginning to slow to a more normal level and I was no longer roasting in my own juices. The smell of Gasoline had gone and all seemed peaceful..

I pulled back the release buckle and the two straps separated and fell to the sides. I felt free again.

Letting out a sigh I reached forwards to put my hand on the rear of the seat in front, ready to pull myself up and leave my seat but, as I did so, I caught sight of the seat across the aisle.

The beautiful young woman, leaning into the aisle amidst the the wreckage of the cabin.

“Oh dear God, NO!” I screamed, “Not again! Please no, not again!”

To be continued...