They say that vampires cannot enter your home without first being invited in. Now it seems I am the accursed one as Zoe steps aside and allows me to cross the threshold.

“Come in, Suzy.”

Now I must abandon all hope and surrender my soul because I am no longer in a state of grace. I feel as if I have sinned a great sin. Now my only hope is retribution and absolution. Here on this chair in all its tarnished metal and perished rubber and worn leather.

Is this a dream? It feels like a dream. The confusion and fear are certainly there, the dryness of the throat, the inability to run or walk or even scream. But, behind it all is the most fundamental sin of all, permitting someone to gain pleasure from my body, that bit of me which actually exists in the real world. The flesh, the bones, the blood and the hormones that have driven me to this room.

Now it begins, for protruding from the centre of the seat is the rounded white head of a Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. I understand what is required of me. I feel the cold leather of the chair against my bare bottom and I move so that the vibrator is pressed against my clitoris. I watch as my ankles are fastened, then my wrists. I offer no resistance, what would be the point? I am falling. I am always about to fall in my dreams.

Adjustments are made to the chair. My legs parted and raised. my hands secured. Leaning back now.

Zoe is stroking my forehead

"OK so far, Suzy?"

My answer has no meaning beyond the conventions of social conditioning.

"Yes thank you." Says the polite young woman who in reality very far from OK both in her own body and in her frantic mind.

A plane is flying overhead, it seems very loud. Maybe we are near an airport. Zoe is busy with her tray of instruments. My subjugation is so complete that I almost find myself offering to help. Now that the nipple clamps are on, real fear returns. Tighter now but I know there is far more in store for my naked helpless body. The clamps are joined by a chain and I know that any tension in the chain will increase the pain. I have a dull achy feeling inside me, in my womb. I breathe slowly, the way I was taught so that I don’t panic. I try and concentrate on Zoe’s bottom and legs as she lowers the blinds of her torture chamber and the only light from the spotlight over my head. Between my legs, the Hitachi comes alive. The clamps are tightened and my real agony begins. In the ceiling a camera whirrs and clicks. I guess somewhere in the building, Jenneke is watching everything. The camera tilts and refocuses as it records every moment and every detail of my torment.

Zoe's face appears above me. Her eyes are searching mine, perhaps looking for signs of panic.

"Let's take this up a notch, my little slut!"

This time, the tightening takes me beyond anything I had every known. Whimpering becomes screaming. Zoe waits for the tears.

I try and concentrate on me vibrator which is now on full power. I push myself against it hoping that a surge of pleasure will help my pain. I am shamelessly grinding now. It's beginning to cut through the chronic misery that has spread from my breasts to my entire being.

Then the bee stings me. White light, my whole. It's my perineum. I scream. The sun blots out the sky. The roaring of the huge vibrator is making my whole vulva a blur of unsurvivable sensation.

Pain comes in modes. There's the obvious application of the hurting, in its infinite variations. But the bigger player here is the suspension of pain. It's here that the confessions tumble out, the betrayals, the promises to do ANYTHING to avoid the return of the pain.

"Do it to Julia!" Says Winston Smith, as the rats press against the wire mesh that surrounds his face.

I look and see. It’s nothing more than a toy, with its absurd shape and colour. A short rod, a bulb-like tip and yet it's going down to my bottom and touching the puckered skin and it's pressing again and I cannot survive.

"Dolphins" I scream… (that’s my safe-word.)

My nipples are released, I don't watch. They will need time to recover.

"Good girl, Suzy," said Zoe. Then she said in her husky smoky voice, "Good decision."

Then she said, "Now, Little Suzy, just relax and let it happen."

I slide forward and let the vibe nestle against my sex. Suddenly, this is my time.

I don't know if you possess a Magic Wand, but you need to know it takes no prisoners.

Zoe was wonderful. She stroked my tummy. The ankle and wrist straps were gone.

She kissed my lips so gently and, almost like a midwife, helped me give birth to me very special orgasm. The period of labour was over. My body has done its best and as it shudders and spasms, at least, I know that I felt every part of it.

I'm finished now. There's no more left. Everything has been torn from me. I am nothing more than the collateral damage of extreme sex.

Zoe looked at me and I saw the precise moment when she saw I didn't want to leave. Our bodies betray us every time. Mine now decided to snuggle up to the smooth white bulbous head of my new lover. I pushed against it and it responded. So this is how it will be in the hidden world of the orgasm.  For Freud, pleasure nothing more than the release of tension, but for some, it’s a sacrament. That's what it is for me actually, a sacrament. I believe that it's at that moment, the crisis, the climax that is the moment we are truly ourselves, we are also psychologically and emotionally completely alone.

It’s enough. Perhaps the Hitachi was relieved too. I let myself be gathered up. Zoe is so lovely in the way she comforts me. Now it seems I am to be wrapped in a gown and no longer naked.

Zoe supports me as we climb the stairs and through the door and we are on the roof once again and I suddenly remember how it all began and everyone is there and they cheering and clapping their hands.

Justyna is there and she runs forward and we are together and kissing. Mila too I can see, and Jenneke and a woman I do not recognise but they are all smiling and clapping and drinking to me.

I sit down on a bench and my tears are flowing freely and Jenneke comes forward with a beautiful bouquet and she puts her arm around me and kisses me and I start crying all over again. Then Justyna is beside me.

“I am going to take you home now, Suzy.”

“Can Mila come too please?” I say.

“Yes of course she can.”

The End