“What do you mean, 'the door was open'?” Philip asked her, rather abruptly. “How could you possibly know that?”

Sam stared at him in terror. 

"I...I...”

Her mouth formed the words but there was no sound.

I couldn't bear to see her so terrified, I didn't want that and as Philip opened his mouth to berate her I put my hand on his arm.

“Getting angry won't help, Philip, she is terrified, can't you see?”

He closed his mouth without uttering a word and glared at me.

He must have noticed the moisture in my eyes and immediately his face softened.

“All right,” he said presently. “We'll do it your way.”

I could see though that he was far from happy.

“I'm sorry, Sam but Philip is right. You need to tell us why you were at the back door. This is serious but if you explain to us then I am sure that we can deal with it without any more trouble.”

I turned to Philip with pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

“Can't we?”

The words came out as a statement rather than a question and Philip merely nodded but his face was still angry.

“I didn't steal or damage anything, I promise...”

Sam's eyes were wide and flicked from one to the other of us wildly.

“Ssshhh... Sam. We are not accusing you of anything like that,” I said as gently as I could, “but you frightened me and I need to know what happened.”

I noticed that as she tipped the coffee cup to her lips, her hands were trembling quite uncontrollably.

She couldn't be dangerous, surely, I reasoned. Wouldn't she be cool and calm if she was deliberately wanting to hurt us?

I was finding this so difficult to do. My heart was pounding as though trying to burst out through my chest and my hands too were trembling. Just breathing was becoming such an effort.

“I missed you so much,” she began, so quietly that I could barely hear what she was saying.

“Go on,” I said, trying to remain calm and not panic her any further.

“After I met you for the last time I felt so bad at what I did that I wanted to die.”

The room remained silent, the air heavy with anticipation.

“I told my Mum everything. Oh, I know I said I had told her already but I only gave her the bare minimum. This time I told her absolutely everything.”

“I thought you said she had accepted us?” I asked incredulously. “I thought you said...”

“I know what you thought I said, Anna!” she snapped. “I know my mother. I told you she would be horrified and she was! She had been disappointed just with what I had told her but she tried hard not to be. When I told her everything she was disgusted. She called me a whore and a Jezebel. She said I was sick and that the things we did were unnatural!”

“But that's not true, Sam!” I cried, “It's not unnatural. Love is love whether between a man and a woman, between women or between men. Love is love!” 

"I told you!” she snarled, “My mother is highly religious and she doesn't agree with that sentiment at all!”

The moisture that was in my eyes finally welled up and spilled over my bottom lid, rolled down my cheeks and dripped from my chin onto my top.

Philip noticed and went to put his arm around me but I pushed him away angrily and wiped my eyes with a tissue.

Penny, watching all of us like a hawk turned to Sam.

“So what happened, Sam?” she asked gently, trying hard to keep everything civilised.

“I told her I would leave, find a flat or something but she wouldn't let me. I could see that she was deeply disappointed in me but she would never kick me out, not her only daughter.”

She looked up at Penny who smiled and indicated to her to go on.

“I couldn't take any more,” she continued, quietly again. “That night, when she was asleep I went down to the kitchen and cut my wrists but I was a coward and didn't cut them deeply enough and when she came down in the morning she found me and called an ambulance. I had lost some blood but not enough to die.”

I was stunned into silence, my heart totally destroyed. The whole room seemed to be fading as my body went numb with shock. What the hell had I done to this poor girl?

She seemed to have withdrawn into herself now and was talking, not to us but as though to herself as she continued.

“Over the next weeks as I recovered, I saw counsellors who tried to 'cure' me but a broken heart cannot be cured that easily. I tried so hard to get you out of my mind but you wouldn't leave. I just kept thinking of you happily reunited with your husband whilst I had no-one.”

She stopped suddenly and took a breath. Her words were ringing in my ears and the tears ran freely now.

What kind of a vile person had I become?

“A few days ago I saw the two of you at the station...”

“So it was you!” I gasped.

“Yes, it was me!” she retorted. “I had to go to Birmingham again and I saw the two of you boarding the London train. You looked so happy, as though you didn't have a care in the world and there was I struggling just to stay sane!”

I opened my mouth to protest, to explain but nothing would come out and I just sat dumb with my head moving slowly side to side and the tears still streaming.

“I wanted to shout to you, to run to you but I had to remain in control. I tried to pretend that I hadn't seen you but when I returned from the trip I came here, to see Penny. I told her that you shouldn't...”

She stopped suddenly and stared at Philip. His jaw was rippling as he clenched his teeth, trying his utmost not to get angry but I could see it in his eyes. He hated her!

“I told her that you should be with me,” Sam went on, her voice little more than a whisper as she stared at the floor.

Penny sat beside her and gently caressed her arm.

“It's all right, Sam,” she said. “No-ones going to get angry... Are they?” she added directly to Philip who just shook his head in silent agreement.

After taking a deep breath to compose herself and wiping the tears from her face, she continued.

“I was so angry but after a few hours sleep I came back to apologise for being so selfish and stupid. Honestly Anna, I did try, I promise I did.”

I nodded, wiping away my own tears and blowing my nose.

“I know you did, Sam and I am so sorry I did this to you. I...”

My voice trailed away as I caught sight of my husband from the corner of my eye and shut my mouth immediately.

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you, Anna but then I think about...”

She too stopped as she looked across at Philip.

The veins in his neck were pulsing as he tried desperately to contain himself.

“All this is very well, Sam,” he said, “ and I do have some sympathy for you but tell us about what happened yesterday and why you were at our house.”

His words came out with a great amount of difficulty I could see but I had to give him credit for remaining in control. I was not so sure that, had the roles been reversed I would have been so reasonable.

“When I left Penny for the second time I had to go into town and as I inadvertently drove passed your house I spotted your car in the drive and I stopped, having no knowledge about your life at home. I just wanted to see how you lived.”

“All right, I accept that,” Philip said quite reasonably, “But wasn't that enough for you?”

Sam didn't even look up at him. Once again she had withdrawn into herself as though speaking her memories.

“I returned the following day, yesterday. I didn't know you were coming back that night. I parked the car along the street so it wouldn't attract any attention and went to look through the window. Again, I didn't mean any harm. I just wanted to be a part of your life, just for a moment. I tried to look through the front room window but you had half closed the blind and I couldn't see in so I went around the back.”

I stared at her totally enthralled by her story.

“At the back, I could see that your garden is very secluded... You have a nice garden, Anna,” she added. “I put my hand to the window, trying to see into your kitchen when I suddenly lost my balance and grabbed the door handle to steady myself. I didn't turn the handle but the door suddenly opened inwards and I fell over!”

I clapped my hand to my mouth but said nothing, silently willingly her to go on.

“I lay on the ground for a moment, just staring at the open door. My first thought was that you had been burgled and in a moment of madness decided to check. I didn't imagine for one minute that if you had been the criminals might still be inside.”

She paused and looked at the three of us in turn, waiting for some kind of reaction but we remained totally silent.

“I picked myself up and went inside. All was quiet as I walked through the hall and into your living room. Your house smelled so clean and fresh, Anna and I could feel you there, even though you were not.”

Another brief pause to wipe away more tears.

“It was then that a moment of madness took me and I went slowly upstairs. All thoughts of burglary were gone now, I just wanted to see where you slept. At the top of the stairs I looked into the first room but I felt it was probably the guest room, you know, no everyday items so I closed the door and crossed the landing. As soon as I opened that door I knew it was yours. Although it smelled fresh and clean I could smell your scent. Only very slightly but it was there.”

“You went in our room?”

I glared at Philip for saying that. I didn't want Sam to stop, I wanted to know everything and Philip making her nervous was not going encourage her.

Either Sam ignored him or was so lost in her explanation that she just didn't notice. Whichever it was, she continued.

“I felt just as I did when I first entered your room at the hotel, Anna only this time you weren't there. I didn't go further in, well, not right away. No, I just looked around. The scent bottles on your dressing table, the way you had made your bed so precisely with the pretty bedspread and matching pillow shams. By now I was no longer in control of my own mind and I went to your bed and lay on it. I could tell which side was yours, of course, because of the things on the bedside table you see, your things, Anna.”

I was watching her intently. My tears no longer flowed freely and it was as if the whole room was plunged into darkness, the only light was that which illuminated her and, as her tale unfolded it was as though I was in that room with her.

“I don't know what came over me,” she went on, “I had totally lost my mind. I got off the bed and went over to the wardrobe. I opened the doors and saw your clothes hanging neatly, the same outfits you wore when...”

She looked at Philip for a moment but he didn't respond.

I closed my eyes and I could see her standing there, in my room, looking at my clothes. I wasn't sure now whether what I saw in my mind was exactly what she was saying. Her voice was now lost to me as I withdrew entirely into my own thoughts.

I could see her as clearly as though I had been standing behind her as she leaned forwards and slid open the top drawer of the four inside the wardrobe. My underwear drawer!

For a moment or two she just stood looking down into and then she saw a glimpse of blue, a blue that she recognised straight away and, burrowing through the other items took out the matching bra, pants and suspender set that I had bought especially to wear for her.

Slowly, she raised them to her face, breathing in the scent of clean washing, holding the soft fabric against her cheek.

Suddenly, she turned and lay them out on the bed, looked down at them and then slipped her woollen top over her head. Reaching behind her back, she unfastened the clasp of her bra and allowed it to fall to the floor with her jumper.

Now I understood! She was going to put on my lingerie!

Sure enough, she picked up the bra, fastened it in front of her and then twisted it around.

Sam's breasts were a little larger than mine and the cups were too tight for her but she didn't seem to notice as she adjusted herself into it.

When she was satisfied she unbuttoned the waistband of her black pleated skirt, lowered the zip and stepped out of it then pushed down her panties to step out of those too.

Once more she pressed my panties to her face before stepping into them and pulling them up around that beautiful sweet bottom that I loved so much.

“I was out of control with love and lust...” I heard her saying through the haze that seemed to envelope me.

She didn't look for the matching sheer blue stockings but instead, left the blue/black lace straps hang loosely from the belt.

Inside the wardrobe door a full length mirror was attached and she stood in front it, staring.

“I didn't see me there,” she said as though from afar, “I saw you, Anna. I saw just you. Wanting me, beckoning me.”

Sam's hand was inside the waistband of those beautiful boyfriend pants, her fingers stroking between the slick flesh of her labia, dipping inside herself and rubbing back and forth.

I was oblivious to everything around me. I could no longer hear her voice, or so I thought but her words were forming such clear pictures in my subconscious.

I watched her as she walked over to the bed and lay down, once again on my side, her hand still between her long legs.

Once settled she closed her eyes and slipped her other hand inside the bra to caress her own breast, teasing her nipple as her fingers delved inside her, slick with the moisture that she had created.

She looked so beautiful lying there, upon my bed wearing the lingerie that I had bought to look my best for her and I could imagine her clearly, masturbating gently. I could even remember her wonderful scent and my nostrils seemed to fill with it.

I must have made a sound, some kind of small murmur perhaps as Philip suddenly looked at me, his face a mixture of anger and confusion.

Sam was still speaking though, unaware.

“I realised after... after... well, afterwards, when I regained my senses what a stupid thing I had done! I dressed as quickly as I could but I had got some... I had soiled your panties so I went down to the kitchen hoping that you would have some kind of freshener and I found a spray bottle under your sink. I sprayed the bed and your beautiful lingerie, returned it to the drawer and re-made the bed very carefully.”

For the first time she paused to take a deep breath.

“As I straightened the sheets I heard a car pull up outside, a taxi! I ran down the stairs, stopping only to return the freshener to its place under the sink. It was then that I heard the front door open! I couldn't let you catch me, you would have been so angry. I hadn't turned any lights on so I knew you couldn't have seen anything and I ran out into the garden. I closed the door as quietly as I could but it wouldn't stay closed, it just clicked and then swung open again. I tried once more but I was panicking so I left it and hid round the side of the house until I could be sure that you were inside and then ran as fast as I could back to my car.”

I looked at her, looked into her frightened staring eyes and my heart broke once again.

“I knew you had been there, Sam. As soon as I opened the bedroom door I knew.”

“Anna...” she whispered, “Please don't be angry with me. I know I did wrong and I can promise you it will not happen again. I have come to my senses now and I am so ashamed of what I have done...”

She began to sob heartily, her body shaking with despair.

I couldn't take any more. I had lied to myself and to Philip, to Penny even. I wasn't over her at all and now that I could see what I had done to her I knew that I would always be in love with her.

I too began to cry. I didn't know what to do any more.

Suddenly my fight or flee instinct kicked in and I jumped up and ran from the room. I ran down the hall and out through the front door.

I heard voices calling my name but they meant nothing, failed to penetrate my self-destructing thoughts.

I ran as hard as I possibly could along the garden path and past the Police car still parked in front of the house.

Behind me I could vaguely hear the voices still calling after me but they were so far away and vague.

I didn't know where the hell I was running to, I just had to get away as far as possible, to hide from the pain and anguish I had created.

“Anna, for heavens sake, stop!”

The words were lost on me. I heard nothing but the laboured pounding in my ears, felt nothing but the cold air in my wet eyes and on my wet cheeks.

I think I may have bumped into someone as I heard a gruff voice but I didn't stop running.

“ANNA!”