It was breaking my heart to see him. I knew he still loved me but he was a broken man and I don't think he liked me very much. I desperately wished I could go back in time and undo the damage I had done but, of course, that could never be and I had to do whatever I could to make amends, to win back his trust and be his love again.
I noticed that he no longer made eye contact now, wouldn't, maybe couldn't, look at me.
I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was he just going through the motions until I was well enough to take care of myself again or was he just trying to make an effort to get over what I had done to him?
That evening we sat in front of the television as we always did, me watching, him with his book. We had never enjoyed the same programmes so he let me watch whatever I wanted while he read and if there was anything he wanted to see he would record it to watch when I was at work. I had never thought about it before but we really did have very different tastes and as I looked at him I began to realise that we actually didn't have that much in common.
Whenever we went out shopping we generally went our separate ways and met again later and it made me wonder now, was this what had gone wrong? Had I now begun to want the things he just could not offer?
As I studied him, I realised that he had not turned a page in some time, was he too thinking about our future?
He looked up and peered at me over the top of his book.
Seeing me looking at him he gave a half hearted smile and quickly returned his attention to the pages in front of him but still didn't turn any.
The clock on the Mantel seemed to have stopped. It hadn't but I kept looking at it and each time the hands had hardly moved and even now, it was still only eight-thirty.
I sighed quietly to myself, this was unbearable.
“I think I will go up,” I said at last, “Do you mind?”
Philip lowered his book and looked at me over the top of his reading glasses.
“No, you go ahead. I will finish this chapter,” he said eventually, “Can I help you up the stairs.”
“No, I'll be fine,” I answered him as I pulled myself to my feet, “I have to get some strength back to help it heal.”
He nodded,
“All right, see you in the morning,” he replied.
I felt a lump rising in my throat and wanted to cry but no, I had to be strong so I just bid him goodnight and headed for the stairs.
What a hell of a day It had been and I was mentally and physically exhausted.
It was gone nine when I finally climbed into bed and pulled the duvet over me.
I hadn't bothered with all my usual ablutions, I just didn't care at that moment. I was going to sleep alone, not by choice and my mind didn't work any more so I sat on the edge of the bed, no thoughts, just dead inside slowly stripping away my clothes absent mindedly and throwing each garment in a heap on the floor.
Philip would have had a fit normally if I did that and, in all honesty, I would not normally do it but tonight? Tonight I had nothing left to even bother thinking about it as I slowly unfastened the buttons of my blouse, slipped it from my shoulders and dropped it casually to the floor.
My actions were slow and automatic, almost like a Zombie as I slowly lowered the zip of my long skirt and lifted first one cheek and then the other to slide it down and leave it in a heap around my feet.
Still staring towards the door, eyes glazed and unseeing, I reached behind and released the hooks of my bra letting gravity take care of it and shrugged it off to slip down my arms and drop unceremoniously on top of the increasing pile of discarded fabric on the carpet.
I sat for a while, nipples stiff with cold but I didn't really feel anything but a complete numbness inside until I flopped back, lifted my legs onto the mattress and covered myself with the duvet.
I lay in the darkness for what seemed like hours, just staring up at the ceiling until I heard Philip go into the spare room at the other end of the landing.
Unlike me, he still went to the bathroom, cleaned his teeth and whatever else men do before retiring.
The last sound I heard was the gentle, almost silent click of the door to the spare bedroom closing and I forced my eyes closed, desperately wanting to sleep.
In the darkness, I heard a sound, the sound of the door handle turning and the door opening.
“Philip?” I whispered.
“I can't bear it,” he said sadly, “I love you so much. I need you, Anna, I can't live without you.”
I could see only his silhouette in the darkness but I turned back the duvet, revealing my semi-nakedness to him, silently willing him to get in beside me so I could hold him once more.
As he walked towards the bed I saw the robe he was wearing fall to the floor and then he was there, beside me, the warmth from his body burning through the coldness I had felt inside and thawing the icy emptiness I had felt.
I turned to him and pulled him to me, pressing my lips against his and feeling his hardness pressing against my belly.
“I want you so much,” his whisper somewhat muffled with my lips against him.
His kiss was passionate in the extreme and I could feel his hand on my mound, fingers snaking inside the elastic of my pants.
Oh how I wanted him right now!
A heat was spreading throughout my whole body emanating from beneath his palm and I was wet, soaking wet not just down where his fingers were, slick with my emissions, but I was sweating profusely and trembling violently under his ministrations.
First one and then another of his fingers slipped inside me, making me gasp with pleasure and immense desire.
His hot lips left mine and he kissed my chin, my neck, down my throat and between my heaving breasts finally seeking out my straining nipple.
I gasped as he drew the stiffening flesh between his warm lips and my breathing became deeper and more laboured.
As his fingers explored my depths I tilted my hips, urging him deeper and he did not disappoint me, his fingertips scratching gently across the opening of my cervix as they bathed in the hot liquid excretions of my excitement.
My arms wrapped ever more tightly around him, pulling him closer and then, just as I felt my orgasm reaching its crescendo, he stopped, withdrawing his fingers and releasing my engorged nipple.
I lay still, not daring to move as he sat back and placed his hands upon my flanks, turning me.
I knew what he wanted and I followed his guidance, rolling slowly and with a little difficulty due to my cast, onto my front.
Almost immediately I could feel his hot breath in the small of my back and his lips touched gently upon the small indentations either side of my spine.
His kisses sent waves of pleasure coursing through me and I began to grind my hips against the soft mattress below.
I had no thoughts now, my head filled with the overwhelming sensations his lips were causing and my hand had found its way beneath me, finding the core of my desire and seeking out my straining nub.
I let my fingers play, moving gently at first but increasing the pressure and the speed as his soft lips found the curve of my buttocks and the start of the valley between them.
I was silent no longer, soft moans and rasping breaths escaping my lips as I raised my bottom to him.
The feeling was beyond compare, I wanted him, I needed him. I needed his sex, his love, his desire like I had wanted nothing else in my whole life.
Philip's strong hands covered my burning buttocks and his thumbs entered the valley, separating them and exposing the tight puckered opening hidden therein. I felt the heat of his breath as he kissed me there, lingering, licking, probing, pelvis tilting as his tongue ran across the thin membrane between my anus and vagina, opening for him, giving his urgent tongue access to both places as he desired.
I was so incredibly close now and, as his tongue brushed against my tightest place once again I cried out, gently willing him to enter me.
“Is this what you want, Anna? Is this what pleases you?”
The voice was not his!
“Sam?” I gasped as her lips kissed that so private place, “Sam? What... Mmm.”
I couldn't speak, the wondrous sensations her tongue caused as it pushed through that tight ring made me gasp out loud and whilst my own fingers pressed and rubbed against my clitoris she inserted two of her own inside my soaking pussy.