“Sam, wait! Come back... Please!” I shouted as she ran.

I tried to get to my feet but my cast made it difficult.

“Penny, stop her!”

Penny ran after her but it was too late, Sam was gone.

When she returned I begged her to follow her, to find and tell her how sorry I was.

“I can't, Anna,” she answered with a slight shake of her head, “I didn't see which way she turned at the end of the road. Do you know where she lives?”

I shook my head.

“No. I only have her number.”

I felt so sick now. First, I broke Philip's heart and now I had done the same to Sam. What kind of a monster was I?

Penny sat beside me.

“Anna, you are shaking!” she exclaimed but it seemed as though I was in a dream, her voice so distant and vague. I felt numb.

“I can't leave her...”

My words seemed to come from someone else. I felt so cold inside, dead.

“What!” I heard through the mist. “What about Philip?”

“I can't leave her. Not like that...”

I didn't even look at Penny but stared straight ahead trying desperately to cling to my sanity, a sanity that was rapidly deserting me.

I grabbed Penny's arm and she winced as I gripped her flesh with an unrealised strength.

“We have to find her! Anything could happen to her! You should have stopped her Penny, you shouldn't have let her go!”

“Anna!” she gasped, “I couldn't stop her. How was I to know she would react that way?”

I released her and dragged myself upright.

“Please Penny, we have to try!”

I was frantic. My heart was pounding like a hammer and I was struggling to breathe. In short, I was panicking and in my mind a multitude of images, a crashed car, her sweet body smashed and broken, her face covered in blood.

Penny looked hard at me for a moment and then sighed.

“All right,” she finally conceded. “You wait here. I'll see if I can find her.”

“She lives in Hartingfield, that's all I know.”

“Anna! That is twenty miles from here!”

I looked at her but could hardly see her now, she was vague and distant.

“Oh, All right,” she sighed and turned on her heel, grabbed her keys from the drawer and left without another word.

It was pointless trying to ring her but I tried anyway.

“Hi, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now...”

I hated that message more than ever. It gave a micro-second of hope and then instantly dashed it.

Suddenly I put my hand to my mouth and pulled myself to my feet, grabbing my crutches as I went and headed for the bathroom where I vomited with a force so violent that I thought my stomach would surely rupture and, when there was nothing remaining I still retched and heaved until my abdomen ached with the unprecedented effort it had been subjected to.

I tried to breathe slowly and control this overwhelming sensation of fear that had made me so sick until I was able to sit, relax a little and I turned, resting my back against the cold porcelain of the toilet bowl.

The nausea had faded now only to be replaced with a coldness so intense that I was totally unable to control the chattering of my teeth and the tremors that racked my whole body and, on top of all that my head was hurting so much that I couldn't bear the pain any more.

I curled up on the bathroom floor in as tight a ball as I could, trying to push away the thoughts and the pain and, once again, I wanted to die.

From what seemed a great distance, I heard a tune playing, a familiar tune. I listened through the pounding pain in my head until it stopped and then, it came to me! My phone!

The panic returned tenfold. What if it was Sam? Maybe she wanted to talk? Dammit, now she would think I wanted no more to do with her.

I dragged myself unsteadily up and hobbled back to Penny's living room, almost falling in my haste to get to the phone on the low glass coffee table.

I stared at the screen through blurry eyes, trying desperately to control my fingers which, at that moment, felt as though they belonged to someone else then swiped my finger across it, first one way and then the other, each time managing to open some application or another which I didn't want and all the time, that tiny missed call symbol at the top of the screen seemed to be screaming at me.

“Oh, damn you!” I yell at it as yet another email Application opened and filled the screen.

It must have been only a few seconds but to me, it felt like hours until, at last, the information I wanted, nay, needed, appeared on the small screen. The words 'missed call' and 'Mum' suddenly jumped out at me.

My heart dropped like a stone.

I loved my Mum dearly but at this particular time, she was just about the last person I wanted to talk to and I dropped the phone back onto the table with such a loud clatter that I physically jumped inside.

This tension was unbearable and I fell back onto the sofa, feeling the nausea beginning to return.

Penny had been gone almost an hour now but, to me, it had been an eternity.

I kept looking at my phone on the table but it remained exactly where it had fallen, silent and blank.

By carefully controlling my breathing and constantly telling myself to be strong, I had managed to remain relatively calm and hadn't vomited again but my insides were in knots and so, when the front door suddenly opened I screamed out loudly and stared at the door, frozen with fear.

“I found her, Anna.”

Penny's voiced was calm and to the point and, as she spoke, she stood to the side to allow Sam to pass through.

Pushing myself up from the sofa we faced each other with black mascara streaked faces and eyes filling with tears.

My bottom lip began to quiver and my throat ached as though there was a rock inside it.

“I'm so sorry, Sam, so, so sorry.”

She didn't reply and suddenly we were together, holding each other with such strength that I felt as though we were merging into one person.

“I'm sorry too,” she whispered into my neck and I could feel the warmth of her own tears as they dripped onto my shoulder.

Penny waited patiently and discretely by the door, allowing us a little space until I gently moved back, relaxing our embrace.

Sam took a deep breath.

“So what happens now?” she asked.

“We talk,” I said simply, “We work it out logically.”

“Logically?” Sam repeated, “There is nothing logical about any of this.”

I agreed and we sat side by side on the sofa whilst Penny placed herself opposite in the armchair.

Sam looked across at her and then back at me as if asking if she had to be there.

“I can't do this without her, Sam,” I said, answering her thoughts. “I cannot trust myself to be strong enough to make the right decision.”

She looked across but Penny remained almost impassive, allowing only a small smile to show she was not hostile.

“So nothing has changed then,” Sam stated. “You didn't bring me back to tell me that you were wrong, that you couldn't live without me.”

I looked down at my hands in my lap then back to her.

“No, Sam, I'm sorry, I didn't. I couldn't let us part that way, I couldn't bear it.”

“So what then?” she asked, “What else can you say that you didn't already?”

“Does it have to be like this? Do you hate me now?”

My eyes flitted from one to the other of hers, pleading silently with her.

Suddenly she breathed out and her face softened.

“No, Anna. I don't hate you at all but you have broken my heart. I gave you everything, went against all my beliefs and for what? Nothing it would seem.”

I didn't know what to say to her. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came. Seeing her so devastated was killing me inside.

“You know, Sam, Anna is not entirely guilty either. She didn't seduce you just for a little fun you know.”

We both looked at Penny simultaneously.

“What has happened has totally destroyed her life, and her husband. Now we have to try to salvage something, anything, so that you can all move on.”

“What do you mean, move on?” Sam scowled at her. “That is easy for you to say, you have nothing to do with this!”

“Don't I?” Penny sniffed, “Don't I really? I don't remember you complaining last time you were here.

I love Anna too, you know!”

She paused when she saw the look of surprise on my face.

“Of course I love you, Anna. We have been friends since forever. I am not sexually attracted to you if that is what you thought but seeing you hurting so much is killing me. Didn't you feel that way when I was broken?”

I smiled then and agreed, of course I did.

“So you see,” she continued, turning back to Sam, “It has everything to do with me.”

“You think I should just leave then, forget anything happened and get on with my life?”

“Can you do that?” Penny asked with just a hint of sarcasm which Sam didn't appear to notice.

“No, of course I can't!” she replied testily, “What do you think?”

“Oh, I didn't think for one minute that you could which is why we are here.”

“She's right, Sam,” I added, “None of us can pretend it never happened and now we must deal with the consequences.”

Once again, Sam softened.

“I'm sorry,” she said, “This is so hard. I have never been in love before, I realise that now and the thought of never seeing you again is so hard to take.”

“It hurts me too, Sam. The trouble is I love both you and Philip but I have destroyed both of you. I can't expect him just to say, 'sure, Anna, no problem. You carry on seeing Sam, I don't mind', can I?”

“Why not Anna? If he loves you and wants to keep then maybe he will.”

I stared at her in disbelief.

“Sam! He and I have been together for over a quarter of a century. There has been no-one else for either of us until now.”

“Are you sure, Anna?” I could see her mind whirring, the thoughts churning around inside her head. “After all, he thought the same, didn't he?”

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed. “He couldn't keep something like that from me, any more than I was able to from him!”

Sam stared at me for a while, her face etched with concern as mind whirred.

“So... if you and your precious husband are so solid that nothing can come between you and he gives you everything you need, why did you sleep with me? Was just talking to me not enough for you?”

She didn't try to hide the venom in her voice and even though she hadn't moved an inch I felt as though I had been slapped.

“Maybe you thought, 'Oh, she looks easy, I will sleep with her'? You are so selfish Anna. Why did I ever let myself be taken in by you?”

The anger was raw and I felt that she meant every word but what made it worse was that it was all true, I was selfish!

When I met her on the platform that day I was instantly attracted to her but hadn't realised until we met again and had coffee. At first, I just wanted to talk, to be friends but when I saw her at dinner, I wanted her so much.

I remembered how she looked that evening, so beautiful with her long brown hair cascading over her shoulders, the sheer blouse and beige skirt, her stock... ings...

“Just stop right there, Madam!” I suddenly blurted out. “What are you wearing right now?”

Both Sam and Penny stared at me in stunned silence.

“W... what?” Sam asked, puzzled.

“It's a simple question. What are you wearing?” I grabbed the hem of her skirt and lifted it revealing the tops of her stockings.

She pushed my hands away and clasped her own firmly in her lap.

“What are you doing?” she cried.

Penny looked puzzled but didn't intervene, allowing me my apparent moment of madness.

“Stockings!” I exclaimed.

“Yes. So?” she asked, puzzled.

“And that beautiful, sexy bra. No doubt you have matching pants and suspenders too?”

“What?”

She looked shocked.

“What are you getting at?”

“Well? Are you?” I demanded.

“No! Erm, maybe...”

I grabbed the hem of her skirt again but she pushed me away.

“Yes! All right! I am wearing a matching set! What of it?”

“When I asked you to come here you thought it was to make love, yes?”

Her jaw dropped and she glared at me.

“Wasn't it, Sam!” I demanded even more firmly and her gaze fell to the floor as she nodded.

“Anna, what are you saying?”

Penny looked even more puzzled at my behaviour than Sam had.

“That first night, when we dined at the hotel in Birmingham...” Sam looked at me as I spoke. “You wanted me to seduce you didn't you?”

“I.. no, I... How could I know?” Sam's face was a deep red now, her embarrassment clear and even Penny was beginning to see where I was going with my line of questioning.

“Hang on a minute...” she said. “Are you saying that Sam knew what would happen, that she is not as innocent as she is making out?”

“Well, Sam?” I gave her the opportunity to reply but she just stared down at the floor.

I looked over to Penny as I continued.

“When I undressed her she was wearing a plain white jersey body under a sheer blouse and smart skirt. She also wore a soft white bra and no pants but more importantly, she was wearing hold-ups! She looked absolutely stunning and I am sure that is not her normal look on a business trip!”

We both looked at her, waiting.

“All right!” she exclaimed after a moment, her voice cracking with emotion and tears beginning to for once again, “All right, I did want you to seduce me. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't told any lies. I have never done such a thing before but I have had fantasies. I never had any luck with men, they only wanted me for one thing. I wanted love, Anna, I wanted you to love me but you are just like the men, you used me...”

Once again my heart broke to see her so upset as she continued between sobs,

“When you invited me to dinner, I went and bought those clothes especially. I didn't have anything nice with me at all, at least, nothing sexy, nothing that would make you want me...”

“Sam...” I reached out my hand to her.

“No, Anna, you used me just like all the men I ever knew. I only wanted love...”

She broke down then and sobbed heartily, sobbing so hard that I began to join her. I put my arms around her and held her to me as the tears coursed down my own face. I hated myself for what I had done to her.

“Sam...” Penny's voice broke gently through the emotional haze as she put her hand on Sam's arm, “Anna does love you. That is why this is so hard for her.”

“She... she does?”

Each word seemed so difficult for her as she sobbed between each one and sniffed back the tears.

“Yes, she does. Very much so. This whole thing is tearing her apart and she blames herself for the damage she has caused but you cannot let her take all the blame. You just said yourself that you wanted it to happen, that you made every effort to attract her... didn't you?”

She looked at me through wide, wet eyes, her face softening, seeing the distress I was in for the first time and took a deep breath, interspersed with little jerks as she tried to regain control of her emotions.

I nodded and tried to smile but the ends of my lips just wanted to curl downwards as the tears dripped from my eyes.

“Oh my Lord!” she gasped, “You really do, don't you?”

I nodded again, gentle sobs escaping as my bottom lip also tried to curl. It took every ounce of strength I had left to prevent it.

Penny handed us both a tissue each and we sat staring at each other whilst we dabbed the moisture from our faces.

I took Sam's hands in my own and we sat silently just gazing. I had no idea what to do now.

Finally, it was Penny who broke the silence.

“So,” she said slowly, “What now?”

Sam remained passive, her eyes pleading with me silently as my heart pounded, synchronised with the thudding in my head. I couldn't think, my brain just whirred around and around, thoughts coming and going but not a single answer was forthcoming.

“I... I...” I stammered, unable to even form a sentence.

“All right, wait a moment,” Penny said, “We need to step back and think. Don't say anything yet, just relax and breathe both of you. I'll make some coffee and we will work this out together, sensibly, yes?”

We both nodded and sat back on the sofa. Sam rested her head upon my shoulder, my arm around her and I lay my head against hers.

Everything was so vague now and I felt sick and dizzy. I was totally lost and had absolutely no idea what to do as I breathed in her scent and felt the warmth of her body against me and the softness of her hair against my cheek.