It was late when I finally decided to go home.

I phoned Philip and he came to get me without even the tiniest grumble.

When my Mum opened the front door for me and helped me down the step, I noticed that it had begun to snow and on the ground was a very thin layer where it had settled. I looked up into the dark night sky, watching the large white flakes fall gently upon my face, blinking as the odd one touched my eyelashes.

I usually loved the snow, the heavier it fell, the happier I would be but tonight my heart just felt heavy, too heavy to bear and I felt a tear begin to well up again.

“No!” I thought and took a deep breath and began the short hobble to the garden gate which Philip was holding open for me.

The drive home took just a few minutes but it felt so much longer. Neither of us spoke at first. I didn't know what to say and I suppose he didn't either.

The white flakes were mesmerising in the headlights and I stared silently into them just wondering what in the hell I was going to do now. I had effectively told Sam that I had chosen Philip over her, or, at least, that is the way she saw it.

“You are quiet, Anna, is your Mum all right?”

“Huh? Oh... yes, sorry. Yes, she is fine,” I answered him, snapping quickly back to reality. “Sorry, I was just watching the snow flakes.”

He smiled, still watching the road ahead.

“Mmm, yes, they are beautiful. Do you remember our Honeymoon, how hard it snowed the whole week?”

He paused, remembering,

“The Alps were so beautiful, weren't they?”

A lump formed in my throat so big that it prevented me from replying, the memories of that time flooding back and of how happy we were then.

I didn't look at him as he briefly turned his head towards me but nodded my agreement. I couldn't let him see the tears which were once more moistening my eyes.

A few minutes later, Philip turned into the drive then helped me out and into the house. It was warm and cosy.

“Hot chocolate?” he asked.

I shook my head,

“No, thank you,” I said, “I would rather just go straight to bed, if that is all right with you.”

“Yes, I don't mind,” he smiled, “I will come with you.”

He checked that the doors and windows were secure and then he helped me to slowly climb the stairs.

He had already turned back the bed and switched on the electric blanket and he took my crutches from me and helped to sit on the bedside.

I began to unfasten my blouse but he knelt before me and took my hands away, holding them on my lap and gazing into my weary eyes.

I looked back at him, my heart pounding and a raft of conflicting feelings rushing through my head but, above everything else I felt an overwhelming love for him, more powerful than anything I had ever felt before. More powerful even than the feelings I had for Sam and I knew at that moment that he had always been my one true love.

I leaned forwards and our lips met, gently at first and then more passionately. I felt his strong hands squeezing mine and then, suddenly, he released them and began to unbutton my blouse, urgently tugging at each one until the thin fabric separated, revealing my breasts protected by my favourite soft cotton bra.

My nipples stiffened against the jersey fabric and ached for his touch as I pulled my blouse from my waistband and tugged it free, shrugging it from my shoulders.

Without waiting, I reached back and released the hooks, releasing my bra but he massaged my aching breasts with the fabric still in place, his thumbs rolling my erect nipples through the thin covering, a sensation which I found incredibly arousing.

Slowly, my bra slipped away and he leaned forwards and took my teat into his warm mouth, sucking it and my whole breast into his mouth.

The feelings he gave me were indescribable, little shocks surging throughout my entire body.

A few moments later, after teasing both breasts, Philip pushed me gently back onto the bed and began to unfasten the button of my long skirt and lowered the zip. I raised my hips to allow him to pull the garment down over my legs and onto the floor then, with his fingers, pulled my thick tights, with half a leg cut off, very carefully down my body and over my cast with a gentleness that only he could have managed.

I was virtually naked now, save my panties and, to my surprise, Philip lifted my damaged foot and lowered his head until his lips touched the cold plaster cast and placed a loving kiss on my ankle.

“I wish this kiss would take away all the hurt you are feeling,” he whispered without looking up, “Both physically and...”

He didn't finish but returned my foot to the floor.

I watched him intently but still he didn't look up. Instead, he parted my knees and knelt between them once again, his warm hands gently massaging the inside of my thighs, working slowly upwards.

He stopped when he reached the hollows below my groin and lowered his head, thumbs caressing my flesh, to kiss my sex through my panties.

I took a deep breath, the pleasure coursing through me.

“Philip, I... I haven't... washed...” I said slowly, not wanting him to be put off.

“It doesn't matter,” he whispered, “However you smell will be like heaven to me and besides, you are the cleanest person I know!”

I relaxed as much as I could, enjoying the gentle fluttering of his lips upon my mound, his hot breath seeming to get right inside me and I could feel my moisture mingling with his saliva, soaking my gusset.

Heat was gradually replaced with cool air as he removed my sticky underwear, revealing my nakedness, my moisture glistening on my now ultra sensitive Labia.

When he blew gently across them, his cool breath sent a shiver of desire right through me and yet more of my secretions oozed out but before it reached the duvet, Philip ran his hot tongue slowly and deliberately along my groove, from my anus to my clitoris in one slippery slow movement.

I was in Heaven.

And then... he stopped!

I sat up whilst he removed his shirt and looked admiringly at his trim body.

He was older than me, almost fifty and his health was not good but he kept himself in order by eating well and taking what exercise he was able.

I leaned forwards and began to unfasten his belt, feeding the leather through its metal buckle, then released the button holding the waistband.

His zip caught half way down but a little extra tug and it was freed, allowing me to lower his trousers which he stepped out of and kicked to one side.

Very slowly, I reached out and placed the palm of my hand upon the bulge in his brilliant white boxers and felt his erect penis twitch under my touch so I leaned forwards and placed my lips upon it and kissed him.

I wanted him now, wanted him like never before and I slipped my fingers into the elastic and lowered his pants to the floor, his penis jumping up as it was freed from its cotton restraint.

I don't know what possessed me but I did something then that I had never done before. I placed my lips around his straining, shiny glans and took him as far as I could into my mouth.

I could taste his sticky fluid as it oozed from his tiny hole and I let my tongue swirl around, the tip dipping slightly onto that small salty opening.

I began to move my head back and forth and he started moving his hips as if he was making love to my mouth.

Oral sex was not something that had appealed to me before and the thought of having his sperm in my mouth was something I had always found most disagreeable.

Philip had never questioned me or asked me about it but just accepted that it was not for me but, tonight, something was different, I wanted it now, I wanted to taste him and I sucked and licked, swirling my tongue in and out of his hole and then, without warning, his body stiffened and his penis hardened even more and began to twitch.

I was ready for him and sucked hard as his creamy, tangy ejaculation shot into my mouth, spurt after spurt.

Without a second thought I swallowed every last drop until, finally spent, I felt him soften and let out a deep sigh.

His penis slipped from my lips and as he stood before me, I kissed the tip, making it twitch once again. And he stepped nearer so I could put my arms around him and hold him close, his slowly shrinking penis against my cheek.

I felt something touch my shoulder, something warm but wet and then another.

I looked up just as another tear dripped from his eye and landed on my upturned face.

Instantly my heart broke into a thousand pieces.

He stepped back and I released him so he could sit beside me on the bed.

“Did you do that for him?” he whispered, staring down into his lap, not wanting to look at me for fear of seeing the answer on my face.

I was stunned and, for a moment, was lost for words.

“Philip! I... I never... there is no him!” I stammered through a shocked haze.

“Something is wrong, Anna, I know it! I know you like I know me.

Please tell me the truth...”

I didn't know what to say but he continued before I could speak.

“Whatever it is, Anna, you will always be my one true love, my only love. If you have fallen out of love with me I understand and I will respect whatever makes you happy but I will never ever stop loving you.”

As he spoke the tears were running down his face. I couldn't bear it any longer and my own eyes welled up as I stared at him.

“Philip... I'm sorry, I really am... I, I am having...”

I couldn't bring myself to say the very words he was waiting for.

“An affair?” he finished for me and I nodded weakly.

“Do you love him?”

Those four words were like a spear through my heart.

“It is not a 'him',” I whispered, “It is Sam.”

“I guessed it would be,” he said quietly and then, “Do you love her?”

“I, I thought so, I... but now... Oh damn it, Philip, I DON'T KNOW!” I shouted the last words as I sobbed heartily, “I love you, Philip, I love you!”

“How, Ann? How can you love me and sleep with a woman? How could you lie to me, keep secrets from me and still say you love me? How, Anna?”

I suddenly felt conscious of my nakedness and vulnerable so I pulled the duvet around me covering as much as I could.

“I cannot explain it, Philip, I don't know how...”

I couldn't look at him, didn't want to see the hurt I had caused him. If my heart was broken, his must have been destroyed, torn apart, rent into tiny pieces and he had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

I wanted to run away, to hide but I couldn't. I had created this mess and now it was up to me to deal with it.

“The other day, at Penny's...” he stopped, waiting for a response and when none was forthcoming he finished the question. “She was there, wasn't she?”

“She... I...”

It was no good lying again, not now.

“Yes,” I whispered hanging my head in shame.

“And you and she...” a pause, “That was why Penny went out. So you two could...”

Again, I nodded.

Philip became silent save for his rasping breath and the occasional sob.

“I don't know what to do...” he whispered.

Those words applied equally to me. I had destroyed everything I held dear. Our lives, as they were, had ended.

I wanted to die, right there, right then.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked eventually.

He didn't answer immediately but sat beside me hunched forward and taking deep shaking breaths.

“I don't know,” he said eventually, “ I just don't know anything anymore. You have taken away everything I loved. You and I, we were as one. I didn't need anything else to make me happy and now...”

Again, his body was heaved as he sobbed.

I raised my arm to put around him but stopped and returned it to my lap.

“I will telephone Sam tomorrow and tell her it is finished.”

“And that will be all right, will it? As if nothing happened? The spell is broken, Anna. You and I... we will never be the same again. You have destroyed what we had, the beauty, the passion and yes, even the innocence, all gone!”

His words were like a blade being pushed slowly into my heart. It was true. Everything he said was true. There had been nothing else. No-one else had ever come close to breaking what we had and now, it was gone forever.

I began to dress.

“I will call Penny, ask if I can stay with her for a while.”

“You don't have to leave,” Philip whispered as I fastened the buttons of my blouse.

“And if I stay?” I asked him, “You will be reminded of what I did every time you look at me. You will hate me.”

Suddenly he looked at me through wet, reddened eyes.

“Do you really believe that I could ever hate you?” he asked.

Again my heart felt crushed at what I had done to this wonderful man.

“You should,” I replied.

He took my face in his trembling hands.

“I could never hate you, Anna. You are my life. Whatever the future holds, there will never be another.”

His gaze burned into my soul and his words killed me.

“I don't want you to leave and, if you still want me I will stay too but tonight, I will use the spare room and give you some space.”

“I understand if you don't want to be with me but I don't need space,” I replied, “I know what a cow I am and I truly deserve to lose you but I want you. I want you more than I want life itself, Philip.”

I pulled back the bed covers.

He sighed.

“Honestly, Anna, I really don't know what we are going to do. I never made plans for this, never thought I would need to.”

“Please, Philip, don't. I couldn't feel any worse than I do now. I have destroyed everything. Us, Sam...”

“Sam! Even now you are thinking of Sam?”

I jumped as he shouted. I had never heard him shout before.

“It wasn't her fault, Philip...”

“Oh, it wasn't her fault! So you made her, did you? You didn't innocently fall for her charms, you went out of your way to seduce her, is that it?”

“I... no... I...” I couldn't think. He was right and he made it sound even worse.

“What then, Anna? How was it not her fault... Hmm?” he asked angrily, fists clenching and unclenching.

He glared at me, daring me to lie, almost.

“You did, didn't you?”

He spoke slowly as the reality of what I had done began to dawn on him.

“You actually seduced her didn't you...?”

I didn't think I could feel any worse but I actually did. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure it would explode.

The room began to spin and everything became vague. My mouth and throat were so dry that I could make no sound.

“Oh my word, Anna... You... you... wanted her...”

Once more his eyes began to fill.

“I wasn't enough for you...”

“Philip, it wasn't like that!”

The words were cracked and tremulous as they left my mouth and I reached out and put my hand on his naked arm.

He immediately jumped up.

“Really? Then what was it like, Anna... what the hell was it like!”

I had never heard him raise his voice before and now he was shouting. Not just shouting but shouting at me and I couldn't stand it anymore. I stood up and tried to run but as soon as the weight hit my broken ankle I screamed in agony and dived headlong through the door, hitting my head on the frame and then... nothing.

“Anna... Anna...”

From a distance it seemed, I heard my name being called. I opened my eyes and tried to focus but there was a light shining in my eyes.

“Are, you are back.”

Slowly I regained my senses. I realised I was lying on the floor, my head on Philip's knees as he cradled me, stroking my hair.

“Wha... what happened?” I whispered and as my eyes focused I realised there was someone else in the room.

“Welcome back, Anna. How do you feel?”

The other person was dressed in green overalls and was holding a small torch in their latex gloved hand.

Why am I on the floor?” I asked.

“Don't you remember, my love?”

It was Philip's voice and gradually the previous few hours returned.

“I... I fell... I think. I remember standing up and a sudden pain in my ankle and then...”

“Your husband told us the same thing,” the stranger replied.

“I had to call an ambulance,” Philips voice, “You hit your head on the door frame when you fell.”

“Can you tell us your name, Sweetheart?” the Paramedic asked.

“Yes, of course,” I said, confused, “It's Anna. Didn't my husband tell you?”

“Yes, he did but we need to ask you too. What is your date of birth?”

I reeled it off to her.

“Ah, so that makes you...”

“Forty-five,” I said instantly.

“We just need to ask these things to check that you do not have concussion. How do you feel now?”

“Apart from feeling like I was hit by a truck?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yes,” she smiled, “Apart from that.”

“I'm all right,” I lied, head and ankle throbbing painfully.

“Good but I think we will take you to A&E and get you checked over, just to be safe.” 

"No, honestly, I'm fine,” I countered, pushing myself up into a sitting position against the wall.

“I can't make you go,” the paramedic sighed, “But it is better to be safe than sorry.”

“No, I'm fine,” I insisted, “I will stay here.”

She opened her mouth to protest but before she could speak I repeated,

“No!”

“All right,” she said, standing, “As you wish.”

She spoke with Philip and together they helped me onto the bed, then filled in an official form.

They spoke together for a few minutes and then she left.

Once more there was just the two of us.

“What has happened to us, Anna?” Philip asked, “I am so scared. I don't want to lose you.”

He sat beside me on the bed and took my hand, stroking it.

“Tomorrow we will talk,” I said gently. “We need to rest now and then start afresh.”

Silently he climbed into bed beside me and I couldn't help but notice that he turned his back on me.

I sighed and closed my eyes...