September 13th

My Dad went to work today without even so much as a 'hello'.
I woke up so horny, so turned on and expecting to see Daddy in my room. All these times he has come in to watch me dress, all these times we could have been touching, playing with each other and now, the morning when I’m laying here with nothing but a little tee on, he leaves! No ride today so I’m just going to stay home and pout.
Mama just poked her head in and asked me if I wanted a ride, I didn’t even know she was still at home. She seemed surprised I was laying here with my ass exposed *giggle* but I told her I was sick, I’m staying home.
That is exactly what I've done and now I’m writing to you, the only person I can talk to about this. What is wrong? Does he hate me now? I guess what we did was wrong. Well I know it is, images of trailer parks and overalls enter my head. But I’m not a gosh darned stereotype, I just happened to have fucked my Daddy. What’s the big deal?
Shame and misery.
I feel horrible, like I've done something wrong, like I'm a horrible human being. I went onto the internet at one point and started looking things up and now I feel even worse. You would think that we are the scum of the universe by the way everyone talks.

Darkness falls around me,
love is the forbidden sin,
alone I face my shame,
forgotten I face the darkness.

September 14th

Yes, I know. I was pathetic yesterday. Poor pitiful Cindy. Don’t get me wrong Diary, I love you, you were there for me when no one else could have been. But now I’m angry, furious, ranting, raving, stormy, bristling, burning, cross, huffy, livid, seething, smoldering, worked up…that’s a good one, worked up. I AM worked up. Worked up enough to show him what he is missing. FINE if he doesn’t want to come in my room, FINE if he thinks that he can just fuck me and walk away like the other boys. I’m putting on my tightest little top and I’m not wearing a bra. I also put on my sexy little low rise stretch jeans with the open sides. Let’s see how he reacts when I walk in with this. Oh this is now a mission. Then, when he wants it, when he can’t take it anymore, guess who is going to walk away?

Mmmm, you can see my nipples. GOOD!

September 16th

Today was my first real modeling job and as it turns out the first time my father and I were alone since he took advantage of me. Ok, I have to be honest, I don't really feel like that and sitting alone with him in the truck for the long drive to my Uncle's studio was horrible. At first I was so angry I just looked out the window refusing to turn and look at him.
It was a completely silent drive.
We get close to my Uncle’s place and he has the nerve to ask me, “Are you OK?”
Fuming, I turned to him...fully intending to let him have it!
Ok? Ok?! How could anyone be ‘OK’ when you think that someone loves you and then they do what they did and leave you to deal with it alone? Didn't he know that for the past 4 days, 3 hours and 32 minutes and however many seconds I had been in HELL?!
Oh diary, my sweet friend, my only confidant, I couldn't say any of that! The emotions were too strong and tears flooded my eyes forcing me to turn back to the window. Fortunately we pulled into my Uncle's driveway only a few minutes later and I couldn't get out of the truck fast enough.
All day long I didn't know if my Uncle knew what happened between my father and I but he had to know something was wrong. During the shoot I had to wear different outfits for a local thrift store that wanted to put some ads in one of those coffee house weekend papers. My Uncle's girlfriend, a short little Hispanic woman that can barely speak English, helped me change from outfit to outfit. All the time I was changing she kept speaking to me in Spanish. I know a little Spanish and Mama speaks it from time to time, but following this woman is like trying to pay attention to Spanish on speed. The more she spoke, the more I found myself laughing at my situation. It was while I was laughing and while she was trying to help me get a skirt to match a blouse, that my Uncle stormed into the room! Stormed in to see me almost nude with nothing on but my undies my little boobs bared right at him! Instinct took over and my hands flew up to my chest to cover my little breasts but there was a moment where he saw. Not only that, but the old pervert continued to look at my chest even after I had thrown my hands and arms over them. Lucky for him, his girlfriend didn’t see right away, didn’t even notice him enter because she was heads down in a box of thrift clothes cursing in Spanish. So for this eternity my Uncle and I stood looking at each other, my eyes on him, his eyes on my chest. Then I lowered my arms and hands just a little. I’m sure he could see. Diary, I don’t know why I did it, it felt good, I was horny, I don’t know.
Then here comes this little Spanish fire cracker who pushes him out of the room with a barrage of insults and who knows what else that I couldn’t understand. My poor Uncle even tried to peek back in only to have her push him out and slam the door in is face. She turned back to me speaking a steady stream of Spanish, none of which I understood but it had me laughing so hard I nearly forgot how embarrassed I was.
Because his girlfriend was there my Uncle never asked me to undress or tried anything but the poses he had me doing were suggestive enough. Every so often, when his girlfriend wasn’t around, I would unzip my shorts or open a button and give him a peek at my undies or bra. I teased him this way all day during the photo shoot until he stopped trying to hide his erection and just started shooting with it obviously poking out. I don’t know if his girlfriend saw as she was more concerned with my outfits than with us.
It’s time for dinner, I’m going to ask my Uncle if I can stay here for a little while. I’m so pissed off still, I don’t want to go home.

September 17th

I completely love my Uncle’s pool. It’s getting a little late in the year but we’ve had hotter than normal temperatures. I wanted to get a little better tan before winter really hits so I spent the day lying out. My Uncle took advantage of the situation by taking pictures of me all day. Because his girlfriend wasn’t there he kept taking pictures of only certain parts of me. I felt uneasy without his girlfriend around. At one point, he even asked me to lift my ass up, telling me that models do this to make their asses rounder. Whatever, I know he is just a big perv. I did it anyway, but still just a touch unsure about us doing this alone. Was I sexy? Was it ok to let my Uncle take photos of my ass? All these questions loomed as he came in close with the camera getting shots of who-knows-what?
After the shots in the chair he had me move into the water, getting photos of me walking down the steps. The water was cold in the morning, the sun just starting to warm it up. My Uncle talked about nothing but what was sexy, what wasn’t sexy, how I should stand, how I should bend. Once I got used to the cold water, I swam around a little while he continued to snap pictures. He wanted me to lie back in the water so he could get pictures of my hair fanning out under water. I couldn’t really just float so I hooked my legs over the edge and eased out. The sun felt great and with my head partly under water all sounds were muffled, perfect meditation.
Then I feel a hand on my leg. I look up and he has the camera pointed right at my crotch and he’s pushing open my legs. I let him do it. Yeah I know, what is happening to me? I felt warm and tingly, my whole body became electric. His hand moved up and down my thigh as he snapped pictures. Then he moved his hand to my crotch and I sank under water and swam back up. He smiled and said, “Sorry, I was just trying to get some more artistic pictures.”
I just smirked and swam out of the pool.

September 18th

Today I laid by the pool again but this time my Uncle had to go to work at his studio so I had the place to myself. It was wonderful to hear the birds singing and nothing but a warm breeze and the water to cool me off when I got too hot. I untied my top and laid on my stomach to get rid of the lines on my back. Because my Uncle has a solid fence around the pool and I knew no one would be back until around 5, I decided to get rid of all tan lines and removed everything.
I fell asleep laying in the sun and got a little more sun than I intended. I woke up around 3 or so and made my way inside to get a drink. I knew I had gotten too much sun on my front but didn't know how bad it really was until later that evening. My entire chest was a bright pink and burned and wearing anything top or bottom was extremely painful. I put on one of Inez’s dresses. She’s my Uncle’s girlfriend. The dress was too small so it only added to the pain making dinner horrible. Inez left earlier in the day to go take care of her mother and wouldn’t be back all week. It was just my Uncle and I.
We tried to talk about modeling and another job he had lined up for me but the sunburn was driving me crazy. A few minutes of sitting there trying to eat and talk, I was sweating. The dress was too thick and the sun burn was literally sending waves of heat up my chest! I told my Uncle that I was going to have to take off and go to the bedroom and eat; I couldn't stand it any longer. Then he started complaining because he had just rented a movie and didn’t want to watch it alone. Only I couldn’t stand it anymore and I jumped up from the table and said, “Sorry, I just gotta get this dress off!” and ran to my room where I carefully removed it.

I laid down on my back on the bed and listened as he turned on the TV. I heard the start of the movie and felt horrible, he was going to think I was such a horrible person. He let me sleep here, let me use the pool. But I couldn’t put that dress back on.
I knew he was doing it on purpose! There was no way that he would watch it without me, he was just trying to get me to come back out and I knew I was right when the huge surround sound speakers kicked in.
Well Diary, you and I both know that I was going to give in. I pulled a sheet around me and went back in the living room.   I tried as best I could through the first part of the movie to keep the sheet around me as I sat in the large pile of bean bags he had on the floor. I was sitting in front of him but as is our habit we had to talk about the movie as it was happening and each time I turned to him I had to cover myself up again. I was sweating and uncomfortable as hell and I could tell my Uncle knew it.
Then my Uncle suggested something I never thought I would hear. He said that if I was afraid he was going to see me naked then he would get naked and we could both be equal. I didn't think he was serious until he pulled off his shirt and started to undo his belt. He gave me a look that said, "Should I?" before he completely took off his pants. My Uncle isn't a bad looking guy but he is much older and doesn't have the tight body that I prefer. But all the same there was something interesting and slightly a turn-on about seeing him take off his clothes in front of me. I watched in disbelief as he slipped off his boxers and revealed a slightly erect cock. My eyes locked to it as it pulsed once, bouncing up and down as it got a little more erect. My Uncle walked over in front of the big screen and asked me if this made us equal and his eyes searched my body. I told him that it only made us equal if he was going to behave himself? He promised that he had no plans other than to watch the movie and assured me that he had been to several nudist camps and that seeing me nude was no different.
However his dick seemed to be thinking different.
I opened the sheet, mercifully letting it drop behind the bean bags. I have to admit, the rush of cool air was like heaven! I didn’t care if he could see me, I just had to be free of anything touching me.
The movie continued but it was difficult to pay attention. We both made poor attempts to talk about scenes as we had been before. Then he asked me to come sit on the couch as it was much more comfortable. Of course I refused several times but the bean bags were uncomfortable and sticking to my skin in places, making each time I moved a horrible burning experience. The couch was better so I moved.
I kept my legs closed tight and curled under me, my arms attempting to hide my little pink breasts. He, on the other hand, made no attempt to hide himself and allowed me to watch the rise and fall of his ever changing penis. It was odd to watch him get erect and then watch it fall back down. Soon we were just looking at each other, not paying attention to the movie. I found the oddity of watching his dick more interesting. I know it sounds weird Diary but dicks are weird things to watch. One minute they are just this fairly small thing that hangs down and then suddenly they just rise up.
After a bit my Uncle said nothing but sat with his legs open so I could get a better view.
“Dicks are weird.” I said.
“Are they?”
“Yeah, I mean do you know it’s going to get hard or does it just sorta have a life of it’s own?”
“I don’t know, I guess I just think about something or see something beautiful and it just does it’s thing.” We both laughed.
“Do you like looking at my dick?” He asked.
“I don’t know, I’ve just never really looked at one before.”
“You’ve never seen a cock?” He asked, getting more excited, getting larger.
“Yeah, I’ve seen a couple but not like this, not with lights on and it just hanging out like that.”
“You really do have an amazing body Cindy.” He said, his cock rising just a bit more, now getting at least twice as long as it was a minute ago. Not only that but the tip of it was now wet!
“What is that?” I asked confused.
“What?”
“It’s wet on the end.”
“Oh yeah, I’m a little excited and that’s precum.”
“Precum?”
“Yeah, it’s what happens when a guy sits across from a beautiful naked girl. I wish you weren’t sun burned, I would love to touch those little tits of yours. They are so cute, so perky and they look so soft.”
“God!” I was shocked.
“You don’t want me to touch you?”
“Well you’re my Uncle, I mean it’s not right.”
“Oh Cindy, just relax and be more free. What to smoke a little weed with me?”
He went and got the pipe and we smoked a little. After several hits I was feeling much better, my sunburn hurt less and so I sat back letting my legs open.
“Oh god Cindy, I know I promised but I can’t help it, I have to do something.” My Uncle said and grabbed his fully erect cock and stroked. He jerked it so fast that I thought he might pull the thing off! My legs felt the effects of the smoke and opened wider.
“Oh God Cindy, look at that tiny little pink pussy. It’s so sweet, so small. Please let me fuck   you.”
“No. You promised.”
“Please just let me put it in, just let me put it inside you.”
“No way.” I laughed.
“Oh god, oh god, I’m gonna cum!”
Then you wouldn’t believe it! I’ve only had a guy cum inside me, I never knew how much could come out! The first splat of it hit me on the leg and across my stomach. I jumped a little but was still so...