The next morning, they were all in line to go in for breakfast by 7:00. Darby couldn’t stop yawning. Nora asked her, off to the side, “Girl, you okay?”
“Yeah. We got to go potty,” and she grabbed Nora’s hand and dragged her to the nearest restroom. Once they were safely out of their dads’ earshot, “I’m exhausted! Somebody woke up hungry in the middle of the damn night!” She tried to look angry but she couldn’t stop smiling. Nora laughed with her. Darby continued, “Nor, can I ask you somethin’ you know, really personal?”
“Yeah. ‘Sup?”
Darby was usually not the least bit shy, but here, she pulled her friend in close and whispered, “When you guys do it, does he like always make you, you know, cum, two or three times? Always? Is that normal?”
Nora laughed out loud, “I KNOW, RIGHT?!” Then quietly, “Oh, I forgot, your now-kinky-slutty-ass was a virgin when y’all started. No, honey. Most guys don’t give a rat’s ass IF you cum let alone make sure you get multiples. Trust me, what we have here is special. Remember what I told you… NOBODY will ever fuck you better than your daddy. You better find a way to get a nap in today, ‘cause I promise you you ain’t getting NO sleep tonight. Hell, we’re tryin—“ She shut up suddenly.
“What?”
“Nothin’.”
“WHAT?!”
“NOTHIN’!” Darby stared intently at her best friend. “Fine! Nosey bitch! We’re trying to get pregnant on the cruise. I tossed my pills last week.”
Darby screamed at the top of her lungs, “Aiiieeeeeeee!! US TOO!! That’s why he was waking me up at 4, talkin’ ‘bout, ‘got to do it at least twice a day’! Omigod! Aunt Nora!!” And they hugged and cried like crazy people.
Jake and Nate had no idea where they were. Jake thought he heard something like ‘potty’ so he figured they’d be out in a minute. A few minutes later, they walked out, but it looked like they had been crying. Wondering what could be wrong on this, their wedding day, they opened their arms to embrace them and offer comfort for whatever the fuck was wrong. But the girls didn’t walk to their fathers. They went to each others’ fathers and hugged them. Darby said, “Hi, Uncle Nate.” Nora said, “Hi, Uncle Jake! So Darby tells me you guys are also trying to conceive on this little vacation.”
The men looked stunned, and looked at each other, and embraced like brothers. Jake said, “This is soooo great!”
As they were sat at their table, Nora said, “So the first one to produce two positive pregnancy tests, wins.”
“Wins what?” Asked Nate.
“Bragging rights for the rest of our lives that we did it first!”
“Awww, that’s such a shame,” said Jake. “‘Cause y’all goin’ down, cuz!”
The wait staff brought their food to raucous laughter and an indecent amount of trash-talking for so early in the morning.
After breakfast, they hurried back to their suites to change into, well, nicer shorts and island wear. Their next-door neighbors were just leaving their cabin. Nora waved at them. The wife waved back, genuinely smiling. He scowled at her and Nate. His wife elbowed him sharply, and he grudgingly waved back. Nora and the wife shared a laugh at husband’s expense as she and her husband walked away.
At 8:30, they were waiting at the gangway to get off. They were the first people in line. Jake was going through his bag, making sure he had everything they’d need. Promptly at nine, they started letting people off the ship, warning passengers that the ship would leave at 3:00 ship’s time, with them or without them.
As they made it off the ship and followed the crowd to the shopping area, they saw that it was a lovely island. Jake was worried that he would miss the ‘St. Maarten sign’ since the name ‘St. Maarten’ was everywhere. He was told to keep walking straight and he’d know it. Sure enough, there it was. ‘Welcome to St. Maarten’ in eight-foot letters. There was a tall black man with a sign that said simply, ‘Le Clerc.’ He waved to him, and Luke Le Clerc waved back. As the group got closer, Jake could see that Mr. Le Clerc was very good-looking. Tall, about six feet, the same creamy mocha color skin that Darby had, solidly muscled but not like a gym-rat, more like good genes and hard work, with big, strong-looking hands. Hazel eyes, dimples, a two-day neatly lined stubble, and softly curled black hair. He had laugh lines around his eyes and an easy, infectious smile. The man was absolutely gorgeous. Not guy-on-the-street gorgeous, but movie star magazine cover gorgeous. Against his better judgment, Jake glanced at Darby. Her and Nora were standing there slack-jawed, oblivious to the fact that they were staring. Nate leaned over and whispered to Jake, “I ain’t leaving Nora in the same room as this motherfuckah!” Jake nodded in agreement.
“Hi, Mr. Le Clerc?” aske Jake.
“Oui, I am Luke Le Clerc. You are?” He said with a French accent.
“I’m Jake Steele, this is Darby. And Nate and Nora Rochester. Which way to the car?”
“We wait for two more couples.”
“Really?”
“Oui. Today is unusually busy, but no worry. We will get you back to your ship by 3. We never fail.”
Nate spoke up, “Yo, did you like, sell your soul to the devil to get this good-looking, because, damn.”
Everyone burst put laughing, and Le Clerc smiled, activating those goddamned dimples, blasting a mouthful of perfect, dazzlingly white teeth, and said, “You are too kind!”
Two more couples showed up, both white, both apparently father daughter. Jake was surprised. He’d sort of thought this would be a one on one thing. He’d found it, but he’d had to really look for it. There certainly wasn’t a travel site that said, “Love banging your daughter and want to marry her? We can help!”
Le Clerc said, “We are all here. We go!” He led them to a very nicely appointed hotel-style shuttle bus. Once everyone was seated, the driver started the engine. Before he could take off, a group of ten or twelve tourists came up. One bossy looking suburban housewife type said, “How much for your tour?”
Le Clerc said politely, “I’m sorry, madame. This is not a tour bus, and we are all full.”
She pressed on, “Look, young man, I can see seats—”
Luke simply closed the door in her face. The driver pulled away from the curb. “Now, who is here to get incest married?”
Eight hands raised. “Good. You are on the right bus. We are going straight to our offices, but it is still almost an hour drive, so relax.” As they traveled, Le Clerc told them interesting facts and trivia about the island and the places they were passing. Darby slept.
*****
Back on the ship, many people choose to stay aboard if that Port of Call wasn’t to their liking. Jennifer Nicklaus, Nora’s next-door neighbor stayed on board. She was heading up to her usual spot in the pool area reserved for suite guests. On the way there, she saw a woman who looked she could be her sister. Jennifer’s husband was back in their suite on a conference call and she had no one to talk to. She decided to make a friend.
She walked up to the woman and said, “Excuse me, I swear I’m not crazy, but you look like you could be my sister.”
The woman looked at her and said, “You know, you’re right. We could be sisters.”
“Look, I don’t want to intrude. Are you with someone, I’ll…”
“Nope. I’m on a ten-day cruise all by my damn self.”
“Oh my god, what must that be like? I’m so jealous!”
“Sit down, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
She sat and offered her hand. “I’m Jennifer Nicklaus.”
“Meredith Manyfield.”
***
“We’re here!” announced Le Clerc. “Come in, and we will get started straight away. The four couples followed Le Clerc into the small, neat building. Next to the door, a small sign read, ‘Zanzine Delacroix, Family Law.’ Nate commented, “I thought everything was legal. Why so low-key?”
Le Clerc answered, “This is 100% legal. But just because something is fully legal does not make it universally popular, no? We see our share of protesters, mostly religious, so we keep a low profile. We service our clients discretely and we do not make waves.”
Inside, there was a reception area with a young lady busy on the phones and computer. They were all ushered into the next room. That room was a medium-sized waiting room with two offices immediately off one side, and a corridor leading further back into the building. Apparently, the building was deeper than it looked from the street. There was another couple sitting there waiting. They were all asked to sit. Mr. Le Clerc went back up front and came right back with a leather folio. He opened it and started taking roll.
“Okay, we have Paul and Bethany Abbot,
One of the couples raised their hands. The girl looked nervous, her eyes flitting around as if she were looking for a an escape.
“James and Moira Mitchell,” and another couple raised their hands tentatively. They both looked nervous.
“Nathaniel and Nora Rochester.” Their hands shot up excitedly, as did Jake’s and Darby’s.
“And Phillipe and Celeste St. James.” This was the couple already in the room. “And everyone here is fathers and daughters, yes?” Everyone nodded. Mr. Le Clerc went up to Nora and Darby, checked their names in his book, and asked them both, “Miss Rochester and Miss Steele, you wish to be married to your fathers? I need an answer, not a nod.”
“Absolutely!” said Nora.
“More than you can imagine!” gushed Darby.
He next went to the Abbots. “Miss Abbot, do you wish to marry your father?” The poor girl looked positively terrified. “Miss?
Paul Abbot spoke up, “I think we’re having some second thoughts. I’m not sure we’re really ready for this. Those guys,” he nodded at the Steeles and the Rochesters, “they’re ready. We’re not there yet. I’m gonna take my girl home.”
Bethany looked relieved, like she’d been spared some horrific fate. “I’m sorry, Dad. I just feel like I’m not ready to marry, well, anybody.” And they left the room together. The Mitchells left right behind them, without a word. Just before she left the room, Moira Mitchell turned and looked at Nora and Darby and said, almost enviously, “Good luck you guys. You’re gonna be great together,” and she turned and left.
“Miss St. James?” She said, impatiently, “Bien sûr que je veux l’épouser, pourquoi crois-tu qu’on est là?”
Mr. Le Clerc spat back, “Pas besoin d’être grossier!” He looked at the two remaining couples and said simply, “She said ‘Yes.’” Back to the French couple, “You are from France?” They nodded. “Then you simply need the ceremony. They can take you in the next room,” and he motioned for them to leave, and they walked out without so much as acknowledging the others’ presence.
Nate muttered under his breath, “Fuckin’ rude-ass French!”
Mr. Le Clerc said, “Believe it or not, this was perfectly normal. Many people come here enamored of the taboo of the forbidden, but are not truly ready to make a commitment like marriage. Many times, one party is pressuring the other for the marriage. We ask that question and require an answer aloud to get exactly the result you saw. It pushes all questions of coercion out into the open, forcing them to be dealt with. That first young lady, even if she had said yes, I would have pressed her a bit. Yes, it’s her choice. I just need to make sure it IS her choice. Our little community is quite sensitive as it pertains to matters of consent and coercion. Often there is only one truly committed couple. Sometimes there are none. Happily, today there are two. Plus one apparently here out of spite. Now, we create your paperwork and licenses, and very soon, you will be married! Who will go first?”
Jake responded, gesturing to his best friend, “They got together first, and they encouraged us to get together, so they should go first.”
“Excellent!” replied Le Clerc. “This way, please.”
*****
Meredith and Jennifer had been laughing, talking, and drinking all morning, and now it was early afternoon. They had a very nice buzz going. Meredith explained how she had been married to a great guy, and then threw it all away searching for huge, yet ultimately unsatisfying, dick. She was still unhappy, and he didn’t deserve how she’d treated him. So she’d poured herself into her work, gotten two rapid promotions, and was then told that she was heading for a burnout, and ordered to take a vacation. Hell, they’d even paid for it. Now here she was getting day-drunk with her new best friend.
Jennifer explained how she’d married for money, it was still going, although how strong was up for debate. She confessed that, even with all the trappings of wealth, she was deeply unhappy, and feared she was wasting the best years of her life with a man with an impressive bank account but left her dead inside. And now, here she was, once again drinking way more than was decent in the middle of the day. But now, she had a new friend.
Jennifer said, “I’m feeling a little sleepy. Let’s go take a nap in my room.”
Meredith answered, “I thought your rich husband was in there or something.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot!” She looked at Meredith meaningfully. “But I’m sleepy. I really feel like a nap. Any ideas, Meredith from Top Value?”
“Well I have a cabin all by my lonesome. We could take a nap in there, I guess. I’m kinda sleepy, too. Oh, dang!”
“What?”
“There’s only one bed. Would that be a problem?” said Meredith.
Jennifer answered coyly, “You’ll probably be safe. I promise I don’t have a, what was it that ruined your marriage? A giant cock. I don’t have one of those.”
Meredith took her new friend’s hand and they joined fingers. “For some reason, that’s very good to know. You should know, I’ve never taken a nap with a woman before,” said Meredith as they walked toward the elevator.
“Me, either, but for some reason, I’m sleepy as hell right now!”
*****
“And Darby Steele, do you take this man, to love and care for as a father, to love and cherish as a husband, to honor and adore him, through all the good times and the bad, forsaking all others, for as long as you live?”
Darby looked deeply into her father’s eyes, tears dripping from hers, and said, “Yes. I Do.”
“Then by the authority granted me by the Governor of St. Maarten, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride!” Jake kissed his daughter, gently, just the slightest bit of tongue. Nate and Nora whoop-whooped just like Jake and Darby had done only a few minutes earlier when they’d become Mr. and Mrs. Rochester. Nora hugged her best friend. Jake hugged his dawg. Darby hugged the man who would be Uncle Nate to her children. Nora embraced Uncle Jake. Tears and laughter were shared openly.
Le Clerc said, “I hate to marry and run, but we must leave here by 1:30 to make sure you get to your ship in time. Here are your documents.” He handed each couple an envelope bound by a string at the top. “Congratulations, all of you. I predict much joy and happiness for you all! I will meet you all at the shuttle in 15 minutes.”
Jake opened his envelope and pulled out the one document that mattered. He showed Darby. It showed that Darby Manyfield had married Jacob Steele on December 24. It was signed. It was witnessed. It had a raised embossed seal. As far as anyone would ever be able to tell, it was straight-up legit, and this amazing woman was now his wife. HIS WIFE!! He suddenly grabbed Darby and kissed her deeply, squeezing her tightly. “Okay, guys, let’s get back to the ship start our honeymoon!” Jake yelled.
As they got back on the shuttle for the return trip, Nora asked, “Where are those other people? Did they leave already?”
As the shuttled pulled onto the road, Luke said, “At first we would take everyone back together. But the couples who choose not to marry always made the trip miserable for the couple who did. ‘This is not right,’ they’d say. ‘It’s a sin, let her live own life.’ As if they themselves will not again be between their own daughter’s legs before the day is done. Hypocrites! And then, there are the cheap bastards. Mr. Steele, what is my refund policy?”
Jake was surprised to be called upon. “Oh, uhh, there’s no refunds, at all. Period. Even if I’d called you back the moment the check cleared. You were pretty damned clear on that point.”
“You see? And that has been my practice since we started this endeavor four years ago. Also, Mr. Steele, how many times did I ask you for your money?”
Jake said, “Ask me?!” He looked at Nate, “Dude, I practically had to beg him to do this. He’s all, ‘Are you sure she wants this?’ And ‘Call me in a year when you have thought it over,’ and ‘Why not just say you’re married? You already share a name.”
“This is what I mean,” said Le Clerc. “They call me up and beg me to take their money to do this, then change their minds and demand a refund. They complain, ‘I paid all this money for nothing!’ I tell them, ‘No, you paid all this money to find out your true relationship with your daughter! How much is that worth?’ And you know who it always is?”
Four voices said, “Who?”
Le Clerc said, “White people. It is always white people who cause problems. Black people ask the same questions you asked, Mr. Steele, ‘Is it legal? Will it stand up? What are the risks?’ I explain it the same way every time. They pay their money, they come, they get married, and they leave...
