Most people thought old McNamara's electronics store was a disorganised heap of junk.  But to me, it was a cave full of secret treasure.  I used to spend ages searching through his random collection of second hand gear, computer parts and old-school electronics kits. 

It’s fair to say that most guys my age were probably happier chasing women, but computers, electronics and science made a lot more sense to me than women.  Not that I wasn’t interested in women – I thought about them all the time.  And, more than occasionally, watched them on my computer.  I guess I was just hoping that somehow, one would magically come into my life.  Which is almost what happened.

It started when I went digging into a basket of second hand stuff and found what looked like a small, old smartphone.  The label above the screen said 'GENIUS'.  I'd never heard of the brand, and everything about it seemed cheap and nasty.  There was even a slight gap between the 'I' and the 'U'.  I had sometimes managed to make a bit of cash by buying old, broken phones, fixing them up and then selling them online.  But that was the big brands.  Who would want this?  When I held it in my hand, though, I made a spur of the moment decision to buy it and find out more about it later.

McNamara looked at the phone with a perplexed look for a second.  “Where the hell did that thing come from?”  He frowned and stared at the screen of the phone for a few seconds.  “Ah.  Just be careful with this one.  Make sure you read the instructions.  Got that?”

“Sure.”

“Ten bucks, then.”

After I handed over the cash, and turned to leave, it occurred to me that there were no instructions with it.  I figured McNamara was just getting old and crazy.  Well, older and crazier.

***

I returned home, which at that stage still meant my parents' house, went to my bedroom and locked the door.  I took out my new purchase, and started up my PC with the intention of asking Google about this unknown brand of phone.  But when I looked at the phone, I noticed a strange purple splotch in the middle of the screen.  So I sprayed on some glass cleaner and started to rub it with a cloth.

There was a bright flash, blinding me for a second.  The phone was suddenly hot in my hands and I dropped it on the floor.  When my vision returned, I saw a large purple cloud coming up from the phone, slowly gathering together and solidifying.  I could make out a face, long purple hair, two arms and two bare breasts.  Astonishing breasts.  Not just because they were purple, but because they were enormous and seemed to defy gravity.

“Yoohoo.  My face is up here.”  The voice seemed to come from all around me.  A husky, sexy woman's voice.

Guiltily, I looked up into her eyes.  Deep violet, almost black eyes.  “What the fuck?  Who... um, what are you?”

“What do you think?  I'm a genie.  You can call me Eugenie.”

“You're a female genie?”

“What gave it away?”  She put her hands under her breasts and pushed them even higher.  “It's usually the guys who hog all the best roles in the stories, but do you think genies would still exist if we were all male?”

“I didn't think you did exist.  Perhaps you don't – maybe I've just inhaled too much cleaner.  Aren't you supposed to live in lamps, not mobile phones?”

Eugenie shrugged.  “Who rubs a lamp these days?  A girl's gotta move with the times if she wants an occasional rub.”

“So do I get three wishes?  Hmm, let's see what I want...”

“Ah, young men.  Always too fast.  You'll need to accept the terms of service first.”  She gestured to the phone.

Looking down, I saw that the phone was now on, with a full page of text displayed.  'Terms and Conditions of Genie Service.  Please read these conditions, and click to accept.'  This was followed by a page of legalese, finishing at term one, section a, subsection four.  Swiping, I could see pages and pages of the same.

“How much of this crap is there?” I asked.

“Seventy-eight terms, a bit over twenty thousand words.  You can just click 'accept' and I'll assume that you've read it all.”

“Even though you're standing... um, floating just there and know that I haven't read it?”

She shrugged again.

I did make an attempt to read the conditions, but by the third term, my eyes were glazing over.  I accepted defeat and accepted the conditions, unread.

“About time,” she said.  “Time for your three wishes then.”

“Cool, I'll start by wishing for an infinite number of wishes.”

Eugenie sighed.  “A clever one, eh?  Term thirty-one clearly prohibits wishing for more wishes, I'm afraid.”

“Okay, I want to be hung like a porn star.”

She shook her head.  “You men.  All so predictable.  Term fifty-three outlines the limitations on penis size changes.  It's for your own health.  We used to have guys wishing for such huge ones that they'd get an erection and die from lack of oxygen going to the brain.  And you want girth, not length – trust me on that.  I know these things.”

“Um, but you don't have a...”  I looked down to where her legs would have joined her body, if she had had legs.  “How do you—”

“No, genies mostly do a lot of finger clicking.  But I know that because women never make wishes to overcome their husband's shortcomings, more his thin comings.”  The genie chuckled to herself.  “So would eight inches long and six inches circumference be an improvement on what you've got now?”

“Well...”

She sighed once more, and gazed intently at me for a moment.

I felt a slight pain behind my eyes for a moment.

“Such a typical man, there, young Al!  Why can't any of you just be honest?”  She snapped her fingers.

I felt suddenly cool, and suddenly very, very horny.  Looking down, my clothes had disappeared and I was fully erect.

“Yes,” she said, leaning in for a close inspection.  “It would be a big improvement.  So, do you want to spend a wish on that?”

I shuffled a little, trying to cover my nakedness with my hands.  “Um, yes please.”

She snapped her fingers again.

I felt slightly light-headed for a moment.  Looking down, my cock had grown a couple of inches longer, and definitely looked much thicker too.  I couldn't resist gripping it.  It felt fuller and heavier in my hand than any of the many other times I'd held it.

Eugenie rolled her eyes.  “Can't keep your hand off it, eh?”  She snapped her fingers again.

I was hit by a strange sensation of my cock being stroked.  My hand was still, and there was no other hand.  It was more like being stroked from the inside.  Within seconds I was overcome by a powerful orgasm.  My first shot of cum flew halfway across the room, landing on the carpet.  I tried catching further shots in my hands but there was more than I’d ever seen.  I was left barely able to stand, gasping for air and wondering a little about how I would explain the stained carpet to my parents.

“Right,” said Eugenie.  “Can you think with your big head, now?  Two more wishes to go.”

I took a few breaths, composed myself and went searching for some tissues.  “So, was the right to randomly make guys orgasm in the terms?”

“Only if you want it.  I saw you had a fantasy of being naked in front of an experienced older woman, so I went with it.  Maybe you weren’t thinking of a three thousand year old purple woman, but I know you enjoyed that.  Wish time, now.”

“You’ve been reading my mind?”

She just shrugged and looked impatient.

“Ok,” I continued.  “How about world peace for my wish?”

“Term five, that one.  A genie's magic is powerful, but still no match for humankind's ability to be stupid.  Try again.”

“Then how about being great in bed?”

“So you want one trick I can give you that will drive every single woman in the world wild?”

I smiled.  “Yeah, that sounds great.”

She rolled her eyes.  “I'll let you in on a secret.  There isn't one!  What makes you think that you're bad in bed?”

“I didn't say I was bad...”

“Lordy, this will take forever.  I've got places to be.  It's genie mating season, didn't you know?”

“I don't think I saw that on the Nature Channel...”  I felt a sudden piercing pain at the front of my head.

“Ah, you've only had sex once.  Years of dreaming about sex, and thirty seconds of doing it.” 

I blushed, feeling even more naked now.  “It was a bit longer than that.  And there was that blowjob from Sally at Matt’s party...”

Eugenie put her hands on her hips, setting off a strangely hypnotic bounce in her breasts, and stared at me as my voice trailed away.  “Fine then.  Ninety seconds, including oral sex.  I can make you more experienced.  Your second wish?”

“Um.”  I looked her up and down.

“Not like that!  More like an add-in for the software in your brain.”

“Ah... okay.  I guess maybe that would be good.”

“That's near enough to a wish.”  She clicked her fingers and my mind was overwhelmed with memories.  Images of people in twentieth century fashions, or mediaeval clothing or ancient outfits.  But mostly naked.  Cries of pleasures in languages I couldn't understand.  Smells and tastes of sex.  Every combination of people and positions I'd ever imagined, and quite a few that I never had.

I could just hear Eugenie's voice, “Tell them to leave you alone and then you can learn to pick and choose memories.”

“Leave me alone!” I shouted, and suddenly there was peace in my head again.

“Right, third wish, please.”

I realised then that I should have wished for money, or perfect eyesight, or my grandmother's health, or many other things.  Although they were probably all against the terms anyway.  There was one thing I really wanted beyond all that though.  “I want Gabrielle Badroul to fall for me.”

Eugenie said, “Aww!  How sweet.  You’re not just a sex-crazed young man.  You’re a sex-crazed young man with a crush.  Human love is tricky – I can try, but it might not work.”

“We've been friends since high school.  She's gorgeous, but so far out of my league.  She always hung out with the cool kids at school... “

The genie was staring at me impatiently.  “Why do you always picture her wearing black?”

I’d forgotten that she could read my mind.  “Well, now we’re at college, she's gone all goth.  You know, black hair dye, dressing all in black, black make-up, pierced nose and eyebrow.”

“That's a fashion?  People are very strange,” said Eugenie.

“And she seems to only have eyes for the goth guys.  So I've still never quite told her how I feel.”

“So, being honest with her is too difficult for you, but you think it's not too difficult for a genie to just magically make everything easy for you?”

“Um, well, since you put it like that...  Yes, that’s pretty much it.”

“I can’t make her love you, or even make her have sex with you.  Hmm...  Just need to make her see you as special.  Somehow.”  She looked down my naked body and frowned.  “This is going to take a lot of thought.”

“Hey!”

“Actually, I have an idea.”  She snapped her finger again.

Once more, I was almost instantly overcome by an orgasm.  Having come just a few minutes earlier, my cock was almost too sensitive.  I shut my eyes as a burst of painful pleasure coursed through me.

“Fucking hell...”  I looked down to where my cum had oozed out.  It looked like blobs of cum on the floor, and a last drop beading up at the tip of my cock, except that is was pitch black.  “Fucking, fucking hell.  What the fuck?”  There was no way I was going to be able to explain black cum stains to my parents.

“Well, you’re obviously not going to win her over with eloquence, so maybe this will impress her.  What more could a goth girl want?” said Eugenie.  “Anyway, I've got to rush off and do one more thing, and then I consider my side of the contract to be fulfilled.  Any complaints can be submitted as explained in the terms and conditions, et cetera, et cetera.”  And before I could say a word, her body dissolved into purple smoke, shrank to the size of a tennis ball and zoomed out of the window.  Well, through the window really, since it was still closed.

***

That night I masturbated twice – once to vivid memories of a French peasant girl in a field wrapping her mouth around what felt like my cock, and once to images and sensations of two Roman women ripping off 'my' toga and having their way with 'me'.  Both times with the same result.  Tissues stained black.  Eventually I told the memories to leave me alone and drifted into a fitful sleep, full of sexual dreams.  In the morning, in a half-alert state, I thought the genie must have been a strange dream, until my mind was filled with memories of a surprisingly hot Iron Age orgy and I reached out and grabbed a thicker cock than I was used to.  And then added some more blackened tissues to the pile by the bed.

***

As we often did, Gabrielle and I chatted after class that afternoon as she walked towards the house she shared with three other young women and I walked to my bus stop.

Part way there, she said, “I had the weirdest dream last night, Al.”

“Oh?”

“I... um, why am I telling you any of this?”  She rubbed her eyes, then shook her head.  “Oh, what the hell.  There was this hot guy, except I could never see his face.  And we, you know, did it, and it was... good.  Actually, really good.  Really, really good.”  She was blushing and unable to make eye contact, but continued regardless.  “But when he, um, shot, it was the strangest thing.  You'd never guess.”

I stared at her for a moment.  “Actually, I might...”

“It was black!”

I couldn't help but laugh.

She hesitated for a moment, then laughed too.  “It's crazy, isn't it?  I guess it's symbolic.  I wonder what it means.”

So I told her a little about the genie, deliberately skipping past the first two wishes, and avoiding all mention of the cum stains on my bedroom carpet.

“Uh huh,” she said, smiling.  “Don't you get three wishes?  What about your other two?”

“Well,” I started, blushing.  I took a deep breath and went on.  “I might have asked for a bigger dick and knowing how to use it.”

She suppressed a laugh.  “Right.  Not endless riches or world peace?”

“I did try world peace but apparently it’s not allowed under the terms.”

“Terms?”  Gabrielle stared at me for a few moments, shaking her head, before bursting out into laughter.  “So you think my dream means I should sleep with you and your magically enhanced dick?  You know, guys have told me some crazy lies to try to get me into bed, but I reckon you've outdone all of them.”  She paused for a moment, then looked me in the eye.  “Perhaps you deserve... a prize for effort.”

“A prize?”

“Duh!  How can someone so smart with gadgets and stuff be so dumb around women?”  She leant in close and whispered in my ear.  “That dream left me so horny.  It's just sex, though.  Tomorrow, we go back to being friends, okay?”

Some part of me knew that wasn't what I wanted.  But, of course, I didn’t listen to that part.  “Okay!”

I followed her quickly back to her share house.  It was only about five minutes walk, but it seemed like forever, especially with my semi-erect cock not fitting into my jeans as comfortably as it once had.

We were halfway back to her house when she asked, “Do you have a condom?”

“Yes,” I started, thinking about the two that I’d been carrying around forever.  I hoped they hadn’t hit their use by date.  That would be embarrassing.  Then I had another thought.  Slim fit.  “Uh no, actually.”

So we took a detour to the campus pharmacy.  She rolled her eyes when I picked a box of extra large condoms off the shelf, and looked slightly surprised when I took them to the counter.

 ***

When we finally made it to her house, she led me straight to her room and pressed her black lips against my, well, not-so-black lips.

Suddenly, my thoughts were swamped with dozens of different memories of kissing.  So many that I couldn't concentrate on what I was trying to do.

“Are you okay?” Gabrielle asked.

“Yes, it’s just... er, I mean, I’m fine,” I said, and then muttered under my breath, “Leave me alone.”

“Pardon?”

“Um, nothing.  Just I'm happy we're alone.”

She looked at me oddly for a moment.  “Yeah, my housemates shouldn't be back for an hour or so.  So...”

She flicked on the small Bluetooth speaker in her room.  “Um, perhaps not Fields of the Nephilim today.”  She fiddled briefly with her phone and the Rolling Stones blared out.

She turned back to me, struggled for a minute to remove her black boots and then started to dance.  Slowly, she unzipped her black skirt and let it fall to the floor.  Her black shirt fell almost to the top of her black hold-up fishnet stockings.  Then she reached for the hem of the shirt and lifted it up, exposing more of her pale skin and her matching purple bra and knickers.

“Purple?” I said, my mouth falling open.

She smiled. “Yeah, I'm getting kinda bored with black.  I might not bother with the whole goth thing next year.  And this morning, I really felt like purple for some reason.  Do you like?”  She did a little spin, still dancing sexily.

I didn't say anything, but her smile suggested that she was happy to take the fact that I hadn't closed my mouth as a 'yes'.

Gabrielle used one finger to push my mouth closed and then reached for the hem of my T-shirt.  She lifted it over my head, and then worked on my jeans.  She pulled down my jeans and trunks together and my cock sprang up in all its newfound glory.

“Wow,” she said, eyes opened wide.  “Sorry I doubted you on the 'extra large' condoms.  How have I never noticed that you had that packed away?”

“Well,” I started to explain.  I never finished as I gasped at the sensation of her tongue ring flicking across the most sensitive area below the tip of my cock.

She struggled to get it into her mouth, but her tongue and that piercing felt great on the bits that she could reach.  She chuckled a little as Mick Jagger sang about painting it black.  “I’m trying to paint it black,” she said pointing at the lipstick stains, “but I can’t get to all of it.”  She valiantly tried to sink her lips further down my cock.

It felt so good that I worried about painting things black myself.  The hundreds of memories of premature ejaculation that flooded my mind did not help.  I murmured a few choice words about Eugenie’s choice of memories to pass on to me.

Gabrielle looked up at me, with one hand at the base of my cock.  “Are you okay?”

“That’s amazing.  Almost too amazing.”  I helped her to her feet and then a little memory suggested that I should pick her up and throw her onto the bed.  As it turned out, that was a memory from someone much stronger than me, so we sort of fell awkwardly onto the bed together.

She laughed a little, but seemed to be impressed when I undid her bra with one hand and took her nipple into my mouth.  Maybe the add-in wasn’t completely useless.

As I kissed down her lower stomach, my brain was filled with images, smells and sensations of oral sex on dozens of other women.  As I pulled her panties down, I wondered to myself how best to handle her clit piercing and was met with a couple of moments of silence inside my brain.  Then the memories all came rushing back.  Finally, unable to take any more, I stuck my tongue out as far as it could go, touching her piercing lightly, and asked the memories to leave me alone.  Except with my tongue out, it sounded more like, “La la a-la.”  That seemed close enough to restore my head to silence.

Gabrielle gasped.  “Oh my god, do that again.”

So I repeated, “La la a-la.  La la a-la.”

She pulled my head in against her.  I just kept repeating my nonsense line, until she jerked against me and cried out in pleasure.

She released her grip on my head, and smiled down at me.  I moved up her body and she kissed me, cleaning her own juices off my face.

“Where the hell did you learn that trick?” she asked.

“Um, mostly made it up as I went along.”

“Well, it worked for me.  Now I’m ready to try getting that monster inside me.  Just take it slowly, okay?”

We started with her on top, controlling the pace and depth of penetration.  I just lay back and tried to actually concentrate on the woman I'd fantasised about for so long, and not the hundreds of others my mind was recalling.

She soon got into it, enthusiastically riding me.  I surprised myself with my own stamina, although the five orgasms in the preceding twenty-four hours may have helped there.

She suggested a change to doggy style.  We built up the pace and it sounded like Gabrielle was rapidly approaching another orgasm as I could feel my own nearing.  Then I looked up into the mirrored wardrobe.  She made eye contact with me in the reflection and smiled.  But in my mind, I saw an image of a different room, with mirrors around the walls and on the ceiling.  And a tanned blonde woman being taken by a man whose reflection looked familiar.  A younger version of someone I knew.

“McNamara!”  I cried out.

“What?” asked Gabrielle.

“Er, sorry.”

“That was a bit weird, and I'm getting a little sore.  Can we stop?  But if you want, you could cum on my face.” 

As it happened, I did want that. 

So I finished, standing by the bed, where she sat, with her deep blue eyes looking up at me from under her black eyeliner.  Like my favourite porn movies, I stroked myself as she licked the head of my cock, and she snaked one hand down between her thighs.  It ended in almost the same way as those movies, as my first shot went across her lips and cheek, and then I filled her mouth with more and more cum.  Soon after, she clamped her thighs around her hand, shut her eyes and moaned as she came.  Almost the standard porn ending, but with one major difference.

Through half-open eyes, she looked down to where my cum had dripped down onto her breast.  Her eyes went wide.  “Holy fuck!  It is black.  You don't have some weird disease, do you?”

“No.”

She walked to the mirror and looked at her face.  “Arrgh!  It's staining my teeth.”  Then she ran off and left the room for a minute.  When she returned, she said, “The good news is that it rinses off.  The bad news is that it doesn't seem to whiten teeth like charcoal, though.”

“Damn, I should have wished for that.”

“So, there was really a genie?”

“Yeah.”

“And you wanted him—”

“Her.  Most definitely a female genie.”  For some reason, I'd put my hands in front of my chest to indicate Eugenie's most remarkable features.  I tried to casually lower them again.

Gabrielle stared for a few moments.  “Right.  So you wanted her to make me fall for you.”  She scanned my face.  “Shit.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have done this.”

“It was amazing.  We were great together.”

“The sex was good, but...  I'm not looking for anything serious right now.  I'm going to live in Europe next year and French kiss a Frenchman, and... and, well, sow my wild oats.  Or let lots of hot European men sow their wild oats in me, or on me.  White wild oats!  Well, maybe from black men, but you know what I mean.  Naturally-coloured wild oats.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds, before Gabrielle went on.  “So this genie thought black cum would make me fall head over heels for you?  Pretty shit genie, if you ask me.”

“She did say human love was tricky.”

“It is.  It's not usually influenced by semen colour, though.”

“Yeah.  I probably should have read about the complaints process a little better...”

***

That was the only time I ever slept with Gabrielle. 

I did go back to McNamara’s in the hope of finding the genie again, but it is rather difficult to make eye contact with someone when you’ve used their most intimate memories as the basis for a lengthy masturbation session.  So I started going to the big computer store in town, which was where I met Jasmine.

She’s lovely and we have so much in common.  I think we both sensed straight away that we could be good together.  Even having awkwardness in common couldn’t keep us apart.

But she is very small, with a small mouth, so finds oral a challenge with my increased girth.  And she says that anal is definitely out of the question.  I think I'm okay with all of that.  More or less.

She's also a little bit suspicious about how a shy geeky guy like me seems to have so much sexual experience, and wonders why I sometimes seem distracted during sex.  But since we have usually had the lights out, and we’ve been using condoms, I've so far managed to hide Eugenie's other magical change.  Except that now, Jasmine's going onto the pill and we've both been tested, so we can finally do away with the condoms.  She's also hinted that she'd be open to me coming on her breasts or face and is very, very suspicious that I haven't jumped at the chance.  So, sometime soon, I'm going to have some explaining to do.