Part 2.
It was Saturday afternoon and I was back scrabbling in my wardrobe with my mom standing outside watching me.
"A date?" she asked, surprised. I could tell she was slightly concerned with this sudden change in our routine.
I came out grasping a black sparkly top and black pleated skirt. "Do you think I should wear tights?" I asked as I slipped out of my top and jeans. "Or stockings?" I was already wearing black underwear. I gave a little squeal of impatience. Nope. No tights or stockings. Go bare. Bare is good.
Mom didn't say anything and just raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, un huh," I said, trying to explain. "A boy I met yesterday at college. We um did an assignment together. He's nice. It's no big deal. He um asked me out and I said yes. I'm meeting him next to the tube and bus interchange and we're just going to hang out in the city. Do a bit of shopping and stuff."
"He likes to shop?" laughed mom. "He sounds a keeper. What's his name?"
I finished dressing and turned so that mom could sort out my hair. "Rick. Rick Derringer."
Mom seemed impressed. "Hmmmmm, that's quite the moniker. Is he cute?"
"Mooooooooooooom!" I sighed and she laughed.
"What time you meeting him?" she asked.
"In a couple of hours or so. Twoish. Sorry for the short notice. Can I get a ride?"
Mom was still drawing the heavy brush through my hair. "Oh, I was always going to drive you there, sweetie."
She put the brush on my dresser and pulled my hair back so she could tie a ribbon around it.
I bounced forward and did a twirl in front of her. "How do I look? What do you think?"
Mom looked me up and down. "I think this Rick Derringer is a very lucky boy."
*
He was already waiting for me as mom pulled up to the curb.
I turned to her and gave her a stern "stay in the car!" look. She just laughed as she undid her seatbelt and opened the door.
"Mom," I hissed. "MOM!" Too late. Dammit!
I grabbed my small bag and scrambled to get out of the car before standing for a second to smooth everything down before slipping the strap over my shoulder.
Rick sat on the top step of the stairway leading into the bus concourse. He stood up when he saw our car pull up and raised a hand when we both got out.
Mom gave him a wave and leaned towards me. "Handsome," she grinned. "Pick you up at five okay?"
"Five!" I called over my shoulder as I was already halfway up the steps.
I stopped and waited until mom pulled away giving her a quick wave. Then, feeling suddenly awkward, I turned to face my date. He seemed frozen to the spot and didn't say anything but just gawped at me as I gathered my wits and went up to meet him.
"Hi," I said.
He just nodded and slowly looked me up and down.
"Hi." he croaked. "You look," his voice tailed off as I stood there with my black blouse sparkling in the mid-afternoon sun.
"Maybe we should go someplace," I said, breaking the spell between us. "We could go in the Mall and look around."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Wasn't thinking. Sure. Um, after you." He stepped to the side and slipped in beside me as went down the walkway to the shopping centre.
*
An hour or so later and we had pretty much done the tour. A couple of bookshops, chain stores, boutiques, and the big department store that had a huge electronics section where we fiddled around with various mobiles, tablets and typed gibberish onto laptop screens.
We chatted about this and that and our obvious nervousness slipped away though I knew that he was still much more reserved and circumspect than I was.
He never touched me once. Always stood respectfully close and I guess he just didn't want to appear too forward. At least I hoped it was that.
The mall was packed as usual on a Saturday and as we made our way through the crowds, I once again found myself being stared at as people walked by. Some even stopping in their tracks to turn and stare at me before moving on.
I glanced at Rick.
He had a knowing smile on his face as though he understood what was going on. He suddenly stopped.
"Hey, what say we get a bite to eat?"
He twisted around and we were so close I could smell the leather of his jacket as he checked his bearings.
"Eh, there's a couple of restaurants in that direction as well as some cafes and over there are the cookouts."
"Oh, I'm easy," I replied as I stood on tiptoe and shouted in his ear over the noise of the crowds. "Burger, large fries and a coke will do."
"Okay, McDonald's it is." he laughed.
*
"Mmmm." I breathed as I savored the first bite of my burger and then took a sip of coke through the long straw.
Oh my, that was delicious. We sat on the first floor at a window seat where we could look out at the people milling around below. I loved watching the world go by whenever I'd come with friends or parents to the big city.
Rick was chewing on a bunch of fries just watching me. "What's it like?" he asked.
"Like?" I mumbled around another mouthful of burger.
He began to unwrap his meal. "Being the center of attention. You're like some kind of magnet."
"Oh, that," I muttered, coughing slightly as I took another sip of coke. "It's something I've gotten used to I guess. I mean, I can't do anything about the way I look other than putting a bag over my head or something."
He smiled at that. "Now that would be a crime."
"I take after my Great Grandmother. I look just like her. My Gran has a photo of her and it's really weird to see how much we are alike. It only get's awkward when people have to talk to me. Once they get to know me the staring thing isn't so bad. I just try to be normal and not get stuck up or uptight about it." My voice trailed off as I turned my head to look out of the window.
I could feel him staring and thinking about what I said. He had finished his meal and had both elbows on the table in front of him with his fingers clasped together and his chin resting on the top.
"Tom Thumb." he said suddenly.
I turned back to him puzzled. "Excuse me?"
"Tom Thumb. An old movie from the sixties, I think," He nodded. "You're the fairy from Tom Thumb."
What on earth was he talking about?
"I am?"
He sat back. "I knew you reminded me of someone. It's her. The fairy. The story goes that Tom Thumb has a friend who he has adventures with. A trooper. Who one day goes into the forest and comes across a woodland fairy who disappears in front of him.
The next day he goes back and there she is again only this time she doesn't disappear but waits for him sat on a log. They talk and she tell's him all about the fairy folk and how fairies and normal humans shouldn't mix. Over time they fall in love but the only way they can be together is if she gives up her fairy magic.
In the end, his love for her wins her over and she becomes normal just like him and they live happily ever after. You're a woodland fairy. That's why people stare at you. You're different. You have the look of the fairy about you."
I sat staring at him when he finished. I was speechless. Everything around us seemed to fade away into a soft haze. It felt like we had gone beyond a simple date into something more important and emotional. I wanted him to know his words had affected me deeply. I could feel how much I wanted to be with him. For me to be his and for him to be mine.
I sat forward with both hands clutched to my chest. I was staring at him more intently than I had ever stared at anyone before and his eyes widened as he sat back.
"Are you my trooper?" I whispered.
On the wall behind him, the clock was telling me it was time to go.
*
Mom was already there parked up and waiting for me.
A light breeze had picked up and the September sun had begun to slip behind the dark silhouettes of the cityscape. I stopped and turned at the top of the steps feeling sad that our date was nearly over.
We still hadn't touched other than when he used his hand to guide and protect me as we moved through the crowds.
He had his hands in his pockets and was slowly rocking back and forwards on his heels with his thick brown hair ruffling in the breeze. I'd always got the impression that he was kind of holding himself back and not wanting to say too much. For whatever reason, I had no idea.
Looking down the steps, I could see mom leaning against the side of her car watching us.
"Thanks, I had such a nice time, Rick."
He nodded. "I'm glad. Same here," He had started to blush. "You look absolutely beautiful by the way."
Oh, there was that warm giddy feeling again. Making a decision, I quickly stepped up to him and kissed him lightly on his right cheek and I felt him gasp at my sudden display of emotion.
"See you in class," I said and skipped down the steps leaving him staring at me as I gave mom a hug.
*
The drive home was a mostly silent affair. I was lost in my thoughts as I stared out of the window. Beside me, mom kept her thoughts to herself as she concentrated on the road.
"Mom," I asked suddenly.
"Hmmmmm?"
"Do you know about Tom Thumb?"
*
Monday morning class arrived with Sally waiting for me as I got off the bus. She didn't say anything but looked at me brightly. I just nodded at her and walked into college without saying a word. I could tell she was fit to burst.
His chair was empty as we entered the class and a flush of disappointment swept over me as I took my seat. I took out my books and flicked through them idly not really in the mood to get started with Shakespeare 101. Sally gave me a sudden nudge and nodded towards the door.
He was here and I felt the warm wave of anticipation wash over me as he walked up the stairs and stopped. He was wearing a blue striped shirt under his leather jacket and a pair of smart black slacks and black shoes.
"Hello." he said.
Sally was all ears and chewing on the end of her pen pretending to look the other way.
I got to my feet and we stood looking at each other for a moment as a few curious glances turned our way including our teacher who was writing prep on the whiteboard.
I suddenly felt the devil in me and the urge to do something naughty so I deliberately moved towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips that surprised not only me, but him, Sally - who's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head, the curious who murmured amongst themselves and Miss Elsender who hid a huge smile behind a book.
"Hello yourself," I said, biting my lip at the look on his face.
He stood there looking like someone had slapped him. It was only when he realized the whole class was staring at us did he go and take the seat behind me.
I sat down and went back to flipping through the pages of my book as Sally gawped at me in silence to my left.
Oh my. That had been oh so satisfying.
*
Monday became Wednesday that led to Friday.
On Monday, during a mid-morning break in class, I had asked him if he'd go out on another date with me. I was still seated but twisted around so I could talk to him. Behind me, I could imagine Sally eagerly taking notes.
He looked surprised, "Um, actually, I was going to ask you out to the movies tonight. It's the only night I've got free due to work. But sure, absolutely."
"Good. Meet at the same place as Saturday about five thirty?"
"Yeah. Okay."
So Monday was cinema date night.
We met up, did the movie thing, and this time he gave me a peck on the cheek as we saw mom waiting to take me home. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me on the lips but, well, I figured he chickened out with mom watching. At least we were going in the right direction as he had held my hand as we left the movie theater. He was old-fashioned to the point of distraction.
Wednesday began with a knock on the door from the mail man. Mom went to answer it and came back into the kitchen where I was eating breakfast.
"For you." she said and handed me a slim package.
For me?
She sat opposite and sipped her coffee as I gave her a look.
I pulled the package open and "Oh."
"Maybe you should go watch it before class," she smiled. "You've plenty of time."
*
The trooper stood open mouthed as he came upon the woodland fairy.
She was dressed in a tight white bodice with short billowy sleeves, a flowing blue and yellow flowered dress and white stockings with black slippers. She had beautiful long curly sandy blonde hair that had a flowery band at the front.
The trooper stared at her as she realized someone was watching her.
She turned around slowly and their eyes met. She raised a hand to her mouth in fright and disappeared into thin air.
I paused the DVD as I lay on my bed watching the movie on my tv.
The fairy did look like me. My hair was a little darker with a more auburn tint. My eyes and eyelashes much more defined but she bore a striking resemblance to how I appeared over all. But there was something more. Something about the story on a much more spiritual level.
I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I had felt something building within me these past few days. A kind of deep yearning that wouldn't be denied. The desire to do it. With him.
I changed into a sweat top and clean pair of pressed denim jeans and made my way downstairs for a quick bite to eat before I headed to college for the afternoon class.
My mind was racing as it tried to keep up with the surging force of my sexuality that was making my heart sing and me feel light headed all at once. I needed to figure shit out. Serious shit. I wasn't on the pill. Did mom have any? What about the morning after one's? Maybe if I asked him to buy some condoms. Ugh, no. I didn't fancy that at all. Me asking and him using them that is. No, if we were going to do it then we were going to do it properly. It was going to be the whole wham bam thank you mom deal.
I glanced up at mom. Should I tell her? At least let her know how I was feeling and what I wanted to do sooner rather than later.
Another thing. Where and when to do it.
Not here. Mom would be okay I guess if pushed but the old man would flip.
At his house? Hmm nope. Too many people around. Family. Sisters.
I sighed. Where then?
The answer came out of the blue.
Mom was frying up some eggs and bacon for a sandwich. "Oh, by the way," she said above the crackling. "Your Gran is going away for the weekend on some sort of day trip with her friends. A coach thing. She'll be gone a couple of days and she asked if you would be willing to sleep over and keep an eye on the house for her. It'll just be for Saturday night. I'd do it but I have things to do here."
Holy shit. There it was.
"Um, sure mom. No problem." I said trying not to sound so eager.
There was the opportunity. Now all I had to do was ask him.
Oh wait, hang on. Ask him what? Hey you, my ovaries are complaining. Can you come over to sort them out?
Uh geez. The more I thought about my little adventure, the more scared I got. It never occurred to me that asking him if he wanted to sleep with me would be a problem. I'd just assumed he would jump at the chance to screw me silly. I mean, what boy wouldn't?
I automatically assumed he'd had girl friends before. He was most definitely cute. He probably had had more sex than I had hot dinners. I sighed. Stop thinking like that. Never presume too much. What if he said no. Oh boy, that would be as awkward as hell. I'd really have to talk to him seeing as it was my first time.
My first sexual experience. I sat slowly chewing as I imagined what it would be like and what he'd do to me. I had a belly full of butterflies thinking about that one. I wasn't born yesterday but I needed someone to talk to and I knew just the person.
*
Sally looked up as I came to sit beside her. I had called and arranged to meet her earlier than normal at college and that I needed her advice.
She sat listening as I told her what I intended to do. She didn't say anything for a moment as she sat chewing thoughtfully on her gum. She reached up, took the gum out of her mouth and stuck it on the corner of the desk. She had her game face on.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" she asked bluntly. "Have you thought it all through? Like precautions, time and place that sort of thing?"
I nodded.
She gave a grunt and sat sucking her teeth. "Do you love him?"
What?
Love?
I hadn't really considered that. But feeling as I did there was really no doubting that I did. Every thought, every little sensation and moment near him meant the world. I nodded again, finding it difficult to speak.
"He'll be your first, right?" she asked.
Another nod.
She reached across and gave me a hug. "Lucky bastard," she whispered in my ear and we both laughed and got teary.
Afternoon class passed in an emotional blur. Sally kept grasping my left hand under the desk and giving it a squeeze. She glanced behind me at Rick who sat oblivious to our scheming.
"Does he know?" she had asked in the library.
"No," I said. "I was going to ask the teacher if I could leave class early and go wait here," I looked at my best friend. "I was wondering if you would tell him I was waiting for him in the library at the end of class. I'd ask him then."
Sally gave me another hug. "Sure. He'll be there. Even if I have to drag him by his ears."
At quarter to the hour, I packed my things away and got ready to leave. Sally looked up and smiled as I gave her a peck on the cheek. I turned and quickly skipped down the stairs without looking back and I could feel his eyes following me as I asked Miss Elsender if I could leave early as I wasn't feeling too hot. She nodded asking if I'd be ok and I said I would be fine and left the class and headed up towards the library where I took our window table and sat and waited.
*
A wait that felt like an eternity.
"Hi," he said, making me jump as I hadn't heard him approach as I stared out of the window in my own little world. He pulled out a chair and sat down opposite me as he put his bag down by his side.
Whatever I thought or imagined I was going to say to him disappeared like an early morning mist on a lake. Oh shit. How do I even begin to ask him about something like this?
I suddenly sat forward gripping my bag on the desk in front of me.
"Duh..duh do you want to have sex with me?" I blurted out in a gasping whisper, making a face like I had sucked a lemon. Oh God. That was terrible.
His eyebrows shot up and disappeared under his low fringe. His mouth dropped open then popped shut again as his face flushed red.
I was still leaning forward staring at him intently making sure he couldn't look away. "Because I want to have sex with you."
It was out there. I had said it.
*
Friday class passed like a dream.
I had no idea what we were doing and Sally covered for me as I sat in a bubble of intense distraction.
He sat behind me and not a single word had passed between us all lesson. We were like ships passing in the night, each afloat in our thoughts. I was more than thankful when the bell rang so I could head for home.
To my surprise, I felt him step past me and by the time I turned to look at him he was already gone.
"Are you okay?" asked Sally softly. I nodded not looking at her. "C'mon," she urged. "Let's get you out of here."
*
Gran lived in an uptown cull de sac surrounded by lush green striped freshly mowed lawns, white picket fences and thick bushy Sycamores creaking in the wind. I stood at the door as mom got back into her car. "Keys!" she shouted.
I held them up and gave them a jiggle.
"Make sure you lock up!" she called out. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
I gave her a thumbs up and watched as she drove out of the square. It had gone ten as I closed the door and went and had a wander.
Gran had one of those places that reeked of old memories and antique furniture. I went upstairs and found myself standing in her bedroom in front of her double bed with its white blankets and flowery duvet cover.
My heart suddenly ached and I closed my eyes feeling the surge of disappointment. "I'm not sure I can." someone whispered in my ear. I turned and walked down to the kitchen to get a bite to eat from the fridge.
The afternoon slipped slowly away as I sat in the living room reading a book I had brought with me. The evening sun painted my world in an orange glow with warm dappled rays flickering between the trees and in through the window.
It had gone four and as each minute and second ticked by my heart got heavier and heavier. I slowly eased my head back and closed my eyes as I sat in the chair next to the fireplace. What was done was done. It had happened. There was no point worrying about it now. Monday morning would take care of itself.
I sighed. If only the ache in my heart would go awa...
There was a sudden knock at the door.