Dean and I were high school sweethearts. After graduation, he joined the military, and after he returned from boot camp, we decided to get married. We settled into our new home before Dean was deployed for the first time. After I settled in, I enrolled in college courses and worked on my business degree while Dean was away.

Dean loved serving and re-enlisted, and was once again deployed. Dean being gone was very lonely, but I had received my college degree by the time he came home from his second deployment. He was very proud of me and supported me in every way.

I applied and earned a job as a financial adviser in a local firm. I enjoyed my job, and with Dean remaining stateside for over a year, I was thrilled with our lives. Dean came home from the base one night and told me he had volunteered for another deployment. I begged him not to go. With him being home and my school being done, we were finally enjoying our life together, and I loved how it was going.

Dean and I had a long talk that night, and I could see he wouldn't be happy if he didn't go on this deployment. But he promised this would be his last one, and we would have the rest of our lives to be together.

Although sad, I saw Dean off and looked forward to when he would return and be with me to enjoy our lives together. Dean was gone just over six months, and as I was cleaning up after dinner on Wednesday night, there was a knock on the door. As I opened it, the base Chaplin and another officer were at the door. Once I saw them standing there, my heart sank. I knew something terrible had happened. They went on to tell me how Dean was killed in action while on patrol.

I couldn't believe what had happened. I couldn't believe I was now alone at twenty-nine years old. Things were going so well, and now it was all over.

For the next few years, I was a shell of a woman. After isolating myself, I buried myself in my work. I spent long hours in the office only to come home alone and go to bed. It wasn't until my mother-in-law came for an extended visit that she sat me down and told me I needed to move on with my life. "Not saying you forget Dean; he was a fantastic husband. But you are still an attractive young woman, and you should not be alone."

I thought about our talk. I missed Dean so much, and especially sharing a bed with him. I would pleasure myself, but I couldn't be with another man sexually. I felt like I would betray Dean if I did. His mother pointed out how Dean would have wanted me to move on and be happy and not mope over him.

I shared with my friend Tammy at work about my conversation with my mother-in-law. She reinforced what my mother-in-law told me and felt it would be a good idea to date again. Tammy continued to get me to get back out there. One day she told me about a friend of her husband who was divorced but was a great guy and asked me if I would go out with her, her husband, and this guy for dinner one night. I was still uncomfortable about it, but after her constant prodding, I gave in and agreed to just dinner.

We all went to dinner, and I met Sam. Sam was a very handsome and charming guy. We all had a good time, and at the end of the night, he asked if he could call me. I gave him my number and told him yes. On the way home, I thought Sam was very nice, but I didn't feel that it was what I wanted. But I decided to keep an open mind and give it a chance before I decided or ended anything.

Sam did call the next day, and we made a date for next Saturday night for dinner. I told Sam I would meet him at the restaurant. I planned this purposely. At this point, I didn't want Sam to pick me up and know exactly where I lived, and secondly, I had my car available if I wanted to end the date earlier than planned.

I thought long and hard about how this date might end. I am not the woman who jumps into a man's bed on the first date. But let's face it. A woman can only rely on her fingers or vibe for so long. It has been almost four years since I had a man. It was the last night before Dean shipped out. I was aching for a real man. Then, finally, I snapped back into reality, thinking I was getting ahead of myself. I did not even know if it would go that well.

I spent all of Saturday afternoon trying to pick the right outfit. I didn't want to wear anything that might give out the wrong signals, and I didn't want anything to make me look like a widowed librarian.

I decided on a black and white print dress just above my knees. I was a little concerned since it was spaghetti strapped. I may be showing too many of my 38DDs. But I decided not to worry about it. I did look good in it, and it clung to my body in all the right places. Looking in the mirror, I felt good about how I looked.

I arrived at the restaurant on time. Sam was already there and was sitting at the table. As I walked to him, I could see his eyes widen, and a big smile came across his face. He stood as he pulled my seat out for me to sit down. He told me how great I looked as he pushed my chair in. This was a plus. Only a few men are real gentlemen anymore.

The night went well. We had a good meal and some excellent conversation. I have to admit, it felt good to have the company of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, when the waiter brought the check, Sam paid it and refused my offer to pay my half. (I thought I would ask; I didn't expect him to take my offer but felt if I paid, I was not obligated to feel like I should jump into his bed.)

We left the restaurant, and Sam walked me to my car. My anxiety was sky-high, and I did not know what to expect next. Sam opened my door for me. He kissed me softly on my lips and told me he didn't want to over-step, but he had a wonderful time and would love for the evening to continue. He didn't want to be too forward, but we could go to his place for a quiet nightcap if I desired. There it was, the offer. I never decided what I was going to do if he asked. But without thinking, I blurted out, "That would be nice."

Where did that come from? I thought to myself. Sam offered to ride with me, and he would be able to get his car later. He guided me to his place, where we had a few more drinks and continued our conversation. Sam leaned over to me and slowly moved to kiss me. I didn't protest, so he continued into me. Our kiss was more passionate than the last one. His hands caressed up and down my body, and I have to admit it felt wonderful.

As our kiss continued, our passion built. Sam's hands were all over my body, and when his hand cupped and caressed my left boob, I loudly moaned. Sam asked if I wanted to go to his bedroom. I couldn't answer, I tried, but I couldn't get the words out. Finally, I nodded my head yes. He took my hand and walked me hand-in-hand to his bedroom.

We stood next to his king-sized bed. Facing each other, we kissed once again as we undressed each other. Once naked, Sam lay me on the bed and hovered over me as he continued our kiss. His hands caressed my naked body. Sam's hands and lips caressed and kissed up and down my body. I tingled from his touches. My nipples were rock hard as Sam kissed, licked, and sucked on my nipples. My body felt alive once again. Sam kissed down my body and moved between my legs. I closed my eyes and started breathing heavily with anticipation. My legs spread wider for Sam. When I felt his tongue slowly lick up my slit and flick over my clit, I squirmed and moaned loudly.

My hips hiked up to grind into his face. I didn't want him to stop licking my pussy. A fire lit in me that I had forgotten about. Sam continued licking my clit and pussy as he slid a finger into my soaking wet pussy. His finger curled back and massaged my G-spot. My moans turned to screams as I begged Sam not to stop. Sam continued licking me and caressing my G-spot, making me explode into an orgasm unlike any I had felt; four years of pent-up sexual frustration flowed out of my body with a toe-curling orgasm.

Lying in bed, my tits heaving as I gasp for air. Sam was lying next to me, holding me. As I slowly regain my composure, I move more to my side as I face Sam. My hand moves to him as I take his rock-hard cock. Slowly I stroke him. First time I have held a man's cock in about four years. As my strength comes back, I lean over to Sam. Taking his cock into my mouth. I closed my eyes as I forgot how much I loved sucking cock. In and out, Sam's cock slid between my lips. My mouth took him to the base and held him there as I used my tongue to lick up and down his shaft. Hearing Sam moan, I chuckled as I thought I didn't lose my oral skills.

Sam pushed me off him and onto my back, with my knees in the air. He moved over me and settled between my legs. Looking down, he told me he wanted to be in me. Then, looking up at him with lust, I begged him to enter me. I wanted to feel his cock and for him to fuck me.

Sam reached between us as he took hold of his cock, and guided it to my wet opening. Feeling his hard cock against my lips makes me shiver. Then, Sam slowly pushed into me. I gasped loudly as I felt his head open up my pussy and enter me. As Sam thrust in and out of me, my moans turned to screams of pleasure. I begged Sam to fuck me, and it didn't take long before I was screaming as I rode my first orgasm. Sam continued to thrust into me, ramming his dick deeper and harder. Before long, I was on the edge of my second orgasm. As my body tensed, Sam thrusts deep into me and held it there as I felt his dick spasm deep in me as he shot jet after jet of his creamy thick cum into me.

Sam collapsed on me as we held each other. I couldn't move if I wanted to, but I felt some solace feeling Sam's weight on me as we held each other. We fucked two more times that night before I left early in the morning.

Leaving Sam early in the morning, I felt so relaxed and satisfied. However, I had to endure the "Drive of Shame" on the way home. As I drove through the neighborhood, Bob Johnson was putting his golf clubs in his car for his tee time. Jerry and Mary Jennings were out for their morning run, and our paperman was driving through the neighborhood delivering the morning paper. I felt the stares and judgments of them all.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing around the house, spending some time poolside. In the afternoon, I received a text from Sam telling me how he enjoyed last night. That was sweet and made me think more about our night together.

I relived the night repeatedly, which got me all worked up. Finally, as night fell, the weather turned, and it started to rain. I finished cleaning everything up and went up to my bedroom. I got naked and lay on my bed. This was nothing new since I enjoyed being naked at home and sleeping in the nude.

On my bed, I once again thought about my night with Sam. I was once again wet quickly. The weather turned worse as some thunderstorms moved in. I always loved watching the lightning light up the sky and hearing the big bang afterward. Between the storm and reliving last night, my fingers quickly found their way between my legs.

I moved my fingers over my clit and watched the lightning out the window when something caught my eye. I was so excited I didn't want to stop rubbing, hell I don't think I could even if I had to—another flash of lightning. I could see a silhouette of someone in the window next door. I couldn't be sure, but he looked like he was stroking his cock. I rubbed faster, and before long, my hips were hiking off the bed as I brought myself to a wild orgasm.

I didn't lie there and savored my orgasm like I usually did. Instead, I went to the bathroom to clean up. I kept the light off and tried to see who was at the neighbor's window, but the storm had passed, and the lightning no longer lit up the sky. Since Dean passed away, I stayed to myself, and although I knew my neighbors, I didn't mingle with them much at all, so I had no idea whose bedroom that might be.

I turned the bedroom light off and crawled back into bed. I was angry that someone was watching me, but the more I thought about it, I had to admit it turned me on. I woke up the following day, and after my shower, I went downstairs to get my binoculars. First, I closed the curtains to where I thought no one would see me looking. Then, I peeked through them with my binoculars.

"That little perv!" I could see it was a boy's room. The neighbors had a young son; he was young the last I paid attention to him, but that was years ago. He had to be close to college age now. So that must have been him watching me. How long has he been peeping on me? Just what has he seen?

I heard a noise outside. It was him, Josh. Only Josh was not so little anymore. He was cutting the grass, had no shirt on, and was well-built. I felt a certain tingle, but I didn't understand why. Then it hit me. His build, height, and weight, even his gait, reminded me of Dean. As I continued to watch Josh, I cried as it made me think of Dean, yet my pussy was wet. My hand found itself again in my shorts as I fingered myself and watched Josh.

I was still trying to figure out what I saw last night. I again planned a show for tonight. As it got to bedtime, I noticed the light was on in the room next door. I went to my room, turned on the lights, and undressed. I noticed that once I turned on my bedroom lights, the lights next door went off. I walked around the room, making it look like I was getting ready for bed. I was right. I could see a silhouette standing in the window. Like last night, I lay in bed and pleasured myself. Again, it wasn't easy to know, but it sure did look like whoever was in that room was jerking off as he watched me.

I wasn't angry tonight knowing someone was watching. But conversely, I was more turned on, knowing I was being watched. After that night, I paid more attention to my neighbors, which convinced me that Josh was watching me. The more I watched him, the more I saw Dean's actions in him. So, I watch him regularly now.

Sam called asking for another date. So we decided to go out again this Saturday night. Sam picked me up, and we went for a beautiful dinner before he brought me back home. I invited him for a nightcap, eventually leading us to my bedroom.

I planned this since we made a date. I made sure my bedroom was dimly lit. Not very bright, but bright enough for my peeper to watch. Sam and I embraced in a passionate kiss as we stood where we could be seen. I could look across the yard while the lights were still on next door. I confirmed what my suspicions were. I saw Josh standing in the room. Once he noticed my lights on, his went off.

As Sam and I continued kissing, we undressed and soon stood in each other's arms naked. I wanted to be visible to my peeper, so as Sam and I stood at the foot of the bed, I knelt before Sam, wrapping my lips around his cock as I sucked him. Knowing I was being watched excited me even more. My mouth bobbed up and down on his cock as if it was the last time I would ever suck a cock. The faster I sucked Sam, the louder his moans got. I wasn't going to stop tonight; I wanted to taste him. I wanted him to explode in my mouth. Sam's hand moved to the back of my head, and once he thrust into my mouth, he held my head as his dick spasmed in my mouth. I was tasting his seed as he filled my mouth. I sucked and swallowed every drop he pumped into my mouth and sucked on him until his cock went limp in my mouth.

Sam moved me onto the bed as he lay between my legs, hiking my leg as his tongue licked over my hardening clit. Watching Sam licking me was even more exciting because as I looked down at Sam, I could also see Josh watching across the yard. It didn't take long for me before my body shook and ground my hips into Sam's face exploding in a wild orgasm.

Pulling Sam up, I kissed him passionately, tasting my cum on his lips and tongue. As our kiss broke, I told Sam I wanted him to fuck me. I asked him to fuck me doggie style. I positioned myself to look out the window, and Sam moved behind me. My eyes were locked on Josh as Sam rammed his dick hard and deep into me. My tits swayed with every hard thrust. I felt Sam's hands tighten around my hips as he rammed a few hard thrusts deep into me. Those hard deep thrusts drove me over the edge exploding on Sam's dick. Sam's hands tightened more as I felt his seed filling my pussy.

I collapsed on the bed, and Sam collapsed next to me. He held me in his arms, and we both fucked so hard that we fell asleep for about an hour. Once we woke again, we fucked again before Sam had to leave.

After that night, Sam and I talked, and we both decided that although the sex was amazing, we didn't have that much in common, so we stopped seeing each other.

Although being with Sam awoke my sexual being again, I didn't want anyone permanent in my life at this time. I don't know where this came from, but I couldn't get enough of knowing Josh was watching me. I never wanted anyone to see me before, but I was performing for him now. Maybe it was because he reminded me of Dean and brought back many pleasant memories.

About a week later, I was lying in my new white bikini poolside. I was out there for a while, and I kept looking up at Josh's window to see if he was watching me, but I couldn't know if he was. I then heard a noise at the fence. So, I casually looked where the noise was, and there he was. Josh was at the fence looking at me. I looked around and couldn't see anyone else, so I caressed my tits to give Josh a little show.

After a few more minutes, I had enough. I stood up. I looked at Josh and curved my index finger, calling him. "You, at my front door, NOW!"

I turned and walked into my house. I watched to see if Josh would come. He was. I watched as he slowly walked to my front door. I didn't cover up. I left my bikini on. My tits are almost popping out of it. He rang the doorbell. I wasn't going to make this easy for him. I flung the door open. "Get in here!"

He slowly entered, and I walked him into my kitchen and had him sit on a stool at my counter. So, Josh, you have been a bit of a perv, right? He hung his head and didn't answer. I became stern as I said, "Live up to your behaviors. You have been a perv, haven't you!"

"Yes, I'm sorry he answered."

"What were you doing, Josh?"

"I was looking through the fence at you; I am sorry; I will never do it again. Please don't tell my parents."

I went on to ask him if he had peeped at me before today. He quickly said he didn't. I asked him who had been watching me in the dark at your window every night. Josh turned red and again started to apologize.

I stopped him, "Don't apologize. Instead, tell me, did you like what you were watching?"

He was uncomfortable, but he did mumble out. "Even from a far away, you looked so hot."

So, you're telling me you were too far away to get a good look. Josh looked down to the floor and nodded his head yes. I chuckled, but then not sure where this came from since it was something I had never done before or even thought of, I reached back and undid my bikini top. I let it fall to the floor as I asked Josh, "Do you have a better look now?"

Josh looked up from the floor and widened his eyes as he saw my big tits bare before him.

"I asked him if his girlfriend had tits like these?"

 Still staring at my tits, Josh told me he had no girlfriend. "So, you never touched a woman's breast before? "

He nodded his head no as I stepped closer to him. Taking his hand in mine, I guided his hand to my breast and placed it on them. I instructed him to caress them as I removed my hand from his. His hand cupped and fondled my tits. I encouraged him, telling him how good it felt. Hearing my encouragement, he gained more confidence as his hand became more aggressive on my tits.

I could see his cock growing as his shorts tented as he sat before me. My hand cupped his face as I whispered to him, "Josh, we can help each other out if you can keep a secret because no one, and I mean no one, can be told about it."

He looked into my eyes, "Help each other; how?"

"You need a woman to show you the joys and pleasures of a sexual relationship, and I need a steady man in my life to satisfy my sexual needs. Don't you think we could help each other out with that?"

Josh's face lit up as he heard my proposal. "Yes, Mrs. G, I think we can help each other out, and I promise I will tell no one."

I leaned into Josh and softly kissed him on his lips. I moved along his face, put my mouth at his ear, and whispered. "Tell me, Josh, what do you want me to do for you?"

I slid my hand up and under the leg of his shorts as I took hold of his already hard cock. Josh gasped and tensed as he savored a woman taking hold of his hard cock. Josh was trembling as he answered me. "I would love for you to do what you did with that man the other night."

Again, in a soft sexual and sensual voice, I whispered, "You want me to suck your cock, don't you?"

Josh just nodded his head. I pulled his shorts down over his hips. As he hiked his ass off the stool, I pulled them off him, his boxers going with them. Out popped his already rock-hard cock. Taking it in my hands and caressing it as I stroked it, I was pretty pleased with Josh's dick. It was bigger and thicker than I imagined. It was like I was accustomed to. It was just like Dean's.

I didn't say a word. Instead, I smiled at Josh and lowered my head, and wrapped my lips around his young cock. Josh moaned loudly as I took all his cock into my mouth and slowly moved my lips up and down on his cock.

Josh was moaning louder as he continued to tell me how amazing it felt and begged me not to stop. I could hear his breathing get heavier as his cock slid between my lips. I knew he wouldn't last too long. I was enjoying this young cock in my mouth, and I was working hard when I heard Josh scream out. "Oh." His body tensed, and I felt his cock spasm in my mouth as I tasted his young cum filling my mouth. I sucked and swallowed everything he gave me and held his cock in my mouth until he went limp.

I kissed him softly on his lips and asked him, "Now, isn't it better to have someone suck your cock than jerk it off every day."

"Fuck yes, that was the best."

He blushed as he told me he would like to do more. I chuckled, "What would you like to do now, Josh?"

He told me how he would like to lick me down there like that man did the other night. He then confessed that although he has seen that act on porn sites, he was unsure what to do. I smiled, placed my hand on his face, and in a very soft voice, I told him how I would walk him through it. My hands pushed my bikini bottoms down over my hips. Josh's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped as he stared at my freshly waxed pussy.

I jumped on the counter as Josh sat on the stool before me. I leaned back and spread my legs, and opened my labia. I ease his anxiety by giving some insights into the woman's pussy. First, I told him that there was no secret to it. A woman will tell you if she likes what you are doing to her by telling you how much she wants it or her moans and breathing getting louder. Next, I pointed out to him where a woman's clit was and said it was "pleasure central" for a woman. Finally, I told him to always pay attention to her clit. A woman will get turned on whether he is rubbing or licking it.

I put my hand on Josh's head and pulled him in my pussy. "Lick it, Josh."

I watched as his tongue slowly darted out of his mouth, and he licked up my slit very slowly. I thought it was sexy seeing a young man get his first taste of pussy. He must have liked the taste since he quickly dove back in for more. He listened well as his tongue went to my clit and flickered over it. I encouraged Josh, telling him how good that felt and pleading for him to lick me more. I might have gone too far in the encouraging department as I moaned loudly. Josh made me feel great and aroused me, but my moans were off the chart. But I thought it necessary to give Josh a positive experience.

I then told him to put two fingers in me and showed him where a woman's G-spot is as I said before, he was a quick study. He soon had me at the edge of orgasm as my body shook and my moans became louder, screaming that I was cumming.

I propped myself on the counter, looking over at Josh. My tits were heaving as I was still gasping for air. I could see a smile on Josh's face as he was pretty proud of himself. Once I regained strength, I jumped off the counter and kissed Josh. This time not a soft peck on the cheek. It was a hot passionate kiss. I could taste myself on Josh's lips and tongue, and I loved it.

My hand slid between us, and I started to stroke his once again hard cock. Then, breaking our kiss again, I whispered seductively in his ear. "Josh, I want this in me. I want you to fuck me. Do you think you can do that now?"

The excitement on Josh's face was precious. His head bobbed up and down as if he was a bobblehead. Finally, I calmly took Josh's hand and told him to. "Come with me."

I walked him to my bedroom. I went over, closed the curtains, and chuckled, telling him, "We wouldn't want anyone peeping now, would we."

I moved onto the bed and called Josh to me. My knees up in the air, Josh settled between them. I pulled his head down to me and once again kissed him passionately. My breathing was already heavy as I was so hot. I reached between us and took hold of his cock, and guided it to my wet opening. My arms wrapped around his neck, holding him tight to me. I whispered, "Shove it in, Josh. I want you in me, fuck me."

Josh pushed his hips into me. I could feel his dick slide into my soaking wet pussy, and I could hear him gasp from the pleasure. Again, I encouraged Josh, telling him how good he felt in me and how much I wanted him to fuck me. The harder Josh pounded into me, the more I wanted. I begged him for more. He thrust harder and deeper.

I moaned louder, "Yes, fuck me, don't stop, fuck me, Dean!"

I immediately heard myself and shuttered. Oh my God, I called him Dean. I called out to my dead husband. I thought that was it. We were done. But to my surprise, I was unsure if Josh didn't hear me or if he didn't care. He continued to fuck hard and deep into me. I soon forgot about my call out and was exploding—a wild gushing orgasm. Still moaning loudly and gasping for air, I realized Josh was pounding in me. That is when I grasped that he was still hard. He didn't cum.

Feeling his dick ramming hard into me touch depths that haven't been touched in years. I called out for Josh to "FUCK ME! Harder, Josh, more give it all to me."

The more I begged him, the harder He fucked me. Our bodies glistened with sweat. The harder Josh thrust in and out of me, the closer I knew he was. My arms tightened around him as I held him tight to me. His hips thrust hard and deep and stayed deep in me. I could feel his cock spasm deep in me. I screamed out as I, too, was sent over the edge in another orgasm.

Josh collapsed on top of me. Both of us are breathing heavily. I held him tight; I didn't want this to end. I didn't want Josh to move. Finally, after an eternity, I kissed Josh on his shoulder and thanked him. Telling him how much I needed that and building his confidence by telling him how good he was.

We lay in bed holding each other. I knew I had to address the elephant in the room, but I needed to figure out how to proceed. I thought about letting it go hoping Josh didn't hear it, but I knew that would be wrong. I was always taught that if you made a mistake, face it and admit it.

I reached deep down to address it. "Josh, I am very sorry for, well, you know, what I blurted out."

Josh looked up at me. He grinned devilishly, "You mean by yelling out your dead husband's name as I was fucking you."

That broke the ice, and we both started to laugh. He told me it was no big deal, but I reiterated how it was not the right thing to do. I was just caught up in the heat of the moment. The last time I was so turned on was with Dean. It brought me back to that night, and I am sorry. I didn't mean any disrespect.

I was blown away to hear Josh tell me he understood. He knew it was a significant loss for me and that I greatly loved my husband. "I heard all the neighbors talk about how you pulled away and isolated yourself because you loved your husband so much. So, I understand and am not insecure or freaked out because you yelled his name out."

With tears in my eyes, I leaned over and kissed Josh.

Josh realized how late it was and told me he had to get home before anyone was looking for him. We exchanged cell numbers, and I again reminded him how NO one could hear about this. I walked Josh downstairs where he got dressed. I kissed him before he left and went back up to my bed.

I lay in bed thinking about what had happened. I couldn't understand it. I was never a woman who went against society's norms. My only rationale was that I saw the resemblance between Dean and Josh. It made me forget my loss for a few hours. I don't know if that is a legitimate reason for my actions, but I don't want it to stop.

That was the only time I questioned what I was doing with Josh. I didn't second-guess my actions after that night. Josh and I have been enjoying each other sexually for a few years. My sexual life has been amazing, as Josh is always ready to give me what I need. He also gets a great deal out of our relationship. He has become more confident in bed and has excellent stamina and quick recoup time. He also wants to try new things, and I am always willing to help him experiment. There is nothing better than having a young stud with benefits.