Everyone's first time was either great or horrible. Mine was neither.
I
It was just a week before Highschool and I had been talking to a guy I had a crush with in Middle School on IM. He was the ladies' man type of guy. He was muscular, adorable and smart. He went out with numerous girls in Middle School, and I was just the type who could only dream of having a boyfriend. Anyways, I blushed everytime we talked, and I had always waited for him to go online. Finally, after hours and hours of talking on line... he blurted it out, " I LOVE YOU." And it all started there. It was the usual first relationships at that age... didn't talk in school, but when we got home, we'd message each other online. Until there's no more to talk about. So we ended it after 2 weeks.
I then started to talk to this guy I also had a crush on in Middle School. He was the nice, smart, not-so-muscular type. He had a nice smile and a good sense of humour. Everytime he smiled, I felt like blushing and exploding inside. I wanted to throw myself onto him and hug him tight. I wanted to kiss him, but I was scared. And so, I talked to him on IM since he went to another HighSchool. I could tell he liked me. Everytime we said we had to go... we would say goodbye forever! We talked and talked and I couldn't take it anymore. My hands were sweaty and felt shaky. I blurted out the fact that I had feelings for him. That I liked him ever since Middle School. He felt the same towards me and it was a good scene.
I felt this guy was the one, until a guy from school began to talk to me, and showed me that he was interested in me. He was Al. He was 6 feet tall, dark, muscular and an athletic guy. He played football, basketball and a part of track and field. He was the kind of guy who would hug 'playfully' with other girls even if he had a girlfriend. Anyway, one day... he begged for me to go with him to the park nearby the school and to talk. That's when it happened. He took me there not to talk, but to take my first kiss ! He slightly touched my chin and kissed me softly. I was there with my eyes open, wondering why I didn't back away when he did it.
"That doesn't count, your hair was on the way.. " He protested.
He kissed me again, and I didn't care anymore. I was confused and lacked concentration during my afternoon classes.
Later that day, I went home and told my boyfriend. He was speechless and told me that he would be back. I waited for what seemed like forever, and he told me it was okay -that he loves me no matter what and that we would forget about it.
I told Al that I had told my boyfriend about it, and he seemed disappointed. He asked about it, and I made it clear to him that I will stay with my boyfriend.
A month and a half of not seeing each other and not talking online for three days, we ended it. I didn't cry, though I 'loved' this guy. I didn't care anymore. I texted Al that it was over between me and my recent ex boyfriend. He was happy. He's been begging me to be his girlfriend for the longest time, so I told myself, "What the hell, what else can go wrong... if relationships are this shallow."
II
A week after I broke up with my ex, I became Al's girlfriend. We didn't let anyone know, except for close friends. Everytime people would ask him if we were together, he denied. So I felt that I should do the same... but everything was going better than I had expected. He didn't hold my hands, but we talked on the phone everyday. My parents found out and had a huge tantrum about it.