ALEX

In the following weeks, the only good news was that Rob was almost never there. Apparently, he had meetings from New York to Hong Kong. Ever since he had heard Louise’s lovemaking, Alex had felt miserable. Well, miserable and terribly horny too. That was the problem. Some time ago he had seen a documentary about the Romans and their crossing of the Rubicon river. Nowadays, the commentator had explained, crossing the Rubicon was a metaphor for passing a point of no return. Coming in his pants while he listened to Louise having sex meant exactly that for him. He had crossed the Rubicon that night.

The first week of his stay here, he had become aware of his sexual attraction to her; the second week, he had felt real lust for her but still managed to keep his dignity. Now though he had lost that too. As bad and guilty as he felt, he had begun to masturbate incessantly to images of his mother’s friend, of course with the inevitable effect that he felt even worse afterwards. The problem was that he just couldn’t stop.

Every morning and evening and often also during the day, he got busy with it. It was crystal clear to him now that he was a real pervert, because almost anything he could think of in connection with her turned him on. One day he would imagine the shape of her breasts and the size of her nipples, the next day he couldn’t stop thinking about the muscles in her calves or the firmness of her thighs.

It wasn’t just her curvy body though that drove him crazy. He also kept going back to the night he had overheard them. Recalling the sounds she had made always turned him on right away. His perverted brain also couldn’t get enough of visualizing what it had looked like when she was doing it. First, he imagined her naked body with the bastard Rob on top of her, but soon he was wondering about the details too, like what her pussy looked like with a man’s penis inside it.

He even began to watch porn, something he had hardly ever had an interest in. He browsed the dirty video channels in search of curvy brunettes who were having sex and seeing close-ups he imagined it was Louise’s pussy he was looking at.

It didn’t stop there, though. It wasn’t just the obsession with her body and her sex; there was also this subtle but intense desire to be overpowered by her. He had spent many hours trying to understand this urge but to no avail. All he knew was that her dominance came in various forms and shapes, and all of them excited him.

Now that the lid was off, the storylines of his sexual fantasies were becoming more and more disturbing. Had he first been turned on by the sight of Louise in heels and nylons? Now he suddenly felt the desire to caress her legs and kiss her shoes. The pervert within him would mix these fantasies with memories of moments that were painful at the time but were now somehow converted into some of the hottest scenes he could think of. It could be the way she had spoken to him sometimes, impatient or strict, or how she had physically overpowered him on several occasions. Memories that made him feel inferior or even humiliated, but turned him on in the dark corners of his mind.

Sometimes he would see Louise just after he had had an orgasm. At those moments he didn’t feel the urge to look at her curves, but also couldn’t really look her in the eye. He worried that she might suspect why his behavior had become so evasive suddenly. After all, she and Rob had heard the phone ring in the hallway, but some time later she would have found it on the table in the living room. He should have left it on the floor outside the bedroom door. That way, she would have been puzzled but might have concluded that she must have dropped it there. Now it was obvious what had happened. Goddamn, what a mess he had made!

What was the solution, though? Go back to England? To his parents and the rain? To a life without a job, without money? Here at least he had both an income and his own place to live. Besides, he did enjoy the work he was doing. He hadn’t expected it, but as the weeks were passing by he noticed that he was not only becoming physically stronger but also getting better at finding solutions. He had finished the attic by now and had moved on to the garden. Although it was autumn, a lot needed to be done there. He had taken down a dead tree and chopped it into blocks that could be burned in the wood stove. Now he was busy repairing the fence that ran all the way around the property. It was a hell of a job, but he enjoyed being outside, and at least it kind of took his mind off things too.

Today, though, Louise had asked him to come to Cannes. In the back of the art gallery, she had a chest of drawers that she wanted for her new atelier in the attic. Could he come down with the van and pick it up? When he arrived she was talking to an older man who seemed interested in one of the paintings. To his relief, Alex saw that Louise was conservatively dressed in black trousers, a jacket and leather ankle boots that he didn’t like so much. After the older gentleman had left, she showed him the chest of drawers, and he got busy with that for ten minutes or so, putting the heavy piece in the van first, followed by the drawers.

‘Great, Alex,’ Louise said when he was done. ‘I think it will look good up in the attic. But perhaps you could sand and varnish it first?’

He shrugged and said, ‘Yeah, sure.’ Sanding and varnishing - a month ago he wouldn’t have had a clue; now he felt confident he could do it without a problem. He was about to get into the van and drive back home when she asked him if he felt like having a coffee somewhere.

‘I also wanted to show you something,’ she said.

He must have looked puzzled, because she smiled and said it was nothing special, just a very nice sweater in a boutique she had walked past earlier.

‘If you like it, I’ll buy it for you.’

He waited for her to get her purse and lock up the front door and then they went to the shopping area on foot. It was just two blocks from the gallery. On the way, they passed the restaurant from where he had picked her up to go to Saint Tropez.

‘Remember this place?’ Louise asked.

How could he not? It was here that he had gotten his first hard-on for her.

In a café around the corner, they had coffee with croissants. She said she had hoped he would have joined her for her morning run. He shrugged again, not knowing what to say to that. Then she asked him if he didn’t feel like joining some club, so he could meet new people.

‘What kind of club?’ he asked.

‘How about a judo club? Of course, you can always practice with me, but I think it would be good for you to see some new faces too.’

He didn’t feel like it though. The thought alone of meeting sporty types already made him feel tired and disgusted. He also didn’t like the fact that Louise was suddenly becoming quite meddlesome. Couldn’t she just let him be? He was thinking about how to respond to her when he heard the song ‘Another Brick in the Wall’ begin to play in the background.

‘Pink Floyd,’ he said to her, pointing with a finger to one of the speakers. They sat in silence for a minute or so and listened to the song. Then Alex began to explain the meaning of the lyrics. He could tell she wasn’t really interested, but with everything that was going on, talking about one of his favorite albums felt like someone had thrown him a life vest. She said she wasn’t sure if she understood his explanation. To her, it just sounded as if someone was depressed.

‘That too,’ he said, ‘but there is more. You don’t understand.’

He sighed and tried to explain it again, but she interrupted him now.

‘Let’s go, Alex. Let’s see if they still have your sweater.’

Suddenly she looked impatient. Was she annoyed with him? What had he done now?

It was a woolen sweater, navy blue and very comfortable. He liked it a lot, which clearly pleased Louise. In return, he was happy to see that she no longer seemed to be annoyed with him.

They left the shop and headed back to the art gallery. He was just telling her how his work in the garden was coming along when Louise said she needed a minute to buy something. She went into a shop and automatically Alex followed her. He didn’t even have time to see the name of the shop or what they were selling, but the moment he stepped inside, he understood. The name Wolford was everywhere. On every product they sold and in big black letters behind the counter. They were selling ladies underwear apparently, something that, in combination with Louise, already made him feel dizzy.

It got worse though when he saw her walk over to the pantyhose section. Similar to how he routinely browsed through a collection of second-hand records, she now began to look for the type of pantyhose she wanted. She picked out one after the other and when she had five or six packages in her hand, she asked him if he could hold them for her. He took them, of course, but he got the feeling that they were burning in his hand, while his cheeks must have become bright red too. She found two more and then said she was done.

Walking over to the counter, she gestured that he could put them down, next to the till, while she opened her bag to look for her wallet. The salesgirl picked up the packages and scanned them. She took Louise’s bank card and began to process the payment. As they waited, he felt Louise looking at him and he was one hundred percent certain that she saw he was blushing.

The salesgirl now said, ‘I’m sorry, madam, but this card seems to be expired.’

She handed it back to Louise, who sighed and said, ‘Oh, how silly of me. I must have left the new one at home then.’

She hesitated for a second and then asked him if he would mind paying with his card. She would pay him back tonight. God, could she possibly make him feel more uncomfortable? He felt the sweat on his back now and his face was undoubtedly still bright red. With hands that were shaking, he took out his wallet and bank card. While he typed in the pin code, he felt her eyes on him the whole time.

When they were back on the street, she handed him the bag that held her nylons and said he could take them home with him, because she had an appointment with a friend later and might otherwise forget them.

‘I’ll pick them up tonight or tomorrow, or you could also drop them off at the villa. Whatever you prefer.’

He nodded, thinking that this worrisome episode was over now, but then she playfully pushed him with her hip, the way she did sometimes, and said, ‘Of course you paid for them, so they’re actually still your pantyhose.’

Once again the blood rushed to his cheeks. He didn’t know where to look and in the end, he just focused on his feet. Her eyes seemed to bore holes in him. There was no hiding from them, not anymore, no bell saving him this time.

‘I’m just teasing you, Alex,’ she then said, her voice gentle and soft, giving him the impression that she really did care for him.

He looked at her, a quick, furtive glance, and saw that she was smiling. In a way, that made him feel better, but then he wondered how much she knew and his thoughts became complicated again. Fortunately, they were back at the art gallery then. He didn’t go in with her, but walked over to the van right away.

‘Drive safely,’ he heard her say. He waved goodbye and then got behind the wheel and closed the door.

All the way up to Grasse, he kept glancing at the bag on the chair next to him. A bag full of sheer nylons that would be covering Louise’s beautiful legs soon. Why did that turn him on so much?

When he got home, he hesitated what to do. Drop them off or take them with him? Dropping them off might make him seem indifferent; taking them with him gave him a chance to better investigate the items. He decided to do both. First, he would take a look and later he would drop them off.

She had bought seven pairs, he saw when he opened the bag and peeked in. He took them out, together with the receipt. Only now did he notice the price. Before, in the shop, he had been too shaken to pay attention to that. It was a miracle he had even remembered his pin code. The price for the seven pairs was staggering though. Almost two hundred euro!

He spent some time looking at the packages. He couldn’t open them of course, but what he could gather were the colors and the sheerness. He looked around on the internet too to find more information and discovered that Louise had bought the most expensive brand that existed. Good quality too, apparently. The ones she had bought were very sheer. Ranging from five to fifteen denier. Five pairs were nude or suntan colored; the other two were black. Delving into this new world that got him hot and bothered once again, he spent the remaining hours of daylight in his apartment instead of the garden. Tomorrow though he would put in some extra hours, he told himself.

***

The next day he started work at nine. Until lunchtime, he worked like a horse. He left his phone at home, so that no one could distract him. Sweating and working hard really felt like a good remedy against perverted thoughts, he found. Even when Louise came back from her morning run and stopped for a minute to chat with him, he noticed he could stay focused on the work instead of her breasts. She seemed happy with him too. She said she hadn’t expected him to work so fast and looked quite pleased with the result.

After lunch he continued, repairing another twenty meters of fence. Someone else walked by that afternoon, a neighbor who lived in a cottage down the road. The man spoke French, but to his own surprise Alex managed to not only understand him but also to talk to him. Feeling proud and happy with the day’s work and his language skills, he walked home at around 5:30. A light was already on in the villa, he saw. Dark clouds had gathered above Grasse. No doubt it would rain tonight.

Back in his apartment, he first turned on a Lou Reed album and then took a long, hot and well-deserved shower. God, he had felt dirty, but this, oh, this was good! As he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, he wondered what he would do tonight. Watch a movie, perhaps. It had been ages since he had seen a good one, but just the other day he had signed up to Netflix, so now he had plenty of choice.

First, a cup of tea and a joint though. He had already switched on the water boiler, so all he needed to do was choose the flavor. He turned off the shower and dried himself with a clean towel. ‘Sweet Jane’ was playing now, one of his favorite songs. He put the towel in the laundry basket and stepped out of the steamy bathroom, his thoughts with the tea that he was making. The water would have boiled, so if he prepared the teapot now he could let it draw while he got dressed. He walked over to the kitchen counter, and only when he had reached it did he notice Louise standing by the front door.

‘I knocked,’ he heard her say, but her voice sounded kind of far away. The music, he thought, he hadn’t heard her knocking because of the music. They stood there for what seemed like eternity but was probably just a second or two. Her eyes were big and surprised, before they went down to his groin. It was probably just a reflex that she couldn’t control, but he could briefly feel her gaze on his penis. Then she looked at his face again and said, ‘Alex, I’m so sorry!’

Her voice broke his paralysis and he spurred himself into action. He covered his groin with his hands and turned on his heel, ready to hurry to the safety of the bedroom where his clothes were. He moved too quickly though and his feet were still humid from the shower. His first step was okay, but he slipped at the second, falling backwards and landing hard on the kitchen tiles. The back of his head hit the floor and then he passed out.

The next thing he was aware of was Louise’s voice speaking to him softly. He also felt something wet on his forehead. Carefully he opened his eyes, not knowing where he was.

‘Silly boy,’ he heard her say. ‘You silly, silly boy. What were you thinking?’

She kept moving the wet towel over his face while caressing his forehead with the other hand. Slowly it was coming back to him. He had taken a shower and slipped on the kitchen floor. What was she doing here though? He looked at her, at her beautiful hair, the slender neck and the blue cardigan. Her breasts looked so big. She was squatting next to him on her black heels, he saw. She kept telling him he was silly. Why was that?

He moved his head to the side and saw her nude colored pantyhose from up close. The black skirt had ridden up her thighs quite a bit, because of the way she was sitting. She moved then, trying to keep her balance, and that’s when he was suddenly looking up her skirt. All the way up till the lacy, purple underwear underneath the nylon.

An intense wave of lust went through him and he felt himself getting hard in no time. That’s when he remembered it all as well. He was naked! Panic engulfed him. He tried to move away from her, but she placed a firm hand on his chest and said, ‘Don’t move, Alex. You might have a concussion.’

He wanted to protest but couldn’t find his voice. Then he felt what he had felt before he passed out: her gaze on his penis. It was a strange and deeply unnerving sensation and even more so now that he was hard. He whimpered and wriggled, still trying to get out of this situation.

‘Please stop worrying about this, Alex,’ Louise said softly. ‘It’s okay. Really!’

Was it though? He told himself to become soft now, but again his eyes fell on her nylons and lacy panties and he felt a new surge of lust.

‘The doctor is on his way,’ Louise said. ‘Perhaps we can move you to the bed in a moment.’

‘Now,’ he whispered.

‘No, not yet. First I want to be sure that you’ve come back to your senses.’

He moaned. His head hurt and he felt a bit sick. His cock seemed to have a life of its own, though, because it was still hard. He looked at it and silently cursed it.

‘Silly boy,’ Louise said again. ‘Making such a fuss over nothing. Do you think I have never seen a penis before?’

She looked at it again, taking her time now. If his head hadn’t hurt so badly, Alex might have screamed. It was all so disturbing! He couldn’t move, he couldn’t control the lust that he felt for this woman and now that same woman was quietly observing his hard dick. Then she looked in his eyes again with a softness he hadn’t seen before.

‘You shouldn’t be ashamed of your penis, Alex. It’s part of your body.’

‘I am though,’ he said softly.

‘Well, don’t be. And besides, we know that at least that part of you didn’t get injured in the fall.’

She smiled. She was teasing him, he knew. Trying to make him feel better. He thought of the doctor then. He needed to be in bed when he came, covered up and all. Once again, he tried to get up. This time, she didn’t stop him. She asked him if he felt ready. He nodded and then she helped him sit up.

On hands and knees, he crawled to the bedroom, not wanting to get up with his hard-on and also feeling that he didn’t have the power anyway. He got into bed and covered himself up with the blanket. There, that was that.

Louise in the meantime walked over to the closet and opened a drawer. From his bed, he had a perfect view of her shapely, muscular calves. Seeing the birthmark under the sheer nylon sent a fresh wave of lust through his body. She came back to the bed then, one of his boxer shorts in her hands. Resolutely she pulled away the duvet as she said, ‘Best put this on before the doctor gets here.’

He was naked again and could only let it happen. Louise, pulling up the boxer shorts over his legs and then over his erect penis. When she was done, she sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed her legs. He could hear the swishing of her nylons.

‘Why did you come by anyway?’ he asked, his voice weak. ‘We didn’t have an appointment, did we?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I came to pick up my new pantyhose.’

‘I dropped them off at the house this morning. I put them in the windowsill.’

‘Okay, I’ll find them.’

They sat in silence for a minute or so. Then Alex said, ‘I’m so sorry, Louise.’

‘For what, Alex?’

‘For this.’ He pointed at his crotch. ‘And for everything.’

‘Don’t be silly. There is nothing to worry about.’

‘Really? Because I have felt terrible lately.’

‘I know, and I think it’s about time to fix it. We’ll need to have a real conversation to do that though. Do you think you’re ready for that?’

He understood what she meant and knew that before he would have ducked the question. He didn’t know why it was different now, but he looked her in the eye and nodded. Yes, he might be ready.

TO BE CONTINUED....