It's been a year on this journey, craving, lost
Crazy, searching, finding, forgetting about the cost.
I didn't know what I didn't know, didn't expect to find what I found
Even as I was wondering if my mind was truly sound.
I adored that breath hissing at the back of my neck
Oh those eyes and voices and hands, back to who I'd trek.
Pushing me down with fire in your eyes
Taking me over, all wrapped up in ties.
I wanted my hair in your hands, as I gasp
The sting of what you'd find, my breast in your grasp.
Telling me what you want, telling me what you need
Was the beast I chose to follow, the beast I'd feed.
And I was so obedient, so willing, so quiet.
Whatever you'd say, I'd grin and whisper, let's try it.
There was no limit, my safeword never spoken, I couldn't
No matter what, I could take it, I didn't stop, I wouldn't.
I was proud of that, no one could break me, I was no quitter.
Spank me, whip me, demand, on my knees, treated like litter.
Did I finally have my fill of being at your mercy, ready for the new
Where did I change, how did it go, you telling me what to do
My desire to be punished disappearing with his desire to please.
What do you want baby? What can I do? He can't be a tease.
He can't, he loves me, wants pleasure not pain for me.
I wish for that fiery desperation still, but who will I be?
Running around left me spent in more ways than one.
My nose in the mattress for a moment, until they were done.
Left me flailing, wanting more
Something different, as I picked myself off the floor.
The therapy that it was, how I found my strength and who I am.
Into and out of and all around these thoughts that I cram.
Never regretting what was and what they were, who I was.
I will never stop craving that edge of them, that buzz.
He has it all and more, and now I'm in control, I do what I do.
For him, for me, for all the parts of me that are true.
It's an evolution, all of life, including all of this.
And I'm starting to let go, move on, change, even with all that I will miss.
I was crawling, bent and watching, as I flinched.
Now I'm standing, aware, carefully adored, someone else's wench.