Goyse

That night I slept even better than I had for the last couple of nights. Before I went to sleep I thought about what I had promised Shirley and cursed. My sexual attraction and the stimulation that came with it had confused my thought process. I didn’t, in fact, want to have an affair with Shirley. Well, that’s a lie.

I did but I was worried about where it could lead. What I had done was just my hormones and sexual drive overcoming my logical thought. It was also my desire to satisfy Ted’s need for his fantasy to be lived out. It all started as my way to tease him but I went too far. I was in a predicament and I felt that I had no way to escape. 

There were some things to do at work, so I decided to work till lunch. Being Friday, that was acceptable because I had, on many occasions, attended work at night when there were issues and everyone knew that the company owed me many days to square off for it all.

On my way home I attended the barber and had my beard trimmed and a haircut. As I paid the barber I glanced in the mirror and thought, ‘Hhhmmmm, Shirley will be impressed with her man tonight.’ I shook my head in disgust at my thought process and the barber spotted it.

“Is everything alright, Goyse?”

“Yes, fine. You have done a splendid job as always.”

His wife was sitting in the corner and she mouthed something but no sound came out.  I was certain that she said, “Bullshit artist.”

As I walked past her I winked and said quietly to her, “Yep, I’m good at that.”

She laughed and winked back.

I spent most of the afternoon thinking about what to do about Sue and her affairs. I should have used my time doing something useful because there just didn’t seem to be a solution to the problem. If I accused her of what I knew she would get angry and make my life a misery for several weeks. It might slow her down a little but as soon as I settled down I knew she would be at it again.

I thought of leaving her and moving in with Lyn. That might fix my love life but I knew I would never get to see my kids again and it would lead into months of legal battles, not only over the kids but she would lay claim to all our assets. Eventually, I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted there was no solution other than to get on with life.

What it did do for me though was allow me to see that spending a night with Shirley was probably a good thing. It would allow me to take my mind off Sue and her problems and Ted would get a kick out of it all, not to mention how enjoyable it would be for both Shirley and me.

“Yes, I will do it!” I said out loud for the world to hear. “Fuck Sue, Fuck Ron. It’s not their life. They can do what they feel like doing so why not me?”

So the stage was set. I had a plan. I knew that Ron got home before three o’clock on Fridays. I would get dressed and listen to the next chapter of Ron and Ronnie’s love life then pick Shirley up around six to go out for a meal. I picked up the phone and called the motel.

“Good morning. Can I help you?”

“Hi, Goyse here, is Room 43 vacant?”

“Yes, Goyse, will I book it for tonight for you? Would you like flowers and a bottle of champers for the lady as well?”

“That would be great. I didn’t catch your name?”

“Oh, I’m Jeffrey. Just call me Jeff. You’ve met me before when you’ve been here. I know your wife Sue quite well. I’ve been to some of the meetings with her.”

“You know Sue?”

“Oh, yes, you are a lucky man to have such an arrangement with your beautiful wife. There should be more marriages like that, Goyse. People should be looking at you and Sue with admiration. There are so many wives who sit at home with their kids frightened to even talk to another man but you allow her the freedom to make love as she chooses. Of course, there are benefits for you as well, like Room 43, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, Jeff. We should get together some time for us to discuss this further. Right now I have some pressing business.”

“I would like that, Goyse. I’ll give you my phone number tonight. Give me a call. I’m usually off on Mondays and Tuesdays. We should go for a beer.”

“Okay. Catch you tonight.”

That was a shock. He didn’t know me. He had been fucking my wife by the sound of it. I thought about having a few beers with him. 'Yes, that might help me get more information on what Sue is up to. He obviously thinks I know about Sue’s affairs. It sounds as if he thinks I condone it. If I let him continue to think that maybe, just maybe, he will give me the proof I need to confront her. Did I really want to confront her? That is the big question.'

I called an upmarket restaurant and made a booking. I asked for a secluded spot. The girl said, "yes we can accommodate that."

I then set out for Ron’s place. I took the RV and left Sue’s car in the garage. If anything happened in Sue’s car there might be some evidence for her to discover. I didn’t want that.

Ron met me at the door with his usual greeting, “How are they hanging mate?”

“I’m fine Ron. How are you?”

“I’m great too. I met up with Ashleigh today. Remember I told you about her. She was the chemist's assistant that I purchased the condoms from. Damn, she’s a hottie that one.”

“It sounds like you are over missing Ronnie.”

“Well, not really. I’m still fretting a little but it doesn’t hurt to consider the options as they say.”

“I thought Ashleigh had a boyfriend. Didn’t Ronnie and you introduce her to one of the young footballers? Weren’t they thinking of getting married?”

“They did get married. The marriage lasted a little over a week. They both decided that they still had a lot of living to do before they settled down. It seems that apart they were lovers but together they were fighters.”

“I guess it takes all kinds. Now if I remember correctly you had consulted with a professional to get help with your issues. She told you that Ronnie exhibited all the symptoms of ODD which may explain her behaviour.”

“You seem to be in a hurry to get started tonight, Goyse.”

“Yes, I need to get away before six tonight if that is possible. I have something on.”

“Okay, no worries, old mate.”

…

Ron

Sarah had suggested that she could manipulate Ronnie with this information. Although I didn’t agree to participate, I was interested in knowing if such a personality flaw could be used to manipulate her so when Sarah suggested it, I didn’t strongly oppose it.

Life for Ronnie and I seemed to settle down into a normal pattern. Joe had moved interstate because he worked in Sally’s family business and once he split with Sally, the family put him under a lot of pressure. I watched Ronnie’s behaviour after Joe left town and she stopped going places. She even stopped her roller skating. It was quite obvious that Joe’s leaving had impacted her.

I tried hard to get her to go places with me but often she said things like I really don’t feel up to it. I must be getting the flu or something. I tried hard to cuddle her and to be affectionate with her in bed but on most occasions, she simply pushed me aside or rolled over away from me. I started thinking that maybe we would have been better off if Joe was still around.

Eventually, I sat down with her and said, “Ronnie, you haven’t been the same since Joe left town. Isn’t it time you snapped out of it? You need to talk to me about it.”

She looked at me for quite a while before she said, “I miss him. We were very close. I love you, Ron but I feel that someone has reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. What upsets me the most is that he has made no attempt to call me. It appears that the bastard was just using me. He has taken my confidence away from me. I actually thought he cared for me as I did for him. I no longer feel worthy. I feel as if I can’t function. Not only have I destroyed my own life, but I have also caused you and Sally immeasurable pain and heartache.”

She sat for a while looking at the floor. I didn’t know what to say to her. The only thing that I could say was that I forgive her but I was not ready for that yet. After silence for what must have been half a minute.  “Sally hates me and who can blame her. She and I were good friends before this. We always got together at skating. Now everyone there thinks that I tried to steal her husband away from her. They must think I’m some type of low life.”

“Did you try to steal her husband away from her? Is that what you were doing?”

“No, I wasn’t.  It’s just that all the girls will think that I was trying to do that. They all have husbands and when they think of it they put their husbands in Joe’s place and consider how they would feel if they were Sally. They make judgments without knowing what really happened.”

“Perhaps you should tell me what really happened, Ronnie. I don’t know either. We had a good thing going. I have to admit that I didn’t want it to go the way it did. I was happy just to lead a normal life, whatever that is but I was forced to go down the road that we did to keep you happy.”

“Is that how you saw it?”

“Yes, that’s exactly how I saw it. I was not interested in having sex with other women. I admired their bodies and everything but I was happy to look and not to touch if you know what I mean. When I found you attending Sue’s parties it floored me. I had heard about what Sue was doing and I was told that there was another woman involved but to find out that it was you almost destroyed me. I was willing to agree to anything to keep you because I thought that I had lost you.”

“Oh, Ron, I didn’t know that. I thought that you wanted to get involved with Sally and Joe. You did that for me?”

“Well, it wasn’t really like that. I did it to get you away from Sue’s gangbang parties. I did it for us both, to keep us together.”

“Come here.” I moved over to her and she took me in her arms and kissed me. “You really must love me a lot to do that just to keep me as your wife. I’m sorry Ron. I just seem to have to do things that are different. This force inside me makes me want what I can’t have. Sometimes I can control it but other times I can’t. When you and Sally told me that I couldn’t see Joe unless you and Sally were there I felt like you were trying to take my control away from me. You know how I am about that. No one controls me.”

“Yes, I know and although it is hard for me I think I understand it better now. Ronnie. Why won’t you go to the councillor with me? I think she can help you. She has been a great help to me in understanding myself and my emotions.”

“Ron, I’ve already told you that being in control is important to me. Why would I want to go to someone who wants to take that away from me?”

“That is not what they do, Ronnie. This lady I’m seeing just talks you through everything.”

“So they want to know all about your life. What are they, Weirdoes?”

“They have to understand to give you advice. That’s all. This lady I’m going to just listens and asks questions. She doesn’t make judgments or tell you that anything has to happen. She is just someone who listens and gives feedback on what options or decision seem possible to her. Occasionally she allows me to understand why people do what they do, something that is not always clear to me.”

“So she tells you why I fucked Joe, is that it.”

“No that’s not it, Ronnie. We don’t necessarily talk about you unless I ask her a question.”

“So what questions do you ask her about me then, Ron? What is it that you ask this woman who doesn’t even know me behind my back?”

“I’m going to walk away from this discussion. We are going nowhere with it.”

“So you would rather walk away from me than tell me the truth, that’s it, isn’t it?”

“No, that is not it. I was trying to offer you help and support but you have turned it around on me. Now, I’ve got things to do. I’ll see you later.”

I got in my car and drove away. This conversation had shattered me. It was as if for some reason she was putting the responsibility for what had happened back on me. I parked looking out to sea, running everything through my mind. Was it my fault that all this had happened?

Yes, I did agree that we get together with Sally and Joe. It was the only way clear that I saw to end her association with Sue’s sexual jaunts. I hadn’t done it for me. I had done it for her. Maybe I should have told her that up front. I thought about it and then realized that I had actually said that to her but in a roundabout way.

I started my car up and drove aimlessly through the streets. I then recognized one of the houses as I passed. I was at Sally and Joe’s place. I turned around and parked in Sally’s driveway. I saw a car down the back and recognized it as Sarah’s. The girls were together. I walked slowly up the drive and knocked on the door. My mind was blank.

Sally answered. “Hi, Ron. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m not sure, Sally. I was just driving past and need someone to talk to.”

“Come on in. Sarah’s here as well. We were just chatting about everything that had happened.”

“Oh, that’s good. Can I join you?”

“Yep, of course, you should know that. You don’t have to ask.”

“I’m afraid that with the state of mind that I’m in, I know nothing. I can’t even understand how we come to be in this mess in the first place.”

“Well, that’s simple to explain. Joe is an arsehole and Ronnie is not much better. Those of us with principles, who did the right thing all the way, got fucked over.”

“It feels that way. It must be a lot worse for you. You have lost your marriage.”

“Nope, I lost that long ago. I was just trying to get it back again. I’m okay. It’s you that I’m worried about. You couldn’t see it coming. I knew all along where I stood. Anyhow, do you want a coffee? Sarah and I have one.”

We walked into the lounge room. Sarah stood to greet me. “Hi, Ron, how are you today.”

“Struggling, mate, I’m struggling. I have tried to talk to Ronnie but she has turned it all around on me. I feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m not coping at all. I don’t even understand why I feel so depressed. Maybe I’ve got a mental issue. I’m always the one who keeps his head when things go wrong. I just can’t cope with the way I feel today.”

“You don’t look well at all. Come here and let me make you feel better.”

She took me in her arms and held me tight. She held me for quite a long time. I felt the warmth from her body slowly seeping like a burst of energy through to me. I clung to her. It felt so good. I felt loved again.

Slowly, I started to feel as if her body warmth and her affection were healing my mind. I closed my eyes and all thoughts and worries slowly evaporated. It was like a sweeping of my mind where all the rubbish, the dirt, the crap and the stress was eradicated and only the clean, the fresh and the knowledge remained.

The other thing that happened is that I started to feel sexually aroused. The warmth from a woman’s body has that ability but it required just one extra ingredient, emotional attraction. It was then that it dawned on me. I knew why I felt depressed. My love for Ronnie was slowly being degraded by her lack of respect and consideration for my needs.

That left another question in my mind. 'If Sarah can heal me just by holding me what is that telling me about the relationship between Sarah and me?' Was the love that I had always felt and recognized for Ronnie not being degraded, was it, in fact, being transferred to Sarah?

This realization shocked me and I loosened my hold on her. She pulled back from me to look me in the face. She smiled at me and said, “Did that help, Ron? You certainly look better. How do you feel now?”

“I don’t know. I guess that I feel loved. How do you feel, Sarah?”

“You know how I feel, Ron. I’ve told you a number of times. I shouldn’t tell you here because Sally might hear me and she would feel hurt because she feels the same way.”  

“It’s a mess, isn’t it? Where do you think all this will end, Sarah?”

“I don’t know, Ron, but I know where I want it to end.”

“Okay, where do you want it to end then?”

“Let’s see. Ronnie will leave you. I have no doubt that is what will happen there. Sally and Joe have no chance to get together again. Joe has already moved on. She is making plans to sell the house and move away from here. She will meet someone for sure. She is a sexy intelligent woman. Who could resist her? Gary will keep cheating on me until he meets someone or I chuck him out.”

“That leaves me and you Sarah. What do you think will happen to us?”

 She gave a little chuckle, “I can’t predict that only you can do that.”

“I don’t understand?”

“That’s what I mean, you don’t understand. If you did understand you would know the answer to that question.”

I was glad that Sally returned with our coffees. I knew what Sarah was saying but I was not in a position to commit to what might happen if Ronnie left me. For sure, I knew that I would be devastated if Ronnie did leave me. I would not be in any position to consider moving into any relationship for a long time if it did happen and so it meant that I had to act dumb. I suspected that she understood that but if she didn’t then Sally had let me off the hook.  

“What are you pair talking about?”

I got in quick, “We were looking into our crystal balls and trying to predict the future.”

“Hmm, this is as good a time as any to tell you Ron but I’m going to sell the house and buy a little unit near mum and dad’s place up north.”

Sarah excused herself to visit the toilet leaving Sally and me to talk.

“So you are moving back to where you came from?”

“Yes, there is plenty of work there and I will need to get a job. Joe has moved down south so it will mean that he will not know where I am. I suspect he will come looking for me after a while but I’m not interested. Mum and dad are getting on in age. Dad’s health is not good so it will mean that I will be close to help them out if needed.”

“I’ll miss you, Sally.”

“Yes, I know that. I’ll miss you too but I know that there is no future for us because you are committed to Ronnie.”

She looked around to see that Sarah wasn’t listening before she continued. “You will be okay. The competition is too good for me to compete with when Ronnie and you split up anyway. I can’t live my life wanting something that I can’t have, Ron and neither can you. It’s better for us all if I move on. It doesn’t mean that we can’t visit each other occasionally. Once I settle in I’d like you and Sarah to come and spent some time with me.”

“You said when Ronnie and I split up?”

“You don’t know it yet, Ron but your relationship with Ronnie won’t last.”

“Do you know something that I don’t? If you do you should tell me.”

“I know exactly what you do, probably less. What I do know is that she is female and as a female, she would be thinking as I do. If I was in her position where I had found someone who not only satisfied me sexually for the first time in my life but who I had fallen in love with I would want to move on. I know that when I say that it hurts you but I don’t want you to say to me after it happens that I should have told you. Do you understand?”

“No, I don’t. The obvious question that I need to ask you is if that is the way you feel then why are you moving up north?”

She smiled, stood up and hugged me. It felt wonderful. She pulled back from me and simply said, “I want you to be happy. That’s why.”

“So you are going to leave me to make me happy?” I shook my head to indicate that I still didn’t understand.

“Sarah will explain it to you one day when you are sitting together on your balcony drinking a wine and looking out to sea. She knows the answer to that question.”

“What if I told you I didn’t want you to go? Would it make any difference?”

“I know that you don’t want me to go. Sarah doesn’t want me to go either but I love you both too much to stay.”

“So you are leaving because you love us both too much?”

“You don’t know it but Ronnie is with Gary right now. Sarah is about to leave and go and walk in on them. That means that Sarah will be single this time tomorrow. It also puts Ronnie in a position, where in the space of a week she has twice broken the rules and gone behind your back. I know that you are having extreme difficulties dealing with what Ronnie and Joe did. With this added to the list of her deceits, I don’t know how you will cope, Ron. What I can say with absolute certainty is that both Sarah and I will be here for you.”

“How do you know that Ronnie is with Gary?”

“Sarah read the message from Ronnie to him. You see Sarah was going down to visit her mum this weekend and she was supposed to be on the road now. She suspected something because usually, Gary tells her not to go and says how lonely he would be but this time he did none of that. He actually encouraged her to go. Being suspicious, she did some checking and found Ronnie’s note to him.”

“So she made the approach to him. How would she know that Sarah would not be there?”

“Sarah told her in front of me and then she warned Ronnie to stay away from Gary. The note was sent by her no more than a couple of minutes after she left following the conversation.”

I shook my head. Sarah had used the information that I gave her to set Ronnie up. Understanding what little that I had learned about ODD the desire to go against Sarah’s request to stay away from Gary would have been almost impossible for her to resist. Even though I understood why she had done it, It didn’t excuse her behaviour. I had a serious problem and I didn’t know how to handle it.

Sarah came back, picked up her bag and said, “I’ve got things that I have to attend to. Sorry, I can’t stop for the coffee. Catch you both later.” She gave me a hug and the same for Sally.

When she reached the door she turned around and said, “Can we meet tomorrow, Ron? There are a few things that we should talk about.”

“Okay, send me a message on where to meet you.”

She turned to go but before she shut the door I said, “Sarah, good luck, honey. Thanks.”

She turned and with a worried look on her face asked, “Thanks for what, Ron?”

“Thanks for taking away the pain and suffering. I appreciate what you are doing for me even if I don’t agree with your methods.”

She looked at Sally, “You, lady, have a big mouth. I’ll deal with you later. I have things that have to be done now. I’ll be back later, Sally and yes, I want that bed for the night that you offered me. Bye.”

I drank my coffee as Sally rambled on about what her plans were. I didn’t take much of it in. I was feeling down again. No matter what I tried Ronnie kept deceiving me and letting me down. I was wondering what the future held for us. I was also thinking of how I should handle this latest happening with Ronnie. As Sally rambled on I decided to act dumb and pretend that I didn’t know anything and see where it led to.

…

Goyse

I left Ron at five minutes to six. I got in my car and drove into Ted and Shirley’s driveway. I got out slowly, wondering how I would deal with the situation. I had, when single, picked up girls from their home but that was dealing with their mum and dad. This was coming face to face with a woman’s husband, not only any husband, but one who loved her dearly.

I knocked on the door. In one hand I held a bunch of flowers. The other was deep in my pocket fiddling with my keys in my nervousness. I heard food steps and identified them as male.

“Come in, mate, you’re a little early. Shirley’s not quite ready yet. Oh, flowers. She’ll like that. I’ll get her.” He stopped and turned to me and said, “Would you like to surprise her. She’s in our bedroom at the end of the corridor.”

“Do you think that she wouldn’t mind?”

“She is ready, Goyse. She just has the jitters. This is all new to her and she’s starting to worry about me. Actually, I’m feeling good about it all. I’ve wanted something like this for a few years now but I haven’t known how to tell her. Go on. Take the flowers to her.”

I walked the hallway and tapped on the bedroom door. “Yes, I know. I heard the car pull up.”

I opened the door slowly. She was sitting on the bed. It was obvious that she had been crying. She looked up and smiled at me then said, “I’m a fucking mess. I’ve been worried about him all day long. He’s like a kid with a new toy, running here, running there and telling me how much he loves me and thanking me over and over again. If he loves me so much why the fuck is he doing this?”

“He’s doing this because he loves you very much and he wants you to have what he can’t give you. Shirley, we are going out to dinner. We are not going out to do anything that you are not willing to accept or are not comfortable with. If after dinner you want to come home then that’s what we will do. Is that okay?”

I handed her the flowers. “They are beautiful, Goyse. Ted never gives me flowers these days. There are a lot of things he doesn’t do these days but then there are a lot of things that I don’t do for him these days as well.”

“It’s never too late to change that, honey.”

“I guess so. Okay, let’s go.”

We walked out to Ted. I told him not to worry too much that she would be alright. When I got to the car I reached into the back seat and passed him a book.

“What’s that?”

“You read don’t you Ted?”

“Yes, I read some but not a lot.”

“That’s good. This will keep you busy tonight if you get any spare time from the kids.”

Shirley walked over to him and threw her arms around his neck to kiss him, “Are you sure that you want me to do this? It’s not too late to change your mind, Ted. You realize that once we drive out of the driveway there is no turning back.”

“No, I want this for you but remember that I want you to come home to me.”

“I’ll always come home to you Ted. I’ve got no plans to go anywhere else. I’ve never met a man that can come near you. You know that because I’ve told you a hundred times today and five hundred times yesterday.”

“I love you, Shirley.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

We climbed into the car and drove away. Neither of us was certain that we wanted this, but Ted did.