My irritation grew during the next day when Erik, in two separate instances, came over to me so that we could bond, I assumed. He shared two random stories about his failures, that were supposed to make him seem honest and vulnerable, I suppose. He told me about a guy he knew who stole his girlfriend back in the day. This guy came back in his life again.

Apparently, he and the woman had split up a couple years ago. This resulted in a woman making contact with Erik through Facebook. They started dating for the short while until the other man re-entered the fold, making contact with Erik as well so he could gain access to the woman, according to Erik. And despite his better judgment, he let the man back into his life. The man whose name is Mark said that he was over the woman, whose name is Lisa. He wasn't. He wanted to get to her, and the best way to do it was through Erik, because he had heard that she was now living with him. 

It worked, and before long, Mark and Lisa in the story ware dating behind Erik's back. They ended up together, and Lisa moved back in with Mark. This has apparently made Erik depressed and angry. He had been drinking more since and was afraid of falling off the wagon completely. He apologized for the behavior towards me, and his other colleagues and hoped that it was not too late for us to be friends.

I didn’t know what to say. The audacity of this asshole was just too much to take at that moment, and I excused myself both times to go to the bathroom. These were the worst days. The ones that are slow and yet shit is happening that is eating you from inside. I changed my clothes and headed out of the restaurant. The outside fresh air was well needed. I had to take the tram since Diana had taken the car. She was the one that would pick up the kids from school as well. That is what she always does.

The thought of her picking up the kids today was the hardest one to get out of my head. It had so many implications. Was she going to see Max today? How will this work in the future? I mean if this works out for him? Will he fuck her at the school while my kids are there? Will I see her with hickeys on her neck when I come home? Will she avoid my gaze?

When I got back home, everything seemed normal. I was not sure what I should expect, but I feared the hickey. There was no hickey. The kids were happy to see me and Diana was pleasant yet tentative somehow. I interpreted it as a sign of guilt.

It was the little things. Her lack of interest in eye contact, and her overly accommodating way when we spoke. It was Thursday, and we still hadn't made reservations for the Saturday movie. Child-free cinema once a month was a tradition for us. We had a brief discussion about the Saturday's movie choice while drinking a glass of wine in the living room.

She wanted to see All About X, at the Imperial. The Imperial was a cinema complex with at least fifteen showing rooms. I, on the other hand, wanted to see an Old French movie, 400 Blows. It was playing at the Old Vic, the charming old theatre with two showing rooms. She was enthusiastic about her movie when we spoke about it last time, and I knew that it was the one she wanted to see. It was the movie that I thought that we would see as well. But I just somehow happened to mention that 400 Blows was playing.

She was silent for a second and said to my surprise that we could go and see my movie instead. With her enthusiasm intact nevertheless. I didn't even mean to suggest it as the Saturday cinema. Usually, there is a discussion and maybe a little teasing of each other's film taste. There is always something to be found in the one's past choices that the other person could mock and hold against you. However, this tradition was bypassed that evening.

As I sat there and watched this beautiful creature change her tune about the movie she wanted to see, I started thinking that she must be full of guilt. It was as frightening as it was infuriating. The emotional impact on her caused by her new lifestyle was noticeable already. It was as if she pitied me, almost. Her T-shirt was working hard to keep her boobs from bursting out that evening. "Gangster rap made me do it," said the text across her boobs. It is one of her favorite T-shirts. She has had it for a while but wears it almost exclusively at home. "I think we should go and see your nerdy film," she said with her usual mock-condescending voice.

I wanted her so much right now. I wanted to know what she was thinking at that given moment. I hated myself for my weakness. Why am I tolerating this? Why am I not the man who leaves her?

“Sure, you could always see All About X when you are on a date with someone else,” I said and regretted it instantaneously. 

I didn’t know where that came from. She avoided my gaze again while taking a sip of the wine. I could detect a hint of a bashful smile on her face. It was subtle, but it was there. Silently, she swallowed, looking straight ahead.

The evening passed on a melancholic note for me, but I supposed that this was one of many to come. I couldn’t focus on talking to Diana. Instead, I pictured Max having sex with her. Him sweating and grunting over her. Her moaning under him. It was a recurring thought of that evening for me. We ended up watching House of Cards for a while, but after a one half of one episode, we were both ready for bed. Not that I could sleep that night, but I just couldn't pretend to care about the show. 

Chapter 7

The day of the date. I was up with one thing in my head. She is going on a date with him. What did that mean? Where is he taking her? These are the questions I wanted to pose yesterday but didn't know how. I have agreed to this. I want to be a part of this because I love her. But how does one participate if found in my position?

I'm such an idiot, I thought to myself. I'm a cuckold, that is what I am. A dumb fucking cuckold. After a moment of self-hate, I decided to gather myself and try to see where this was going. In my mind, it meant that there are some things that I just needed to accept. I hoped that I could handle it and that we could move on with our lives after this.

The day went as slowly as expected. We didn’t get to eat lunch together today, Diana and I. She went shopping. That was a big low point of the day until then. But it got worse. It had to, of course.

In the little time we talked at work, she said that she was going to dinner at the new place called the Metropolis. It is owned by one of Max's friends. The place is relatively new, but it was in the media for some X-rated parties, where some politicians got caught with their pants down (pun intended). The man that owns the place is Roger Boone. He was a porn producer and owner of a glamour magazine before. Now all of that seems behind him, and he only has this club. How he and Max know each other was an ominous mystery to me.

When the workday ended, I came home by my self. Diana was already home by then. We talked a little bit, but the conversation was somewhat strained. Michael was feeling sad, and I attended to him. I could see that Diana was feeling uncomfortable, and so was I. I wanted to see what she would be wearing this evening and felt at the same time that she did not want me to. It was as if she was embarrassed. I was embarrassed as well. I mean what kind of creep wants to see what his wife is wearing on a date with another man? I have become a creep.

Due to my embarrassment, I withdrew to be with the kids while she was getting ready. Finally, she was ready and came to Michael's room, where me and him were playing a video game. When she entered the room, my jaw dropped. She looked amazing, typical Diana. Classy and sexy at the same time, showing hints of a fantastic figure in a knee-length black skirt accompanied by a cute dark blue top, that was buttoned up to prevent her large breasts from bursting out. Her makeup was modest and classy as well.

“I’m going now,” she said in a shy voice. Giving Michael and me a kiss each. 

Michael was still sad. He hadn't got over the bad day at school he had. 

“Mom, I don't want you to go,” he said in a sad voice.

I looked at Diana at that moment, feeling sorry for her, but also hoping she would stay. But then I got a grip on my emotions. This needed to happen I guess. I think I need to know how I will react to it when it does. It will help me understand where I am, and what I need to do with my life. In the meanwhile, Michael's words made Diana uncomfortable. This was evident. Michael has been doing quite good lately but today's events were a definitive setback for all of us. He was beaten up in school today.

She looked at me for the first time today, I mean really looked at me. She looked in my eyes to gauge what I was feeling. I was confused and silently looked back. My pride didn't allow me to say to her that I wanted her to stay. Diana turned away from me and looked at Michael.

“How are you doing, honey?” she said gently while going down on one knee, putting her hands on his shoulders tenderly, and looking him in the eyes.

“I don't want you to go, mom,” was his reply.

He was a mama's boy, and I could see that this had an effect on her. She would probably stay tonight, I thought to my self. Her face was sad. Looking at Michael right now made me almost believe that he somehow knew that Diana is about to do something forbidden, something that mommies aren’t supposed to do. 

“Mommy needs to see a friend tonight honey. She is back from a hospital, and she needs to be cared for by someone. And she is not as strong as you. You are my big boy and daddy will be here tonight. Listen to him. Because if you do, I'll take you to the Water Land tomorrow, and we will go on all of the slides," she said to my astonishment. 

He said nothing at first, but a couple of seconds later he nodded in approval. Seeing her handle this situation in this matter was like a punch to my stomach. She smiled then ruffled his hair a little, causing him to smile reluctantly at first, but a kiss later and the smile was full blown and sincere. She smiled at me as well, while giving me a little wink at the same time. I smiled back, unwillingly. It is my knee-jerk reaction to her being her charming self I suppose. She worked both Michael and me like suckers. 

“I'll give you a call during the evening to check up on him,” was the last thing she said before leaving the room.

I could hear her putting on shoes while Michael wanted me to concentrate on the game.

“Daddy needs to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a second,” I said.

“We are not done with the game! You cant leave in the middle of the race,” he tried.

“Pause the race, daddy has to go and pee,” I said. Then I stood up, and went to the bathroom, where I pretended to pee. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and some ice, then continued to the living room and grabbed a whiskey bottle. I poured my self a big one. This is going to be a long night I thought to myself. It is Friday, and I didn't have to get up early tomorrow anyway. So a big glass of whiskey is not that bad.

The evening was hard. It was extra hard because of her parting words. They made me wait the whole evening for the call. I was frequently watching my phone. And after about three hours the call came. The kids where in bed a half hour earlier, and I was drunk. 

“Hi,” she said in a happy voice.

I could hear that she was a little tipsy. 

“Hi," I replied. 

“Are the kids asleep?” she asked.

“Yes,” I answered. 

“How were they?” she asked. 

“Fine,” I replied plainly. 

“I'll take them to the Water Land tomorrow. I also spoke to Max about what happened today, and he will fix it," she said. 

I said nothing to that. It was truly infuriating. There was nothing I could say I thought. 

“How are you holding up?” she asked finally to break the silence I suppose. 

“Good. When will you be home?” I asked. 

“I don't know. We'll see. Couple of hours I suppose. Don't wait up, I won’t drink a lot so that I'll be able to take care of kids tomorrow,” she said. 

“Okay,” I said. 

“Don't enjoy yourself too much without me tonight. I don't want you to develop a habit for it,” she said without any conviction. 

“I won't,” I said lamely. 

“Good night, babe. I love you!” she finally said. 

“I love you too,” I said flatly. 

We hang up, and I stood alone in the dark in front of the window. What did her "I love you" mean? I was up three more hours maybe, before I passed out. What I do know, is that I had finished off a whole bottle of whiskey. The bottle was empty when I woke up. I had apparently slept on the couch that night. Diana was unsurprisingly up before me the next day. I was awakened by enthusiastic kids' voices. Olivia was jumping around and screaming jubilantly. She was also a fan of Water Land. My head was throbbing as I started to grasp what was going on around me. I stood up cautiously, and could then see that Diana was putting some kids stuff into one of the bags that we use when we go to Water World.

“Heej there! We'll be on our way soon,” she said in her chirpy voice.

“Okay,” I said while passing her by in the hall on my way to the bedroom, where I just crashed down on the bed.

Diana was back around five o'clock. I had by then been up for an hour, drinking coffee by myself, pondering on if I should go out for a walk. I decided to go, but just as I was about to get ready, the front door was unlocking. Then Diana and the kids entered.

“You are up,” she said.

“Yes!” I said.

But that was all I could say. Because a second later Michael interrupted me by telling me what a great day he had, and that principle Max had called to tell him that everything at school will be okay. And that he will join them at the Water Land next time, and so on. I looked at Diana who uncomfortably tried to explain that she spoke to Max about Michael yesterday and that he promised that he would take care of it. And today he called to talk to Michael personally, and assure him that everything will be okay at the school.

"Okay," I said for lack of better thing to say. “I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back in an hour," I added. 

“Okay, I’m ordering pizza,” she said.

“Okay,” I answered. 

It was a nice day for a walk, and the walk woke me up a little. I was home in a bit more than an hour. The pizza was waiting for me on the kitchen table. Such a perfect food on a day like this. The kids had eaten, and I could eat in peace. After my meal, I sat down on the couch together with Diana. 

"How are you?" she asked.

“Okay, I guess. I drank a little too much last night, I think,” I said. 

“It seems so. I thought that I would be the one with the hangover today,” she said. 

“So did I,” I answered. 

“Did the kids behave last night?” she asked. 

“Yes they were all right,” I said in a somber tone. 

Then there was sort silence. 

“I had a good time. Do you want to hear about it?” she finally said in a cheerful voice. 

I didn't want to say yes, but it seemed stupid to say no. The empty bottle of whiskey suggested that I might want to know.

“Go on,” I said reluctantly. 

“We went to Metropolis. It is a nice place. I initially felt a little out of my element, with all the young and hip people there. But Max, who is far older than me, seemed to feel at home, so I relaxed. He, by the way, knows the owner who happened to stop by. Did you know that the owner is Roger Boone?” she said. 

“Yes,” I said patiently. 

“Well, he seems like a nice guy. But then again they all do,” she said. 

She was speaking faster now and blushed a little at the same time as she rolled her eyes at her self while articulating her last sentence. I could see that she was getting excited thinking of last night.

“Anyway, we got a table, then we ate and drank a little, and then I came home," she said rather abruptly. 

It was pretty obvious that she was leaving things out. 

“You were at the same place the whole night?” I asked. 

“Yes, we were, we had a good table. We got to see the show, and after that, the stage was turned in to a dance floor, and we had a great view of that as well," she said. 

“Did he kiss you?" I finally asked. 

She was silent now. That was my answer.

“Yes, we kissed. This is the part that I don't feel comfortable telling you about, but yes, we kissed. Let’s move on,” she said.

“When did you get home last night?” I asked.

“It was about one o'clock,” she said. 

“Will you see him again?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. 

After initial silence on my part, I spoke again. 

“Did you kiss a lot?”

She was silent now, and I got my answer yet again. 

“We kissed. I don't know what is a lot?” she finally said. 

“Yes, you do. You know what is a lot,” I said. 

“We didn't kiss the entire evening you know,” she said with a shy smile. 

“I didn't ask you if you two kissed the whole evening. You know that I didn't,” I said. 

“Well, we kissed for a while. It was more than one kiss. We kissed for maybe half an hour. I don't know," she said. 

“So you are going to see him again?” I asked knowing her answer already. 

“Yes,” she said. 

She will have sex with him. I thought to myself. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. We went to the movies, but it was just going through the motions for me. She felt it as well. We didn't have our usual flow when it comes to a conversation that evening. I didn't mind because I didn't know what to expect in a situation like this. Last time she slept with someone else I was angry, and she was feeling guilty, she wanted to take it back.

“I’m so stupid! How can I do this to you and myself for that matter?” She went on and on. 

But all of that changed in the counseling sessions. Now we are here, and I'm supporting her choice to do that again. Despite me not wanting to, despite that we have kids and so on. 

Chapter 8

Two weeks have passed since her date with Max, a short beady-eyed Max. It has been living hell. The worst thing about it is not knowing what she is doing when she is at school picking up the kids. I assume the worst, but so far I have not dared to properly ask. I tried once, but she shot the discussion down quickly. 

“It is at the kid’s school. Do you have such a low opinion of me, that you think that I would do something like that over there?” she said. 

I didn't have the balls to give her my true opinion. During the week I also started stalking Max on Facebook. Well, we were friends since before. But I have pretty much never been on his profile. Now I know it by heart. Tonight is the night that they go on a second date. We have not discussed it in depth. I was coming home after her as usual. She was at the dinner table with the kids already, having dinner. I joined them, and when kids were done and went their way she spoke to me.

“I’m going to spend the night at his place. Kids think that Sandra is ill, and that I will be with her,” she said. 

I looked at her not knowing what to say. 

“This is not what I thought that this would be,” I finally said. 

“What do you mean?" she said. 

“Sleeping over, at least not this fast. I could try to accept the sex. You having your thing and then coming home to us. Us being a family and you being my wife. But this is harder. You being his for the entire night. I don't want that,” I said. 

She was silent again. Then she spoke. 

“I didn't know that this was some kind of limit. I see that now, but I didn't realize it before. But I have made a promise this time, and I will make it clear that this is a one-time thing," she said. 

I wanted to believe her, so I did. With a heavy heart, I went to the living room again while she was getting ready for him. I sensed that she yet again thought it to be awkward having me around. And after a very long hour and a half, I could see her move in a stealthy way towards Michael's room. Almost on her toes, but not really. I didn't turn my head, but we both knew we saw each other.

It seemed as she was wearing a shorter skirt this time. I did not get a good look off it, but I think it was new. After about fifteen yet again very long minutes I heard the door to Michael's room open, and Diana say goodbye to the kids. A few seconds later she was in the living room where I, by this point had made myself ready to work on my comic book. 

“Are you going to work tonight? How fun. I’m dying to see it tomorrow,” she said with unwarranted enthusiasm, that made it seem fake and underscored her unease about the whole thing, of saying goodbye on an occasion like this.

“But remember! Make sure that the kids don’t get to see them, I think Michael is old enough to understand what sex is. He was, for instance, looking at my cleavage couple minutes ago,” she added.

It was annoying to hear her lecture me about my drawings and the kids. I felt like some perv who is exposing his children to porn. But it was probably not what she meant. It was just hard seeing the way she was dressed tonight, that is all. Her look that evening sent me to an emotionally dark place. It was a new dress. Little black cocktail dress. Those are so hard to find, I have been told.

Her large E-sized boobs were on full display now. They are going to get a pummelling tonight I suppose. The dress was hugging her hips and ended at what looked like ten centimeters above the knee. She had black shoes on and bit more make-up this time, red lipstick for instance. She saw me watching her, taking it all in.

“I see you like it. I will wear this next time we go out,” she said with somewhat of a guilty smile.

I said nothing. She put her hand on my face and stroked it like a mother would a child. Then she gave me a kiss on the lips. It was longer then I thought it would be.

“I have to control my self, can't smudge my lipstick,” she said with a devilish smile this time. 

As if she was not ashamed as much after the kiss. She said bye once again and headed for the door. The minutes felt like days after she left. I put up a brave face in front of the kids. And after a while, I got them both in bed. I could then pace in the living room in peace.

But I didn't pace. Instead, I went on Facebook looking for Max profile again. On it, he had something new this time. It was a picture of him and a woman. The woman had her face blurred out, but it was evident that it was Diana. It was posted yesterday and commented on several times.

“Ooo what a fox!” said someone named Oskar something. 

“Is that the one you talked about?” said someone named Peter. 

“You are such a cute couple,” said some Rita. 

Rita sounds familiar…I clicked at the profile, and yes it was Rita, my daughter's kindergarten teacher. She knew about this?! She thought that they made a cute couple! Do people at the school know? Rita is always so nice to me. What the fuck!? One of the commenters said that he hopes to see more of this at Swinger City. The comment was answered by Max with the words, "There will be more," and followed up with a devil emoji.

I then googled Swinger City and ended up at a porn site. I was thinking of what to do, and in the end, I bought access to the site. All of this in order to see what Max might have hinted at. Very quickly I saw a text that said newest updates. I clicked, and there it was. Diana, posing for someone, I assumed it was Max. She was fully clothed but still. She was letting him take these pictures.

This is something she forgot to mention. Does she know what they were for? How does it come about that she just poses for some pic for him? Twenty-five to be exact. None of them nude. But all of them suggestive. And does she know where the pictures are going to end up? She can't know that, I said to myself in disbelief. Especially not if he takes nude ones. Thinking about this made me light-headed. I felt sick, and I reached for my drink. What does it mean there will be more? It must mean nudes. Will he take them tonight?  It can't mean just more of the same?

End of part 4