San Diego, May 1971

I was nervous as hell and hoped I looked alright. The long blonde wig I wore made my head sweat and itch like hell. And though the bra and the breast forms underneath the fuzzy sweater made me look passable when I looked at myself in the mirror earlier--and the makeup Crystal, Brenda and Chiffon had expertly applied helped a great deal in that respect--deep down inside I knew that I didn't feel very feminine.

“You gonna do fine, Sugah,” Crystal said from my left side as we walked down First Street toward the Plaza. “Just be yo'self like you been practicin'”

Of course, the tight plaid skirt and half-slip I wore over my pantyhose helped tremendously in keeping my stride short and much more ladylike than my normal method of walking.

Ahead of Crystal and me, Brenda and Chiffon kept on striding along like they'd done this sort of thing hundreds of times before, which perhaps they had, but it still didn't make me any less nervous. We all just walked along as boldly and nonchalantly as we could and even elicited a couple of wolf whistles as we passed in front of the all-night theaters. We ended up going into the club Crystal took me to after our first time together. It was a gay bar/club where Crystal and her girlfriends hung out when they were not out walking (parading?) on the streets.

We all sat in a corner booth that seemed made for more than just the four of us. I was in the middle, with Brenda (a sloe-eyed brunette) and Chiffon (an incredibly cute little black cherub) on one side of me and Crystal on the other.

We ordered drinks and over the course of the next couple of hours, I got to become acquainted with some of the other regulars of the club. Most were just run-of-the-mill gay men. Usually, they were complimentary of my appearance and I did a lot of smiling back at them and saying, “Thank you.” But nothing really came of any of these meetings. Except one.

His name was Kevin and when he found out I came from Wichita, Kansas, he perked up with a bright grin.

“Really?” he asked. “I'm originally from Overland Park.”

I smiled at him again and he kept grinning back. For a while, no one said anything else. Finally, I asked, “So how did you get out here to San Diego?” I tried my best to use a quiet, girly-sounding voice, but it was no use. The jukebox in the bar was playing and I had to speak over it to make Kevin hear me. I repeated my question a bit louder.

“Navy,” Kevin said back. “Stationed here. Balboa Hospital.”

“Corpsman?” I asked.

He nodded. “Then, when I got out in '68. I just stayed out here. I like the city. Started back to school out at San Diego State. How about you?” he asked me. “You military, too?”

I nodded. “I'm still in. Out at North Island.”

All this conversation was carried out in front of Crystal, who was between me and Kevin.

“I gotta go use the Ladies' Room.” Crystal said and started to get up. Kevin rose to let her out, then sat back down next to me.

I could feel his leg up right next to mine, but didn't move away or even mind his closeness. It just seemed natural to do so. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part but if I figured that if I was going to be dressed as a girl, then I felt I needed to try to act like one, too. And letting things flow naturally just seemed right.

So Kevin and I sat and chatted for the next hour or so. We started off just talking about Kansas and found out we had very similar stories. He had started college at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kansas after high school, just like I had started at Wichita State. But both of us found we were not really suited to college life at the time and both of us dropped out after just one semester and both ended up joining the Navy. Kevin had been at Balboa his entire hitch after Corpsman training while I was assigned to a Destroyer Tender on the east coast after electrical, A and C schools which were all in San Diego. But my Tender was decommissioned in '70 and I ended up back in the San Diego area. Kevin had finished his hitch, like he said, and just remained there in San Diego after it was over, going to school on the G.I. Bill.

“So I joined the Navy to see the world and I only got to see San Diego and Charleston, South Carolina, and you joined and only got to see San Diego, huh?” I said.

“Oh, I did get to see Camp Pendleton, too,” Kevin said. “Did my AIT up there. But then, right back here to Balboa.” He shook his head. “But at least I never got sent to 'Nam.”

“Well, that's a positive,” I said.

“No shit, Sugah,” Crystal chimed in. She had returned to the booth after the restroom and was sitting beside Kevin on the other side of me. “That's one hellhole that ain't nobody deserves to see. Wish to God I'd never seen that damned place.” She fell silent for a bit as the others of us thanked our lucky stars that we were not there.

“But then,” Crystal went on, “I mighta nevah discovered my real self.” She smiled at Kevin. “You helped me do that. Didn't ya, Kev?”

Kevin gave a bit of a self-deprecating shrug. “I guess,” he said. “If you say so.”

I suppose I was looking kind of puzzled about what Chrystal said.

“Oh, it's true, Sugah,” Crystal squealed, laughing and gesturing with one long-nailed hand. She nodded toward Kevin. “You shoulda seen this guy, Sugah. There I was in my rack at the hospital and these two brothas was givin' me a big load o' shit 'cause I was cryin' and carryin' on this one time... I mean, they was bein' real nasty to me. Callin' me “fag” an' “pussy” an' stuff like that. And ol' Kevin here.. He comes up an' tol' 'em ta just 'back off!' An' one of these brothas was a Gunny. Givin' me all sorts of shit. But Kev wouldn't take none o' that. Tol' 'em 'This man's my patient! And I won' stand fer ya'll harrassin' him like you been doin'.”

I stole a glance at Kevin and he almost seemed to be blushing as Crystal told her tale.

“An' this Gunny... He start pullin' rank an' ever'thing. An' Ol' Kev here, he tells 'im. 'I don' care if you a fuckin' Gen'ral, Sergeant. I will not have you harrassin' this man. He my patient'. An' you was what, Kevin? Jus' an E-4?”

“Five,” Kevin said. “I'd just made Second Class about a week before.”

“An' that Gunny... He a real prick. He try to have Kevin, here, brought up on charges for insubordination an' ever'thang. But them doctors an' all... They tol' that Gunny that on that ward, rank don' mean shit when somebody harrassin' a patient. That the Corpsman has charge an' that Gunny was jus' another patient. Stripes don't mean shit.

I found myself smiling at Kevin, grateful for him standing up for my friend Crystal.

“So you...”

“Yeah,” he said. “Never could stand people pickin' on other people just because...”

“'Course, I didn't even know he was gay hisself,” Crystal said.

“Being gay doesn't have anything to do with it,” Kevin said, forcefully. “You just don't treat people like that.” He took a sip from his drink. “Don't care what your rank is.”

That's when I did something that totally shocked myself. I placed my hand on Kevin's thigh and stroked it, lightly. My head was spinning and I began breathing quickly and shallowly, almost afraid of what would happen next. But it seemed like such a natural thing to do, especially being dressed like I was. And Kevin didn't even seem to notice at first. Then after a while, I felt his hand on top of mine. An electric thrill seemed to shoot through my arm and body at the man's touch. And I felt a stirring in my crotch as my dick started to harden a bit. I was light-headed and giddy.

He turned a bit in my direction and smiled at me. I smiled back. He was really quite handsome in a down-home Midwestern type of way. Firm, chiseled chin. Clean shaven. Broad shouldered. Deep brown eyes.

“Have you...” I started to ask but found my throat constricted. I cleared it and started again. “Have you always been gay?”

Kevin shrugged. “Pretty much,” he said. “I did date some girls in high school. But...” He shrugged again.

I sensed he was kind of uncomfortable. “That's OK, honey,” I said. “I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have to tell me.” Again I was shocked at what I said, calling him 'honey' and everything. Maybe I was really getting into this girl stuff after all. I gave his leg an extra rub with my hand and felt him give the hand a little extra squeeze.

I looked back over at Crystal. “So, how did you...”

“Find out about Kevin? Why, he tol' me, Sugah! That very night. 'Course, it was latah, aftah them two brothas was gone. He was comin' roun' takin' vital signs an' I tried thankin' 'im for what he'd done. That's when he tol' me he was kinda gay hisself and jus' couldn't stand for them guys callin' me a 'faggot' an' stuff like they done”

“Really?” I said to Kevin.

The man just shrugged. “I don't try to hide it,” he said. “And uh--Crystal here,” he nodded toward her, “looked like he...she needed some help. 'Positive reinforcement.' or something. I really didn't know...”

“Yeah,” Crystal said. “He didn't even know 'bout me bein' what I am now. He just thought I was another grunt.”

“Weren't you taking an awful chance doin' that?” I asked Kevin. “I mean...”

“I didn't think so.”

“Yeah,” Crystal chimed in. “He could tell. He knew what I was. Hell, even before I really knew it myself.”

“Really?” I asked Kevin. “You can tell? Tell if somebody's gay?”

He shook his head, smiling ruefully. “No,” he said. “I don't think anybody....” He shrugged again.

“Well, what about me?” I asked. “Do you think I'm gay?” Again I was surprised at myself in asking that question.

Kevin looked at me wide-eyed, as if genuinely shocked at my question. I turned more in his direction to give him a better view.

I chuckled, “Yeah, I know.., Dressed like I am... Kind of a giveaway, huh? But really... I'm new at all this. “ Now it was my turn to blush. “I only... Been with guys a couple of... and only...”

“Oh, yeah,” Crystal said. “She a new girl in town, all right.”

I shot Crystal a hard look to let her know she wasn't helping any.

“I just... Just...” I looked down at my lap and removed my hand from Kevin's leg.

“Hey,” Kevin said in a kindly voice, grabbing my hand again under the table and holding it. “Don't sweat it, Sugar.” He looked at me sweetly and smiled. “You don't have to... You know... Put yourself in a... ...in a box, or anything.” He shook his head. “All that stuff is just labels, anyway. It doesn't define who you really are.”

“Yeah,” I admitted with a shrug. “I guess I shouldn't get caught up in all that stuff.”

“Yeah, “ he said. “Just go with the flow.”

So that's what we did for the next couple of hours. We all just sat there in the booth, chatting and watching the other people there in the bar—and each other. We finished our drinks and ordered another round. More people came by, with more introductions and more positive comments on my appearance.

Kevin asked me to dance on the little dance floor when a song came along on the jukebox that he liked and I agreed. But it wasn't an intimate, close-contact type of song, I was more of a “show you moves” type. And that's what I tried to do—a little self-consciously, I admit. It was difficult enough for me to even walk in the high heels Crystal had loaned me, much less to try to dance, so I just kicked them off and danced on my pantyhose-covered feet.

I admit I'm really not much of a dancer, anyway, but I seemed to get by OK. But then a slow dance tune came along on the jukebox and Kevin took me into his arms— I allowed him to—and we shuffled through the song with my body right up against his and my arms over his shoulders, hands clasped together behind his neck, his arms around my waist. Kevin was taller than me, so it seemed like we were a natural fit. I kept looking into his eyes and Kevin kept looking into mine. And, of course, the intimacy of our close contact gave us both the beginnings of arousal. I could feel myself growing harder and could also feel that Kevin was feeling the same as I could feel his growing erection pressed against my belly.

The song ended and hand-in-hand, we made our way back to the corner booth, both of us trying our best to conceal our growing arousal by the strategic placement of our free hands. Of course, Kevin had the advantage there. Being a man, he was able to put the fingers of one hand into his bluejeans' pocket. But I had to content myself with carrying my borrowed shoes strategically in front of me.

When we got back to the booth and sat down, Crystal and Chiffon told us they were thinking about going up to the “Four Aces” club—which was a bar about three or four blocks north and west of where we were. I looked over at Kevin.

“Do you want to go there with them?” I asked. He shrugged--a gesture that I found very like something I'd do. Again it hit me how similar we were.

“Why not?” he said. “If you're going, I will, too.”

“I think I've gotta go,” I told him as I put my shoes back on. “We all came downtown here in Brenda's car. So I better stick with them.” I picked up my clutch purse, stood up and followed the others toward the door with Kevin following us. Without even thinking about the propriety of it, I reached back for Kevin's hand and he automatically grasped mine in return when I found it.

Soon the five of us were back on the street walking toward The Four Aces. Crystal, Chiffon and Brenda formed a threesome across the sidewalk and Kevin and I followed in their wake, but were no longer holding hands.

“Where does Brenda live?” Kevin asked me.

“Damned if I know,” I told him with a chuckle. “Somewhere down by Imperial Beach, I think”

I told Kevin how Crystal and Brenda had been coming up to Coronado via the Strand the past couple of weekends to pick me up and taking me back to Brenda's house. She lived in a small bungalow she said belonged to her parents.

“So, what were you all doing down there?” Kevin asked me.

“Practicing,” I told him. “Like I said, I'm really new at all this stuff. In fact, this is the first time I've been out in public like this.” I spread my arms out and glanced down at my clothes. “You know, all dressed up like this.”

“Really?” he said. “Well, I think you look great.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I really didn't know how much you have to practice when you're trying to look and act like a girl.”

“Well, he said, “You're doing a great job of it.”

Needless to say, I found myself drawn more and more to Kevin all the time. I'd pretty much decided already (like back when I was looking into his eyes on the dance floor) to try to make something happen with him before the night was over. But the prospect made me nervous as hell. I fell silent; for a long time, it seemed to me. I knew that what I really wanted to do was to just blurt out, “Kevin, I want to suck your dick!” But I've never been quite that bold.

“Kevin,” I said, finally, “Do you really want to go up to The Four Aces?”

He looked over at me and shrugged—that familiar gesture that reminded me so much of...ME!

”Well,” he said, “not really. I was only going along because you said you were.”

“Yeah. And the main reason I was going with them is because... Well, all my clothes and stuff—civilian clothes and everything else... They're all down at Brenda's house.” Of course, what I really meant was my guy clothes. “But I have my money and I.D.--Military I.D., Driver's License and stuff—right here.” I held up my clutch purse.

“So,” I started, then stopped, cleared my throat and took the plunge, “if you'd like to go somewhere else... Like to a restaurant or somewhere where it would just be the two of us...” I could feel my nervousness at what I was proposing, even though I didn't come right out and say it. “I'd really rather do that,” I told him.

Kevin stopped walking and so did I. He turned toward me and smiled, broadly. “Sure. I was hoping you'd me ask something like that.”

By this time the other girls were a few yards ahead of us. “Hey, Ladies,” he said in a loud enough voice to reach them. The girls stopped to listen. “Sugar and I are going back to the club.”

He turned back to me. “You know how to get 'hold of 'em, later, don't you?” I nodded. I had both Brenda's and Crystal's phone numbers. Kevin turned back to the others, “She'll give you a call, later” He told them. He turned back to the way from which we had come and started walking, indicating I should come along. My head was spinning and I felt giddy and light-headed. But I could feel myself smiling broadly as I walked up beside Kevin and entwined his right arm with both of my hands. I almost felt like a girl going on her first date as a teenager.

We walked in relative silence and with purposeful speed, as if anxious to return to the club/bar where we'd been earlier. But when we got there, Kevin walked right on past.

“Where are we going?” I asked him.

“My car,” he said. “Then we can go to my apartment.”

“Is that very far?

“No, not really.”

I almost gulped, wondering what I'd let myself in for. Of course, I thought Kevin was very handsome and charming and had been flirting with him in a coquettish, feminine manner all evening, but I also knew how inexperienced I really was at the whole gay experience in which I was now involved—and getting more deeply involved in at every step we took together. Yet I also remembered Kevin's advice from earlier to just 'Go with the flow,' so that's what I did.

About a block or so south of the club where we'd been earlier, Kevin angled off the sidewalk into a parking lot saying, “Here's my car.” He walked up to the passenger's side of a white Buick, unlocked the door with the keys he pulled out of his left pocket, opened to door to let me in—being the perfect gentleman. But as he held the door to allow me to get in, though, he said, “Hey.”

I paused and looked up at him. He leaned forward a bit, kissed me, lightly and without even thinking about it, I kissed back. I went ahead and sat down in the passenger's side of his car's front seat. 'WOW!' was all I could think as Kevin walked around to the driver's side and got in.

“I've been wanting to do that all night,” he said as he started the car.

“Really?” I said. Kevin's car had a front bench seat instead of buckets, so I slid across it to be closer to him, just like I'd seen hundreds of other couples on dates doing. This time he put his right arm around my shoulder and his left around my waist to pull me close as he kissed me again. His lips parted and so did mine as our tongues battled each other in our mouths. We kept kissing and holding each other for several minutes.

Finally, I leaned back and just looked at him. “I thought we were going to your place,” I said, quietly through my constricted throat.

“Yeah,” he said, leaning away from me and putting the car in gear. “We are.”

He drive out of the parking lot and down several side streets, but soon I recognized that we were back on Broadway headed east, away from downtown. Without having to use his hands to steer so much, now, his right arm was now across the back of the bench seat and around my shoulders. I pulled my legs up onto the bench seat and nuzzled into him as best I could without restricting his driving.

I was still wondering what the night was going to bring when Kevin stopped his car in front of a complex of triplex apartments. They looked like they'd been built in the 1920s or '30s, back when not everyone had a car, and being right there on Broadway, they could be on the main bus or trolley line. Kevin got out of the car and was heading around to my side, ostensibly to let me out, but I was not used to being catered to like that so I opened the door myself and was out of the car by the time he arrived. He took my hand and led me to the central sidewalk.

“You live here alone,” I asked him.

“Do now, “ he said. “Used to have a roommate—pre-med student like me. But he got accepted to Stanford Medical and moved out about the first of the year.” By this time we were at the door of his apartment, which he unlocked with the keys in his hand. “So now it's just me,” He pushed the door open, “And the cat.”

The fact Kevin had a cat was obvious as soon as I crossed the threshold and heard hissing and saw a flash of orange near one inside door as that animal beat a hasty retreat the instant it saw me.

We walked on in and I just stood there in the middle of the room, looking around me while Kevin walked across the room and went into the room where the cat had gone.

The living room was well laid out, with a sofa along one wall, easy chairs and a TV/stereo system along others—very mid-western “middle class” in appearance. It was clean and tidy with no aspects of “bachelor pad” to it at all.

“You want something to drink, Sugar?” Kevin asked me from the kitchen.

“Sure,” I told him. “What do you have?”

I think I have some whiskey—Bourbon. And beer. Beer's about all I drink when I'm home here. You were drinking Gin & Tonic at the club, weren't you? 'Fraid I don't have either one of those. But I have some Coke. I could make you a Bourbon and Coke.

“Beer's fine, honey” I was sitting on the front edge of the couch by this time, with my legs together and demurely cocked to one side. Once again, I wondered why I was acting so coy and girly? Was it just the clothes? Or the real me? And inside, I was shaking like a leaf, no matter how calm I looked on the outside.

Kevin returned to the living carrying two cans of Olympia. He handed me one as he sat down beside me on the couch.

Kevin opened his beer, took a drink of it, then just sat there, looking at me with a hint of a smile on his face.

“You really look good tonight, Sugar,” he said.

I opened my beer, too, took a drink of it and murmured the word,“Thanks.” I looked over at him. “You really think so?”

He smiled broadly at me. “Of course I do. I wouldn't have been talking to you all night if I didn't. And I sure as hell wouldn't have invited you over here if I didn't. But it's not just the way you look, Sugar. I like you. You're easy to talk to...” He chuckled. “And you're from Kansas.”

I laughed at that, then just looked at him.

He reached out to me and took me into his arms. I resisted a bit and he felt my reluctance. “What's the matter?” he asked, pulling back slightly.

“I'm just so new at this,” I said. “You know... Dressing up like this and … Everything. Being alone with a guy and all...”

“I understand, Sugar. Really I do.” He smiled sweetly at me. “But I promise you, honey. I'll be gentle.” He made another effort to pull me toward him.

This time I yielded. I leaned toward him as he kissed, me, gently. But soon his kisses became more passionate and I returned them with equal intensity.

Kevin took my beer from my hand and sat it on the end table beside the couch together with his own., then returned to the make-out session we'd started. His kisses and his tongue sparring with mine was lighting a fire in both of us. I could feel his hands caressing my body through my clothes and mine did the same with his.

But after a few minutes of this intense kissing, he drew back from me and said, “I think we need to go on into the bedroom.”

“OK,” I muttered, through my constricted throat. Of course, by this time I had a raging erection and I could tell from the bulge in his jeans that Kevin did, too. We stood up together and I allowed him to take my hand and guide me there.

As he switched on the light, the cat who had greeted me earlier screeched again from atop the bed and once more beat a hasty retreat.

Kevin's bedroom was as practical and as tidy as his living room had been, but I hardly noticed any details. He began undressing, taking off his shirt, kicking off his shoes and beginning to undo his belt. When he noticed I was not disrobing with equal alacrity, he paused again and looked over at me as I stood rooted beside the bed.

“It's OK, Sugar,” he said in a calm, reassuring voice. “You don't have to be embarrassed. I know what you are.”

Finally, I began undressing, too. I unzipped the plaid skirt and let it fall to the floor. Around my ankles. I kicked it to one side, then began to pull the fuzzy pink sweater up over my head. But it became entangled with my long blonde wig and finally I pulled them both off together revealing my short tousled brownish-blond hair.

I was aware that Kevin had stopped undressing himself and was now sitting on the bed, watching me. Facing away from him at about a forty-five-degree angle, I reached behind me to unhook my bra, being careful the keep the foam rubber breast forms in the cups as laid it on top of the pile of my pink sweater and wig.

“Come on over here,” Kevin said. I stepped in front of him, dressed now in just my pantyhose, and panties. He reached over and began rolling the pantyhose down. When he got to the mid-thigh area, he brought his hands back up to my panties and pulled them down, too. As the elastic waistband cleared my erect, straining cock, it's little five-inch length was pointing right at Kevin's face. He smiled, leaned forward and kissed the tip of it, using his tongue to lick the pre-cum from the slit there, then sucking it in. He slid his mouth up and down my tiny length several times as I almost buckled at the knees at the glorious feel of him sucking me.

But after those few strokes, he pulled his mouth and face off me and said, “Lie down on the bed.” He stood up to give me room to do so.

I complied with his command and Kevin stood over me and continued removing the pantyhose, then the panties as I lifted my legs to allow him to take them off completely.

Finally naked, I watched as Kevin finished removing his jeans, then hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his skivvies and pulled them down, allowing me to see the glory of his manhood for the first time.

His hard dick, circumcised like mine, was not huge, but definitely larger than what I had. It was about six or seven inches, thick and completely erect. It was beautiful and I reached one hand out to touch it as he kicked off his underwear. Finally, I grabbed its smooth length and propped myself up on the bed on one elbow, drawing him closer to me and my mouth. I kissed it like Kevin had done with mine, then put my mouth over its crown and ran my tongue all around its bulb. It felt smooth and slick and glorious in my mouth, but it was only there for a short time, as Kevin pulled away, then climbed onto the bed with me.

We began kissing, our arms entwined around each other, our hands feeling each others' bodies, our passions rising at the feel of another person next to us. My hard dick pressed against his and I could feel his against mine, too. Kevin began kissing my other places: my neck, my shoulders, my chest—sucking on one nipple, then the other—constantly going lower.

When Kevin began kissing me about my navel, he quickly turned his body around, so we could be in the “69” position. His lips found my cock again and mine found his. I was soon enjoying its taste and the feet of it sliding in and out of my mouth over my tongue. I sucked him greedily, slurping as I did so and enjoying the mutual pleasure we were giving each other. I was loving it!

Soon I was feeling the sensation of my orgasm building, though, and moans began escaping from deep inside me as I tried to finish Kevin off, too. Finally, I could hold it no longer and with a long moaning groan I began to cum into his mouth. And moans and grunts of satisfaction coming from Kevin as he continued sucking while my dick shot my semen into his mouth and throat told me of his approval.

He kept right on sucking me and swallowing as the last of my cum was pulled from my cock. But just then we heard the phone on the bed stand on Kevin's side began to ring loudly. Its tones were startling, jarring against the pleasure we'd been giving each other. Kevin pulled off my cock as he turned toward the nightstand to grab the receiver. I kept right on sucking as he picked it up.

“Hello,” I heard him say. “Yes, it is.” He listened to the person n the other end. Even though I still had Kevin's dick in my mouth, I could feel that it was getting softer all the time. “Oh, yeah!” he said. “Hi, Crystal.” I finally quit sucking and just listened to what he said. I could follow his end of the conversation and could just imagine what Crystal was saying on the other end from the context. Occasionally Kevin's eyes would flick over in my direction as he talked to her.

“Yeah, yeah. She's here with me....” “Oh, we just decided to spend some time together. Just the two of us.” “No, no, I don't think so.” “She'll stay here with me tonight. And probably the whole weekend, too.” “Yeah, I'm glad you found my number, too.” “Yeah.” “Yeah, good thing there's not that many 'Koslowskis here.” “Sorry I scared you.” “Yeah.” “Yeah, I could bring her down to I.B., but...” “But... But I don't think she wants to go. Not just yet, anyway.” “Well, I can always take her back to Coronado, too, you know.” “She said she has all her I.D. and everything.” “Yeah.” “I know.” “Well, she can always borrow some of mine.”

I just lay there on the bed, trying to enjoy the glow my recent orgasm brought me, but having to listen to Kevin's conversation made that difficult. I was still hard—I don't immediately go flaccid after orgasm, the way some guys do—but I was a bit frustrated that I wasn't able to get Kevin to cum. So I just lay there, my hand on my dick, listening. After a while, I reached down and pulled the bed sheet up to cover myself.

Finally, though, the conversation ended. “Yeah. Yeah, You, too, Crystal.” “Don't worry. I'll take good care of her.” He hung up the phone and turned back to me, smiling broadly. He sat up with his back to the headboard of the bed and pulled the sheet up to cover himself, too.

“Crystal is acting like some kind of mother hen,” he told me. “Worried about her chick-- you. She said they went back to the club and she just freaked out when she didn't find us there. She was frantic. Finally was able to find my name and number in a phone book, though, and called me.”

“I didn't mean to worry her,” I said.

“Well, she was.” He kept grinning at me. “Big time, But I told her I'd take good care of you.” He looked at me again. “I have been, haven't I”

I looked up at him and tried my best to smile, “Yes, you have,” I said. “But...” I fell silent, looking away.

“But what?”

I sat up and scooted back to where my back was against the headboard, too. I couldn't look at him.

“What's the matter, Sugar?”

I still couldn't look at him. “Roger,” I said. “My name's Roger.”

“OK,” he said. Nobody said anything else for a while. “So, what's the matter?”

“Oh,” I said, at last.. “I guess I'm just kind of frustrated.”

“Why.”

”Well,” I said, reluctantly. “I just... I just can't seem to do it right, or something.”

“Do what?”

My answer came out in disjointed fits and starts. “You. Suckin' a dick. I just can't seem to get anybody off. I mean... I was sucking on you... Tryin' my best... And you on me... and I could cum. .But you... you didn't. And then, after you answered the phone... I kept on... and you... you started going soft...” I sighed, shaking my head. “Am I not doin' it right or something?”

Kevin laughed, quietly. “You were doin' just fine, Sugar,” he said. “It's just...” he shrugged. “Sometimes...”

“I just can't seem to get it right,” I said. “And it's not only with you, Kevin...”

I started telling him about the other times I'd tried sucking on men's dicks, both the one guy—my first--back in Charleston and then with others here in San Diego. About how I would suck on their hard dicks but none of them ever came while I was doing so except for that first time with Crystal.

It wasn't like that was the only time I'd tasted cum, though. When I'd tried sucking Brenda's and Chiffon's cocks when I'd gone down to Imperial Beach to “train” for tonight. I'd tried to get them off, too, and even one more time with Crystal, but I still couldn't get it. So they would use their hands to masturbate, then allow me to quickly catch their semen in my mouth when they reach climax.

“Now, I could always cum with them,” I told him. “They'd suck me and I'd get off. But they never did. Not without help.” I shook my head again. “So I gotta wonder if I just ain't doin' it right, or something.”

All the time I was telling Kevin about my problems giving fellatio, he was looking at me sympathetically. He even reached over, put his arm across my shoulders and pulled me closer. At first, I resisted, but soon yielded and snuggled against his chest. I felt him kiss me on the top of my head.

“So I really have to wonder...” I concluded, “if I'm really not intended to be a queer, either.” I could feel a tear drip out of one eye and begin to run down my cheek. “I've always felt that's kind of maybe what I was all along.”

“Oh, Sugar,” Kevin said. “You're putting labels on yourself again.”

“I know,” I said. “But I do know I'd like to find out what I really am. I like girls, though. Always want to fuck 'em. But never get much of a chance with them, either. Hell, I didn't even lose my virginity until I went down to Tijuana one night when I was here before and fucked a whore down there.”

“Did you ever have affairs with women?” he asked,

I sat back up and looked at him. He seemed genuinely curious.

“Never had any real girlfriends in High School... or college. I did get picked up by this one woman here in San Diego, though, when I was going to my service schools. Before I went to South Carolina. She was a “WestPac Widow” and her and her sister picked up me and a buddy one night, took us back to her place and we fucked. Then we carried on an affair until I graduated from my C school and got assigned to that Tender in Charleston. But that liaison only lasted just for a month or so.”

He just took that in, then looked at me. “Did you enjoy that? Having regular sex? With a woman?”

“Well, hell yeah. Like I said, I like women. It's just so hard to find 'em. Ones who are willing, that is.”

He just smiled. “Ever find any?”

I let out a little smirk. “No, except that one time. Just whores. I went to a whorehouse up north of the city--Charleston--a couple of times. Fucked a couple of 'em. But that sort of stuff gets expensive and I was only an E-2 at the time.”

“So, how did you... Get involved with guys?”

“Oh, I got picked up by gay guys a few times. I'd be walking back to base and they'd offer me a ride. I was always too cheap—or too broke--to take a taxi. So I'd start walkin' back and they'd stop and offer to take me back to base. But they'd almost always want to stop and park somewhere and blow me. And get me to suck them if they could.” I paused and shrugged. “So one night, I did.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. This was a guy who'd picked me up before. He was nice about it. And I'd been curious about suckin' a dick for quite a while before that, anyway.”

“Really?” he asked, seemingly genuinely interested.

“Yes. One thing I noticed was that gay guys always seemed to enjoy it more... And always did a better job of suckin' a dick than girls do. Most women only wanted to do it if you paid 'em for it.”

“Whores?”

'“Yeah. And 'bar girls' in Charleston; which is pretty much the same thing. And then they'd always try to trick you out of actually doin' it. You give them the money, then they'd disappear. Make some excuse. But the gay guys really would. Really do it. And enjoy it.”

“So, like I said. I was curious about it. Then when this guy I'd already been with before gave me a ride one night, he asked me if I'd like just to ride around for a bit... and talk. Well, I knew what he really wanted... and like I said, he was nice... And I was curious. So I said 'OK'.”

Kevin just looked at me, saying nothing.

I sighed and went on. “So he drove out in the country north of town, parked on this dark road... Of course, he'd been feeling me up the whole time... got me to sit close to him... had his hand on my crotch. And pulled my hand over and put it on his crotch... So he knew I was willing. Anyway, he parked along this dark road.... Then he pulled his dick out... And...uh... And I went down on it. Sucked on it. But he didn't cum. Tried to get him to. But he didn't. Really, I think he was just as interested in sucking me as in having me suck him. Anyway, he got me to cum. But he didn't.”

I looked over at Kevin. There was maybe a slight smile on his face.

“Anyway,” I went on. “That was the first time I ever had a dick in my mouth.”

“Did you enjoy doing it?”

I chuckled a bit and shrugged again. “Well, ...yeah,” I admitted. “I didn't... It didn't... disgust me or anything... I really did kind of like it. It was... It was nice. I did enjoy it.”

Kevin just grinned at me. I sighed. “So that's why I was willing to do it again” I went on. “I enjoyed doin' it. But can never...” I looked at him, smiling sheepishly. “Just not having much luck at it. Like I said.”

He was smiling broadly now. He picked up the sheet over his lap and pulled it back. His dick was erect again. “Still willing?” he asked.

I just had to laugh. “Sure!” I said. I looked up at him again, smiling, then leaned over to where I could reach his cock again with my mouth. I immediately engulfed it, relishing its sweetness and the glorious way it felt in my mouth.

But it was awkward being hunched over like I was. So I adjusted my position to lie down next to Kevin, who remained propped up with his back to the headboard of the bed. But even that was awkward so I got him to lie down next to me. I held onto his upright cock with one hand just above his balls while my mouth moved up and down over the penis head and shaft.

I heard Kevin moan slightly and felt his hand on top of my head caressing the hair as I bobbed up and down on his cock. It was heavenly. His dick tasted great and I kept going to town on it, sucking and licking and giving it all my concentration.

Kevin's moans kept coming and sounds of “Oh, yeah.” and ”Mmmmmm,” and “Yeah, baby,” kept escaping his lips. Finally, breathless exclamations of “Oh, yeah! Yeah! Go, baby” followed, each progressively louder, and then a final yell of “Yeaaaaaaah” as his cock began spurting and unloading into my eager mouth.

I loved it! I swallowed and kept bobbing and sucking and swallowing over and over as his hips bucked while his cock shot its sweet load and the jism flooded into my mouth and throat. His hand kept lightly and lovingly caressing the top of my head the whole time; not pushing down or anything; just a light, loving touch

When the last of his ejaculation subsided, I still kept right on sucking until Kevin made me stop with a chuckle and an admission of, “That enough, Sugar. That tickles.”

I pulled my mouth off his cock and looked up at him, smiling in satisfaction that I had succeeded in giving him the pleasure I wanted to.

He smiled back at me lovingly. “That was great, Sugar,” he told me.

“Yeah,” I said. “It really was, wasn't it?” I smiled back at him, then dipped my head and snuggled close against his chest. “I finally got it.” I kept smiling inwardly. “I guess I'm a full-fledged queer, now,” I concluded.

He sat up with his back against the headboard again and looked at me curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” I said. “I meet a guy in a bar. I pick him up—or allow him to pick me up—and we go back to his place and we suck each others' dicks. Just like gay guys do. So I guess I'm gay, now.”

“Man, you sure do like to put labels on yourself, don't you?” Kevin said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess, “ I said. “A label for everything, whether it fits or not. Kind of the way I was brought up.”

End of Part One