I get tired of sitting at home on nights when we can’t see each other. I know you have obligations, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun. And fun will have me. We text at night, telling each other sweet nothings and talking about dreams. I know you are locked in your bedroom cage for the night. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be out and about.

I get off the daybed and pick out something skimpy. I have been overly aggravated lately. You have been distracted and if I hear any more about your wife I am going to snap. No bra, no undies. Slut to the extreme. Skimpy little dress that shows everything I want you to touch, in hopes someone else will. I grab a small purse, throw in my keys, smokes, and wallet and head out the door.

You are tossing and turning in your oversized lonely bed. The comforter and sheets strangling you like you feel the responsibilities of life do. You check your phone. No new messages from me. wonder what I am doing. If I went to sleep or am still awake as usual. You feel frustrated, a little angry, and sad. You throw the bed set onto the floor.

I head to the first bar I can find. I am not a bar woman. I hate the way my shoes always manage to stick to the floor and how dark it is. But tonight, I’m ready and willing to accept anything to fill this urge. I walk up to the bartender and tell him to give me something strong. My reckless behavior will lead me somewhere tonight, anywhere but where my heart really wants it to be.

He slides the drink to me and I hear a low voice behind me say to put it on his tab. Instantly wet from the simple kindness of a stranger, I turn to find a tall, dark and handsome thirty-something-year-old eyeing me slowly. Well hello. I turn to face him completely and tip my glass before I toss it back. He giggles and takes a step closer. He asks me what I am doing tonight. I say hopefully you. Well ok then. He takes my hand and we both giggle as he pulls me towards the back alley.

You lie there for minutes, longing for me and staring at the pitch-black ceiling. Soon your love and desire raise the tent in your briefs. You imagine me sleeping peacefully in my bed. But also fear for the possibility that I am not home. Your jealousy only makes you harder and you grunt and groan as you tear the briefs off. Now completely naked and raging hard with all those emotions, you grit your teeth and harshly grab your manhood.

You can’t keep the thoughts of me out dancing with someone else from your mind. At first, it would be dancing, and then touching. Another man’s rough hands all over my body. You jerk hard on yourself. letting the fear take control. You grunt out loud, but I am not there beside you to hear your primal urge.

As soon as we exit, I plant myself against the hard-rough bricks. He pushes himself up against me, the smell of hard liquor and the rainy evening making me moan. His hand slides up my leg. He takes a sharp intake of breath as he realizes just how easy I have made myself. his finger slides deep into me as I wrap my leg around his waist. I pull the top of my dress down, exposing my rock-hard nipples. He instantly leans down to bite them. Hard. I half scream half laugh, the alcohol hitting me fast and the pleasure becoming intense faster than I had imagined.

I explode onto his hand as his teeth chew my neck and shoulders. I reach down to the hard log between his legs and bite my lip. I put my leg back down and undo his pants, freeing that piece of him that might make me feel something besides the anger I feel for you. he bites my nipples quickly one last time before he turns me around and shoves me against the wall.

One of your hands is gripping and pulling hard on your penis as the other is clutching your balls. Harder and harder with more friction. You think of me being taken in every possible way. Small tears of anger slide from your closed eyes. You pinch the tip of your penis and know you’re going to explode. You grab a pillow from beside you and scream bloody murder into it as you spray yourself everywhere. Your body jerks and spasms with the pleasurable pain.

My breasts grind roughly against the bricks and it only makes me want more. Harder and rougher. I lift my dress and he thrusts into me hard. I scream. More. More pain. He grabs my hips and pumps me like a jackhammer. And it feels so good. God, I wish it was you. but it can’t be. I stop these thoughts before I lose my mood. His hand holds my head against the wall and the other smacks my ass hard. I scream.

My body begins to rock, and I know what’s coming. I start screaming as I come on this stranger. My body shivering and a little sore. He lets go of my head and both hands reach down to my ass. He spreads me open and rams himself into my ass. I scream. I wasn’t expecting this, but the pain and newness of it had made me wet again. His hands wrap around me and pinch my nipples. I lower my hand to my own folds and circle my clit. So many different sensations. He begins to scream, and I feel the hot semen inside me and dripping down my legs. It pushes me over the edge and I, too, climax.

we stand there a moment before we both begin giggling like school kids after prom night. He fixes his pants as I address my dress. He runs his hand through his hair nervously as he asks my name. I switch from giggle to full-blown laugh and blow him a kiss as I walk down the alley, back to my car.

You clean yourself off in the shower and throw yourself back onto the bed. Your eyes are red from tears and sleepiness. You cradle your pillow as if I am there being your little spoon. You feel guilty for thinking ill of me, but also know I am not yours. I will do as I please. With who I please. And there’s no stopping me. After checking your phone one last time, you fall asleep and have nightmares of cell bars and loneliness.

I drive home, exhausted from my reckless night. Emotionally spent as well. God, I wish it was all with you. but it will never be. I take a cold shower and check my phone before I fall into restless dreams. You never sent any more messages. and I am no longer sad about that.