Back when I was in college I befriended this older couple, Emily and Christian. I say older like they were in their late forties but really, they were older than me by just a few years. I just viewed them as so much older since they were trying for a kid, and I could never imagine being a mother. They would invite me over to their house about once a week for dinner, never letting me pay or bring food of my own. Saying that I needed to save money for school and besides they were “preparing for parenthood”. I never complained, college is expensive.
One night we were all sharing dinner over wine and things got a little personal. Emily broke down in tears saying that over the weekend she learned she was infertile. This was a couple who had their hearts set on having a child of their own, my heart broke for her. Christian put his hand on top of hers and looked at me across the table. He asked me to be a surrogate, and in return pay for my college. The only problem was that since the actual surrogate process was so expensive, they had to do things differently. His eyes wavered from mine when he said that, and I knew what he meant.
It was so much to take in all at once. I said I would think about it and get back to them. I thanked them for the meal and left. The next week came and there was no invite to dinner and a week after that. I told myself times were tight and I needed the money, but in reality, I think I just missed them.
I caved and called up Christian, I always talked to him when dealing with the financials or planning for the entire process. We made a deal; my tuition would be paid for by them. I was just to go over to their house while Christian and Emily had sex, wait for him to be close, then let him finish inside me. At first, things were a little awkward, I would just sit next to Emily with my legs spread, waiting. As we got more comfortable, she started grabbing my hand as Christian finished. Holding it tightly and squeezing. Christian never looked me in the eye though. With my legs wrapped around him as he finishes, I would stare up at him, but he always just looked down or somewhere else.
After our third or fourth session, Emily invited me to stay late for tea. We left Christian in the room fast asleep, and she broke down in tears, feeling like she was inadequate for being incapable of being a mother. I hated myself for liking it when she cried. I felt myself getting aroused like I was replacing her and taking Christian for my own, it felt good, it felt empowering. Of course, I would never tell her this, I consoled her and made sure she knew she was not inadequate and that she would be the mother of the child I give them. It felt good to say that too. The child I give you.