May 12th

It’s Team Meeting again. He’s next to me and he’s trying to play footsie, the sick fucker. But then everything he does is “the sick fucker” lately. Posting that he enjoys bird watching? Sick fucker. He’s gardening? The sicko. Throwing a party for close friends? Sick. Adopted a rescue cat? Makes me sick. You get the point.

But I can’t hate him for long because I want him to keep playing footsie with me, showing me that, while he might flirt with most of the women here, I’m special. He might have a girlfriend and he might not be willing to leave her, but at this moment it doesn’t matter. It’s just us.

It would be easy for him to pretend it was just an accidental brushing of the feet, but he looks at me and does it again. I pull my feet under the seat so as not to drive myself into an obvious frenzy.

“So Caleb, are you not rocking the Judaism?” He jokes to the guy across the table. I laugh too loudly. But everyone else is laughing too so I don’t think anyone noticed. That, and I’m just generally weird so this isn’t out of character for me.

The soups are served. I comment on the broth.

“Brooooothh. You say that word funny,” he says. Must he make fun of everything I do?

“And how is it supposed to be pronounced then?” I retort.

“Broth. But I guess any word can sound strange if you say it enough.”

The conversation turns to backpacking trips. I perk up at the mention of NOLS, National Outdoor Leadership School. I then have some flashbacks of my time there. Cough syrup, strip mall parking lot, crazy eyes dreadlocks, cigarette, a large man looming over me (why am I on the ground?) telling me how I’ll never understand true pain.

“I worked there for a long time.” He says. “You did it too? Wyoming? Wind river?”

“Yeah crazy days,” I manage.

“Tell me about it.” He does that thing again where it’s just us.

“Well…we were deep in there. The woods. We were going deep. Into the thick of it.” Into the thick of it? What am I saying?

“Yeah, deep, really?” He’s smiling like I’m some kind of joke. Is this just a joke to you, Dave? His face is the smirk emoji.

It’s like I just announced it to the table. I want your thick dick in me and I want it as deep as you can go. Say something else, anything!

“Maybe we even crossed paths while I was there like two ships in the night,” I say. Now I’m a poet, great. Could I be more obvious? He starts to say something then stops, blushing hard.

“What? What were you going to say?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” He stammers, looking down. Strange man indeed, this guy who will say anything and I’ve got him speechless. Hah.

When I leave he says something about how we should talk more about our wilderness experiences. Back in the car, I’m worked up, my whole body buzzing and I need to cum. ‘Yeah? Deep?’ His mocking words and face make my head spin.

May 15th

Sometimes he’ll pass me in the halls or by the entrance and won’t even acknowledge my presence. I think it’s just to fuck with me. I’ve never felt this way about someone, wanting to constantly slap them and kiss them almost simultaneously.

The first time I saw him in the break room he was going on about how it’s hard for straight white men these days and I wanted to jump up out of my comfy chair and throw my Pad Thai to the floor and strangle the life out of him. But then I thought about how close our faces would be if I were strangling him and… it’s all downhill from there.

I can’t turn off my feelings for him just like how I can’t pretend I don’t think of him when I see something in the store that reminds me of him. And lots of things remind me of him.

May 17th

“Let’s try a new position this time,” I say to my boyfriend.

“I don’t have the energy. I’ll fuck you properly one of these days,” he says gruffly and spoons me as usual. At least now I don’t have to hide that I’m imagining him instead. He’s sitting on a chair at the other side of the room, watching me getting fucked with that same bemused smile on his face.

May 18th

I consider wearing pigtails again, just to show him that I’m his whenever he’s ready, but then think better of it.

May 19th

I want to say

I like you and I think you like me too. I know you have a girlfriend but I think about running off with you all the time.

Instead, I say

It’s really sweet how dedicated you are to your girlfriend. She’s lucky to have you.

He responds with something about how it’s so worth it and there’s so much growth to be found in the journey and mwopp mwop mwop. He must know I like him, he must.

May 20th

He’s pulling away, I can feel it. I said the wrong thing.

May 21st

I get a little bold. I’m sick of being shy.

I’m wearing the pigtails for you today so you’d better behave yourself, I text.

I will, he replies.

All day, I’m wondering if anyone thinks I’m a slut for wearing this hairstyle as an adult. It’s supposed to be a kid’s hairstyle. What am I doing? But I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m showing him that I want to please him.

When we see each other he’s playing monster with the kids. He growls and crouches down. One of the girls shrieks and runs to me, clutching my legs. He comes so close, looks me deep in the eyes, and says

“I’m gonna get you. And there’s nothing you can do about it, Becca.” I’m fully wet at this point and when I bend over to pick up the child I wonder if he can see the wetness soaked through my leggings.

May 22nd

No undies today. For you.

Promise?

Promise.

Skirt?

Yes.

I’m dripping by the time I get into my car to drive to work. This is going to be tough.

We don’t cross paths but we’re messaging all day.

Me: Bit of a breeze today.

Him: Yeah?

Me: I’m in quite the state.

Him: Tell me about it.

Me: It’s practically unbearable, I can’t do this again I just get too horny. (At this point the kids are napping and I’m discreetly rubbing myself against the chair I'm sitting on. The other teachers check their emails.)

I bet. Must be intense to be so unfettered. (Fuck, he knows words like unfettered!) Wish I was an ant on the grass as you walk by.

Oh, I’ll need something a little bigger than that.

Oh, I see. A worm perhaps? (I want to kill him.)

You really want to see how worked up I am? It’s embarrassing. Not to mention very unprofessional.

At this point I excuse myself to the bathroom, shove three fingers up my cunt and take a picture. Gloopy strands connect each finger. More pussy juice leaks down each finger, shining in the overhead light.

Unprofessional, yes. Embarrassed? Even better. But I need to know.

I send the picture.

Wow, wish someone was there to clean it up.

Yeah, I’m a fucking mess.

Guess you’ll just have to go pantiless more often so you get better at it.

When I’m finally back in my car at the end of the day I try to get myself off, but I’m only brought to the edge and have to rush to pick up my son from daycare.

May 24th

“There’s something I want to show you,” he says. It’s the end of the day and we’re both leaving to go to our cars.

“In the barn?” I ask.

“Yes, in the barn,” he says curtly. My heart starts beating wildly. It’s going to happen.

He motions for me to go ahead of him and as soon as he closes the door he’s- not kissing me. This is strange.

“Why did you send me that?” He demands.

He comes so close, that I think his lips will touch mine. I simultaneously want to punch him and kiss him but I do neither. We just stand there breathing, silently daring the other to move closer, bridge the microscopic distance between us.

“Why did you play footsie with me? Why did you like all my new photos? Why do you talk to me like you do?” This is all I can think to say.

“I can’t help it. You make it very hard for me,” He says. At this I pull his face to mine and close the distance, pressing his full lips to mine. My lips I’ve bit so many times imagining it’s him making them sting.

“I can’t help it either,” I pant. I kiss him hungrily, then drop to my knees to unbuckle his pants. I look up at him and he’s looking down at me in awe, like I’m some kind of wonder.

I bob up and down on his shaft, trying to keep eye contact. I spit on the tip and go slowly all the way down. Before he can cum he pulls me up and pushes me gently against the wall so that my back is to him. There’s a chair nearby I put my leg up on so he can go as deep as possible. I turn around and meet his dark eyes as he puts his cock in me.

“You think about me when you fuck your girlfriend?”

“Yes,” he grunts and continues thrusting.

“It’s so deep, so good!” I’m panting, gasping, moaning.

“I’m going to cum. Get on your knees,” he says. I obey and start sucking. I need to swallow it all to cause the least suspicion. Having a glob of questionable material in my hair or on my chest won’t go over well with the boyfriend.

It comes out in multiple spurts and I swallow it all. I come up smiling.

“Well, see you tomorrow,” I say and make to leave. He stops me, pulling me in for a kiss.

At home, I give my boyfriend a nice sloppy kiss. I wonder if he can taste anything different.