CHAPTER 19

My call to Jeff was one he expected. I’d kinda given him a heads up at the funeral. It was just tentative at the time, but now I was beginning to get my act to together and making some decisions. The good news was that he was actually still in Phoenix. He had some business with the parent company of the trucking company that he drove for. I knew he was thinking of moving back here; the parent company had been wooing him to take over some stuff. He was still thinking on it.

I was alone in the Casa when he arrived. Owen was at his workplace, and Abigail was shopping and had the kids with her. She’d made the case that leaving me with the two nine year-olds was maybe not the best of the available options. She had however left the decision up to me, but I had to grant that she was right, and so the kids were with her.

“Glad you could make it my man,” I said.

“Sam, well like I’ve told you before, you call and we’ll be there, man,” he said.

“Well, thank you for that. And I will need some help moving. There’s no panicky rush, so let me know what’s good for you and the guys; I’m easy,” I said. “And Jeff, thanks again for coming to my dad’s funeral. It meant a lot.”

“It was an honor man, really,” he said.

We finished a couple cups of coffee and then he was gone to do his business with Allied Freight Inc.

******

I was dressed and ready to go by 6:00 p.m. as mandated by my ex-wife. Damn she sure looked pretty, actually the both of them did as they came into the front room where I’d stationed myself waiting to go to dinner. I decided to say so; they beat me to it.

“You look nice,” she said, coming up to me.

“Yes, indeed,” said Harriet, adding her comment to the mix.

“Thanks,” I said. And, for an ugly guy in a wheelchair, I did have to agree with them. “So do the both of you.”

We were on the road two minutes later.

******

“Daddy, where is mommy?” said Sarah.

“She’s with Mister Bradshaw, baby. She and your Aunt Harriet took him to dinner,” said Owen Cord.

“Daddy, is Mister Bradshaw our daddy too?” said Mia.

“Yes, he sorta is,” said Owen.

“Is he going to live with us now?” said Sarah.

“Hmm, no, but he will be staying with us for a little while,” said Owen.

******

THE SCARBOROUGH dinner club was an upscale steak house that catered only to the well dressed and the well-heeled; homeless riff-raff need not apply. I was okay dressed, and yes I was wearing a tie as I had been advised to do by Abigail, but the well-heeled part was gonna be somebody else’s worry; it sure as hell wasn’t going to be mine.

I don’t think my ex-wife had a clue as to how taking us to a place like the Scarborough made me feel, me being a charter member of the unwashed masses. But maybe she had an agenda I was not as yet privy to that made sense for her to bring us here.

I had imagined that the reason she wanted to take me to dinner at all was to convince me to move back to Phoenix and to take up residence in my dad’s house. I’d already decided, as I had already made them aware, that I was going to sell the house. But, I would listen to her spiel, whatever it turned out to be, and consider it whatever it was. Jesus how I hated owing the two of them anything!

I tried not to advertise my feelings of economic inferiority by word or look as we were ushered to a table toward the back by one I considered to be a somewhat stuffy maitre d’.

“Nice place,” I said. My tone, I was sure, carrying my discomfort being in a place so far out of my economic league.

“I chose it to honor you, Sam, really,” she said, clearly having figured out my reticence to visit a place like the Scarborough.

“No, no, it’s fine. I just hope somebody else is paying. I’ve got a few bucks, maybe enough for the tip,” I said. Abby smirked.

“You know damn well that I’ll be the one paying tonight,” she said. My turn to smirk.

“Yeah, just kidding,” I said, “sheesh.”

Now she smiled as did her wing woman. I really was wondering why Harriet was with us. But, I guessed I would soon be finding out.

“So, anyway, I’m being honored,” I said.

“Yes for being an American war hero, and for being the man you are and being so understanding about me and Owen,” she said. “I know that in the beginning it was hard for you, and for me and Owen too believe me.”

“Oh?” I said. I had to wonder what the hell she was talking about. I hadn’t been, nor was I currently, nor was I ever going to be happy about what the two of them had done to me. Yes, I had accepted their help, and gratefully, that with everything that had gone down since my dad died. But accepting? Happy? Understanding? Those were adjectives that were way too far beyond the pale to describe my feelings, yes way to far.

“Would it be all right if I ordered for everybody?” She said.

“Fine with me,” said Harriet, “you know what I like.” It was clear that Harriet had been here before with her best friend., probably with Owen in attendance as well.

“Sure,” I said.

We’d barely looked at the menus. I did notice that none of the choices had prices with them. That had to mean that if you had to ask you shouldn’t have been in the place.

The waiter arrived and she ordered. It would be some kind of prime rib ensemble. At least she ordered in English. I’d been half expecting her to do so in French, well okay, not really.

I should perhaps note here that Owen had kid duty as arranged by Abigail. When I’d heard that, I’d almost demurred accepting the invite to dinner. I wanted to be with the babies. But, they, the two to them, had been so good to me these past days at a time when I admittedly needed them, or somebody, that I decided to not make any waves.

The food came and it was super good for sure. And the special red wine that we hadn’t even ordered actually made our little dinner party very pleasurable. We ate and talked about the funeral and how something it was, and then, the table cleared, our wine glasses refreshed, Abigail opened up.

“So, Sam, I guess it’s time we maybe talked a little bit about some things,” said Abigail. Her tone bothered me, but...

“Okay,” I said.

“Well, Harriet here has a proposition for you that I think you might want to consider,” she said.

Okay, she’d stopped me cold in my tracks, figuratively speaking. The topic of conversation was clearly not going to have anything to do with anything I might have predicted.

“Oh? Harriet?” I said, looking over at Harriet who was smiling broadly.

“Yes,” said Harriet. “Sam, I know you’re thinking of selling your dad’s place. Well, I’d like to buy it. You probably don’t know, but I’ve been looking for a place near the shop where I work. Your dad’s place is about six blocks from there. I know your asking price and I’m good with it. Whaddya say?”

I was speechless. The dinner might have been for the purpose of honoring my heroic man-self, but this was a curveball add on that I had not even expected.

“Uh, sure,” I guess,” I said. “I mean if you really want it.”

“I do. It’s the perfect size place for me, and the location is really the best of it for me,” she said.

What I did not consider, and I really had no reason to have done so, was how a woman making middle class wages could come up with the price I was asking: $175k. She’d likely be financing it I was sure, but even so. But, if she was sure, it was going to save me a ton of time and bother putting it on the market. It would be a long time before I would learn the truth that Owen was the one financing the deal and he would in fact be giving the house outright to his wife’s best friend; well, he did have the bucks, but it would be forever before I would learn any of this.

“So, that’s a done deal then,” said Abby. “But still, you selling it to Harriet here does pose a small question.”

“A question?” I said.

“Yes. Sam, Owen and I would like you to move into our guest house. It would give you the privacy I know you value, and you would be next door to our children. What do you say?” she said.

“Abigail? Huh?” I said.

“Sam, Owen and I want to help you. I owe you, and in point of fact so does Owen. It would be infinitely easier for us to do so, help you that is, if you were near us. The guest house is two bedrooms and two baths. You could have guests, like your Army friends, and do whatever you like. And, as I said, you’d be close to the children and they could actually get to know you the way you want and you them.

“Sam, just say yes, and I’ll take care of everything else. Okay?” She said.

They’d, she’d, sandbagged me. That was the only way to describe what the deal was. Still she’d made a good point about the children. But, did I really want to be that close to them, knowing that they’d be making love just next door? And did it really matter whether it was next door or a hundred miles down the street? The short answer was no, it didn’t make any difference.

I was on the verge of taking her up on their offer. But some things won’t wait as they say, I had to pee.

“Abigail, I don’t know, but if you will allow I will think it over and let you know in a day or two. Would that be all right?” I said.

“Of course,” she said.

“Good, but right now I have to pee. I’ll be back shortly.” The two of them smiled and nodded their approval.

I wasn’t long doing my business, and when I returned I heard them talking about me. The low aspect of my wheelchair and the flower dividers that separated the tables from each other kept me partially hidden from them. I decided to hear what I could hear in the minute or two more I could justify in being tardy coming back to the table.

“I sure hope he accepts our proposal. It’s Owen’s idea. He’s not real hot to give the man first place with the girls, but he is willing to allow him to think he is, so as to make things right by the man,” said Abigail.

“Well, he should accept it, the deal; it’d a good one any way you slice it,” said Harriet.

“Yeah, well the man is such a ding dong. I mean I know I hurt the guy dumping him like I did, but even so, his bitterness is way beyond normal,” said Abigail.

“Hmm, well, he does have a lot to deal with. The man is never going to have a woman again, unless she’s blind. Well, except you,” said, Harriet, and she laughed.

“Don’t remind me. And I’m ashamed to say it, but he’s so ugly now—it made my skin crawl to do him. But, I felt I had to do something big to get him to lighten up. I think it worked too. Well, so far it looks like it. And, you’re right he does have a lot to deal with, and now with his father gone. I’m just sick for him. He needs a woman, but his chances as you say . . . Anyway, I guess looking back at it, what I did, it being a onetime deal was no biggee. And boy did he need it. That was more than clear to me for damn sure.”

“I’ll bet,” said Harriet.

I came back into their view and the smiles almost seemed to be genuine.

“Took you a little while,” said Abigail.

“Yeah well, the wheelchair thing. I mean you know,” I said.

“Oh yes of course. I apologize,” said Abigail. I nodded. She seemed sincere.

I was making a serious effort to not tip them to the fact that I’d overheard them essentially dissing me. There would be a time, but not at this moment. I needed to think. I also needed to get back to Tucson. Knowing what Abigail thought of me, there was no way that I would be living in any guest house of theirs, not a chance in fucking hell!

The rest of the little dinner party went on more or less without a hitch. She, Abigail, did reiterate their desire to have me move into their guest house. And, Harriet did reinforce her offer to buy my dad’s place. I wasn’t sure about either proposal now, even the house sale, but if she really wanted it; I did need to sell it, so maybe that.

******

“So, is he going to go for it?” said Owen.

“He said he’d be letting us know in a day or two, but frankly, I doubt it. But, I just don’t know for sure. There are the children as the main draw, but even there he seems a little skittish about the idea of being around them, and us of course. I think he’s afraid of being compared with you all of the time. That more than anything might keep him at arm’s length,” she said.

“Well, it is his decision. And, as we’ve talked about, I really don’t want to lose my place with the babies. I love them as much as I’m sure he does,” said Owen.

“You won’t lose your place with them. He’ll get lip service as per being their ‘real’ father. But, the children will without a doubt be seeing you in that role and I’m pretty sure, that underneath it all, he realizes that, and frankly, therein lay the rub as the saying goes,” said Abigail. He nodded.

“I suppose that’s so, still...” He said.

“Oh stop worrying. I will make sure that the kids treat him with respect, but that they also understand who their real dad is, sperm donorship notwithstanding,” she said.

“Okay, you’re the boss,” he said. She smiled.

CHAPTER 20

Over the next few days, those following the dinner—and Abigail did pay for it just in case there was any doubt in anybody’s mind—I got looks from the both of them. They seemed to be waiting for me to do or say something that might indicate how I was doing in getting past my grief at the death of my dad, which I both was and wasn’t. But, I did have a problem.

In spite of what I saw as major put downs by Abigail, if not Harriet as well, in what I’d overheard; I did need to keep in mind that they, and especially her, had done a lot for me in the wake of my dad’s death. They got credit for that no question. But, stay at their place, not a chance, and now I had to announce that decision and weather the storm, if such were to be the case, that would come of it, my decision.

“No, Abbs, I just can’t do it. It would be too hard on me. Be near the babies, yes that would be good for me. But, you and Owen. I have to say I do appreciate big time how good you’ve been to me and to my dad. But Abbs, knowing you’d be in the place next door doing each other almost nightly. I just couldn’t bear it. And, yes, I am fully aware that you granting me mercy just a short time ago was a onetime thing. I needed it bad. And well, it just wouldn’t work for me being so close to you all of the time. I’m sure you can see what I’m about here,” I said.

She nodded her understanding and did seem to be genuinely disappointed that I was opting to move back to Tucson.

“Okay, Sam, I guess I do see your point. I wish it might be different, but I do understand. Can I ask, what about selling your house to Harriet? Is that still on the table?”

“Yes, that is fine with me. I guess I can get me a lawyer and have it all written up and done. I mean I do have the deed outright according to your Mister Johnson,” I said.

“No need for you to find a lawyer. I’ll just have Owen set things up with Cedric,” she said. “I mean if that would be all right with you.”

“Okay, and that’s just something else I have to thank you for,” I said, and yes I was being sincere in what I was saying.

******

I did meet with Mister Johnson and Harriet was there when I did, and it was all done, well, the paperwork was, in one sitting.

I’d been staying at the house, their house, for the days after the funeral and before meeting up with the lawyer, but I’d since moved back to dad’s place to get it ready for Harriet to take over. I would be packing up the few things, mostly clothes, that I’d brought up to the city, and doing a bit of packing up of things of dad’s that I wanted to keep and put into storage somewhere. I did get physical help from Abigail in doing the packing and deciding what to keep and what to give to Goodwill; well, I was wheelchair ridden.

I was ready, even anxious, to move back to Tucson.

******

“Are you sure!” whispered Harriet. There had been no need to whisper. They were sitting amongst a very noisy lunch crowd at Milano’s.

“Yes, I had myself checked yesterday. I’m pregnant as hell, and it very well could be Sam’s. The timing is right,” said Abigail. Frankly, I’m shocked. I know his injuries, though they had taken away his legs, hadn’t taken away his, well, his ability to do the deed; but I’d been pretty sure that his sperm was not going to be viable. I guess I may have been wrong about that.”

“So you’ve got to tell your man,” said Harriet, “but how about Sam?”

“I don’t know. I guess Owen and I will be making that decision. Well, I mean if Owen doesn’t divorce me,” said Abigail.

“You think he might?” said Harriet.

“No, he already knows that I slept with him. But this is a major complication. If it were anyone else but Sam, it might be iffy, but in this case, no. Sam’s not a threat to him and he knows it. I mean I suppose he could, divorce me that is, but I really don’t think that he will,” she said.

“Hmm, I guess you’re right. And, of course it still could be Owen’s right?” said Harriet.

Her friend sighed. “Yes, it could be. I guess it’s actually a fifty-fifty thing. But, I guess we’ll be seeing,” said Abigail.

“For sure,” said Harriet.

******

In spite of what she’d told Harriet, she was nervous. Telling her man that she was pregnant and that it might not be his was turning out to be more difficult than she’d originally thought it would be.

She heard the back door open he close. He was home.

“Hi, honey,” he said.

“You too,” she said, but she was looking down.

“Honey?” said Owen.

“Owen, I need to tell you something, something kinda big,” she said.

“Abigail?” he said.

“Owen, I’m pregnant and it might be his,” she said. The look on the face of her husband was something. But not something bad, not anger, not questioning, not anything that might have been expected. He seemed almost—relieved!

“Owen?” she repeated. “Did you hear me, understand me?”

“Uh—yes dear, I did,” he said.

“Owen, what’s going on?” she said.

“Abby, I understood you, yes. The truth is I have been keeping something from you for a long time, since the beginning actually, the beginning of us,” he said. “I guess that this might be an opportune time to out myself.”

Abigail Cord smiled. “You’re not gay for damn sure,” she said. “So what could it possibly be that you’d be talking about outing yourself about?”

“Abby, the child, is most certainly Sam’s and not mine,” he said.

“No, it could very well be yours,” she said. “We’ve been doing it so much I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before now.”

“No, no, Abby, it hasn’t happened because I’m sterile,” he said. She looked at him with a very questioning expression now.

“But...” she started.

“A birth defect maybe, that’s what the doctor told me. I’m not sure, but that’s what Doctor Rosen said might be the cause,” he said. “Like you were saying, we’d done it so often that I just couldn’t believe that I hadn’t gotten you pregnant. I knew it wasn’t you; you’d already had the girls. So why? So, I had myself checked. I’m sterile as hell.”

“Wow!” she said. “Okay, so we’re both sort of outing ourselves today. That leaves the question about how do we handle this, situation.”

“You’re not angry with me?” he said. She smiled.

“No, I’m not angry. You’ve been so good to me, and really to Sam and Aaron, that there is no way I could be angry with you. Hell, I went and had sex with the man without telling you, and you didn’t go off on me. And now add to that, I’ve even managed to get myself pregnant by the man and you still didn’t go off on me. No Owen, you definitely get a pass,” she said. His look was pure relief.

“Thank you dearest wife, I am so damn glad I married you. But, like you said, there is still the matter of Sam,” he said.

“So?” she said.

“I guess we have to tell him, but maybe now isn’t the best time. I mean so soon after his dad and all. But you tell me,” he said. She shrugged.

“You mean because he is still kinda down about his dad,” she said.

“Yes,” he said.

“I see what you mean. Telling him could make him feel good or maybe more desperate. I mean it could go either way. Yes, I do see what you mean,” she said.

“So we wait?” he said.

“Yes for a while at any rate. I’m Three months along. Maybe another couple of months and I will let him know. In the meantime maybe we could come up with something that would make it easier for him to digest when I do tell him,” she said.

“Yes, let’s do think on that. I do not want to add to the man’s stress level,” he said.

“Me either,” she said.

******

Tucson was warming up as it often did in mid-May; well actually, as it always did in May. I’d been moved back in to my old digs at the Gloria Arms, apt. 104 for a good month and a half. So much had happened in the last six months that it was nigh on mind-boggling.

I had finally transferred ownership of the old house to Harriet Bridger. That plus the insurance money my dad had left me, left me pretty well-heeled; well, for an old loser like me.

I missed the children. After thinking about it, the one thing I could do for them was leave them something. I decided to put all of my new money in a trust for them. I didn’t need it. I had my military disability. And, there was always the possibility of me getting a job. I’m sure their parents would look down on my relatively meager gift to them, but it’s something I could do that was all me. So I’d do it. I made the call to Mister Johnson. He’d charge me something I knew, but he was a good lawyer and he had helped me with the house sale and dad’s will and all.

******

“All of it?” he said.

“Yes sir, all of it. I don’t need it and it’s something I want to do for them regardless,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. “But what if you have more children?”

“Look at me, sir. Do you really think that any woman is going to give me a chance to do something like that?”

“Nevertheless, I’m going to word this so as to take into consideration possible eventualities. Okay?” he said. I nodded, he was the lawyer not me.

******

“Yes, Abby, the man gave it all into a trust for the children. And you say he’s going to be a father again?” said Cedric Johnson.

“Yes,” she said.

“Well if that don’t beat all,” he said. “Well, so now his gift will be split three ways then.”

“Yes, as per his instructions,” she said. “But, you’re sure he won’t be able to come back on us about custody or any of that?”

“He can always sue. but given the nature of the man as well as his situation, well, it is more than unlikely that he would ever go that route,” said the man. She nodded.

“Okay, then I will be telling him about his paternity right away,” she said.

“Yes, you need to do that. Otherwise he might actually do the unlikely if you get my drift,” he said.

“Okay, I will do it tomorrow. I’ll drive down in the morning,” said Abigail.

“Good,” he said.

******

The knock on my door was a surprise. I wasn’t expecting anyone, hadn’t had a visitor since the last one by Abigail a couple of months gone. So, it was a surprise.

“Abigail!” I said, genuinely surprised.

“Yes it’s me, can’t deny it,” she said.

“Well come in,” I said. She did so.

“Cup of java?” I said.

“Sure if you have it made,” she said.

“I do. I live on the stuff these days.” I said.

“Hmm, I can dig it, sometimes I think I do too,” she said.

I got us the cups, in my case my third of the late morning, we took our seats at my humble but useful table-ette; well it was small.

“I have some news,” she said, getting to her reason for her visit without ceremony or delay.

“Okay?” I said.

She hesitated saying anything for some moments. I wondered at that.

“Sam, we’re pregnant, again,” she said. My jaw dropped a foot I was sure. She sure didn’t look pregnant and it had been four and a half months since we’d done the deed.

“You’re sure it ours, I mean mine, I mean...” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “And it’s going to be a boy.” I could feel myself beginning to get emotional. I could just see the other guy, maybe a bit nervous because the kid would be mine, but also thrilled that he’d have another one, a son this time, calling him daddy. I knew for sure it wouldn’t be me.

“Owen will be happy,” I said. I wasn’t being too snide I didn’t think.

“Owen? What about you? It’s your son that will be coming into the world not Owen’s,” she said.

I snickered. “Now Abigail, you know damn well who the real daddy is going to be as far as the babies are concerned,” I said. “And Abigail, I would appreciate a little respect here. I am not a fool no matter what you or anyone else thinks.”

“Sam, you’re the real daddy to the twins and to our son,” she said.

“Yeah right?” I said. “I guess respect for my vaunted intelligence is not something you’re comfortable lending to me.”

“Sam what’s gotten into you!” she said.

“Abigail, I owe you for all you did for me and my dad. Oh my gosh I do—you have no idea. But I also know what you really think of me,” I said. “So let’s just let the matter drop. Okay?” And I did start to tear up.

“What are you talking about. I love you, Sam. Not the same way I did back in the day, but still and truly regardless,” she said. I think my look was causing her concern.

“Abby, doing me that one time may not have been a biggee for you, but it was for me, a real biggee, oh my it was! And that you sacrificed yourself for me, even though it made your skin crawl to do so, makes it especially hard for me to deal with stuff. Well, I mean you can imagine,” I said.

“What are you...” she started.

“I overheard you at the Scarborough talking to Harriet. I know what you really think of me, Abigail. It is what it is. I still owe you for what you did for me when my dad died. Just let it be,” I said.

“Oh my God! I am so sorry, Sam,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah, like I say just let it be,” I said.

“Sam, I was a shit that night, okay. But that has nothing to do with your fatherhood, nothing,” she said.

“Abigail, I know your other man has taken my place with the girls. I have no hope there. I have no hope and you know I have no hope.

“Okay, you’ve informed me about my son. So now what? You’ll ‘allow’ me open visitation?” I said.

“Of course!” she said.

“And that’s it isn’t it. You will ‘allow’ me. I really have no real rights. He’s got the money and I’ve got kids I have no real say in the raising of. He does, but I don’t, right?” I said.

“That’s not the way it is! I mean it, Sam,” she said.

“Well tell me how it is then?” I said.

“Sam, yes, Owen will have his place in the girls’ lives and in our new son’s too. He is their legal stepfather,” she said.

“He adopted my girls, so he’s their father not just stepfather,” I said. “Is he going to adopt my son too? I know I can’t stop him or you either. So...”

“No, he will not adopt your son. He adopted the girls because you were nowhere to be found and things were getting complicated in terms of the parenthood of the girls,” she said. “But again, you will be the daddy of record to your about to be born son. Okay?”

“We’ll be seeing I guess,” I said. “To say that mistrusting you when it comes to me being around would be an understatement of heroic proportions, but like I said, we’ll be seeing. I mean, if I make even your skin crawl, what chance do I have with anyone else.”

“Sam, I am so fucking sorry I said that. Please, please try to find it in your heart to forgive me. Please,” she said.

“I do forgive you, Abby. I love you. I always will. I need you. I always will. I’ve got to have and to hold you and make love to you; and I know I never will. But Abby, what I cannot do is forget. I can’t forget, Abby, because I know you meant it,” I said.

She began to break up. I felt like shit saying what I said and making her cry. But there was no helping it. I would not ever again deal with any of the Cords except in the most truthful of ways, absolute truth alone was going to be king. Truth nor nothing.

CHAPTER 21

2007

“So?” said Owen.

“He’s bitter and it’s all my fault,” she said.

“And it’s your fault? What?” he said.

“He heard me kind of dissing him when I was talking to Harriet that night we all went to dinner at the Scarborough,” she said.

“Dissing him?” He said.

“Yes. I’m ashamed to say it. In fact I said the same thing to Harriet at the time. But, doing him made my skin crawl. I mean he is so damn ugly. Anyway, he heard me say that and well, it probably ended it for him and me and I mean forever. He will never forgive me now,” she said.

“Oh shit,” he said. “And you say he doesn’t trust me?”

“More like he does trust you. He trusts you to take his place with the children including his yet to be born son,” she's said.

“Oh boy,” he said. “So what do you think? How should we handle all of this?”

“Damned if I know?” She said. “Like I said, it’s pretty much a fact that he hates me now, after what he heard me saying about doing him.”

“I doubt if he hates you. That he’s bitter as you said earlier I can well believe. A man with no hope of having a woman, and having it be you, especially you, prove it to him; well, that pretty much puts the period on that sentence,” he said.

“Yes,” she said. “That’s about the size of it, and like I said, it’s all my fault.”

“Look, I can talk to him if you want. He and I seem to get along okay when it’s one on one. I mean it’s worth a try, right?” he said. She shrugged, but didn’t voice a comment or respond to his offer.

“Okay, I’ll try it. Maybe I can get him drunk. Maybe that’ll make him more agreeable to dealing with us and with the kids,” he said.

“Funny,” she said. “But no, drinking might get him to be more talkative, but more agreeable? Unlikely. Now if I could just get him to unhear what I said,” she said.

Hmm, yes, but that not being possible I’m gonna just try logic,” he said. “Anyway, it’s all we got.”

“I guess,” she said.

******

Well it didn’t take them long to come at my flank. It was him this time. And it was night time at that, and at the VFW. Well, the drinks were cheap.

“Buy you another one of those?” he said, coming up to me. I gave him a steel cold look.

“Why not,” I said, “a free drink is always a winner, and their cheap enough here that it won’t put much of a dent in your wallet.”

“You seem to be in a fairly good mood tonight,” he said, as he waved at Betty to attend to our needs.

“Better mood, but no better looking than I was yesterday, so maybe it’s a wash,” I said.

“No, you’re right, you’re as ugly as you were yesterday I’m sure,” he said. I looked him askance.

“Well, nobody can accuse you of trying to make a body feel better,” I said.

“No, no, you are absolutely right about that,” he said. “Your ex tells me you’re worried about me taking your place with the kids.”

“Worried about it? More like resigned to it,” I said.

“Hmm, you’d be wrong to be so,” he said, “because I am not. Do they call me dad? Yes, they do. Would they call you dad? Yes they would, of course you’d need to be around for that to happen. And now, with a son on the way . . .”

“Yes, yet another Cord about to enter the lists,” I said.

“Sort of,” he said.

“Sort of? What does that mean?” I said.

“He’s going to have a hyphenated name,” he said.

“What? What’s that?” I said.

“His last name will be Bradshaw-Cord,” he said. I stared at him.

“Really,” I said, my tone indicating my indifference to his announcement.

“Yes. Look, can we talk. I mean seriously talk and maybe come to an understanding or two?” he said.

I shrugged my tentative okay. “Understandings about what?” I said.

“First off,” I hear from Cedric that you put all of your money in trusts for the kids. That right?” He said.

“Yes. I don’t need it. And it’s something that I can do for them, and yes I know you’ll probably give ‘em more than that in pocket change,” I said, “but it’s all I got. As they say, it’s the thought that counts, right?”

“Hmm,” he said.

“Yeah, hmm,” I said back at him.

“Look, as hard as it may be for you to believe I am not a complete idiot. I know you’re basically a good guy, and in spite of everything you may think, and all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, so am I. Yes, I took your wife away. I mean look at the woman. No man was going to be able to resist her. And I had something you didn’t . . .” he said.

“Yeah, a large bank account,” I said, interrupting him.

“Yes, but that wasn’t it. Not the biggest ‘it’ at least,” he said.

“Really, you got something else that’s bigger than a zillion bucks?” I said.

“Yes,” he said, “reliability. I’m dependable and honest and I do what I say no matter what; And, Mister, I never lie, and I mean never. If I don’t want you to know something I simply won’t tell you. But, if I do tell you, you can take whatever it is to the bank. Oh fucking ‘kay!”

“Really. Okay, are you going to minimize my prime fatherhood with the children? I mean I think you already have with the girls, but in the future the girls and my son?” I said. He smirked.

“The king of the loaded question,” he said. “The short answer is no. But will you see it that way. I see myself as their father, just not their only one. As for who is going to be numero uno with them, that’ll be up to the girls and your son, our son. But, I will not be ‘buying’ my position if that’s what you really think.

“Look, Sam, you need to be around them. If you’re not, the crown will fall to me without me doing a thing to encourage it. But, conversely, if you are around, I think what may happen is that they will see us both as daddies, come to the each of us for different things. And in spite of your handicaps you could have a lot to offer,” he said.

“Yeah, like what!” I said.

“Jesus, here I am about to give fatherhood lessons to my ‘perceived’ rival. Okay what the hell. Here it is, your first lesson, and it may be your last, so listen up.

“You, sir, are in a position to show by example how a person, no matter how desperately challenged, deals effectively and honestly with the world around them. You can be an actual shining example of how a person can rise above any of life’s difficulties and challenges even the ones that can kill the soul. You have what it takes for that, Sam: your disabilities. If you can show the children how a real man can deal successfully with the challenges you are facing, trust me it will trump anything and everything I or anybody can do with money only. But of course, you do have to be able to deal with your challenges to even begin to be the winner you might be,” he said.

The sonovabitch was actually making some sense. “Hmm,” was my seriously brilliant reply.

“Yes, hmm,” he said. “And, just for the record, what you did with your money? It was the right thing to do. It set the tone for proving what kind of father you might be. It can’t be the end all of it though. Money is useful but not as a character builder or the kind of ammunition that can solve the most difficult of human problems. It just makes things real comfortable for those who have a lot of it.”

We talked over things for some time. But the upshot was that problems for me persisted. Number one: the question of how I was going to be around enough to influence my children if I didn’t actually move back to Phoenix. And number two: I still was not convinced that I had any hope of ever besting the man in the fatherhood competition. What I needed was a situation where there would be no competition. I just wanted to be my children’s daddy, their only daddy.

The man had made some good points in our talk. I had to give him that. But they, the points, were abstract, not concrete. I’m just a simple guy. I needed concrete. We’d be seeing I supposed.

******

After three shots of JD, in my experience, seeing what someone looks like, even me, is kinda difficult. Of course I didn’t know how many drinks she’d had, but for some reason the woman kept eyeing me from the second table to my left. I was sitting in my chair and I doubted she could see that because of the table cloth, but my face was right on to her. I looked over at her, directly at her, and decided to say something. Well, no one wants to be the object of intense scrutiny, not the kind that I was the object of. I rolled over to her.

“Look, lady, I know I ain’t too good looking, but the staring; it’s kinda getting to me,” I said.

“Huh?” said the woman.

“Yeah, the staring,” I said.

“I’m not staring Mister; I’m blind,” she said. Now I felt like shit.

She was a good looking woman for sure, strong too from all appearances: tallish, long brown hair, B-cups. Yeah, nice looking.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “You here with somebody?” No one had approached her in the while since I’d noticed her, but...

“No, not too many guys interested in a blind chick,” she said. I nodded even though she couldn’t see me do it.

“So, you a vet?” I said.

“Yes, First Air Mobile,” she said. “Afghanistan two years gone.”

“Yeah, good old Afghanistan. Been there. Didn’t like it,” I said.

“Yeah well we share that in common,” she said.

“So, would I be out of line to ask your name?” I said.

“Lana, Lana Meacham,” she said.

“Bradshaw, Sam Bradshaw,” I said. “Glad to meet you.”

“Same here, I think,” she said, and she smiled.

“Mind if I join you? I mean if you wouldn’t mind the company,” I said.

“Certainly. I don’t get a lot of company,” she said. “But, I haven’t been in Tucson too long so maybe that’s understandable.”

“Yeah, well me either,” I said. “I mean as far as not getting much company is concerned. But I have lived in Tucson for a good while. Anyway, as a starter, I have kind of a confession to make here. I’m sitting across from you in a wheelchair if you hadn’t guessed. And...” I paused. I really didn’t want to admit to the next.

“And?” she said.

“Well, I used to be real good looking,” I said.

“Oh,” she said, getting my meaning. “Well, you’re in luck, if that’s what it is, I can’t see, so that part is pretty much meaningless as far as I’m concerned.”

“Okay,” I said. I wanted to say “good,” but it would have seemed more than inappropriate to do so.

We talked and drank for the next two hours straight. We parted, but not before we had actually made a date for the following Friday night, two nights hence.

******

I need to mention here, that I had been able to find hand controls for my truck fairly cheaply. It ended up costing me a little under $400. The increased mobility it afforded me was a true godsend. And there was a further major benefit.

Following my first date with Lana we actually became close, and I found myself in a friends-with-benefits arrangement in no time. She moved in with me at the Gloria Arms. Well, she couldn’t see me, thank God, but I sure as heck could see her and we got along famously. My ball sack was emptied regularly and her needs met just as often.

What hadn’t happened was that she hadn’t met my ex-wife or her hubby. She’d gotten the story of course, my side of it. She knew about my children, the twins. She also knew that my ex was pregnant and that by me, which surprised her, she’d initially thought that because I was a paraplegic that I couldn’t do it. The fact is she’d kind of questioned me, obliquely, early on about it; and that was what had led to my telling her about my ex being pregnant. Oh, and she was clearly happy that such was the case—my abilities not the pregnancy.

Over the next several months things went along smoothly. I had not, over the period, made any attempt to get up to Phoenix and, for whatever reason, the Cords had not ventured down to Tucson. I had gotten calls on the cell phone the woman had given me, and which I still had, and which I did take, the calls. And, while the old animosities were pretty much dormant if not totally gone; I hadn’t seen the need to enlighten my ex or her current spouse as to my good fortune. Then I got the news.

Ronald Bradshaw-Cord was about to be born. They asked me to come up and be there for the big event which they assured me was imminent. For some reason the offer angered me. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that all I was going to get was lip service so I begged off. Actually, I lied. I told them I had to have a procedure relating to my legs. They accepted my excuse, and, as it seemed to me, gladly. Was I being cynical, well yes, I suppose I was.

And then, Ronald Bradshaw-Cord was born: six pounds four ounces and healthy. Abigail had me on the phone for half an hour from her hospital bed. She insisted that I come up and visit. I didn’t want to, but what I really didn’t want was them coming down to Tucson and messing with my relationship with Lana. So, I told Lana I had to go up and put in an appearance. She understood, and as it turned out, she didn’t really want to accompany me in any event. I’d be gone for a few days.

******

She was all smiles. She sure didn’t look like a woman who had just given birth, not even.

“Sam, it is so good to see you, sir. It has been too long,” she said.

“Hmm, well I’ve been busy. You’ve been pregnant. And, I’m sure that Owen has been busy and caught up in your pregnancy too. Where is he by the way?” I said.

“Yes, you’re right. We have been busy and you should have been here to be busy too. And of course I mean in terms of my—our—pregnancy,” she said.

“I couldn’t, Abigail. I do want to see the baby. I know I will never have but limited access to him, but I would like to meet him,” I said.

“Sam, stop it now,” she said. She was clearly not happy with my words and certainly not with my resigned tone.

“Okay, okay, so where is he? I mean the baby,” I said. She was clearly trying to control her anger over what I’m sure she considered my bad attitude.

“He’s sleeping, but he’ll be up soon it’s almost time for his feeding,” she said. Her tone was strident.

“Abigail, don’t fret. I’m resigned to my place. I will be around from time to time. And I will, hopefully, have a chance to see him grow and turn into a fine young man,” I said.

“Damn it, Sam. Cut me some slack! Please!” she said, “and Owen too.”

“I am and I will,” I said. “No problem. But you need to cut me some slack, okay? I know the other guy is going to be his real father. And I’m sure the two of you have made plans to make me feel good. But there is not the slightest doubt in my mind that Owen will be his real dad in all possible senses of the word.”

“Sam if you will only move back here to where, frankly, you belong and be here for our son. You will have more than a mere chance to see Ronnie grow and mature and become a fine young man. You need to be there for him, Mister. You need to help form him into the man we both want him to be! You do, Sam, you do,” she said.

“And where will his daddy be during all of this?” I said.

“You’re his daddy, Mister, get that,” she said.

“And what’s Owen then?” I said.

“He’s his daddy too,” she said.

“Look, Abigail. I don’t want to play games. I owe the two of you a lot. Way more than I can ever repay. But, I cannot deal with being second in line to my children. And where are the twins by the way?” I said.

“Well, they’re with Owen. I wanted today to be for you and me and our son,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said.

“You want them here. I mean in view of the importance of you spending time with your son?” she said. I shrugged.

“I’m going to call him. He and the twins will be here shortly. They’re at my mom and dad’s place,” she stormed out of the room and went upstairs to make her call. Clearly she didn’t want me to hear what was said.