PART THREE OF THIRTEEN

CHAPTER 5:

He was in his office. It’d been a full year since the last he’d heard of his old friend. He didn’t dwell on it much, not anymore. That was something, thought Rodney Pollard. But at the moment he was on his mind, Jimmy was on his mind. One couldn’t save the world. And some things were written in the stars. It looked like his old bud was condemned to be part of that mass of humanity that would be living lives of quiet desperation—apologies to Thoreau.

“Mister Pollard, there is someone here to see you sir,” said the voice over the intercom. “He doesn’t have an appointment.”

“I’ll come out,” he said. Hardly anyone ever came to this office that wasn’t invited. It wasn’t that kind of office. 99% percent of his business was online and impersonal. He did meet with lawyers and real estate people somewhat regularly but never without appointments.

Exiting the office, he saw a face he recognized. “Sammy?” he said, “This is a surprise.”

“Yes, Mister Pollard, I needed to see you. I mean if you have a spare minute. I’m on a delivery and was nearby, so I made the decision to see if you could spare me a few minutes,” said Sammy. “The guard downstairs said it would be all right to come up.”

“Certainly,” he said. “Come on in to my office."

“Denise, hold my calls,” he said.

The two men adjourned to the man’s office.

The big man took his seat behind his desk. His visitor took the seat across from him as the man indicated he should. “So, I’m guessing you have some information about our friend,” said Rodney. He was certain that the man did.

“Yes sir, and it’s not good. I was making some deliveries downtown and I saw him. I saw him and I pulled over and went to talk to him but changed my mind. I decided to talk to you first, like I promised,” said Sam.

“Sam, was he all right?” said Rodney.

“Yes and no,” said Sammy. “He’s apparently not hurt or anything, but he’s clearly a broken man. He’s on the street, skid row, and not looking too good.” The other man’s face fell.

“The street! The fucking street!” said Rodney.

“Yes sir, I saw him go into the Salvation Army soup kitchen. He looked pretty ragged,” said Sam.

“You didn’t talk to him then?” said Rodney.

“No, no like I said, I was going to but changed my mind. I was afraid he’d blow me off or, well, something,” he said. The other man nodded.

“The kitchen, you mean the one on Main?” said Rodney.

“Yes, that’s the one. I figure he’s probably hangin’ out in the neighborhood,” said Sammy.

“Yes, yes, makes sense."

“Look, I’m going to make the effort to see the man. I have some important news to tell him. He’s just got to straighten up and come to his senses,” said Rodney Pollard.

“I don’t know about that, Mister Pollard. He’s pretty down. Has been since, well since . . .” said Sammy.

“Yeah, yeah I know what you’re saying,” he said. “Look, thanks a million for coming in and I really appreciate you keeping your word to let us know when you heard anything. It means a lot. If there’s anything I can do for you just let me know,” he said.

“Thank you sir, I will,” said Sam.

The two men talked for a couple of minutes more and Sammy hit the road. He still had deliveries to make.

******

“I can’t believe it. I talked to Jenna a few days ago and she said that him being on the street might be a possibility, but I just blew her off; I just couldn’t believe something like that could possibly be real,” said Claire.

“Well, believe it; it’s real. I will be finding the man and putting it to him pretty forcefully,” said Rodney.

“We’ll go together,” said Claire. “I need to be there to kick his high school butt. The man just has to, well, man up!”

“Okay, I’m not sure the both of us being there is a good idea, but maybe it is. Anyway, let’s do it,” he said.

******

Main Street was a drag maybe a shade under four miles long. It was one of the earliest streets to be developed in the main part of L.A. It was depressed now, economically. The homeless and the generally indigent saw it as a place of refuge. The Salvation Army had its kitchen there and its chapel too was just a few blocks away. Finding their man should not have been a problem. But, it was proving to be.

They’d been cruising the area for almost an hour. They’d seen no sign of the man at all. Frustration was setting in.

“Let’s try the kitchen. We should have started there,” she said. “I mean that is where Sam said he’d seen him, right?”

“Yes, I guess you’re right. But it’s 3:00 P.M. I doubt if he’s going to be at the kitchen now,” he said.

“Maybe not, but maybe someone who works there might know where to look,” she said. He nodded.

“Yeah, makes sense I guess,” he said.

He whipped a U-turn in his brand new Cadillac and drove the half mile back down the street to the Salvation Army’s kitchen.

They pulled into the lot behind the sizable structure and went in. A few men and a woman with a small child were in evidence seated at the metal folding tables situated around the spacious eating area. The service area was closed at that moment, though one worker seemed to be setting things up for a meal, probably for the evening rush, thought Claire. The Army did do a lot of good work for the pilgrims of desperation row.

“Let’s ask that guy behind the serving counter over there,” said Claire.

They wended their way across the room. Rodney Pollard waved to get the attention of the man behind the counter who seemed very intent on getting things arranged for whatever.

“Sir, can we speak with you for a minute?” said Claire, finally having gotten the man’s attention.

“We don’t serve until 5:00 P.M.,” said the man.

“No, no,” said Rodney. “We’re looking for a friend.”

The server eyed him suspiciously. “A friend?” he said.

“Yes,” said Claire. She pulled a photo from her purse and handed it to the man to look at.

The man looked at it and handed it back to her. “Yes, I know the guy. He’s comes in here sometimes for breakfast. We serve breakfast and dinner here, no lunch, not enough funding. He never comes in for dinner though, don’t know why,” said the server.

“When was the last time you saw him?” said Claire.

“A few days ago. But, it’s been cold. A lot of guys try to find a place to hang where it’s warmer, know what I mean?” he said.

Rodney Pollard nodded. “They still have to eat don’t they?”

“They find a way. I know it doesn’t make any sense; I mean it’s warm in here, but when it’s cold the guys and some of the women, just don’t like to move about. Know what I mean?” he said.

Rodney thanked the man and he and Claire went back to their car.

“We’ll find him,” said Rodney. If he’s in town, anywhere in town, we’ll find him.”

“We have to, Rod, we have to,” said Claire. The man just nodded.

******

“So Don, find the guy, okay?” said Rodney.

“I will. Rod, finding the guy might take some time though. Guys who’ve been on the row for a while don’t exactly leave paper trails. But again, if he’s still downtown, it shouldn’t take too long,” said Donald McGinnis PI.

“Okay, okay just do your best. We have a very good reason for wanting to find the guy and it’s for his benefit more even than mine or Claire’s, okay,” he said.

“Okay, you got it,” he said, “I’m on it.”

The two men parted, the one to hunt the other to wait.

******

He pulled into the parking structure of their condo’s building and breathed a frustrated sigh. Patience was not Rodney Pollard’s forte, no indeed. But, patience was the requirement for the time being. Donald would find their man, but he had a sick feeling that it might be a while in the doing and that was that.

“So you’ve got Don on it,” said Claire, as her man came into the kitchen. She knew he’d had a meeting with their friend that day.

“Yes, he’s on it, and he’ll find him. But when is the question,” he said, as he set his briefcase down on the kitchen counter. She nodded her understanding.

“Okay, so I guess now we wait. Regardless of when he finds him, we still have the little problem of how to handle things. Boy, it’s going to be one heckuva scene when he finds out he’s a daddy who’s never even seen his child. I mean a scene,” she said.

“I’m her daddy too, don’t forget,” he said. She took on a shocked look.

“Oh my!” she said. “Honey of course you are. I never thought you anything else and you know that.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he said.

“You are the best daddy in the world,” she said coming up to him and kissing him. “I mean the best. Our friend is the sperm donor, and he’ll get to see his child, and I hope he wants to. But, as for who the real daddy is, it’s you.”

“Honey,” he said. “There’s another potential problem that we haven’t much discussed.”

“Problem?” she said.

“Yes, she doesn’t know about any of this. She’s too young to explain it to her. But, at some point she’ll have to be in the know about it all. She’s not quite six years-old, and like I said too young to understand it all, but he may want to be called daddy. He may want . . . heck I don’t know what he’s going to want,” he said.

“Yes, until we’ve been able to sit him down and actually have a coherent conversation with him we just won’t have any way to know how to deal with the situation. But Larabee has said we’re in the clear on most levels regardless, so I’m going with his estimation of things. We’ll be generous with our Jimmy. Hell, we’ve tried to be generous with him all along. But this situation is going to require some finesse on our parts,” she said.

“Damn straight it is,” he said, “damn straight!”

******

The two men were sitting where they usually sat when tilting them back. “Hey, Jackie, another round over here, okay?” he said, loud enough so the flirty little offspring of Venus could hear and understand.

“So you talked to them, told them what you found out,” said Henry.

“Not them, just the guy, Pollard, but yeah, I told him I’d keep them in the loop, so I have,” said Sammy. His friend nodded.

“Whaddya think they’ll do?” said Henry.

“They’ll find him, talk to him, maybe convince him to get his ass in gear. The man needs to get with the program. He can’t just mope around forever. Ain’t no woman worth that much pain,” he said.

“You guys gonna run a tab, or am I just gonna continue to collect for each separate round,” said Jackie.

“Yeah, yeah run one,” said Henry, “we’re gonna to be here a while.” The girl nodded, turned, and noted their choice on the pad by the register behind the bar. She meandered her way down the bar and got them their second round.

“Yeah, he does have to get it together. You did right cluing the cheaters,” said Henry. “For sure they can’t do any worse than we did in trying to get the guy to be doing things right.”

“It may be that he’s mellowed a little over this last year or so,” said Sammy. “I mean if he’s been hanging out at the Salvation Army kitchen and maybe the chapel; he might have found religion or something. Jesus I hope so. He’s needs to find support from more than just you and me.”

The other man laughed. “Well, stranger things have happened than a man finding Jesus to save himself from himself. I mean oh yeah!” said Henry.

“Yeah right,” said Sammy. “But, who knows maybe you are right. I sure hope so. He’s my friend, had my back a few times over the years. I want him to survive, I really do. And from what I saw, when I watched him go into that kitchen the other day, he’s not doin’ too good, not too good at all.”

“Well, all we can do is the best we can do. The man does have to do some of the heavy lifting himself; it can’t all be just us doin’ it,” said Henry.

“You’re right. But the women, they got us guys by the short hairs and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it,” said Sammy.

“I hear yuh,” said Henry.

“You know I just had an idea,” said Sammy.

“An idea?” said Henry.

“Yeah, here we are yakkin’ about him goin’ to church and all. But well, we don’t actually know if he is, has, whatever; but if he hasn’t maybe we could arrange it so that he does. Or even better have some church guy invite him. Whaddya think?” said Sammy.

******

“He found him!” said Rodney. She looked at him; his message registered, she squeaked some unintelligible noises.

“My God, or rather thank God!” she said.

“Yes, it was a tough go. He’d apparently actually been out of town. Evidently him and couple of other guys down on their luck trooped it up to Littleton. Better places to shack up there I guess, that’s the word that Donald passed along to me. But they’re back now all three of them. They kind of watch each other’s backs if Don has it right. Anyway, I’ve got the location. We can go there tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh my yes,” she said. “Where exactly is it that they live; I mean now?”

“In a truck park near Third and Main. Six or eight blocks from the kitchen. They shack up in the back of a covered loading dock. Don says they act as unofficial unpaid security for the foreman there. The foreman is an ex-con who used to be on the streets himself. Don was asking around, and he’s the one who tipped him as to where to find our guy,” he said.

“My oh my, so this is it,” she said, “almost three years.”

“Yes, this is it, and I’m nervous,” he said. She nodded her agreement.

******

They were early, very early; it was a little after 6:00; the sun wasn’t even officially up yet though the glow of its impending arrival pretty well lighted their surroundings. They were parked a hundred yards up the street from the kitchen. He tilted back his McCoffee and sipped the steaming liquid. She was holding hers as if to keep her hands warm.

“If he’s coming here to eat, it shouldn’t be too long a wait,” he said.

“How are we going to do this?” she said.

“Honey, just like we planned. We’ll wait for him to go in. Give him a few minutes to get his food, and then follow him inside and trap him between us,” he said. “Hopefully the morning rush will be delayed long enough for us to make our case and then, if there is a God, we’ll all, all three of us, go home.”

“And if he refuses to go home with us which frankly I think is as likely as not even considering the information we’ll be sharing with him,” said Claire.

“Then, it’s plan-B,” he said. “We write him off and get on with our lives. No more of this moping around through life waiting for that erstwhile blood-brother of mine and ex-husband of yours to get it together.”

She nodded. “Okay, I guess that’s the best we can do,” she said.

“Yes, yes it is,” he said, “and this time I mean it.”

“I love you Rodney. You’re a good man,” she said.

“And, I love you too dear heart, never doubt it,” he said. She smiled and nuzzled up against him.

He raised his binoculars to his eyes and peered through them. “It’s him,” he said. “And he looks fucking emaciated and scruffy. Here, look,” he said. He handed her the field glasses.

“Oh my God,” she said. “He looks pathetic. There’s a couple of guys trailing behind him but close, must be his back up.” He nodded.

“Yeah, that’s likely,” he said.

They watched as the trio of men walked inside the structure. Other men and a couple of women seemed to suddenly materialize out of nowhere, not a lot but quite a number at all events.

“Rod, let me do this one alone. Seeing you . . .” she started. He looked her askance.

“Okay,” he said, finally. “But if you’re in there for any length of time . . .”

“Yes, then come and rescue me,” she said.

“He pulled the car up closer to the doorway. She got out and headed inside. She was dressed down for this potential meet up, no use rubbing her prosperity in the noses of the local clientele.

She spotted her prey sitting against the far wall at a four person table. The coffee urns were but a few feet away from where he sat. She was wearing a beanie and sunglasses. She made the decision to get a cup of coffee as a prop for her meeting with her ex; she could tell he didn’t notice her though she was but a few feet away from him at that point.

Coffee in hand, she took the seat immediately next to him at the little table.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Claire? We have nothing in common anymore,” I said. Oops, he had noticed her.

“Whoa, I was hoping to surprise you,” she said, not unkindly.

“Fuck it! I’ve had quite enough of your surprises and you being here, I mean here, is humiliating,” I said, “I mean humiliating! So get the fuck outta here and go have your caviar lunch and a couple of martinis with your rich pals. I ain’t up to your standards.”

“Oh Jimmy, I’m not here to make things hard for you, really I’m not,” she said. “But, I’ve missed you, both of us have and I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

“What, you need a kidney donation from me? If not, it’s not important enough for me to bother with,” I said.

“No, it’s bigger than that, a lot bigger,” she said. “But that you’d be willing to sacrifice a kidney for me says a lot, and I appreciate it,” She didn’t crack a smile at her improvised attempt at comedy and neither did he. She did, however, now have his undivided attention.

“Jimmy, you know I have a daughter, right?” she said.

“Of course,” I said. “Got that piece of info from the mouth of my ex-best friend himself. So what? The two of you are happy I hope.”

“Yes, well there’s something you need to know. Something he and I found out after you disappeared from the radar almost two years ago, actually going on three now,” she said.

“So, what is it I’m supposed to know? Frankly, I don’t give a damn about you and your family any more than you really care about me!”

Just then two other men showed up at the table interrupting their conversation.

“Jimmy,” said the taller of the two intruders.

“Yeah, Mack, Roy, this is Claire, my ex,” I said. The two guys stared for a short minute.

“Oh, okay,” said Roy. “We’ll give you two a few minutes.” The two men took their plates to a table some distance across the room.

“Nice of them,” she said.

“Yeah, they’re nice guys,” I said, “a helluva lot nicer than you or my ex-best friend.”

“Jimmy, the fact is you need to care about our family. You need to because you’re a member of it in more ways than one. Jimmy, you’re Rebecca’s biological father,” she said.

I’d been raising my cup of coffee to my lips but it never got that far. My hand with the cup still in it was frozen in space and time. I stared. I lowered my cup very slowly.

“What did you say?” I said.

“You’re a daddy,” she said.

“The hell you say,” I said.

“It’s not the kind of thing anyone would be joking about, sport, and you know it. We’ve wanted to tell you for the longest time, but you were nowhere to be found; well, until now,” she said.

“Where’s my ex-best friend,” I said.

“Jimmy, he’s still your best friend regardless of what you think. He’d sacrifice that kidney for you if you needed one,” she said.

“Yeah, and steal my wife and family from me in the bargain. No thanks about the kidney. I’d rather die,” I said.

“Jimmy, your baby, our baby, is almost six years old. You need to meet her. I know this is a shock. How could it not be. But, it is what it is and that’s the long and the short of it,” she said.

“A daddy you say. But you’ll still be keeping the baby with you, right. I’d get to meet her and that would be that. Then I’m back here, and you’re wherever you are, and that’s the actual long and the short of it to use your words,” I said.

“No!” she didn’t quite scream. A few heads turned and noticed them. “You will not be shunted off to the side if that’s what you really think. You’ll be taking your place in her life just like the real daddy that you are. The both of us, Rod and me, want that for her and for you. Believe me I mean it, sir.”

“I ain’t got no money, nothing. I get by and it’s enough for me. As for meeting the little girl, I don’t know. I’m not into any phony baloney fatherhood shit. I know for damn sure that I would always be in the second place behind the asshole that stole you from me, and that alone would never allow me to be around the lot of you.

“I’d just be dreaming about being with her, going to the zoo with her, helping her with her homework, daddy stuff. But, I’m sure you can see that wouldn’t be happening; I’m too damn poor. So thanks but no thanks,” I said.

“Jimmy, that’s one of the things that Rod and I want to discuss with you if you’d be willing.

“You want to do those things with your child, our child? We will make that happen. Yes, Becca will be staying with us; I’m her mother. But, that does not mean that you can’t be there doing all of those things you mentioned and more. Mister, that’s what we, Rod and me, want you to do, to be able to do. I know you’re going to argue with me hard core, but the fact is the both of us need you to do those things with her. We want her get to know you and to grow in love for you. And yes, before you ask, she does call Rodney daddy. And as time goes on she will eventually also call you daddy. Lots of children have two moms or two dads. Rebecca will too,” said Claire Pollard.

“I wanna talk to the asshole,” I said. I was not being kind, but this was a loop the like of which I had not imagined I’d be thrown. “Where did you say he was?”

“He’s in the car parked down the street,” she said.

“You have your cell?” I said.

“Of course,” she said

“Call him. Tell him to come in here. Him seeing me like this, well what the hell, a little extra humiliation won’t matter all that much.” She frowned, but pulled her cell from her purse and made the call.

“It’ll be a couple of minutes,” she said, pocketing her cell. We sipped our coffees. I hadn’t eaten and hadn’t wanted to, but I was beginning to get hungry.

I was never all that hungry in the morning. Semi-starving on the row had accustomed me to not eating all that much. I’d lost some forty pounds since my fall from the heights of the middle class. I was still five-six, but now I weighed in at 120 according the coin operated scale at the supermarket. I did feel good though, Slim had its advantages, and slim was what I was, okay, skinny.

I noticed him first. He was dressed a lot better than his wife. It was just now that I noticed that she was dressed kind of poor, as in no money poor. I smiled, that had to have been for me. She knew where to find me so she had to know my financial status. She was trying not to rub my nose in it. He on the other hand had no such qualms.

“You’re smiling. Can I count that as a good thing?” she said. I didn’t answer her; what would have been the point. He came up to us.

“Hello Jimmy,” he said. “You invited me in here. Does that mean we get to talk? I mean seriously talk?” His tone was serious but also condescending; well, that’s the way I read it to be.

“Some,” I said. “So, she calls you daddy?”

“Jimmy if this is going to be . . .” he started.

“No, no, the question was rhetorical,” I said. “Your wife says you have plans, or at least intentions, to include me in meaningful ways in the life of my daughter. That the truth?”

“Damn right it is. Does your question mean that you’d be willing to lighten up some on us and maybe consider being part of the family again; I do mean the three of us as well as with Rebecca?” he said.

“Not sure. Depends, I guess. I need to think about things. Maybe get back to you in a few days. That all right with you?” I said.

Rodney Pollard looked over at his wife.

“This has to be a major shock to him,” said Claire. “I think his request is more than reasonable.”

“Then so do I,” said Rodney. “Jim, any chance that you’d come home with us now, meet the baby, and let us help you get back on your feet? At some point I think you must realize that you’ll need to be doing that.”

“No, not yet, that is something, getting back on my feet, that I have to do for myself. But, as for meeting the baby, I guess at some point, soon, I’d want to be doing that if you really aren’t going to be throwing up roadblocks to my being with her,” I said.

“Jim, I would never do that to you and neither would Claire. Grant us that much please,” he said.

“Okay, I’ll come by to let you know what’s what,” I said. He nodded.

We talked and I learned a little more about the baby, and then they were gone. They’d no doubt be talking about the asshole, me, who just wouldn’t cut them any slack. As to that there was no doubt.

CHAPTER 6:

I was standing in line, trying to squeeze in through the door; well, it was fucking cold outside, and the line meandered a hundred yards around the corner this time of day. A guy in a navy blue blazer was kinda staring at me. The blazer was one of those things the leaders in the Salvation Army wore in cold weather. I knew who he was. Didn’t really know him exactly, but he’d been pointed out to me before. He was the top honcho. Why he was looking at me was a mystery. But it was looking like it might not be a mystery much longer; the man came toward me.

“Hi, Mister Clausen isn’t it?” he said. “I’m Captain Traynor, I kinda run this place.”

“Uh, yes, I’m Clausen. I didn’t do anything wrong did I?” I said. I knew I hadn’t.

The man smiled. “No, absolutely not. But, if you could see your way clear to sit with me for a few, I’d appreciate it,” he said.

I didn’t know the man, but he was in charge of feeding us losers, so maybe I’d be well served to talk to him.

“Okay, I guess, sure,” I said. He pulled me out of the line and led me out and around to the side of the building and inside. We adjourned to a smallish office in the back of the kitchen.

“Have a seat,” he said, brightly. I did as he asked.

“You’re probably wondering why I asked to speak with you,” he said.

“That would be a good bet,” I said.

“Yes, well, a couple of friends of yours put me up to it,” he said.

I only had two close friends that weren’t bartenders: Sammy and Henry. I knew that Rodney and Claire would likely have described themselves as my friends, but I doubted that they’d have enlisted the services of the Salvation Army to convince me of that.

“My friends?” I said.

“Yes, Henry and Sammy,” he said. I sagged back in my seat. I was right. So, Sammy and Henry knew where I was too. Big surprise. It was likely one of them, or maybe both, that cued my ex-wife and her husband as to where I was living; well, if what I was about could be described as living.

“Okay?” I said.

“Well, they seemed to think that me sitting down with you might be useful. Said you’d had a tough time of it. Divorce and what all went along with it is what they said,” he said.

“Reverend...” I started.

“Captain,” he said.

“Huh?” I said.

“In the SA we have ranks in the army of Christ,” he said. “We don’t describe ourselves as being reverend or father or anything like that.”

“Oh, okay, I didn’t know.

“”Captain, I don’t know if anything you or anyone can say would make any difference. My best friend for forever took my wife away from me. And, I just found out that the last night she and I were together I’d gotten her pregnant. And now there is a six year old little girl out there that I have never met that’s mine. Kind of makes it a tough nut to get by all of that wouldn’t you say?” I said.

The man across from me sagged back in his seat. “Wow!” he said. “I will say you do make a good case for the way you feel about your situation. Still, what’s happened to you has happened to a lot of other people in times gone by; and the Lord can and does help those who come to him even with problems as large as yours, larger even.”

“I appreciate your concern, uh, Captain, but I just don’t know . . .”

“Would you do me a personal favor?” he said, interrupting me.

“A favor?” I said.

“Yes, come to chapel this Sunday. It’s at 11:00 A.M. just four blocks down the street,” he said. “We have a bit of social time after services too. Kind of a get to know each other time if you know what I mean.”

I looked at the man as if he were nuts, but for some reason or no reason I decided to test the waters.

“I guess I could come once or twice,” I said. In the back of my mind I wondered if I might actually meet a woman there who I could maybe entice into talking to me on a personal level. And another thing rolling around in the back of that same mind was a mission I was going to be on to pin a couple of friends of mine who had the unbelievable brass to set me up like this. Oh yeah!

******

Marie greeted me like some long lost relative. Well it had been a couple of years now or close to it. She let me know that my targets wouldn’t be in until after 9:00 P.M. That suited me; I would need a couple of drinks to be in shape to talk religion to the two bozos. I was looking, no doubt, kinda ragged, but she didn’t pay that any apparent mind.

“Incoming,” said Marie. I turned to see my two long lost buds not quite holding hands as they entered laughing. The laughing died in kind of a hurry when they saw me.

“And here they are, the local evangelists,” I said.

“Jimmy, how the hell are you, man,” said Henry. Sammy just smirked.

“He told you didn’t he,” said Sam.

“If you mean Captain Traynor, why yes he did,” I said, responding to his opening salvo. “He said you two were worried about my soul.”

“Well, not exactly your soul, but pretty much everything else about you, yes,” said Sam.

Then began the word war, and then the drinking, and then the word war again was the order of the evening.

“Anyway, yes we did talk to the Captain,” said Henry. “Frankly we have indeed been worried about you. You just disappeared and we had no clue how to find you until Sam here happened to see you downtown at the soup kitchen.”

“Yeah well, they serve pretty good coffee,” I said. “And yes, I am going to be looking for a better situation down the line, and the man has convinced me to try out his church, so I will be.”

“Wow! Maybe there is hope for you,” said Sammy, meaning it.

******

I’d decided, I guess, to go to church. Well, if there were a God, it might do me some good. If not, well, the food would be good at the least. And, I’d made another decision: I was going to see my daughter. Six years old she was and she’d never seen her daddy, her real daddy, just the interloper. I wondered if they had known she was mine from the beginning. According to them, not, but did I believe them. I guess I did, but the truth was I was guessing; I didn’t really know anything for sure. That’s what lost trust will do to a person.

At any rate, it would be tough on me being around them knowing I didn’t have a chance in hell of having my baby live with me, but at least they’d not be cutting me out of her life. I was pretty sure of that much. I was also sure she’d without a doubt see me as the lesser of her two daddies.

No matter what I did, I could never match up with his situation: money and mommy were his tools into the baby’s heart. Me, I had poverty, no wife, and no prospects. What was there to choose? Whatever the baby would think of me would be what the two cheaters wanted her to think, no more no less. Nevertheless, I’d take what I could get for the near term; I didn’t figure I had any choice.

I had no cell phone, and I didn’t even have their phone numbers if I had had one. I was going to have to visit them in person. And, there was a small problem there too; I didn’t know exactly where they lived. She’d said something about living maybe a mile and a half from Franklin’s that time I’d bumped into her in the supermarket: something called The Towers, something like that. I hadn’t wanted to know where that was at the time, now I had this problem and I had to figure out a way to contact them. Then, I had it. I did know where he worked. Pollard Associates was located in the Ralston Building downtown, ninth floor if I remembered rightly; I’d been there a few times in the distant past.

******

I did have thirty-eight dollars in my pocket, saved from my clean up jobs at Marnov’s. Still, I wasn’t going to be using that. I’d not be taking a taxi to the man’s workplace; I needed my money little as it was. Ten miles was too damn far for me to hoof it but I would be anyway; and no, I had no intention of calling his business and asking for a ride which I’m sure he would have condescended to grant me; the key word being condescended. I was taking nothing from him that wasn’t mine his willingness to grant me mercy in those respects notwithstanding.

The walk wasn’t as bad as I’d feared it would be. I’d started early and I’d made it in under four hours. I looked up at the clock on the bank building across the street when I got to the Ralston Building. It was 10:33A.M. He’d be in, I was pretty sure.

A security guard stopped me, and looked me over pretty good. Well, I was dressed in row-chic. “Name’s Clausen. I’m here to see Rodney Pollard, ninth floor,” I said. The guard tendered me a sour look, stepped behind a bank of monitors, picked up a phone, hit a button, and waited. He talked to somebody on the other end.

“Okay, you’re cleared to see Mister Pollard,” the man said. His look told me he couldn’t believe it and was mildly miffed because he couldn’t do anything about it. The upshot was that I was miffed because he was miffed.

I took the elevator up and stepped off and into the upscale suite of offices. Several people were milling around apparently busy making the big man richer than he already was.

“You’re Mister Clausen?” said a 'way too old to be a receptionist', receptionist.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said. The lady had to be seventy. I had to believe that she was way too good at her job to be replaceable.

“You can go right in, sir,” she said, pointing to a door at the end of a very short hall. I nodded and wended my way there.

I paused at the door with my hand on the knob as second thoughts assailed me. I entered.

He rose and came around his desk to greet me. He was all smiles. I was not, all smiles that is.

“Jimmy, I am so glad you came,” said Rodney Pollard. I nodded.

“Okay if I sit down,” I said. “I’m kinda tired.”

“Certainly, certainly,” he said. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Water, I could really use a drink of water,” I said. I hadn’t had a drop in the whole ten mile trek. I’d left early and had forgotten to take any water with me. I could have bought something along the way, but by the time I had actually gotten thirsty, I’d decided to just tough it out and get a drink when I got to my destination.

He hurried to the back of his desk where a small refrigerator was located. He brought me a bottle of the precious liquid. I downed the whole thing in a gulp.

“Man, you were thirsty,” he said.

“Yes, kinda,” I said. I got right to it. “I decided to take you up on your offer to let me see my little girl,” I said. His face showed a slight change in attitude when I said what I’d said.

“Problem?” I said. “I mean you’ve changed your mind?”

“No, no, of course not,” he said, recovering his smile before it became grossly evident that he’d really rather have scowled; well, that’s how I read things.

“I wouldn’t have bothered you here, but I didn’t have any way to contact you and I don’t know where you live,” I said. Something seemed to occur to him.

“You didn’t know . . . oh my God,” he said. “We didn’t give you any of that when we met at the kitchen did we! Jimmy, I had no idea. I just assumed. I didn’t think! Oh my God.” Something else seemed to have occurred to him just as I set the empty water bottle on his desk top.

“Jimmy, how did you get here?” he said.

“I knew where you worked of course. I was here a few times in the distant pass if you’ll remember,” I said.

“No, no, I know that. What I meant was how did you get here: car, bus, what?” he said.

“Walked,” I said. He walked back behind his desk and fell into his swivel throne.

“Sweet Jesus! That had to be ten miles anyway,” he said.

“No big deal,” I said, “don’t make it big deal, okay,” I said. He nodded, but he did so slowly, meaningfully.

“You won’t be walking back,” he said, “and that is an absolute fact. Okay?” he said. I wanted to tell him that I’d do my own transporting, but the truth was I wasn’t sure that I could make it; ten miles, okay, but twenty on the same day? Not real likely. I shrugged my surrender.

He wrote something down on a post it and handed it to me. Our numbers and our address,” he said. You can come any time, but you best call first in case we’d not be home. Is that all right with you?” I nodded.

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine,” I said. “Well that’s all I came to say. I just need you to tell me when you will allow me to see her. I’ll come then.”

“Jimmy, you can come whenever you want, but for this first time, how about right now, today,” he said. I had not expected that.

“I’m not exactly dressed for the occasion,” I said.

“She’s only six, Jim, Your dress will not be a factor,” he said. I had to allow that his logic was pretty nearly irrefutable.

“Well, okay, I guess. I mean if you will allow,” I said.

The odd thing, though we’d been talking, neither of us had offered to shake hands or offer much of anything in the way of polite greetings or the like.

“Allow has nothing to do with it, Jim, you’ll be welcome any time. I just ask that you call first as I mentioned. Okay?” he said.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” I said. He gave me a look that spelled frustration. The whole meet up was kinda surreal, oddly informal and surreal.

******

The ride to the Crown Towers took us a good twenty minutes. I didn’t have a watch, but there was a clock on the fancy Cadillac dashboard.

“Nice ride,” I said. He just looked over at me and telegraphed me a smile.

“Thanks."

“There it is,” he said, finally. I nodded.

“Nice,” I said. “Nice car, nice place, nice wife.” His expression changed.

He parked in the structure designed for the purpose which was conveniently adjacent to the main building.

“Come on,” he said. We rode the elevator to the penthouse.

The Otis stopped on the tenth floor. “We’re here,” he said. Before he opened the door to his place—which was directly across from the elevator—yes manually, he gave me a heads up.

“Jim, Claire doesn’t know we’re coming. She’ll maybe do or say something that might not be what she’d do or say if she did know. Okay?” he said.

“Yeah, I get it,” I said. He nodded.

“Okay, let’s do it,” he said. We crossed the mini-hallway to their door, the only door on the floor.

We entered right into the atrium and he led the way into the receiving room of the, as I found out later, the two level eight thousand square foot residence.

“Hi honey,” she said, rushing to him but stopped short when she saw me. “Jimmy!”

“Yeah, it’s me, the other daddy,” I said. I was being unnecessarily snide, I suppose, but I was so jealous that helping it was not happening.

“Rodney, you could have called,” she said, and it was an accusation.

“It was spur of the moment,” he said. “He walked to the office. I made the decision to make this happen then and there. I didn’t want our well-loved family member slipping away from us again. Anyway, like I said, it was spur of the moment.” She nodded her understanding and agreement with his reasoning.

“Yes, you did good,” she said.

“You look nice, Claire, very nice,” I said.

“Thank you, Jim, that’s very nice of you to say,” she said. “She’s in the den.”

“But Rod, did you say he walked to the office, your office?” she said.

“Yes, ten miles worth. And oh, I saved his life, I let him tank up on water as soon as I knew. Well, he was really thirsty,” said Rodney Pollard.

“Still doing crazy stuff huh, Jimmy,” she said.

“It was no big deal,” I said.

“Jim, it is a big deal. You could have called. We would have come for you. Anything,” she said.

“Didn’t have your numbers or your address. But, I do now. Your husband gave them to me before we left the office,” I said. Her hand went to her mouth.

“Oh my! Jimmy, I didn’t think. I mean I thought!” she said.

“Like I said, it was no big deal. I walk everywhere, I’m used to it. Lost those love handles that nobody loves too,” I said. She smirked.

“Yeah, well maybe I’ll do a little of what you’ve been doing one of these days,” she said.

“Yeah, you need to lose both of those extra pounds,” I said. My attempt at humor got a smirk from my old bud, Rodney.

“Jim, can I ask, are you hungry?” she said. “Would you like to eat and maybe talk a little before you meet your daughter? Or . . .?”

“No, I’m good. I’d just like to meet my baby,” I said. “I mean if it’s all right with you guys.” I was beginning to get emotional; I could feel it. I was also frightened. I didn’t look good. I looked awful and tired and poor. I was actually afraid of scaring my baby. I didn’t want to do that. I had a thought.

“Are you sure?” she said.

“Well, maybe I could borrow a clean shirt if that wouldn’t be too much trouble,” I said.

“Done,” he said. “I got a couple that are bit too small, we can make do. Okay?”

“You’re way too big for me, Rodney. But maybe one of hers, you know she’s gotta have something kind of generic, right?” I said. I got a look from the both of them.

“Look, I stink. I know it. I only weigh around one-twenty. Just something generic that’s a neutral color that doesn’t actually scream female . . .” My ex-wife nodded.

“Yes, I’ve got something. It’s actually a boy’s—man’s—shirt I got for trips to the park and such,” she said.

“Two minutes later I was wearing one of her T-shirts, navy blue, and it was a boy’s, and it fit. It was the first new, or near new, anything I’d put on in a long time. Neither of them snickered that I was wearing something that was bought for a woman.

“Come on, introductions are the order of the day,” said Rodney.

I was led down the hall and into the den. A small girl, with hazel eyes, my eyes, was playing with a toy, an action figure of all damn things. I could feel myself begin to cry. I had to stop that nonsense right fucking now!

I pulled a dirty napkin from my pocket and wiped away the evidence.

“Honey,” said Claire, “I need you to meet someone.” The little girl turned and smiled at her mother. I looked around behind me, Rodney was gone. It was clear he was giving me the floor for the moment at least. Much as I viscerally hated the man, I had to appreciate what he was doing for me. I would never forgive him for stealing my wife and my life, but at least he wasn’t trying to make me look bad on this first moment with my baby girl, that was something.

“Hi,” I said, in my most tentative voice.

“Hello sir,” she said. God she was beautiful. She would be the mirror image of the most beautiful woman in the world, her mother, one day that was plain as hell!

“You are so pretty,” I said. “Is that Captain America?”

“Yes sir, he’s my favorite,” she said in perfect English.

“Mine too,” I said.

“Honey, do you think you could keep our guest company for a bit while I cook lunch?” said Claire Pollard.

“Uh-huh,” said Rebecca. My ex-wife didn’t even wait for my okay. She just turned and did a disappearing act, just as her husband had done minutes gone.

The two cheaters left me alone with my baby for the best part of an hour and a half. But inevitably, they both returned and announced that lunch was ready and enquired if we, the two of us, Rebecca and me, would join them in the dinette.

******

Macaroni and cheese, well, everybody loves mac and cheese. We ate the whole thing up. I didn’t realize till later that I had eaten the greatest portion of it. Nobody said anything. I guess it was clear to the two of them that I was undernourished and hungry, the Salvation Army soup kitchen notwithstanding.

Lunch consumed the best part of an hour. It was 2:00 P.M. before we were using our cloth napkins to clean the detritus from our faces.

“Honey, it’s nap time for you,” said her mother.

“Okay,” screamed my daughter who literally jumped down form her chair and ran from the room and to her bedroom. Rodney followed her.

“He’s going to tuck her in,” said Claire.

“She’s so beautiful. I’m grateful that you let me meet her today. It means a lot,” I said.

“You can be around her whenever you need to,” said Claire. I nodded.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll try to get some decent clothes soon, so that I won’t be looking ridiculous when you let me see her again.”

“Jimmy, can you and I talk for a little bit,” said Claire.

“Talk?” I said. Her tone caused me to worry about what she might be wanting to say to me.

“Yes, I think we need to, don’t you?” she said. I shrugged. I didn’t want to be around her, but I guess she was right; some things likely had to be settled though in truth I didn’t know what those things were. I soon did.

She led me back into the receiving room. She indicated that I should sit. I did as she told me. She sat across from me. I noticed that Rodney had once again disappeared. He’d apparently taken a powder right after he’d tucked the baby in.

“Where’s Rodney?” I said.

“He went back to work. Frankly, Jimmy, he’s trying his best to make things easy for you. I think you need to appreciate at least that much,” she said. Her tone was almost accusatory. I was getting a very hinky feeling, but I kept my mouth shut for the moment. I did nod.

“Thank you,” she said.

“You said you wanted to talk,” I said, finally. My tone was level but I guess my defenses were up or something.

“Jimmy, like both Rodney and I have said, we would be happy to have you come and be around your daughter, our daughter, whenever it’s convenient for you. That said, I hope you understand that Rodney is her daddy too, just as much as you are. Am I clear?” she said.

I could feel my face cloud up. “Yeah, I get it,” I said. “He’s her daddy. I got it.”

“Yes, and that’s something that all of us need to be clear on. I don’t want to be, well, confusing Rebecca,” she said.

I swallowed trying not to choke on my own spittle. “Sure,” I said, “I understand. Can I ask what will you want her to call me? I mean...”

“That’s something I’ve done some thinking on,” she said. “I think for the time being, maybe just your name, Mister Jimmy. Would that be all right by you?” I didn’t answer, but I did nod in the affirmative.

I think she was beginning to realize that her tone and her words were putting a sword through my heart. This was my ex-wife, the woman I had loved, and still did, more than my life. The woman who, with me, had created the baby now sleeping in the back room. I was being shunted off to the side. I would have some rights, but only those approved by her and him of course.

“Sure,” I said. “No confusing the baby. I got it.”

“Jimmy, I didn’t mean to upset you just now, did I upset you?” she seemed genuinely concerned that she’d gone too far. She had gone too far, but the irony was that her plan to not confuse our baby actually made sense. If she had asked me to suggest something, some name for our baby to call me, I would have come up with something not unlike what she was mandating.

“No, no, I’m grateful to you for letting see her. It was good. Everything is good,” I said. My eyes were clouding up again, I could feel them. I had to get out of there and I had to get out of there muy pronto.

“Jimmy, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to upset you. You have rights too. I am fully aware of that,” she said. “If you have another idea some other way, you know to not confuse our baby. I’d be happy to consider it. Okay?” she said.

“No, no we’ll do it your way. You know best I’m sure,” I said.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” she said. “I’ll be back in a minute. I’ll get us a bottle of wine to celebrate this little reunion. Okay?” I nodded. This was my chance. Just as she disappeared down the hall I slipped out; I took the stairs. I had to get back to town. But it was thirty miles off now.

I’d spotted a 7-11 nearby as we came in. I headed for it. I was going to have to use my thirty-eight bucks to get me a cab. I had no choice. Fuck! I was going to be broke until a week from Friday, nine days away. Fuck!

I was able to get a cab: the guy at the store let me use his phone. I was still wearing her T-shirt. Damn, I needed the one I’d come in with, and now I had no money to even get me a new shirt.

I figured it would be a while before I’d get to be seeing my baby again, so I guess buying myself a new shirt and maybe even a newer pair of pants could wait a little. The SA thrift store might have something for me. The store was next door to the chapel. I was going to be there, at the Chapel this coming Sunday. I’d look in the store then for something and have them hold it for me till payday. I figured I could get that much outta going to church; I was pretty sure I could anyway. I had the cabby drop me near the truck park, my home, and where I kept my stuff—hidden of course.

******