The hostess led Jessica to a corner table on the patio. She passed two handsome men a bit younger than herself. They looked like classic Finance Bros. One, bearded and in a medium blue blazer, looked her up and down as she passed. The other, in a tight-fitting long-sleeved polo, glanced at her, following the other’s gaze.

Jessica was seated out of their line of sight, though she could still see them. She briefly wrestled with the dissonance within herself as she realized she had both enjoyed and been disgusted by their momentary ogling. She contemplated the specials list rather than lingering on the thought.

The clanks of forks and glassware mixed with the murmurs of multiple conversations and the gurgling of the central fountain to create a relaxing cacophony. Jessica ordered the Niçoise salad with a glass of Sauv Blanc and thumbed through her social media.

“Oh yeah, she was a tremendous fuck. Top ten for sure.”

Jessica looked up from her phone, taken aback by the profanity. It was the bearded guy in the blazer. Jessica didn’t know if it was the way the sound bounced off the stone wall next to her, or if the sound of the fountain caused the two men to speak louder than they normally would, but she realized she could hear nearly every word they were saying.

“This is in Vegas? I thought your wife went with you to Vegas,” the polo guy asked.

“Oh, she did. I just told her I was going over to the poker room at the Metro because I thought I could get a better game over there. I did go to the Metro, but to fuck the hot dealer I’d met the night before. Young Filipina chick. Fucking outrageous in the sack,” the blazer guy explained, clearly very proud of himself.

“Jesus, that’s bold. And Angie never had a clue?”

“Nah. She knows I never leave a game if I’m winning, so three hours would be pretty normal. She was at the spa, anyway. The girl and I fucked in the shower at the Metro — took her ass actually — so I came back squeaky clean. I told Angie I’d won $1,200 bucks so we could go to any restaurant she wanted. She was happy and none the wiser.”

Jessica picked at her salad, transfixed by this asshole talking about fucking around on his wife.

“Damn, man. You’re my hero,” polo guy laughed. “I’ve got to get some strange pussy. I’m fucking dying over here. You’ve got to tell me your secrets.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Dude. It’s playing with fire. I already blew one marriage by getting caught.”

“How do you avoid it, now?”

“It’s just like a good business deal. You’ve got to stay focused on your objectives and minimize your risk.”

Jessica rolled her eyes at blazer-guy’s pontification.

“How do you mean?”

“You want to fuck good pussy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s all you can be after. You can’t have emotion. Can’t have strings. As soon as it’s more than fucking you’re the one that gets fucked.”

“Got it.”

“And if there’s too much risk of getting caught, you have to walk away, no matter how fine that pussy is.”

“O.K. So how do you minimize risk?”

“Well, there’s the obvious stuff. You can’t fuck your wife’s friends even when they throw themselves at you. And, don’t stick your stick in company oil.”

“Damn. I really want to fuck that new sales intern. She’s so ripe and such a fucking flirt.”

“Yeah. You, me and everybody else. But, NO. Way too much of a chance that she’ll tell someone. All it takes is talking to one person and then HR is down your back.”

“Yeah, O.K.”

“So, I have certain profiles that I look for. My objective is a good, stringless fuck, right? So I look for — not chase, but look for — certain types that a) want to be fucked, and b) are less likely to get clingy.”

Jessica nearly choked on a green bean.

“So I have certain go-tos. Forty-something married women are almost a sure thing. Their hormones are raging with one last big surge and they are bored with their husbands, but they don’t want to blow everything up. They don’t want any more strings than you do. They know how to fuck, too. They just haven't done it in a while. I absolutely wrecked a lady a month ago. We were checking in at the Hyatt at the same time, both of us on business. She was prematurely gray but quite hot. I asked if she’d like to get a drink. I was balls deep in her ass less than an hour later.”

“Damn.”

Jessica squirmed in her chair a little. She fit that profile to a “T.”

“College girls are another near automatic. You can spot them a mile off. They’re dressed in slutty cocktail dresses that they think are classy, doing shots with a gaggle of their sorority sisters. You buy them a round, then do nothing. Wait it out. Eventually, they will come over to thank you. If nothing else, because they want another round. There will be a lead girl, doing most of the talking. I steer clear of those. I focus on the shy one, or the chubby one, or the ugly one.”

“The ugly one?”

“Figure of speech. No one under twenty-five is ugly. Besides, remember your objective: fucking good pussy. Young pussy is always good pussy.”

“Point.”

“And these girls basically build their repertoire from watching porn and their college beaus aren’t cutting it. I swear to god they will do anything. Anything. And say, ‘Yes, Daddy,’ the whole fucking time. I had this chunky redhead not too long ago…my god. Just did her in the car. In every way possible. Had to take the Beamer to the detailer the very next day, but I swear sometimes I can still smell her pussy juice in that car.”

Jessica found herself laughing.

“O.K. That it?”

“Hmmm. Exes. Ex-sex is great sex. If you know how to dump a girl properly, you have the potential for a lifetime of awesome return pussy. You already know what they like, and vice versa. They already know it’s not going anywhere, so, it’s just sex. And they fuck like they have something to prove.”

“Ooh. I’m still on good terms with one of my old college girlfriends.”

“Good. You should give her a call. Other than that, you just have to be open. If a waitress writes her phone number on the customer receipt, she wants to fuck. If the lady next to you on a plane tells you where she’s staying, she wants to fuck. If the woman in the grocery store jokes about the cucumbers, she wants to fuck. So fuck her.”

Jessica was repulsed and yet found herself thinking about extra-thick cucumbers.

“Jeez, man. Thanks for the tips. Anything else?”

“Um, obvious stuff. Get a burner phone. Have a credit card the wife doesn’t know about. Stay off the dating apps. Wear a condom.”

Jessica paid her bill. As she walked past blazer guy and polo guy, she smiled. She was off to buy a burner phone.