For too long, I've been supressing my urge to explore my sexual side with another man. I'm in my mid-40's, married, great wife, great sex life, three kids, conservative lifestyle, and by all accounts a pretty content guy. My health is excellent and I'm in great shape. I work out several times a week, play basketball in the fall and winter, cycle and play softball in the spring and summer. I stand 6'0" and weigh 210 lbs. Mine has been a storybook life; until I turned the big 4-0. That's when my thoughts about being with another man began. I'm convinced that men have a "biological clock" as well. When the fourth decade of life is reached, the clock alarms and brings to the forefront thoughts and images of things not yet accomplished in life.

I'm a guy's guy; tough and manly. So, when I started having these thoughts, I tried to rationalize them. I love getting oral sex and my wife is terrific at giving. She says she really enjoys it and gets aroused doing it. I rationalized that my thoughts were just my way of trying to understand what my wife was experiencing. Then I started to get jealous of her. I began to think that I was missing out on something and that I deserved to have the same feelings and excitement that had. The dreams were soon to follow. I would find myself dreaming about sucking another man's cock, often waking up with a raging hard-on. The thoughts persisted and soon I was masturbating while imagining going down on another guy. I swear my orgasms were more intense with these thoughts too. When at the gym, I found myself comparing my package to the other men. I was always careful to steal a brief glance in the shower or to discreetly look in the mirror as men passed by. The thoughts would overcome me as I sat in the sauna and I often had to conceal my hard-on with a towel. Some of the men that I saw at the gym would invade my thoughts and fantasies at night. The thoughts were coming more often and they soon became an obscession. I found myself visiting internet sites that catered to pics of naked guys. I looked intently at the pics, lusting after the cocks that were displayed before me. I would find one or two pics of a beautiful cock and I would jack-off imagining myself sucking it until it came. I progessed to the gay and bisexual sites where I could check out the pics and movies of men sucking each others rock-hard cocks and pounding each others asses. Then the gay/bisexual chat rooms. I started cybering with other men, jacking off with one hand and typing with the other. This was extremely difficult to do at home and I had to choose my moments wisely. How I never got caught is beyond me. These thoughts and fantasies came and went over the years but each time they returned, the feelings were more intense and urgent. It was as if I sensed that time was passing by and action was in order.

I started checking out the "man looking for man" internet search sites, looking for guys with similar thoughts in my locale. I would reply to some of the postings and strike up e-mail conversations with some of the "MWM bicurious" guys. We would swap pics and talk about hooking up but nothing every came to fruition. Then I came across one posting. It read: "MWM 43 for MWM (pic)". I opened the posting and a beautiful cock picture accompanied the text. "MWM businessman, 43, looking for curious MWM to share one another in hotel room on (dates). Will be in (town) on business. HWP, DDF, discretion a MUST. Send pic and info if interested". The date was two weeks down the road and my mind started racing. My wife was going to be out of town on that weekend with some of her friends. Two of my kids are off to college and the third is a senior and usually is on the go on weekends. I started thinking that this could be the opportunity that I had been dreaming about.

As I replied to his post, my heart pounded as I typed. Could this really happen? Will I have the guts to follow through? I indicated to him that I was extremely curious and that I had never been with another man, what I imagined myself doing and that I liked his pic and the thought of hooking up. I hit the SEND button and it was done. I checked my secret e-mail account several times a day looking for his reply. It was the third day out that I finally got his reply. He was interested in finding out more about me and wanted to see a pic or two of my package. He had had a previous encounter with another man a couple years ago and was looking for the opportunity to relive that experience. I took a couple digital pics, downloaded them and sent them the next day. His reply came later that day. He said he was interested in getting together. It was all starting to fall into place. 

His name was Rob, a businessman with a major medical supply company. He was married with three kids as well and shared many of the thoughts that I had. His company sent him on frequent trips throughout the midwest. This was the first time he would be venturing to my city and felt that it would be a safe place to re-experience his man-on-man encounter. That Friday night seemed like it took forever to get there, but it did arrive. The wife and her two girlfriends had packed up and headed out for a weekend of crafts in the early afternoon. I got home from work about 4pm, checked with my son and found out that he was heading to a friend's house and would probably spend the night there. I showered, changed and got in my car. My heart was racing and pounding within my chest. I pulled the paper with the hotel name, room number and Rob's cell number from my pocket. I started the car and headed out to the erotic adventure that I had fantasized about for too long.

to be continued