I’m a bit worried. This is his first committed relationship to someone with kids, and while he’s been great with her, I know the limitations have been difficult for him - they’ve been hard for me too.
Although Patrick joins us for dinner twice weekly, even cooking at his place on a few occasions, I’ve yet to invite him to stay the night. We’ve shared a few weekends together when Addie goes to visit her grandparents for the weekend, or steal the occasional night or afternoon when she’s at a friend’s, but much of our time to talk or play occurs over the telephone after she’s asleep.
“How are you doing over there, sweetheart?”
I can hear the smile behind the mock concern. “You know damn well how I am… Sir.”
While I know I'm tempting fate with the clear derision in my voice, It's difficult to answer sincerely while I'm double penetrated by my largest plug and dildo - my clit teased and tortured for over thirty minutes with no clear answer that I'll be allowed to come.
He remains silent.
I try to lighten the mood a little. “I’m sorry for that, really. My sheets have seen better days, though.”
No response.
“Patrick?”
“I’m here. I’m sorry.” He pauses briefly, as if weighing his words. “…was just thinking.”
My chest clenches a little. HIs voice sounds distant, almost veering towards melancholy. I’m not quite sure what to do, but turn off the vibrator that’s been buzzing against my clit. The two toys inside of me suddenly feel tight and awkward.
“Is it anything you’d like to talk about?
He pauses again, then let’s out a deep breath. “I don’t want to sound like I'm complaining, but I want to be there with you… not on the phone. I’m just going to put it out there - I think Addie could handle it. I think you’re underestimating her.”
I hear him fumble with the phone for a second, then the sound of him zipping up his pants.
I guess that answers what I should do about the toys.
“Hold on,” I say.
Sliding both toys out, I walk them to the bathroom sink. Throwing on my robe, I sit back on the bed, my back against the headboard. I feel empty, and suddenly very cold.
“Patrick, we’ve talked about this. I want it, too. …just feel like I need to protect her.”
His voice comes out tight. “Protect her from me?”
“No!” I whisper emphatically, but my heart sinks when I admit the truth to myself, and then him. “Well, yes… kind of, but more along the lines of I don’t want her to get attached - to love you - until…”
Patrick saves me from saying it out loud - my fear since introducing them.
“…until you know whether I’m going to stick around.”
We’re both quiet. An unidentifiable anxiety creeps in now that the unspoken has been said, but an iota of relief is sparked too.
“Tell me, Corrine, have I given you the impression that I'm going anywhere?” Before I can answer, he adds more forcefully, “What is it that you want?”
“No, Patrick, you’ve never wavered. You’ve always been there for me… for me and Addie…” My voice trails off as I think back to the day in England when Addie fell off her horse while the two were out for a ride. It had terrified him seeing her so helpless, yet he’d taken care of her and the two now seemed to have a bond independent of me. A new realization dawns.
You’re not protecting Addie - you’re protecting yourself.
“Shit,” I groan.
“What’s going on, sweet girl?” His voice has softened.
“I think I've been keeping you away at night under the guise of protecting Addie, when it was really me that I was looking out for.”
“What are you worried about… shit, I hate having this conversation over the telephone.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “Patrick, I love you. I love everything about you and what we have. I’m just… I’m just scared that normal, everyday life with its early nights, hormonal teenagers, and overworked girlfriend are going to bore the hell out of you - and I won’t be enough… Not to mention even if you did spend the night I don’t know how we’d, um, be kinky?”
Patrick doesn’t respond at first, but when he does, his voice is thick with emotion.
“Okay, ‘kink’ aside, I’ll tell you now that yes, I have been bored at times.”
My breath catches as I hug the phone closer to my body.
“…and I’ve been excited, happy, frustrated, and insanely turned on. You’ve brought some real, tangible feelings back into my life that had been long buried since Maureen. You and Addie, both. As for the kink - It's not going anywhere. We’ll make it happen. Hell, a locked door and a good ball gag is all we’ll need.”
Somehow I'm laughing again. Leave it to Patrick to once again be the eye at the center of my storm.
“Tomorrow night,” I state.
“Tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow is Saturday night. I’ll talk to Addie in the morning to see how she feels about it - assuming she’s okay with it, you can come over for dinner and a movie… and to stay the night.”
“I can tell you now that she’ll be cool with it, so I'll plan to be over around five - and to make brunch in the morning.”
My excitement starts to take over with this new step in our relationship.
“I think I'm going to be too excited to sleep!”
Patrick laughs a little before assuring, “No worries, I know what you’ll need to sleep. Grab some clothes pins, the Hitachi, and your paddle. You’ll be crashing hard and sleeping in no time.
He was right.
***
No surprise, when I ask Addie at the breakfast table the next morning how she’d feel about Patrick staying the night, I’m met with an eye-roll and an ‘It's about time’ response.
“Please be serious, Addie,” I respond. “I know you like him, but going for hikes or having him over for dinner are very different from having him staying at our house.”
To her credit, she appears to think about what I've just said - the light expression that had been on her face now looks more contemplative.
“Are you guys going to get married one day?”
While I'm not surprised that the question is on her mind, it wasn’t quite what I’d expected.
“Honestly, sweetheart, I don’t know. We may, or we may just stay together without marrying. Not everyone does. Things are good now - really good - but you never know what the future will bring.”
Addie looks at the table before quietly mumbling, “Like you and dad.”
My heart aches for her. Our divorce forced her to learn some harsh realities sooner than I would have wished.
“Mom, I really miss dad. Before this summer, it seemed okay that I only ever saw him when he’d come to visit every few months - but after living with him again… I… I just really miss having him around.”
I scoot my chair next to hers and take her in my arms.
“I can’t imagine how hard it’s been sweetie. I wish it wasn’t this way for you.”
Addie looks at me shyly, clearly uncomfortable with what she’s about to say. “Well… I was thinking about that and thought of an idea. What if I lived half the year here with you, and half the year with dad and Carrie.”
“No!” It flies from my mouth before I can contain it and Addie jerks back as if I’ve slapped her. Gathering my thoughts as quickly as I can, I try to soften my answer. “Addie, sweetie, I just don’t see that happening. Your schooling would be all over the place… and what about your friends?”
She’s not buying it.
“They’ve got schools there, mom, in case you didn’t know - and my friends there… I miss them.”
I’m trying to hold it together while my mind is screaming that like hell I'd live away from her for six months. I know I can’t discount her thoughts though, and muster what sounds like a reasonable response.
“I’ll give it some thought, babe. I promise.”
She looks at me skeptically, but seems appeased for the moment.
***
The evening goes well, and Addie seems excited to have Patrick over. After dinner, she insists on making the popcorn and picking out the movie. I’m not sure what he was expecting, but relief paints his face when she pulls out ‘Lord of the Rings’.
At the end of the film, she gave Patrick a genuine but awkward ‘good night’ and I walk her to her bedroom.
“I’m really proud of you, Addie. This means a lot to me.”
“It’s good to see you happy, mom.”
She says this as she gives me a quick peck on the cheek and closes her door. She can’t know how much those words mean to me. Walking back to the living room, I find it empty except for a message on a scrap of paper.
“Out with the dogs. Back in a bit.”
Having Patrick here feels unexpectedly normal, and thoughts of having him in my bed - his body against mine - fills me with nervous excitement and aching happiness. It finally feels like I can have it all… the submission… the love… the family.
It’s an unusually warm night for early November and I wait on my front steps for Patrick’s return. Eventually he comes into view, but his silhouette under the street lamp starts and stops a few times. As he approaches the house, I can see him in a heated conversation - his jaw rigid as he listens to whomever he’s speaking to. I jog up to him and retrieve the two dogs that are coiled around his legs. He looks at me and I can see another emotion beyond the tension. Grief.
I take the boys inside to give him some space to finish his conversation. It’s not long before he comes in - closing the door after himself, but standing just inside, looking at his cellphone as if expecting it to ring again.
I approach him and wrap my arms around his waist. He absentmindedly reciprocates, but once I’m in his arms they tighten and he lowers his jaw onto my head.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? Who was that?”
He’s silent for a few more moments before answering.
“It was Katya.”
“Luka’s mom? What’d she want this time of night?”
“She doesn’t want me to come tomorrow… or anymore.”
I pull away from him and half whisper, half scream, “What the fuck?”
“It’s her new boyfriend - her new fiancé. He thinks my relationship with Luka is holding back their own from forming. He seems like a good guy, and I think his intentions are good, but this is so fucked. She also mentioned they may be moving to Southern California to be closer to his kids.”
Patrick’s voice caught on his last words, and my heart aches for him. His hold on me is almost crushing, but we stay like this for a few minutes in silence until I feel his body relax and he backs away. When I look up, his eyes are wet and he’s wiping them with his sleeve.
I attempt to console him.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know what to say except that you were there when he needed you the most. You made a real difference in his life and nothing can change the bond you share. Is she at least going to let you say goodbye?”
He nods. “Yeah. She said I could come by their house one night next week. I have to make him something before then…” His voice is distant, as if his thoughts were already in his workshop, planning what to make for Luka.
We walk into the bedroom and I lock the door. While Addie had assured me she’d knock, I don’t want to take any chances. The mood is sober as we go through the motions of getting ready for bed. My room is drafty, so I leave my panties on, then slip into an old tee-shirt. From across the room Patrick has been removing his clothes until he’s bare, and when he sees me dressing he shakes his head.
“No, Corrine… no clothes. I need to feel you against me.”
Just seeing his lean, muscled form with the beautiful ink along his torso and arms causes every nerve in my body to spark. His cock, while not hard, arouses me regardless. When my gaze travels to his face, though, pain still radiates from his normally bright blue eyes. All I want to do is comfort him - to help him forget the pain, if just for one night.
Removing my tee-shirt as I walk towards him, I'm intent on bringing Patrick pleasure, to help him bear his sadness, if just a little. When I'm standing in front of him, I move to kneel but his right arm embraces me as his left tilts my chin upwards. His lips find mine and the kiss is both passionate and emotional - his tongue penetrates me and searches for my own, the contact makes my head spin and my legs weak.
Without releasing my lips, he pulls me to the bed. We separate just enough for him to position me on my back in the center of the bed, before he lays himself on top of me - full skin to skin contact. We resume kissing as his arms and legs straddle me. I feel completely enveloped and consumed by him and I only want to give him more.
I break our kiss to whisper in his ear, “Please, Patrick. Let me take care of you tonight.”
Resting on his elbows, his face leans down to nuzzle my ears and neck, sending goosebumps shivering down my skin.
“How would you like to please me, pet?”
My body ignites as he uses the endearment he only recently introduced. The first time he’d called me ‘pet’, I’d been surprised by how loved and revered it made me feel. Had he used it early in our relationship, I suspect I may have bristled at the implied ownership and docile subservience - but through his love and guidance, I’ve learned so much about what submission truly means to me. The level of trust, acceptance, and love I feel in this relationship has moved beyond any that I’ve ever experienced before, and when I give myself to him - mind, body, and spirit - I know he feels the same love and trust that I do.
“Sir, I would like to pleasure your body - your whole body - until you come. I would like you to let go… to just accept and enjoy.”
His bright blue eyes look down on me with love, but there’s a heat in them that pushes me further. I gently push against his chest, scooting myself out from under him.
“Lay down on your front - and wait for me here.”
Rather than the amusement I suspected he might respond with, Patrick just smiles a sexy grin and nods before turning himself over, resting on his stomach in the center of the bed. I grab a few things from my toy bag and lay them beside the bed, out of his view.
I remove my panties and crawl on top of him, straddling his hips. My exposed sex pressed hard against his lower back. Before I start, I allow myself to reach behind and run my hands over the contours of his firm ass. Once I’ve allowed myself to enjoy them fully, I pour a small amount of cedarwood and sage massage oil over his upper back, then lean down and murmur into his ear.
“May I be the first to tell you that all of those squats I see you doing at the gym are working for you.”
Patrick chuckles from below me. It’s nice to hear him relaxing after his phone call with Katya. He turns his head back, about to reply, but I’ve started on his shoulders and all that comes out of his mouth is a long groan.
Taking my time, I massage his back, neck, temples, and scalp with strong fingers and a fair amount of upper body strength. The knots in his back gradually reduce as his breathing slows. I’d think he was asleep except for the occasional moan of appreciation when I work on a particularly pleasurable region.
I scoot back, encouraging him to spread his legs so I can kneel between them. Beginning with his left leg, I slick my hands with the oil and start with his foot - sensuously massaging the arches and each individual digit. In no rush, I move to his firm calf and work my palm into the tight tissue, feeling it eventually give and relax before moving onto his thigh. Patrick is silent now - almost in a meditative state. I move to his right leg and make sure it gets the same treatment the left did.
Moving forward again, I situate myself on my knees between his upper thighs. I lean down and begin to kiss and gently suck, alternating between his two firm ass cheeks. I run my hands down his sides, over his lean waist until they rest on his hips. My lips travel closer and closer to the snug crevasse of his ass - my tongue licks the sensitive margins in long, firm strokes. I feel him tense just a little, so I splay my fingers over each side and spread him.
“Corrine…” His voice is barely a breath.
I revere this man, and want to show him there is not a part of him that I don’t want to pleasure. I begin to trace just the tip of my tongue along the now exposed skin, staying away just yet from my intended target. I sense a shiver run through him as his skin vibrates under my hands. Alternating soft kisses with strokes of my tongue, Patrick’s body relaxes beneath me. I love that I’m bringing the man that does so much for me to such heights of pleasure, and I only want to give him more.
While my hands begin to squeeze his well-muscled butt cheeks, my tongue dips to the tight erogenous ring and all of its sensitive nerve-endings.
“Ooooh,” he sighs, as my tongue licks and probes the entrance. His hips move, but only to grind himself into the bed. I can only imagine how desperately hard his cock must be. I smile briefly as my fingers split him even wider and my tongue pushes deep inside of him - my nose pressing hard against the skin just above. I wiggle and spear it in and out. His breathing becomes interspersed with gasps and I know I can push him further.
“Up on your knees, love - spread them for me.”
In a trance he obeys my wishes, giving his body over to me. This does not undermine the tightly coiled power I feel radiating from him, it only makes it that much better that he would allow himself to be vulnerable and exposed to my desires.
“Oh, Patrick… You are so fucking hard,” I admire as his swollen, crimson cock comes into view. On my own hands and knees, I lower myself below him and suck on just the head, as if to milk him dry of the pre-cum that had started to bead at the slit. He slowly pushes his hips forward, fucking my mouth deep. I allow him this moment of control, but only briefly before I pull away.
I pour a copious dollop of massage oil into my palm, then rub my hands and fingers together, coating them well. I kneel next to him, facing his receptive, hard body. With my left hand I cup my fingers around the base of his cock, stroking firmly up and down the shaft while also turning my hand slightly with each rise and fall. My thumb curls over the slick head, ensuring not an inch of skin is left untouched.
I love the way the soft skin moves over the hard steel that lies beneath - how it twitches and pulses under my grip. My right hand moves behind him, gliding over the slope of his ass before curving the fingers towards the center. He arches his back, just enough to allow a natural chasm to open. I move the tip of my third finger over the tight ring, circling over it - lubricating the entrance. I know how good this feels, and am rewarded by some quick jerks of his cock within my grasp.
Once it’s nice and slick, I push in just the first digit - surprised by how easily it slips in. While I know Patrick enjoys playing with my third hole, he’s recently admitted that while he was open to it, no woman in his past had ever been interested in pleasuring him this way. I have no experience performing on a man, but I know what I enjoy and what I’ve read that men enjoy. I play with just the ring for a couple of minutes - moving in and out only by one or two knuckles at a time, occasionally slipping a second finger in too.
The tight band of muscle begins to relax, and my fingers begin to explore deeper. I know what I'm searching for, I just don’t know if I'll know what it is when I feel it - so I'm delighted when I feel a slight bulge slip beneath my fingertips.
“Ah, fuck!” Patrick’s voice is almost strangled as my fingers begin to rub back and forth over his prostate. I can tell he’s trying to keep his voice down as best as he can. His already rock-hard cock seems to thicken in my hand, his balls drawing up tight between his legs.
“I can’t… I can’t last long,” he gasps as my fingers move in a steady rhythm over the incredibly erogenous gland. Pre-cum is dripping from the tip of his cock, mixing with the massage oil creating wet, slick sounds as I pump his cock. His body bucks and jerks as cum goes flying at incredible velocity out of him, splattering the bed and even his own arms that are just barely supporting him now. I slow the motions of both hands, but don’t stop until the last drops escape him. Removing my fingers, and slipping my hand from his still hard shaft, I lean over him, kissing his sweaty back.
He remains quiet, staying on his hands and knees with his head down - chest heaving.
Finally he speaks. “There’s no other words for that than ‘mind-blowing’, Corrine. My fucking heart was slamming in my chest… never come so hard in my life.”
I’m just beaming - excited to discover a new and clearly powerful way to please him. I don’t get to celebrate long, though, when Patrick rises and flips me over onto my back and lands on top of me - his hands press my wrists into the bed.
His lips meet mine in a long, lingering kiss that sends molten heat through me. I’m about to joke about where my mouth just was, when I remember how many times he’s rimmed me and I shrug it off.
He lifts his head and l just can’t stop smiling.
“You’re pretty damned pleased with yourself, aren’t you sweetie?”
“Yup!” My smile grows even wider.
“Well, I’m pretty pleased with you too, my love. You took me somewhere I've never been - thank you.”
My smile drops at his sincerity. Reaching up, I brush his errant hair from his forehead before placing my palm on his cheek.
“Patrick, you’ve taken me to that place so many times. Every day with you I learn something new - feel something new.”
“That’s very mutual. I’ve always prided myself on my autonomy - but I have to confess that days away from you are getting harder and harder.”
I nod in agreement, but don’t know quite how to answer to that. It’s just too soon and too complicated to consider moving in with each other just yet. Patrick rolls off and lies next to me - heat radiating from his skin. We lay in silence for a few minutes before he speaks again.
“Addie seemed fine with it all tonight.”
“She did, Patrick. She really likes you.”
He goes silent, and I suspect he’s thinking about Luka again as he absentmindedly runs his fingers up and down my arm. I move to rest my head on his chest, until I feel how damp it is.
“Um…, shower?”
“I suppose I'm pretty ripe by now.”
“No, just soggy.”
He laughs before leaning over and tweaking my nipple.
“How’ve you been enjoying that new shower head?”
Best shower ever.
“I think you know quite well considering you tried each setting on me the first night.”
Memories of how long he’d edged me - was it three, four, five times? - make me shudder. My pussy and clit had grown over sensitive to the point of pain while I begged him to let me orgasm. When he did, he held the spray of water on me with one hand while the other delivered a series of wet, hard slaps to my ass until I collapsed to the floor trembling - the ripples of my orgasm caused spasms through my pussy and belly for minutes to come.
We make it to the shower, where Patrick is surprisingly gentle with me. Using his fingers, lips, and of course, the shower head, he drives me to an achingly long and deeply intense climax that left me sated and sleepy.
The next morning, Addie acted as if Patrick had slept over countless times. After taking the dogs to the park, the three of us went to brunch. She was surprisingly mature and sympathetic with the news about Luka, and suggested that at the very least his mother may allow him and Patrick to remain pen-pals.
***
“Do you know a Marilyn Morris?”
I’d just answered my phone and these were the first words out of my agent’s mouth.
“Yeah, I know Marilyn. We worked together briefly years ago. She’s been with Minnesota public radio for years now. Is she back in town?”
Peter’s voice holds barely contained excitement, a rarity for him.
“No, she’s not. In fact, she’s starting a new show with PRI in London. Corrine, she wants you there.”
My heart starts thumping and I can’t seem to get my mouth to work.
“Did you hear me? She wants you to be the voice of the show. It’s going to be a little less politics and news than you’re used to, leaning more towards human interest, but shit, you’ve gotta’ do this!”
“Oh…”
“That’s all you can say? Corrine, this is a life changer! This is huge!”
A whirlwind of factors hit me all at once. Addie… my home… my life… Patrick.
“Wow, Peter. I don’t know what to say! I loved working with her when she produced my first show. I can’t… I just can’t believe this.”
“Call her. She’s waiting to hear from you. Just reach her at the Minneapolis office.”
Still in a daze, I barely squeak out an answer. “Um, okay - I will.”
Peter hangs up and I sit in my car just in front of my house, trying to slow my thoughts down.
Addie would love to live in London - hell, she’s already asked to - and Frank and Carrie are there. She’d have both parents. Working with Marilyn again would be amazing - it seemed like every program she had her hands in succeeded - many of which had won awards over the years.
I can’t help but let out a choked sob, though, when I think of Patrick. We’ve only just started less than a year ago - there’s no way we could hope to survive a long distance relationship, and I can’t expect him to abandon a business that he loves to follow me over there.
Fuck!
I go back into the house, forgetting why I’d gone out to the car in the first place. Addie is just home from school and Skyping with her dad. It’s after eleven in London, but he stays up frequently to help her with her homework. I watch on as the two talk through a school project she’s been working on. I give her a smile and Frank a brief wave before going into the bedroom to call Marilyn.
***
The following Sunday, the three of us spend the afternoon with Luka and his family at Oaks Park, an ancient amusement park with old time carnival games and rides that look like they’re about to fall off their tracks. It’s official that they’ll be moving to California in two weeks, but Luka’s mom has agreed that they can write to each other.
Luka loved the drafting table that Patrick had made for him, hoping to encourage his love of graphic arts. Katya’s fiancee keeps his distance most of the day, but the impression I get is that he’s allowing the two to enjoy their last day together. At the end of the day he shakes Patrick’s hand firmly, assuring him that he’ll be a good dad to Luka - for him not to worry.
I try and fail not to cry as Patrick and Luka say their goodbyes. They remain embraced for close to minute while Addie and I cling to each other for support. I wonder whether Patrick may need some alone time this evening - I also wonder when and how to discuss my own news with him. In the end, he suggests take-out Thai and a game night.
I’ve known for the past three days that the move to London will probably take place . It’s as if all the stars aligned for it to happen. My contract is up for renegotiation at the end of the year which is only two and one half months away, the position in London will not only come with more exposure, but also a hefty raise in pay, and Frank was out of his head ecstatic when I told him the news. When I told Addie last night, she actually started crying she was so happy. We talked frankly about how it may feel to live in another country - about missing her friends and grandparents in Portland - but also told her it wasn’t necessarily forever. Depending on how the show is received, the contract I'm negotiating will be for four years.
I stressed to Addie that I’d yet to tell Patrick. She looked stricken when she realized the move may potentially break us up and began backpedalling about going. I told her that while I love Patrick with all of my heart, I can’t ignore all the good that could come to our lives with this move.
Unfortunately, while playing Monopoly, Patrick attempts to engage an unusually quiet Addie, bombarding her with questions about her London friends and whether she’ll be going back next summer. I regret immediately asking her to keep secrets from him, and by the conflicted look on her face I can tell she’s struggling to keep silent about our move.
“Addie, can you give Patrick and I some time alone?”
She eagerly nods and dodges from the table to her room in obvious relief.
Patrick watches with growing unease in his eyes.
I stand and extend my hand to him. “Can we go talk on the back deck?”
He doesn’t follow suit when I grab for my glass of red wine, but does take my hand as we walk in silence outside.
“What’s going on, Corrine? Why does my gut feel like its twisting before I even know what you’re going to say?”
“I’ve…I’ve been offered a new show with Public Radio International.”
He looks surprised, but cautiously positive.
“PRI? That’s great!”
“In London.”
His hold on my hand slackens, but does not let go. Patrick closes his eyes and takes a deep breath - remaining silent for longer than makes me comfortable.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart… Well deserved.” He looks down at our hands, his thumb idly rubs against my palm. “When?”
My body becomes tingly and numb as our conversation continues. It feels both surreal and devastatingly real at the same time - like a dream where you’re falling and don’t know when or if you’ll be hitting the ground.
“We’d move over winter break to allow Addie to settle in before the school-year resumes.”
Patrick drops my hand and runs his palms over his face. When he looks up at me again, he doesn’t take my hand back.
“What do you want to do then… about us?”
I kneel down on the ground in front of him, grasping his hands from his lap. “I want us to be together… I… I can’t imagine being apart from you!”
Tears bead in the corners of my eyes when faced with the very real prospect of losing a man that has become as crucial to my life as air and water. He reaches forward and wipes an errant tear with his thumb.
Twice he looks like he’s about to say something, before stopping himself.
“Fuck… Fuck! I don’t know what to fucking say Corrine. I’m happy for you. Proud of you - but this is tough. The easy thing to say would be I’ll move there too, start a new business, but it’s not that easy. My life is here - my friends, my business, my cabin - I’ve never considered leaving. I thought… I thought we’d be here together… as a family.”
My voice is a whisper when I respond. “I thought so too.”
“Will you be coming back?”
Again, I struggle with my words. “Probably? I don’t know. The contract is for four years.”
Patrick flinches as if I’ve punched him in the gut.
His voice is tight - his eyes tense. “Four years?”
I nod. Gripping his hands even tighter, even though they remain placid in his lap. His voice is flat when he continues.
“Selling the house?”
I think about the gorgeous custom kitchen he just designed for me, but nod.
“Probably not the first year - in case things don’t work out - but it’ll be too difficult to manage from over there.”
Patrick starts to discuss pragmatics - about the strong rental market and his friend that manages rental properties - but I’m barely listening. I just watch on as an invisible wall begins to build between us.
Eventually we go inside. I half expect him to leave for his own house, but he stays. We brush our teeth next to each other, but he feels a million miles away. Stripped, we get into bed and resume our automatic go to position of him on his back with my head on his chest. It feels good to have his arm around me, holding me tight against him.
“Corrine, I really am happy for you - this is just a lot to take in.” He pauses, then looks down at me, capturing my eyes. “I bet Addie is ecstatic.”
I nod. “She is. She really is… Frank, too.”
“Yes, I imagine he is.”
After that brief exchange, we both fall silent, but even thirty minutes later neither of us are sleeping. I begin to ramble a string of consciousness.
“It’s doable, Patrick. I’ll fly back as often as I can. You can visit us… Tyler and Alex too. I can come home over the summer for a bit - a few weeks at least.