Lady Lucille’s Bar & Grill has been a fixture down on Second Street for many years. Supposedly it was once even closer to the river, but back in the big floods of ’93 it survived only because the owner and patrons got together to sandbag a six foot high flood wall all the way around it. Once the floods went down, the owner picked up the building and moved the bar three blocks– and about twenty feet in elevation– up to what was then three vacant lots on Second Street. A couple of floods have come and gone since then, and there is a new owner and a lot of new regulars... including me... but Lady Lucille’s is still going strong.

I’m not sure how Lady Lucille stays on this side of the law, but evidently nothing visibly happens that is illegal, or can be proved to be illegal in a court of law, except of course, at the after hours game night. I guess the best way to describe Lady Lucille, herself, is that she is the Dreaded Pirate Roberts of bar owners. Lady Lucille’s Bar & Grill has been open for over a hundred and fifty years in several different buildings with several different Lucilles acting as owner. Some say it was open even before that under the name, Chez Dame Lucille. The stories don’t say where that was, but it wasn’t around here.

Who then, is Lady Lucille you might ask. She is usually up in her office that has big windows that allow her to watch over the bar. But if you hang around until just before closing on any night, you will meet her. Back before they moved the bar, she was a rather curvy raven-haired beauty with a very high-pitched Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs voice and skin to match. Today she is taller, thinner, more muscular, and ... black. Regardless of who she now is, she still does “private discipline lessons” upstairs in her “training room” like an unknown number of Lady Lucilles did before her.

Supposedly they built a really deep basement for some of the more interesting stuff when they moved the building up to Second Street, but I’ve never been down there. Never been upstairs either. My kink is voyeurism and I can get that satisfied on any night for just the cover charge with the two-drink minimum.

The two-drink minimum isn’t a problem for me because I can nurse a dark ale for hours which means two dark ales last twice that long. Lucille thinks I’m a cheapskate, but she puts up with me because I keep bringing in friends who sit with me and spend like sailors on shore leave. Some of them also go upstairs, but I’m not mentioning names. Harry Jensen’s been downstairs, but it was during the daytime and he’s an electrician. I asked him about it and he answered, “I want to do more work for the Lady. She tips VERY well.”

I decided my friendship with Harry was worth more than knowing details of the tip... or the basement... so I let it drop.

My favorite night at Lady Lucille’s is After Hours Game Night. There are regular trivia games and darts tournaments on various nights throughout the week, but on After Hours Game Night it is special. There is always an off-duty cop at the door with the regular bouncers. The bouncer checks your ID to make sure you are of age and who you say you are just like any other night. But on Game Night Officer Dave then watches as you sign a disclaimer saying that you are at least twenty-five and are aware of the risks and rewards of Lady Lucille’s After Hours Game Night.

If you sign the paper, you get the special stamp along with the regular entry stamp. The regular stamp is black ink with two very decorative Ls wound together. The special stamp doesn’t show in regular light. It doesn’t even show if you have one of those small UV pen lights. It takes a special shade of UV light to make it glow. Or, if you hold your hand under a low level light... like say one of those useless lights in the middle of the table... and then look at the back of your hand from a very low angle, you can just make out the reflection of the ink on your skin. It’s kind of hard to see the whip as it curls around the oblong paddle, but the straight line of the whip’s handle is really easy to pick out.

After Hours Game Night actually starts well before closing time with regular trivia. But as the night goes on the questions get more and more raunchy. Around eleven the Quiz Master announces that the family-friendly portion of the night is coming to a close and announces the winner to that point.

Then the QM very politely asks anyone who doesn’t have a late night stamp to please leave. He gives everybody about a half hour to clear out and then stands in the spotlight and says, “OK, everybody hold up your right hand with the palm facing you.” Then all the lights go out and everything is bathed in a really strange blue-green glow.

“OK, table two,” he said sternly as the lights came back up, “I don’t see any late night stamps. You’ve got to sign the papers or leave.”

A young college student and his date looked very embarrassed. “I didn’t think you’d actually check,” he stammered. “Julie... my date... isn’t twenty-five yet.”

“Bring her back after her birthday,” Officer Dave said as he walked over to the table. He made a motion with his hands and then escorted the couple to the door. After a moment, he said loudly, “Doors locked.”

The bartender almost immediately called out, “Sign’s off.”

A somewhat sultry voice from the back of the stage said, “Then it is time for the games to begin. Officer Dave, make the official announcement.”

The off-duty cop stepped up on stage and said, “Lady Lucille’s Bar and Grill will close shortly for the night. The After Hours Game Night Club has rented these facilities from midnight to three am. Before the bar closes, you can place orders for drinks. You have to pay for them now, but you can schedule when they are to be picked up or brought to your table.”

He chuckled and the bartender piped up, “If for some reason you aren’t able to drink any of those drinks, you don’t get your money back because the bar is officially closed.”

Lady Lucille stepped forward and looked out at the crowd. “My staff will be setting things up as the bartender prepares for closing. You will be able to order food and snacks once Lady Lucille’s is closed, but NO liquor. The After Hours Game Night Club doesn’t have a liquor license.”

She always has to repeat that announcement for the benefit of first-timers. It isn’t because her voice is hard to hear. It’s because she stepped into the spotlights on the stage as she made the announcement, and her presence can overwhelm your mind the first time you see her. The blue spotlights made her ebony skin seem to glow. She was wearing a black, skin-tight, leather bustier top over a very short black leather miniskirt. Her legs were covered with thigh-high shiny black boots and her arms by black gloves that stretched well above her elbows. I’ve seen her many times and I still find myself holding my breath as I stare at that big, beautiful, black woman in the spotlight. She also has a hooded mask on with cute little cat ears built into it. I think that outfit is part of being Lady Lucille because the Snow White Lucille wore the same outfit in a larger size, but she carried a thin wooden cane rather than a long, black, shiny leather tawse.

“Our first game is a special trivia game with a $1,000 prize,” Lucille said in her sultry voice. That voice isn’t an act. I’ve met her on the street or seen her shopping at the grocery store and that is just the way she talks. It’s like she was born for this.

“If you get five answers correct,” she continued, “you win the money.” She chuckled and said, “But for every answer you get wrong, you lose an article of clothing.” She chuckled again and added, “If you run out of clothing, you get a swat with this.” She swung her tawse through the air and then added with a wicked smile, “... one swat for every question you got wrong. The game continues until someone wins or all of the contestants run out of clothes.”

A naked, very petite, very white young woman with mousey brown hair came running out onto the stage carrying a large jar. “This is my personal slave, trixie. You can look but don’t touch as she moves around the tables. If you touch, the bouncers kick you out. If you grope, I whip your ass and then the bouncers kick you out permanently.”

She glared at everyone for a moment and then reached into the jar. It costs twenty-five dollars to put your name in the jar. Normally, there are a couple dozen names in there. trixie held the jar while Lucille pulled out three names.

The first name was Dorothy J. When Lucille opened the paper, she said loudly, “We have a woman in our quiz tonight,” before calling out the name. The next name is Tyrone L. And the final name was Harry J.

Harry was sitting at the table with me. As he stood up, he said somewhat loudly, “Hold my beer.” Then he walked up on stage, smiling and waving to the crowd.

There were three tall bar stools sitting in the middle of the stage. They weren’t actually from the bar because they didn’t have backs, and the seats were overly plush, padded, black leather.

Dorothy sat on stage left; Tyrone sat in the middle; and Harry sat on stage right. Dorothy was a just-past-college-aged blonde whose skin tone and eye color proclaimed that the blonde came out of a bottle. Tyrone was a thin, somewhat light-skinned black man who was possibly prematurely bald or maybe he just liked the shaved head look. He was wearing black jeans and a short-sleeved black t-shirt. His arms looked thin until he picked up his stool to move it slightly. Then the muscles stood out under his coffee-colored skin. Harry, well, was Harry. He is somewhere between fifty and infinity with a head of bushy brown and gray hair and skin deeply furrowed and wrinkled with life. He was wearing his usual outfit of faded blue jeans and a flannel shirt buttoned all the way up.

trixie scurried around, handing each of them a push button, then she disappeared into the darkness at the back of the stage. Lady Lucille stood at a black podium at the front of the apron on stage right. She was more or less facing the three contestants as she asked, “Is everyone ready?”

After everyone nodded, she said, "Everyone, please press your buzzer when I call your name.” Then she slowly said, “Dorothy... Tyrone... Harry...” As she called their names, a buzzer sounded, and a white light appeared over their heads.

“We are ready to begin,” she said loudly. Then, in a more serious tone she asked, “What is the only Major League Baseball team to have never won a pennant?”

Dorothy immediately buzzed in and then said confidently, “The Chicago Cubs.”

There was laughter from the crowd and Dorothy looked confused.

“The Cubs won the World Series in 1907, 1908, and 2016,” Lady Lucille said wearily. You lose a piece of clothing.” Then she added, “Shoes don’t count.”

trixie hustled out and set a basket in front of Dorothy who looked slightly confused, but then took off her blouse and dropped it in the basket. Beneath the blouse she was wearing a rather frilly white brasier that didn’t look like it was strong enough to hold up her 36C breasts. Dorothy looked young enough that maybe those boobs didn’t really need being held up.

“Anyone else want to try to answer the question?” Lady Lucille asked and Tyrone buzzed in.

“Milwaukee Brewers,” he said confidently.

“They’ve never won a World Series,” Lady Lucille said evenly, “but they won a Pennant in 1982.”

Tyrone shrugged and dropped his t-shirt into the basket trixie had placed in front of him. The muscles on his chest flexed just enough as he did that to cause the women in the crowd to sigh softly.

“Harry?” Lady Lucille asked. In response he pressed his buzzer and said, “The Seattle Mariners.”

A loud bell rang and a single red light appeared over Harry’s head as Lady Lucille said, “Correct.”

“Our second question,” said Lady Lucille, is from American History. “Here it is. What was the original name of the Dakota mountain that was renamed for a rich New York lawyer so he would keep bringing his friends out west to vacation?”

Dorothy rang in immediately and said loudly, “Mount Rushmore!”

Lady Lucille laughed and said, “Close, but no cigar.”

trixie ran out and lifted up the basket.

“Do socks count?” Dorothy asked plaintively.

Lady Lucille laughed again and said, “Yes, but they are considered a single set.” She paused and said, “And you might as well put the shoes in with them.”

Dorothy kicked off her shoes and then bent over to slide her socks off her ankles.

“Anyone else?” Lady Lucille asked as she looked back and forth between Tyrone and Harry. Finally Tyrone pushed his buzzer.

“The White Hills were renamed to the Badlands,” Tyrone said. He didn’t sound too sure of himself.

“Yes, they were,” Lady Lucille said with a laugh, “but I don’t think any rich New York lawyers were named Badlands.”

Tyrone hung his head slightly and kicked off his shoes and dropped them into the basket. Then he reached down and pulled his socks off of his feet and added them to the basket.

Things were very quiet in the club as everyone looked at Harry. He took a deep breath and pushed his button. “I thought Dorothy was going to get it,” he said with a chuckle. “She was half right. The Six Grandfathers Mountain was renamed Mount Rushmore to keep Charles E. Rushmore coming back with his friends.”

The bell clanged again and a second red light appeared over Harry’s head.

“Our next question is an easy one,” Lady Lucille said as she held up one of the cards on which the questions were written. “It is this: What is the official, medical name for Cannabis?”

Not surprisingly, Dorothy immediately buzzed in. She sounded very sure of herself as she answered, “Marijuana!”

Again the crowd laughed and Dorothy looked very confused. “Incorrect,” Lady Lucille said curtly. trixie rushed out and held up the basket. Dorothy wiggled as she struggled to push her tight shorts down her legs, but once they were past her ass they slid rather quickly. Once she had put them in the basket, trixie set it back on the floor and ran backstage.

“Anyone else?” asked Lady Lucille. Both Tyrone and Harry shook their heads and stared calmly out at the audience.

“We would have accepted Cannabis, Cannabis Sativa, or THC,” Lady Lucille said flatly. She chuckled and then said, “I told you it was easy.”

“Our next question is not so easy,” Lady Lucille said firmly. “What are the colors on the flag of England?”

Dorothy was almost hopping up and down as she pushed her button. “Oh, I know that!” she said excitedly. “I took a trip to England last year. The flag is red, white, and blue.”

“I’m sorry,” Lady Lucille said, “but that is wrong.”

Dorothy looked shocked as trixie held the basket up to her. She finally slumped slightly and began taking off her bra. And yes, her breasts continued to stand out proud even if they were jiggling and bouncing a bit as Dorothy attempted to hold back her tears.

“Anyone else?” Lady Lucille asked.

Again Tyrone shook his head, but Harry pushed his buzzer.

“White and red,” he answered. “The flag of Great Britain is red, white, and blue, but the flag of England is just a red cross on a white background.”

“Correct!” Lady Lucille exclaimed as a third red light appeared over Harry’s head.

“You all should know this one,” Lady Lucille said with a smile. “What singer or group has had the most number one hits?”

“Oh, oh,” Dorothy exclaimed as she pressed her buzzer. “I definitely know this one. Its Mariah Carey.”

“Again, close but no cigar,” Lady Lucille said as he shook her head and looked said, “Mariah has 19 number ones, but someone has 20.” The audience was staring in anticipation as Dorothy got off her stool, but they were disappointed when she slid, or more accurately, tugged a small pair of Spanx down her legs. Beneath them she was wearing a rather small thong. The Spanx went in the basket and trixie scurried back into the darkness.

Lady Lucille waited until trixie was gone before looking back at the stage and asking, “Any guesses?”

Tyrone buzzed in and immediately said, “Elvis.”

“Oooh, close again,” Lady Lucille said, “but Elvis had only 18.”

Tyrone shrugged and began taking off his black jeans. Beneath the jeans, he was wearing a pair of black boxer briefs.

Once the jeans were in the basket and trixie had run back stage, Lady Lucille asked Harry, “You got a guess?”

“Not a guess,” he replied, “but I thought I’d give the others first shot at this.” He paused and then said, “They missed. It is the Beatles.”

“Correct!” Lady Lucille almost yelled as a fourth red light appeared over Harry’s head.

“We’ve got two contestants down to their underwear,” Lady Lucille gushed, “and one with an empty basket and four correct answers. What will happen this time?” She paused to look out at the audience and then said, “What U.S. state has the lowest population?”

Dorothy suddenly stood up straight and said, “Rhode Island.”

“No, that is not correct,” Lady Lucille said and Dorothy wailed, “But it is the smallest state.”

“Yes, it is,” Lady Lucille replied, “but it is in seventh place for lowest population.”

trixie hurried out on stage and held up Dorothy’s basket. Dorothy got off her stool and stood for a moment before sliding her thong panties to the floor and then lifting them with one leg toward trixie. Evidently she couldn’t bring herself to actually put them in the basket. trixie had no problem grabbing them and throwing them in the basket. Then she... and the basket... disappeared off stage.

“Anyone else?” asked Lucille and Tyrone immediately buzzed in.

“Wyoming,” he said calmly. “It’s got fewer people than Chicago.”

“Correct on both points,” Lady Lucille said, “but we can only give you one light.”

After the red light appeared over Tyrone’s head, Lady Lucille said softly, “Dorothy, you really need to get back on your stool.”

Dorothy was standing next to the stool more or less facing it. She shuddered slightly as if crying and then used the rungs at the base of the stool to step up onto it. There was no way that she could get in place without flashing her cunt to the entire crowd. Her face reddened slightly as her bare beaver was totally visible for the few seconds it took for her to get in place and firmly clamp her legs together. At least no one would know what her true hair color was since there was no carpet to compare to the drapes.

“Our sixth question,” Lady Lucille said flatly, “is: What country was declared to be the happiest in a 2024 research report?”

Dorothy again was the first to buzz in. She looked very nervous as she said, “The United States.”

There was thunderous applause from the crowd and for a moment Dorothy thought she had gotten the right answer, but Lady Lucille said, “Sorry, the U.S. ranked 23rd in that study.”

She stood up and crossed the stage to where Dorothy was seated. “You have missed six questions. And you have no more articles of clothing to put in the basket. So...” She paused to slap the shiny black tawse onto her hand. “... you get six swats with this.”

Dorothy was openly crying now and saying, “No, no, no,” but she offered no resistance as Lady Lucille guided her off of the stool and then bent her over it so that her stomach was resting on the thick padded top. She was on tiptoe and her head and breasts were hanging down in front of the stool. There was a loud, “Crack!” and Dorothy screamed and brought her body up almost flat so that it looked like she was doing a naked impression of superwoman flying.

Lady Lucille waited for Dorothy to relax and bring her legs back down so that her feet... or at least her toes... touched the floor. Almost immediately, there was another loud “Crack!” and Dorothy again screamed and went into the superwoman position. This time, her arms were even stretched out in front of her. While she was still screaming and thrashing, Lady Lucille pushed against her legs and slowly turned her so that her legs rather than her face was facing the crowd.

After the screams subsided, Dorothy again returned her feet to the ground. Lady Lucille reached up and ran her hand over Dorothy’s ass before saying, “You are turning a nice shade of red. Are you ready for the third swat?”

There was a very weak, “OK,” that was heard only by Lady Lucille and perhaps those at tables closest to the stage. Lady Lucille held the tawse high above her head and swung in an arc right into Dorothy’s ass. The loud “Crack!” and the scream were the same, but this time Dorothy looked more like a skydiver as her arms and legs curved upwards and thrashed in the air. Her cunt was now on display to everyone in the room, but Dorothy did not notice.

This time, as Dorothy calmed down and placed her feet on the floor, Lady Lucille pushed slightly on Dorothy’s ankles with her foot so that she was now standing with her legs about shoulder width apart. The added width made it more difficult to touch the floor and Dorothy was now quivering as she attempted to steady herself on the stool. Lady Lucille stepped to the side and gestured at Dorothy’s wet cunt.

“Did she pee herself?” Lady Lucille asked with a smile. “Or is she getting excited?”

She didn’t wait for the crowd to reply, but instead again slammed into Dorothy’s almost purple ass cheeks. There was the loud “Crack!” and Dorothy again assumed the sky diver position as she screamed and thrashed.

This time, Lady Lucille didn’t wait for Dorothy to relax. While she was still in the sky diver position, Lady Lucille slammed the tawse down between Dorothy’s legs. Dorothy’s screams became much louder and much shriller as she dropped off the stool onto her feet and then fell to the ground screaming and thrashing around. Her cries of “Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,” slowly faded out as she now lay flat on the ground.

Lady Lucille walked over and stood over Dorothy’s head. “I know you can see up my skirt,” Lady Lucille said. “I know that you would love to be licking and slurping on that to give me pleasure.” The sultry tone of her voice was amplified many times over what it normally was. “I also know that you want to be my slave... maybe not permanently, but at least for the weekend.” She paused for a moment to look down at Dorothy’s face, then she continued, “Here’s how we will see if I am right or wrong. You are going to lift your legs as high as you can and spread them as wide as you can. Then I am going to give you the final swat with my tawse right on your cunt. If I’m wrong you will just scream and cry and maybe pee yourself right on this stage. But if I’m right, you will have the strongest orgasm of your life. And after you calm down trixie will lead you downstairs to a cell in my dungeon. She will smear your body with a healing ointment and later tonight, I will come down there and you will get to make me cum... maybe more than once.”

She paused and then said, “OK?”

In response, Dorothy lifted her legs high into the air. She curved her back and moved her arms to support her back so that she could lift them even higher. Then she spread them all the way open.

As soon as Dorothy was in place, Lady Lucille slammed the tawse down directly onto her cunt. For several seconds there was silence, then a deep, guttural scream erupted from Dorothy and she began to hump her cunt almost as if she were impaled on something. A few seconds later, her legs and arms and entire body were thrashing on the stage floor. She was crying out, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!” as she bounced and thrashed.

trixie came out and stood quietly until Lady Lucille said firmly, “Go with slave trixie if you are willing to be my slave for the weekend. We will talk about other options on Sunday.”

Dorothy rose shakily from the floor and staggered behind trixie as they both disappeared into the darkness of back stage.

“We still have two contestants and an active question,” Lady Lucille said as she once again went behind her podium. “According to a 2024 study, what is the happiest country in the world?”

Tyrone shook his head indicating that he was not going to answer. Harry pushed his button and answered, “Finland.”

A fifth red light appeared over Harry’s head and Lady Lucille shouted, “We have a winner!” trixie ran onto the stage and handed Harry a stack of bills. Then she scurried over to Tyrone and held up the basket so he could retrieve his clothes.

When Harry got back to the table I asked him, “How often do you enter this contest?”

“Never,” he replied. “I have an eidetic memory. That means that I remember almost everything that has every happened in my life. So I am banned from almost every Trivia game in town.”

“Then how...?” I sputtered.

“I had to do a lot of electrical work down in her dungeon,” he answered. “No parts, I was just correcting a bunch of stupid stuff the previous electrician did. I told her if she would let me put my name in the jar until I was selected... or at least for six months... I would do the job for free.” He smiled at me and said, “But I had to promise that I would string things out until at least one of the other contestants was naked, and if possible, until one of them got the tawse.”

“So these games are rigged?” I asked in amazement.

“Hell no!” he answered firmly. “I just got a freebie to enter... once. It took almost three months for my name to come up.” He paused and looked a little sheepish. “And that cannabis question just threw me,” he said softly. “I really didn’t know what to answer. It’s like asking someone what color is red?”

“Our next contest,” Lady Lucille’s sultry voice said from the shadow of the stage, “is Sumo wrestling.” She waited while two of her staff brought out a large, plywood circle that had a black carpet of some sort glued to it and a large, bright yellow rope glued to its edge so that everyone– including the fighters– could see it. Then she laughed and said, “That’s our Sumo circle. And no, the contestants, men or women, don’t have to wear a giant diaper... just a regular swim suit... more or less. And all you have to do is throw, push, or kick your opponent out of the circle or onto the ground. It costs ten dollars to enter and the winner gets five hundred. There is a limit of ten participants, so get your names in early. The servers will be taking bets on the action up to the final round.”

She paused and said, “We start in fifteen minutes, so come over to the bar and pick up your pre-ordered drinks or buy some snacks. Frank’s wife has just finished a batch of her wings. You can have regular, dripping with honey, or hot enough to knock your socks off.”

She smiled and walked over to the side of the stage and down the steps. Frank had a small plate of wings and a glass of wine waiting for her. She stood there calmly, looking out at the crowd and carefully munching on a chicken wing. Every few minutes, a loud bell would ring and her attention, along with the rest of the crowd, would be drawn to the wide strip above the stage where an image and name would appear. There were now seven faces projected. Five were obviously male. One was obviously female. And one was undecided for the moment. The name beneath the image was “Them,” and the image was not clearly male or female.

“One minute left to enter,” Lady Lucille said a little more throatily than usual as she climbed back up the steps to the stage. She cleared her throat slightly and said, “It looks like we have...” She stopped as the bell rang and then continued, “... eight entrants in tonight’s Sumo wrestling. That means four elimination rounds, two semifinal rounds, and then the championship round. The house will be accepting bets on all rounds. The payoff odds for a bet on the final winner, of course, get smaller with each round.”

She looked off stage for a moment and trixie scurried out and handed her a small card. She looked at it and said loudly, “Our first match is Big Al against Tiny.” She paused and then said, “Come on out, boys!”

Two huge men in very small, white Speedos lumbered out onto the stage. Each was at least six foot four inches tall and each weighed at least four hundred pounds. Big Al had coal black hair on his head. There was also a significant amount of black, curly hair on his back and on his chest. He looked almost like he was wearing a sweater. His pubic hair began about at his belly button and moved down to his Speedo in a large triangle. He didn’t have a beard, but his five o’clock shadow was thicker than many men who have not shaved for several days. He didn’t really have a beer belly because his huge stomach area blended in with the fat and muscle in his chest and legs. He was just one hell of a huge man.

Tiny, on the other hand, had almost normal-sized arms and legs. But his stomach looked like he had swallowed a weather balloon. He had very light brown hair on his head and almost no hair anywhere on his body. At least, there was no bodily hair anywhere that you could see. There was a massive bulge in his Speedo which hinted that perhaps his nick name of Tiny was not just because of his extreme height and weight.

Harry looked over at me and asked, “Do you know why the Lady does these Sumo wrestling things every couple weeks?”

“To attract people with fat fetishes?” I answered rather unsurely.

Harry laughed and said, “No.” Then he continued in a rather soft voice, “It’s so the men... and women... who come in here can feel good about themselves. It’s sort of like sending in the clowns. No matter how out of shape I am, I’m in better shape than Big Al, so I will feel good about myself.” He smiled and said, “And a man who feels good about himself drinks more beer than a man who just sits there and mopes... like you.” He smiled again and added, “And the house gets a cut of all the bets.”

I was going to say something back to him, but Lady Lucille interrupted me. “The rules are simple,” Lady Lucille said loudly, “no boxing, no gouging, no head butting, no intentionally grabbing genitals, and no biting. Other than that, you do whatever you need to do to put the other person outside the circle or put them down on the floor. If you lose your balance and put a hand on the floor that is considered being down on the floor. Do you understand that?”

Both men grunted and nodded their heads. Lady Lucille looked into the wings on stage left and called out, “Do you all understand that?” There was a chorus of grunts from off stage and she said, “Good. I won’t have to repeat that for every round.”

She turned to Big Al and Tiny and asked, “Are you two ready?” When both nodded their heads, she called out, “Begin!”

Big Al and Tiny rushed to the center of the ring and attempted to grab each other in a wrestling stance. With their huge stomachs, that proved to be basically impossible so they both tried shoving or pushing the other out of the ring. After that they just stood back as close to the yellow circle as possible and slowly moved around the ring bobbing up and down.

Several people shouted out, “Do something!” It was obvious that neither man was sure of what to do next. Then Tiny lowered his head and charged toward Big Al as if he were going to head butt him. Just as Lady Lucille called out, “Head butting is not allowed,” Tiny stood up and slammed his stomach into Big Al’s.

There was a loud “Fwap!” followed immediately by Big Al’s “Umph!” as he bounced up and back about three feet. He stopped with both feet outside of the ring. The bell rang three times and Lady Lucille shouted, “Tiny is the winner of round one!”

Big Al’s image above the stage went out and Lady Lucille called out, “Our second round will be Leroy and Willie.”

Two huge black men stepped out onto the stage. The white Speedos seemed to glow against the black of their bodies. Leroy was in charge of the bouncers at the club. There was very little fat on his massive body. He normally just stood over near the bar and watched everything. If he started moving fast across the crowd it meant that one of the regular bouncers was in trouble. Usually that ended with someone being physically thrown out of the club. Someone once made the mistake of pulling a gun on Leroy. That might have worked if Leroy was still across the room, but up close it just meant that the man was going to the hospital with a broken arm, sprained wrist, and two broken fingers. The gun was turned into the local police precinct.

Willie, also known a Wee Willie or Little Willie, was just as muscular as Leroy but was three inches taller and two shades blacker. The rumor is that he used to be a stunt double for a famous movie star, but got fired because he couldn’t pull his punches and injured another star in a movie.

Leroy and Willie stood across the ring from each other with their bodies crouched and ready. As soon as Lady Lucille called out, “Begin!” they charged into the center and locked into a wrestler’s embrace.

If was obvious that Leroy was the stronger man and he was twisting Willie hard to the left. Just a little more and Willie would be on his back. But then the bell rang three times and both fighters froze in place.

“You stepped out of the ring, Leroy,” Lady Lucille said firmly. “That means that Willie wins this round.”

Leroy looked down at his foot which was just outside the yellow rope and said, “Damn!” Then he smiled and patted Willie on the back. “Good fight,” he said as they walked back into the darkness.

“The next fight is between Wicked Wanda and Big Bertha,” Lady Lucille yelled out as two huge women walked out onto the stage and took their place in the ring. Wicked Wanda looked like what many envision as a biker dyke, but bigger. Her barely there white bikini would have probably been a quite demure swimsuit on a smaller woman, but the top was obviously straining to hold up her massive breasts and the bottom was pulled deeply into the cleft between her legs. Big Bertha was just that, big. She was well above six feet tall and had massive thighs and a belly so large that it supported her breasts which sat on top of the belly bulge.

“Are you ready?” Lady Lucille asked firmly. When both women nodded their heads, she shouted, “Now!”

Both women came to the middle of the circle, but they didn’t attempt to grab each other. Instead, they both swung their rather substantial butts at each other. The loud sound of assflesh slapping against assflesh echoed throughout the bar. On the fourth, or perhaps the fifth, collision of celluloid, Wicked Wanda rolled slightly with the impact. Big Bertha took immediate advantage and also turned so that she could deliver a full ass impact to Big Bertha’s back. The bell sounded three times as Wicken Wanda’s feet went out of the circle. The crowd erupted with hoots and cheers.

“And now,” Lady Lucille called out, “for our final elimination round, we have Tall Tony and Them.”

Tall Tony was definitely tall. He was at least six-nine and probably weighed well over four hundred pounds. Them was the entrant who didn’t obviously look like a man or a woman. He... she... them... was wearing a white bikini, but the slight bulge in the bottoms hinted at either a very small prick or a very large clit. Them’s hair was cut short. Them’s body was evenly fat, with not oversized breasts which were totally covered by the white bikini top. When Them smiled, he/she/they looked like a poorly done statue from antiquity.

“Ready?” asked Lady Lucille and both grunted a “Yes.”

“Then begin!” Lady Lucille exclaimed and the two fighters rushed to the middle. Tall Tony immediately bent his legs and then extended one leg behind Them. He pushed hard and Them fell backward to the floor. Tall Tony was hopping around trying to stay within the circle when the bell rang three times.

“Even if Tall Tony had gone out of the circle,” Lady Lucille explained, “he would have still won because Them was already down on the floor.” There was a buzz of conversation from the tables as the two fighters left the stage.

We have four Sumo Wrestlers left in the competition,” Lady Lucille said in her most sultry voice. “They are Tiny, Willie, Big Bertha, and Tall Tony. Time to place your bets on your favorite.” She paused for a moment to allow the servers to scurry around taking bets. trixie came out on stage with a small fishbowl with several folded pieces of paper in it. Lady Lucille drew out two pieces, unfolded them and then announced, “Our first match will be between Tiny and Tall Tony.”

Tiny stepped out into the ring. The light sheen of perspiration on his huge belly made it look even more like a large ball. Tall Tony stood on the opposite side of the ring of yellow rope and glared at him. When Lady Lucille called out “Begin,” he started slowly across the ring toward Tiny. Tiny started to lower his head in an attempt to charge, but Tall Tony grabbed his head firmly in his hands and continued walking. Tiny tried to stand up, but Tall Tony just pressed tighter with his hands and kept walking. The three rings of the bell announced that Tiny had stepped backwards out of the ring.

“That was fast,” I said to Harry.

“Stupid moves only work when no one is expecting them,” he replied.

Meanwhile, Lady Lucille called out, “Big Bertha and Wee Willie, you’re up!”

They stepped into the ring. Despite his name, Wee Willie was several inches taller than Big Bertha and had a few pounds on her, but not many. He was much more muscular than she was. He crouched and started moving towards her. Big Bertha kept backing up and was slowly circling right at the edge of the yellow ring. Then Willie lunged forward. It was obvious that he intended to either grab Bertha or push her out of the ring.

Big Bertha twirled in place. Wee Willie pulled back slightly and tried to put his arms on either side of Bertha’s moving body. Then her ass hit him firmly in the side. He had been backstage and hadn’t seen the fight between Wicked Wanda and Big Bertha so the move took him totally by surprise. His eyes went wide as he fought to move against the force of her ass slamming into his side. Then the bell rang three times. He stomped his foot and loudly said, “Damn, I never expected that.”

“The final round,” Lady Lucille announced loudly, “is between Big Bertha and Tall Tony. We will give the servers a few moments to gather bets and then we will begin.” Then she said much louder, “Last chance to bet on the final winner.”

Wee Willie walked back into the darkness and Tall Tony came out on stage. If Lady Lucille didn’t prohibit cameras of any sort in the place, I would have taken a picture of this. A picture of Big Bertha and Tall Tony standing in the Sumo Ring would be priceless. But the last person who raised a cellphone like they were going to take a picture literally flew out the door and landed in the middle of the street. So I will just have to remember the image of a six-foot nine behemoth gazing lovingly at Big Bertha, a woman no man could love, except perhaps Tall Tony.

The bell rang to start the fight, but they continued to stand staring at each other. Then Lady Lucille called out, “Lovey-dovey later. Fight now!”

That seemed to break them both out of their trance and they moved toward the center of the ring. Both crouched down slightly. The referee standing next to them looked like a toy. Big Bertha swung her massive ass around at Tall Tony. If it had struck him in the hips, it probably would have knocked him out of the ring, but he quickly side-stepped it and brought down his hand to give that ass a hard slap with his massive hand.

Had it been anyone but Big Bertha, she would have been sitting outside the ring, but with her size and weight the hard slap only stopped her spin. Tall Tony grabbed her from behind and tried to lift her so he could throw her down or at least out of the ring.

There was a loud groan and an even louder fart that brought laughter from most of the crowd. But Big Bertha’s feet remained on the ground. Tall Tony tried again... and again... and again. Big Bertha was now laughing at the fact that even Tall Tony could not lift her off the floor.

She should have paid more attention to what Tall Tony was actually doing. With each grunting lift, he didn’t quite get her off the floor, but he did move her feet forward a few inches. After about a half-dozen lifts, the bell rang loudly three times. Big Bertha looked confused until Tall Tony laughed and said, “Look down.”

Big Bertha at first looked angry, but then smiled and said to Tall Tony, “You are the first man to ever come close to sweeping me off my feet.”

The crowd cheered loudly. Tall Tony took his winnings from Lady Lucille and both he and Big Bertha disappeared into the darkness back stage.

“We have some setting up to do before our main event,” Lady Lucille said with a big smile. “The snack bar will close when this event begins, so pick up your orders now... or have one of our special waiters or waitresses pick them up for you.” She smiled again and said, “Don’t forget the tip. After hours, they work for tips alone.” She paused and said in her most sultry voice, “After we close the tip is open to negotiation.”

The lights came on over the stage and a dozen staff in dark clothing hurried in carrying a strange something that looked like a cross between a boxing ring and a kiddie pool. There were eight upright posts with ropes going between the posts and in the middle was a big plastic pool that attached to the posts and to the lowest rope.

They set four posts in place in holes in the stage so that it formed sort of a square with every other post in place. Then they worked in groups of four to stretch the ropes... and the pool... so that they could place the remaining posts in place. For the final post three held each of the posts on either side while six struggled to get the remaining post in place. There was a loud grunt from all of them as the last post finally slid into place.

One man, who seemed to be in charge, then inspected the pool and said loudly, “OK, bring out the hose.”

Four men came out with what looked like a small fire hose. They held it between the ropes and pulled the valve to turn it on. Immediately, a thick column of clear liquid arched out into the center of the pool. The boss man produced a yardstick from somewhere and stood at the side of the ring measuring the depth of the liquid. He was continually calling out the depth. When he got to “Three inches,” the men with the hose closed the valve and left the stage.

“There is no fee to enter this contest,” Lady Lucille said almost softly, “but we already have our eight entrants.” The crowd responded with loud shouts and yells. “This is a one-round free-for-all event. Whoever has not been declared bared and pinned by one of the referees at the end is the winner.”

Eight women walked out on stage and stood in a line next to Lady Lucille, facing out at the crowd. They all had fantastic bodies. I recognized one of them as a regular server at the bar. Another was one of the dancers in the nightly “revue.” Well, nightly, that is, except for game night.

“You can see,” Lady Lucille said as she pointed to the women, “that there are eight colors of swimsuits. They are red, green, blue, yellow, black, white, purple, and pink. The servers have betting slips with those colors printed on them. Circle the color you are betting on, fill in the amount, and pay the server. All bets pay out at three to one.”

“I’m betting on red,” Harry said softly.

“Why?” I asked.

“I always bet on red,” he answered with a shrug. “And this is where the Lady actually makes most of her money on game nights. There are always eight wrestlers, but the payout is only three to one. The winner gets a thousand. The losers get... oily.” He then laughed slightly. And Lady Lucille gets anything left over.

I stared at him and said, “You know an awful lot about how Lady Lucille runs this place.” But before he could reply, Lady Lucille’s sultry voice filled the room.

“Now,” she said firmly, turning to face the women, “I need each of you to say that you understand the rules of this fight. The rules are simple, in order to defeat an opponent they must be naked and their shoulders must be pinned to the floor of the ring. If you are defeated, you must go to your initial starting post and stand there until the end of the match.” She paused and then said, “If that is clear to you, I want you to step forward and say, ‘I understand and agree.’” She pointed to a staff person with a camera and said, “Jerry here has been recording me and will record your response. Then the camera will be turned off.”

She pointed to the woman in the red bikini who stared back blankly at her. “The words are ‘I understand and agree,’” Lady Lucille said. The frustration was evident in her voice.

The woman in the red bikini stepped forward and said, “I understand and agree.” The other seven women rapidly followed suit.

“Into the ring,” Lady Lucille said loudly, “come off your post when the bell rings and keep fighting until you are pinned or you win the thousand-dollar prize money.”

When the bell rang, three of the women hurried into the center of the ring, one fell in the slick oil as soon as she moved forward, and four stayed more or less at their posts. Those four had a plan. The yellow moved over to where the green was standing. The blue moved over to be with purple. Then they started moving forward very slowly.

Black was on her hands and knees trying to stand back up in the slick, clear oil. Blue and purple walked slowly over to her. Blue reached down and ripped off her top while purple pulled off her bottoms. Then they both rolled black over onto her back.

Whoever the girl in the black bikini was, she was either very dumb or slightly drunk or both. It took her a moment to realize what was happening to her. But a moment was all it took for blue to sit on her chest and force her shoulders to the mat. A loud buzzer indicated that Lady Lucille or whoever, had declared it a pin.

She was loudly saying, “What? What? What?” as blue and purple pulled her to her feet and pushed her up against her post.

“Stay there until the end of the match,” purple said harshly.

Black just stared back and tried to cover her glistening body with her hands. Blue and purple moved off in search of another easy win. Meanwhile, yellow and green were backing red into the ropes. It looked like they had her trapped, but then she dove between them and landed face down in the oil. She created quite a wave of oil as she slid across the ring, but none of it appeared to splash over the sides of the pool.

She was laughing when she stood up, but stopped immediately when she realized that she was standing directly in front of blue and purple. She screamed slightly as blue snatched off her top and purple pushed her over on her back while holding on to her bottoms. She tried to fight them off, but purple sat on her legs while blue sat on her chest and forced her shoulders beneath the oil. The buzzer sounded loudly and she quit fighting. After blue and purple got up off of her, she stood up and walked over to her post. She made no attempt to cover her body, but rather stood proudly letting the oil drip off of her tits.

I had been concentrating on what happened to red, so I didn’t see how both pink and white ended up naked at their posts. I did remember hearing the buzzer sound twice while blue and purple were dealing with red.

There were now four wrestlers in the center of the ring - blue, purple, green, and... yellow. I assume it was yellow because she was still working with green, but she had somehow lost both the tops and bottoms of her bikini.

The four circled warily looking for an opening. This was no longer two against one, but rather two against two. Blue and purple looked at each other and smiled. Then they practically dove at green, driving her down into the oil. All four were almost totally covered in oil, so green was almost getting away from them while the naked yellow pulled hard on purple’s top trying to get her to release green.

It didn’t work. Purple lost her top, but green lost top and bottom and was pushed into the oil. The buzzer promptly sounded. Blue and purple quickly got to their feet and went after the naked yellow. It looked like yellow took a deep breath and fell backwards into the oil. Her hands and legs were spread wide almost like she was intending to make a snow angel. Purple walked over and put a foot on her chest. The buzzer announced that it was a legal pin.

Blue and purple now faced each other. For the first time, it almost looked like a regular wrestling match. The two women crouched and then sprang at each other. It was almost impossible for either one of them to get a firm grip on the other because of the oil, but after a few moments purple was able to pull blue’s top off of her.

Purple then pushed hard on blue’s shoulders and it looked like she had knocked blue into the oil, but to her surprise, and the surprise of most people in the crowd, blue had fallen intentionally and locked her legs around purple’s feet. Blue then made a violent rotation of her body and purple slammed face down into the oil. This time the wave of oil crested slightly over the sides.

Blue somehow moved around to be on top of purple and grabbed at the back of her bottoms. Something tore or released and blue had purple’s bottoms in her hands. Now it was just a matter of turning purple face up so she could be pinned.

Purple spread her arms and legs so that it would be impossible for blue to turn her over. But blue had other plans. She pushed her right arm under purple’s left leg and then speared purple right in the cunt with her hand. With both fighters totally covered in oil, she was able to force her hand into purple’s sex. She then put her shoulder against purple’s left leg and pushed.

Purple had no choice but to roll over. She pulled her legs tightly together to try to protect herself, but blue spun so she was now sitting on purple’s chest. The buzzer indicated a pin. Blue pulled her hand free and stood up.

“We have a winner,” Lady Lucille shouted exuberantly. Then in a more brusque voice, she said to the fighters, “Remember to walk on the special mats on your way back to the showers.” All eight glistening women walked over to where two staff people were waiting to help them over the ropes. Blue, the only one not naked, turned and held her hands together clasped together over her head before stepping over the ropes into the darkness.

The lights on the stage dimmed except for the spotlight on Lady Lucille and she stepped to the front of the stage. The spotlight narrowed so that only her face was illuminated and she said in her most sultry voice, “That’s all, folks. Regular shows at regular times tomorrow night.”

The spotlight went out as soon as Lady Lucille finished speaking. The stage was now totally in darkness. Harry looked at me and said flatly, “Well, I guess its time to go home.”

I said nothing, but drained the last dregs from my glass and followed him out the door.