Quote by eiotis123
Grammatically, and otherwise...
Two words for you, (pompous prat)
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oldgit
Over 90 days ago
Male, 83
United Kingdom
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
The explanation - another true story.
Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the
last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on
short notice.
The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named
Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told
that this was the best they could do on such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the
soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told
that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay,
but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time
dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse
himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen,
he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.
By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a
door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his
horror that he had stumbled into the office of Monica Lewinsky with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the
President whisper in a barely audible voice, 'Sack my cook.'
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred !
Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the
last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on
short notice.
The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named
Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told
that this was the best they could do on such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the
soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told
that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay,
but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time
dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse
himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen,
he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.
By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a
door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his
horror that he had stumbled into the office of Monica Lewinsky with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the
President whisper in a barely audible voice, 'Sack my cook.'
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred !
Active Ink Slinger
I think that we should be able to give first aid if we have to so I think you should take time to see the 2 videos.
http://vimeo.com/12204236
http://vimeo.com/11673844
I do hope when I meed help one of the ladies from LUSH is on hand.
http://vimeo.com/12204236
http://vimeo.com/11673844
I do hope when I meed help one of the ladies from LUSH is on hand.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by AlgolQuote by chefkathleen
You would just have too. Then pull the groom and preacher together and finish the ceremony right there in the water.
Absolutely Chef, That was the first thing that came to mind, the groom should have jumped in...
I am with you he should have.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by bikebum1975Quote by chefkathleenQuote by oldgit
Would you ladies like to see a government department that keeps dater on all the cocks in you country length, thickness, cut or uncut thing like that it could be called the ministry of cocks. You could then at a glance look up any male you would like to fuck and see if it would be worth you time going after him.waV1EumRqLpXiVyy
This is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Good one OG.odhCUNKQvE9Hdfoi
You to? lol
Yes me to, but I am sad to say at 70 years old the length my dick is now calculated in wrinkles and not inches as in my youth.
Active Ink Slinger
Would you ladies like to see a government department that keeps dater on all the cocks in you country length, thickness, cut or uncut thing like that it could be called the ministry of cocks. You could then at a glance look up any male you would like to fuck and see if it would be worth you time going after him.h8BMGEuXnA6GYGB4
Active Ink Slinger
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Active Ink Slinger
To day where I am out it is warm and sunny not to hat just tight.
Now my question for you is, if we had an erotic adventure planed for this after noon.
Would like it to take place in the bed room or would you like to feel the sun on you bear ass some where out side.
Now my question for you is, if we had an erotic adventure planed for this after noon.
Would like it to take place in the bed room or would you like to feel the sun on you bear ass some where out side.
Active Ink Slinger
Masturbating is a short time answer to a long-term problem that starts when you come in the world thanks to your mother. That I think is something to be celebrated, on the down side you are condemned to spend the rest of your life planning and scheming trying to get part of your body back inside a female.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by js_18
hey there, im 18 and still a virgin, i really want to lose my virginity but i havent got the confidence to go out and pick up girls, just wondering if anyone had any advise of anything i could do to boost my confidence, any advice would me appreciated cheers
If you can't loose virginity in Blackpool then you will go to your maker labelled return to sender unopened.
Active Ink Slinger
e e
Yes I know there is nothing on my post, this post is about all of you out there not me.PAjqFkhCTRyhiSAa
Quote by AtaldeathQuote by nicolaQuote by oldgit
Show you what?
Please think through your threads prior to posting in future.
Nobody in their right mind is going to send you pictures of their pink bits for your website either, keep those out of Lush too, thanks.
Its Nicola!! Ayeeeeee!!!
Show you what exactly? Your first post is completely blank.
Yes I know there is nothing on my post, this post is about all of you out there not me.PAjqFkhCTRyhiSAa
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by nicolaQuote by oldgit
Show you what?
Please think through your threads prior to posting in future.
Nobody in their right mind is going to send you pictures of their pink bits for your website either, keep those out of Lush too, thanks.
This has nothing to do with pink bits, but to let me and others to see the world though your eyes things that are important to you.
Active Ink Slinger
Psychic Daughter
A father listened to his daughter prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it
just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!
A father listened to his daughter prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it
just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!
