Note to self: You are worth more than someone who leaves you feeling like this.
Take some time and wallow but don't let it consume you. Just because he broke his promises doesn't make you worthless. Just because thing didn't work out the way you hoped doesn't mean they never will.
Sometimes life is shit. Things will get better and you will come out of this stronger.
I'm hurt and angry. I want to call you and message you and ask you why. I want to tell you that it's not ok and you are a knob just like the rest. There's no point. You told me all of that and I just said, 'No worries.'
You're young and immature, you're stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. The simple fact is that you need a bomb up your arse and can't even see it. You're shutting down and hiding where it's safe. You're not happy but you're too comfortable to burst that little bubble you live in.
You've just ruined the best thing that ever happened to you. You'll realise in a few years and then you'll start telling me how much of an idiot you've been. It's what they all do. Everyone realises how fucking awesome I am eventually, but they all leave it too late.
I was scared to let you in. I was scared for us to be more than friends because I knew I'd let my guard down and be open and vulnerable with you. You told me not to worry. You told me that I was only scared because I'd only ever been with knobs and you weren't one. I believed you. I let you in and I let my guard down. For the first time in two years, I let my guard down. You told me it would be ok.
Now you tell me you're losing interest and don't know why.
Guess what? IT'S NOT OK!
What is so very wrong with me? Why am I not enough? Why am I never enough?
How is it that the people I want to be with so badly find it so easy to lose interest in me? Less than two months.
What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me?
I think it's time to accept that I'll never have a family of my own like I wanted. I'm just not good enough.
This rant has served it's purpose
I'm so tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of missing you, of having small pieces of you, having you call me your soul mate but short changing me on time and attention, I'm tired of making more of an effort than you, I'm tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of being alone when all I want is some affection, I'm tired of having simple wants and needs and not having someone to fulfill them, I'm tired of crying and missing you and being left with a t-shirt. A fucking t-shirt.
It's so exhausting living my life around yours, constantly making allowances and putting myself second, just to try and avoid putting any extra pressure on you.
I'm tired of her and the constant excuses, this shitty one sided friendship that has to happen on her terms. The neediness, moodiness and bitchiness. Just for once I wish she'd have the balls to be honest with me and tell me what the fuck is actually going on. It would be better than being treated like a pathetic and stupid hanger on. I'm sick of the temper tantrums and mood swings. Like I don't know what's going through her mind. When I call her on it, she either fobs me off or just gives me some vaguely worded bullshit to gloss over it and move on.
I'm pissed off that men just seem to be interested in satisfying their wants and needs but never mine. I don't even mean sexually, emotionally I don't matter. Even when I'm promised that things can happen on my terms and at a pace I feel comfortable with, that lasts until they decide they want something now. Don't make me cuddle if I don't want to. Don't spend 8 bastard hours with me and never once check in to see how I'm feeling. Learn to consider someone else's feelings, especially when you know they're vulnerable and learn to ask some fucking questions to see where I'm at emotionally and if I'm comfortable with what's happening. Don't assume it's ok to spend all fucking day in my house then look upset when I suggest it's time to go.
Don't tell me you're not surprised when I say I don't want to see you anymore then keep messaging me just so you can whine about how crap you feel. You want to feel crap? Have a bloke invite himself over for the day and never bastard leave. Have him make you cuddle into him when you don't want to, have him make you feel so uncomfortable that you fake sleep just to avoid him pushing things further. I'll tell you what, have him desperately try to cuddle up to you do much you have to move seats so you don't have to sit on his lap. Have him try to kiss you when you say goodbye and work out exactly which way to angle your face so he can only get your cheek while he squeezes you so tightly you can barely breathe.
Even better, get rid of one desperate and clingy fuckwit, and have another one, the 'friend' who is always there, try to take his place immediately after learning you've just fucked someone off.
Try listening to blokes telling you about their sexual 'conquests' and not throw up when you realise what evil bastards they are. Targeting and bullying girls just over legal age, just because they can.
I wish this evil fucking world would disappear. I know just how to make it happen, if you could just come over and hold me. With your arms around me I can breathe, the world disappears, we both relax and we know that everything will be ok.
That won't happen. I'm not a priority. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know if I hate you or me more for that.
I'm just so fucking bastard tired.
I'm so fucking tired of the world right now. I want everything and everyone to leave me the fuck alone.
I'm about to do this with someone, I was planning the same as Metilda, something nice and intense to get him hard then playing with myself to keep him that way while the mould sets
You nasty, horrible, evil, lying, cheating bastard!
After everything you've ever said to me, all the things you've accused me of and everything you've ever promised me and told me, saying how loyal you are and how much you loved me. You went to your auntie's funeral, didn't invite me, stayed out all day and night while I worried about you and fucked another woman!
Even now we've split up I've been bending over backwards to make life easier for you because I felt so guilty for breaking up with you.
I'm done worrying, I'm done with the guilt. You're a pathetic piece of shit and the sooner you're out of my life for good the better!
Just when I think I'm getting my head back to where it should be everything has to go tits up! I'm sick to fucking death of being the one who puts a brave face on and makes everything ok for everyone else. Is it really so hard to expect others to take responsibility for their own actions and to be a fucking grown up?
*sigh*
Right now? No. In the future? Absolutely. I've never doubted my desire to have children. I have amazing twin nieces and since they came along I've been even more certain that not only do I want to be a mum, but when I finally become one, I'm going to be awesome at it.
I seem to have stopped recently. Which I hadn't even realised until someone made a comment about their lack of masturbation. I'm sure normal service will resume shortly
It depends who it is and what the circumstances are. Personally, dirty talk is always fun, name calling can be a little odd with a new partner, once you get to know each other though it's lots of fun. I enjoy being called bitch, whore, slut, etc. as long as those names are just sex related.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Wicked
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Rock of Ages
Grease
Oliver!
If you made me choose one favourite in particular I think it would have to be Wicked, but it's a tough choice to make.
An ex and I would take it in turns spanking each other and tying each other up. I always preferred to be the one who was spanked and tied up. I realise now that he was a sub too. He started pulling away from doing those things to me and the less he did them the more I craved them.
After him I met someone who was capable of taking charge during sex, once I'd been with him I was incapable of gaining sexual pleasure from any act where I had to take charge. From there I found a love of BDSM and started exploring it.
I've yet to try one but like Belle says, nothing beats a real man. The machine may be on call but it won't cuddle me afterwards.
Sod spending £2k on sex, I'd have a holiday!
This want has served it's purpose and doesn't need to be up anymore
This rant has served it's purpose
Edited because its done its job and doesn't need to be up anymore
I have, yes but, for now at least, that's done. I sometimes masturbate thinking about guys I've hooked up with.
Just one? Why be limited ;)
I wear make up everyday for work, I work in a restaurant and it's all about presentation, we live in a world that tells us women look more professional when dressed in certain clothes and wearing make up. It's tough sometimes because during my time off from work I often have huge bags under my eyes, from the long working hours, that make me feel as though I look dead compared to when I'm all made up for work.
I have a few pairs of heels ad I only really wear them for nights out, otherwise, I'm in flip flops or my work shoes.
I put everything I might possible need for the day ahead in my bag (note that I say bag, not bags), the really important things are in specific pockets, that way I can't lose them. Or, certain things get put in my bra, it's called the bank for a reason ;)
When I'm looking nice maybe, just maybe, it's for me and not for you, and it would be nice to go to the gym and focus on exercising rather than catching some random bloke checking me out. Should I apologise for wanting a safe space where I don't need to worry about certain attention?
No, I don't like to ask guys out, I'm shy and it's difficult. I send out plenty of signals to men I'm interested in (taking off all my clothes and getting into their bed).
I've just broken up (for the second time) with someone who spent all their time trying to turn me into their idealised version of the person they wanted me to be. It's not just women who have their issues!
I am done being made to feel like I'm not good enough, like I have to change to fit into someone else's idealised version of me that I have no fucking interest in being.
I'm done with letting people make me feel like I'm not good enough and I'm going to listen to my instincts and go with what they're telling me to do.
I'm done with being treated like shit and being ignored and bullied into agreeing to things I'm not happy with, and I'm really fucking done with letting people ignore me when I say no.
NO MEANS NO.
And most of all, I'm done with you, I'm done with feeling scared and being stuck in a house with you blocking the door just having to say, 'one last thing'. I'm done with letting you bully me and sway me and manipulate me. I will never be alone with you again. Not because I think you might hurt me physically but because of how much you've hurt me emotionally, because you try and bully me and lay your shit on me every single time we speak, you have ever since we first fucking met.
And I am so fucking done with men for a while. This time I mean it when I say I'm going to take some time out to deal with my life and get things on track. I'm going to look after me for a while.
Rolling off the bed, I didn't really realise it hadn't happened purposefully until after.
Moving over to someone to kiss their back and accidentally kicking them.
I'm sure there's plenty more but I can't think of them off the top of my head.
