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erectus_2011
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 154
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
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Other day my wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night."Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "F**k it, I'll treat her."
So we walked past it again.
;)
Active Ink Slinger
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Active Ink Slinger
Nigella Lawson ,my favorite dessert !!!
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**Image removed by moderator. Too explicit for this section of the forum.**
Active Ink Slinger
**Image removed by moderator. Too explicit for this section of the forum.**
**Image removed by moderator. Too explicit for this section of the forum.**
**Image removed by moderator. Too explicit for this section of the forum.**
Active Ink Slinger
**Image removed by moderator. Too explicit for this section of the forum.**
Active Ink Slinger
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful!
Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how
much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that
was done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete
with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes
will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it
over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our
good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the
genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are
you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.
'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how
much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that
was done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete
with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes
will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it
over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our
good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the
genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are
you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.
'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
Active Ink Slinger
A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
