For a while, I had a boyfriend who had two tongue rings -- a barbell in the back and a ring on the tip. He was the type of guy who, when he filled out a job application, he answered the question "What are your hobbies?" with "Cunnilingus" and a hand-drawn winky face. He could twist his tongue sideways in either direction, then flick it back and forth like a demented snake. He loved to show off how he could twist a cherry...