I wrote this as response to posting on dodsonandross.com about male virginity I need some feedback
I am almost like N, I was 24 when I had sex for the first time. I think for males like myself and N we were are in mid 20's the knowledge of knowing that many males are ages lost their almost 10 years before N lost his. We start to develop complexes.
I am not sure how N feels but I felt like was very different from other men. Most women when I talk to say I need to develop confidence but what women might not realize in a man mind success builds confidence in men. Men like me feel pressure to show our prowess through sex.
Like N, as a male we come to sight looking for the nurturing that help us become better lovers. I can say one thing about men starting late we might tend be more interested in become a quality sex partner with our mates. However, if a man that is like myself went through H.S. and College without a girl friend we miss some development in our early lives is deeper than just the act of having sex. What I missed is almost akin to baby not being held at birth. A part of myself died. What died was the adolescent discovery of puppy i.e. like the TV Show The Wonder Years. One goes through in H.S. and College when you have a relationship in those early years a self-discovery phase.
Case in point, my sophomore year I started to talk to a young woman that I wanted to become my girlfriend, but what kept our friendship from developing into a relationship was my lack of experience. She was a freshman and she talked about her boyfriends she had in H.S. I felt intimidated: I had no stories to share. No one in H.S. had a crush on me and I started to feel like an outcast. I felt like I did not measure up. Therefore, in our private time other than kissing I clammed up and was non-communicative. She backed away and I was told by mutual friends she liked me but I was not to talkative with her.
Dr. Betty and Carlin there are some men like N and I we feel that we are alone and lack of sex for us might be more of affection issue. Meaning we want to feel loved. We do not feel normal and I think for N it might me the same for him we are hurting.
I am 38 know I only had 5 partners and maybe had sex about 40 times. I still don’t feel good about myself as a sexual being. I still feel like a freak. I think most women will never see me as mate and sexual partner.
What I think about men like N, and me is that we most likely want to be men who know how please our partners. We don’t have good outlets. I wanted to kill myself when I was 19 due to being a virgin. I failed my classes when I was 21-22 due to being a virgin. I know many might say having sex isn’t a big deal. However, when you don’t have it not about having an orgasm we know how to masturbate. It it’s the emotional connection, and warmth of the human body that is missing. The lack of touch and oneness of partner sex creates a vacuum in the soul. When I had sex with the women I consider to be my second girl friend it was the first time I felt accepted as a man. I did not feel different from other men. I was able to walk tall and my confidence was lifted.
In the past years being without love and sex my self esteem is almost at the lowest point of my life. I don’t know how pull it back up.
I am hoping that you read this and provide with me some insight.
Steven Glover,
Rookie Scribe